Rise of Qancin

Chapter 1: The Void

The motion of falling surges memories of my early childhood – climbing trees with my younger brother and the times I fell out, or the times my brother and I got dizzy and fell to the ground after spinning in circles, or all of those times falling to the ground while playing ball. Those memories were pleasant, and I reminisce on those memories before recalling the time I fell off the canoe into the lake. The feelings slowly creep back in as I recall more vividly of the experience. Falling into the cold water headfirst and not being able to grab anything. The immediate panic after inhaling water while trying to swim.  Looking back up at the surface of the water to see my brother’s arm is in the water trying to grab a hold of my foot. The light begins to fade as the fear slowly disappears - everything slowly goes black.

My horrible memory wakes me, and I opened my eyes to darkness – where am I? I quickly look around to find darkness all around me. Is there really no light? I realize that I am continuing to fall and begin to panic, so I reach out to grab anything to slow the fall. There is nothing in this place to even grab and the panic begins to worsen as I start to remember the near-death drowning experience I had as a child. Out of fear, I scream in panic to only realized I am mute. I look down not knowing when I will hit the ground or if there is even a ground to begin with. Am I going to die here? Fear and panic surge deep within, slowly the panic grabs a hold making my chest tighten and harder to breath – I fall unconscious.

Sometime later I awaken to realize I was not dreaming and that I am still stuck in this place. I focus to calm myself and try to adjust to the constant falling, but nothing helps the falling. Sickness quickly kicks in as my stomach turns from the continuous falling. Will this ever stop? I focus on my family, my mother and younger brother, and my childhood sweetheart that ended up being the love of my life. I cry a little at the thought that I will never see them again. I think on the thought that they are doing okay. Sadness and sickness start to take over, so I calm myself by thinking on happy thoughts. Once calm, I think back on my first experience here, and passing out from a panic attack. How much time has passed since then? Hard to tell when there is no passage of time.

Eventually I grow accustom to the constant falling and that was no small feat. This place seems to never end, almost like an endless void. A void…that makes me reminisce back on the time I was seven years old lying in bed, listening to my mom tell the story of the creation of man, the war between heaven and hell, and punishment for man falling from the Creator’s grace. The hell written in that book fits every aspect of this place…the void. So, I guess hell is nothing more than an empty and never-ending void. What sins have I committed to be here in the Void? I reminisce back on life and everything I have ever regretted. The regrets I made in life were not of sins that you would think to send a man to the Void.

After a while, I have come to accept that the Void is a place to slowly strip a man from his humanity and break them down with two key factors - darkness, and silence. In this place no amount of screaming can break the silence – thus you are left with your thoughts. Sadly, you are alone, mute, deaf, slowly devoid of feeling, and left with no sense of time – the eternal torment for any person. The moment you are birthed into the Void, the constant falling mixed with the other factors will shatter your perspective on reality. At first, this was all very hard to overcome and comprehend, but now, I have dissociated myself from the Void. How long can one person continue to fall for? How long can one person last in the Void? Despite wanting answers, I smile at the funny thought of me asking these questions when time is not present in the Void.

The Void gives a man plenty of time to reminisce on their life, their family, and their sins. I reminisce back on my childhood and early adulthood to discover how innocent and ignorant I was back then. I should have listened to my mother and younger brother. Childhood was blissful, almost picture perfect, but early adulthood ended horribly. I became a newlywed, ended up having a place of our own, and was working in the family business. Family conflict raised, my brother and I were no longer on good terms after my decisions, and eventually our mother fell ill. Only a few years passed after becoming a young adult, and towards the end I treated everyone badly. I guess the end being the end of my life where my memory stops. I cannot remember my death or what lead up to my death. Sometimes I wish I knew, but other times I am glad that I do not – regardless, I am left with the torment of either knowing or not knowing.

Pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind, I think back on the childhood stories I grew up with. These stories make me think on the concepts of the Void. Is the Void how hell is supposed to be or if it is how I imagined it would be based around those childhood stories? Other questions I have wondered on is what heaven is like, is my family still alive, how long have I been here, and what is the outside world like now? Sadly, these questions will never be answered, therefore I leave them at the back of mind. Instead, I think back on my experience here in the Void. Eventually, I realize that my memories of my life and my experience in the Void are beginning to slowly disappear. Do you begin to forget everything from the longer you remain here?

Anger began to rise at the thought of me slowly forgetting my memories – thus my life was slowly slipping away. I spent all my energy trying to hold on to my memories of my mother, my brother, the love of my life, and the joys I experienced in my life. After calming down, I prayed to the Creator for the first time in a long time - Dear Creator, please save me from the Void. Please let me keep my memories. I do not want to forget myself and my life. After a while of praying, I realize that my prayers were in vain as my fragmented memories began to disappear. I begin to cry as the strongest memories begin to slowly disappear and eventually, I find myself crying to nothing. I wipe the tears from my face and realize that my existence was slowly falling apart – how can one exist when they do not know themselves?  Despite all the efforts, I ended up almost forgetting everything, which left me with no emotions.

I hold onto my last fragmented memory – seeing a woman with long brown hair smiling at me as I sit in grass, she says something I cannot make out, she grabs a hold of me, and begins throwing me up in the air. Is that my mother? Why does she seem familiar? I wonder what grass smells like and how the sun feels on my skin. I continue to reminisce while knowing the end of my existence is coming faster than I would like. This memory is all I have left to my existence - I would do anything to see that woman and the world again.