Facing, FIghting, FInding ..........Me.

I never imagined that i would be the type to live in the perpetual victim position. Yet here I am on the regular feeling like there is always some new battle, mountain, or evil to conquer. Hello, my name is Daphne and I am constantly trapped within my own head. But today I have decided that I no longer want to be here alone. And I have a story to tell. Growing up I never saw it. I didn't even realize how "off" i truly was. I grew into this mindset that people not liking me or the way i did things was just how the world work. When people would be mean, cruel, or hurtful to me I never even stopped to think that maybe i had done something wrong to deserve their venom. As the years passed the reactions to me just continued to solidify my belief system and I settled into a world where happiness would forever be temporary and that my number one rule would be to always remember that the good would leave and the pain would return because that is the cycle of my life. It would be nearly four decades before i started seeing things differently. Before I realized that happiness could surprisingly be lasting. When i first felt that ray of hope it was so overwhelming that I ran from it. As time passed i realized i liked the idea, and i began to let down the walls. I quickly learned a new lesson, the higher you are the harder you fall. this new found life suddenly revealed that it was indeed a double edged sword. Because with less walls and less protection from within, the bad and hurtful things stung faster, harder, and more violently than they had ever done before. I had lost my ability to block it out. But I have jumped too far forward. I think the best place to start will be the very beginning. So with this I invite you to come on a decades long journey with me as i relive, rework, and reconcile a past that created a fighter with a fear equal to her strength.