Fight or flight

Ellie pov.  "Mayday Mayday, firefighter down" I scream into my radio trying my hardest to lift a piece of roof that flew down and trapped my husband Tristan, I had a gut feeling this morning when I woke up that something wasn't right and when we attending this scene something felt off and now look at me and my husband, pinned. Looking around for anything to help me I see nothing but black smoke surrounding us, our chief wont let anyone else come into the building and I don't blame them, he cant put any more of his men in danger or at risk. Screaming at the world thinking why me I take the opportunity to look at Tristan who laying their losing the will to fight and I don't blame him, he's bleeding badly and pinned but I'm not leaving him, no man left behind we promise each other.  "Ellie please go, I love you" Holding his hand as he struggles to speak I don't want to leave him, he is my world, my everything. As tears run down both our faces his hold on my hand releases but I refuse to believe it, but I have to as I feel a pair of arms behind me pulling me away. I refuse to take my eyes from Tristan as he gets further away, I'm screaming to be released but the hold on me only tightens, whoever pulling me out the building is afraid i'll run straight back to my husband and they are correct, no man left behind. No longer seeing Tristan in sight I give up fighting, seconds later I see the sun and my helmet being pulled off, the oxygen mask is being pushed into my face however my eyes don't leave the building as they fire it with water  Refusing to take my eyes of the building I wait for the firefighters to go in and bring my other half out, I haven't moved a muscle since being pulled out the building, I have waited for my other half to be pulled out but I don't know if I can take seeing his body like that, his last words are repeating in my head, the begging in his voice telling me to go but I froze. The light in his eyes disappeared as he took his final breath, a part of me died with him as I wait for the men to bring me my husband, one of us knew this was going to happen and we planned for it but neither of us thought it happen anytime soon, Tristan was the life of the party he always thought about everyone else and put everyone first, how am I going to tell our son Logan that his father isn't coming home anymore, Tristan loved our son with everything and made sure he was bought up the way we dreamt off. Sitting on my knees I cant breath as they pull my husband out the building, its like the life has been sucked out of me, every single firefighter has stood in a line saluting him as he gets carried to an ambulance before heading to the hospital for a doctor to call time of death. Stripping out of my uniform I race to Tristan wanting to be by his side, we promise till death due us part and i'm not ready for it too be over, it feels like only yesterday we got married.  Thought out the ride to the hospital our fire engine is leading the way, Tristan was our family and I wouldn't rob anyone of saying goodbye, he looked over all of us and made sure our rookie was safe, he was our lieutenant and now he's going to be watching us from above. The ride to the hospital is silent as the paramedic sits there quiet not sure what to say and I have no idea either, with my hand interlocked with Tristans, I place one kiss on his cheek not ready to say goodbye just yet. As the ride comes to a stop the back doors opens, Tristan is the first out the ambaulce and being rolled into the hospital, every single of us follow but as we enter the whole hospital is silent, this is the second time we have ever lost a firefighter in this town.  "Time of death 17:39pm...." Listening to the doctor call time of death I finally break and the tears are running down my cheek, I want to beg him not to go, it isn't his time but I cant, he's already gone, I will no longer see his baby blue eyes shine when I do something stupid like burning our dinner, I was never a good cook, or when he looked at me wearing a black dress. Being picked up by one of the firefighters I cry into his arms not caring who's looking at me in the hospital, Being hugged by everyone I finally calm down a little when my favourite doctor Lilly comes running from the back doors, she takes one look at Tristan and then back to me, she runs into my arms whispering everything going to be alright but is it? I lost my husband, the only person who ever understood me like no one else.  **** Getting dressed for my husband funeral i stand in front of the mirror looking at myself in a black dress i never planned on wearing, Tristan thought it looked wonderful and picked it for his funeral. It was why I never wore it. Looking at myself i have red eyes as the tears refuse to stop running down my face but what hurts more is our son Logan refusing to talk to anyone, i know he's hurting and i cant take the pain away, breaking the news to him was the worse thing i have ever done, he broke down in my arms and now he has to watch as we burry his father. Finally pulling myself from the mirror i take Logan hands and head outside to the car not ready for this one single bit, I don't know how I can say goodbye to him after seeing him take his final breath in my arms, I'm still in shock and expecting him to walk though the house any day now, i still wear the ring refusing to move any of this belonging, its like he still lives here but his presence is no longer with us. Reaching the church I'm hesitant as I don't think i can do this... "Detail attention! Present arms! Lieutenant Tristan Davidson has returned to quarters" as the bell rings I stand beside my son watching as firefighter raise there arms together in unison  "He is cleared from all his duties. He is gone but never forgotten. May he rest in peace, with his brothers and sisters. Above." I don't know how I'm going to cope without him or raise our son alone but I know I'll be doing it all with him above cheering me on. I can do this. i got this... I hope.