The Crush Plan

"Did you really think I'd like you?" his words repeated in my mind. "You're just another nerd who wished she could have the jock life!" My eyes shifted to the skyline in front of me; the lights made it visible even in the nighttime. That was me today, trying to reach that skyline. It was impossible, and yet I thought it was possible. I tried to reach something out of my reach. So, just like every other nerd out there, I failed. Miserably. "You're so desperate I can't even look at you!" he'd told me with a scoff. While I tried to touch the skyline, I stumbled upon the ground. Hard. It hurt so much, the bruises still pained me. He was so right; I was so desperate I couldn't see what was right in front of my eyes. I was a wannabee. My eyes were flaring with hot, damp tears. My ears seemed to be blazed on fire, and I felt suffocated in my very own body. No wonder nobody liked me. I was a huge damsel in distress, and I couldn't even help myself out of it. I was a wreck. "You're a nobody, Autumn. A nobody," he had concluded before he'd stormed out of the auditorium. My chest winced at the memory of my crush walking away from me. Everyone was laughing at my doom—they found amusement in my pain. Those jock girls he liked better than me, they found it even more hilarious. Like I was a comic book and they were reading the jokes within me. Shame invaded me just by the mere memory, so like an instinct, I pulled up my hood and covered my face insecurely. I wasn't worth all that attention because I was a nerd. Because while everyone else attended raves, I visited museums. They attended raves out of their desire for attention, and I visited museums out of my desire for knowledge. Who cared about knowledge, Autumn? It was attention that mattered! Tears slid down my cheeks, for I visualized all those faces finding humor in my actions. I hated myself! "Excuse me? Uh, I just moved here and I was wondering if there is a grocery store nearby?" a male voice inquired from somewhere near me. Keeping tight hold of my hood, I tilted my head just barely to see who he was and if he was talking to me. He was. The guy was tall and muscular; wearing a tight-fitted t-shirt with casual jeans. His eyes weren't as clear to me, because my sight was filled with un-shed tears. However, he had lips in the middle of thin and thick; just perfect. His wavy, brown hair appeared immensely soft and fluffy. I'd never seen him around before, so he definitely was new. "Are you okay?" he questioned, probably having seen the slightest portion of my eyes and the tears in them. I turned my gaze away, wiping off the tears. "Yeah, I'm fine." He exhaled. "It's okay if you're not okay. I mean, I know you barely know me, but sometimes it just helps to let our feelings out." "Yeah...," I awkwardly said, "thanks... I just... I'm hopelessly in love with this guy, and he could care less about me. He told me there's no chance he and I could ever be together, because I'm not worth his attention at all." The guy sat down next to me on the bench. "First of all, nobody tells you you're not worth their attention. You know why?" I shook my head. "Because no one knows your value more than you do." I chuckled, shaking my head. "I don't have a value. I'm worth nothing, nothing at all." "That's not true," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "See, if you want everyone else to know your value, you need to know your own value first. And you definitely do have a value, because nobody is valueless." My grip tightened on my hood. "But, if he thinks I'm not worth anything then, what's the point of me being worth anything?" He cleared his throat. "If he can't see your worth, he's not worth you." I loosened my grasp on the hood, for his words left me moved. Believe it or not, I felt the slightest tint of spark in my heart that symbolized the tiniest bit of hope. Reassurance, even. For years, I had been chasing after this one guy. For years, I tried to get on his good side, so that he could like me. But now, this stranger was saying that guy wasn't worth me? But, he was a jock! How could a jock not be worth a nerd? "You're a great person, I'm sure," the guy assured, placing his hand on my shoulder. "Don't lose yourself while trying to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you." I sniffled, stealing a gaze at him from the facade of my hood. "That sounds inspirational and all, but I can't just forget how I've been in love with him for so long." He smiled a crooked smile. "Maybe he isn't the one for you, because you fall in love with so many people, but the one who's meant for you is the one who can't even think about losing you." "I don't think anyone I know cares about losing me," I told him honestly. The guy grinned. "Then, you have yet to come across the one," he shrugged nonchalantly before he stood up, and simply walked away from there. I didn't fail to notice, though, that the entire time, he had that grin getting wider.