Choices (Dear Jann Series 2)

“The more I think about things, the more I see no rhyme or reason in life. No one knows why some things work out and some things don't. Why some of us are lucky and some of us get...” Bella from the movie, “Notting Hill” We just finished watching the popular movie of Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant and everyone was just seated silently while smiling. Each one lost on their own thoughts about the movie. “You all look stupid with those dreaming eyes on your faces.” I blurted out loudly to my friends who were lost in their own fantasy. “Shut up, Jann. Not because you don't believe in love at first sight doesn't mean you need to be so bitter.” Jessa blasted me because of what I said. “Huh. You just wait and see, Jann. You will fall in love with someone and we, here, will be laughing at how you eat all your words.” Marian seconded. “Hey, why so mean to me? I was just saying what I saw.” I defended myself and they both gave an eye roll to me then went back to their daydreaming. Jessa Esperagoza was chiefly known for being the “lovely snob” in our group. She had a fair skin which I always envy. Seems like she never had a fierce outbreak not like mine. I had some pimple marks on my face. She also had this luxurious hair that she always had it down. Two remarkable things that I envy the most. Marian Laroche was our “tomboy” in our group. She was not a real tomboy but sometimes, she acts like one which made other people think she is. She was actually pretty even if she acted like an sss. She just loved protecting us and her being tomboy, was probably her way to show to everyone, not to mess with us. Jessa and Marian were two of my best buddies. We always hung around and most of the time, we were doing foolish things. Foolish teenagers' life. But we certainly enjoy high school life. “Jann, you know what. It is about time you get yourself serious with having a relationship. Stop fooling around or else you will get your karma.” Marian said as we started tidying up the clubhouse. My dear parents had a modest cottage that they don't use much. I requested them if we can typically use it as our hang out area. They agreed since it was just located close to our house. They could monitor me and my friends on what and we were doing when we're all together. We called our place "clubhouse." It was a decent size cottage with a small room where we could sleep soundly whenever we wanted to. We positively transformed the small living room into a jamming area. We had a full set of drums and guitars that we use when we undoubtedly feel like jamming. It was a sacred place where we can be just ourselves without practical limits. A place where we can be what we naturally wanted to be. A place where we can show our talents that most people don't really know. Aside from fooling around, we also had our decent side. If that side took place, we were just in the clubhouse singing our hearts out or just merely gossiping about a lot of things. It was funny how we never ran out of gossip even though we were together almost every single day. “Seriously, Marian? Thanks, but no thanks. This is better. When you're done with the guy, then break up. No heartaches and no hassles.” I replied. I wasn't really proud of what people think about me, but that was me. I know and I've heard gossip about me as well as my friends but we ignore them. We have our own reasons for being who we are. And just like anybody else, we were just enjoying our years. "You're silly. If that time comes, don't go running to us when you cry." Jessa said and we all laughed. We finished tidying up and went home. Little did I know that my future will be shuddered in the following days. How would I know? I was just enjoying every moment of my life. ***** “Guys, please promise me that you will be there on my debut. I will really kill anybody who will be absent.” says Nia, our birthday celebrant. Nia Gregorio was the most senior member of our group and mostly known for her brains. We always looked up at her since we believe she was the wiser one among us. She would be celebrating her 18th birthday. A big celebration for most women. A mature age of independence if you would ask me. She was going to have a little party for her debut, and we're all part of her little program. The party would have a private program including 18 flowers and 18 treasures. It would be the first time I would be attending a debut, so I was really excited. Make that all of us. We were all excited for the said event that we cleared any appointment for that important day. “We will be there.” we all assured her as we were heading for school. “Is your boyfriend coming?” I winked at her. “Silly. I don’t have any boyfriend.” Nia replied. “So who would be your 18th flower? Shouldn’t he be the special someone?” asked Marian. “Yeah. I was actually looking forward to it because finally, we will meet the lucky one.” Jessa seconded. Nia blushed with what we were suggesting. She was not really a very open person. She always treated us as her younger sisters and wanted to know what we are doing. But when it comes to her, it was very limited. That is one reason why we were looking forward to her birthday. Maybe, just maybe, she will introduce her special someone. “I wish I could. Hey guys, don’t make a scene there. You will meet him if he will attend but no assurance for it.” It was all Nia could answer. We couldn't force her to tell us more so we just let her be. We chatted more before we went to our own classes. Almost every day, all we did was to talk about the upcoming debut. We are all excited for it and it was making us so restless at times. ***** “I wonder if I will ever get a debut celebration like Nia.” Jessa said as we were hanging in our clubhouse one day. “Why not? I mean, it is every girls' fantasy to have a grand celebration for their 18th birthday.” I replied. “Are you going to celebrate like the way she will celebrate?” she asked. “Me? I don’t think so. It is not part of our tradition. As far as I know, we don’t do those things.” I replied. “Awww that’s not nice. Like you said, it is every girl's fantasy to have one.” she said as she looked up the ceiling lost in her thoughts. I smiled at her and lay down beside her and stared at the ceiling too. I secretly hoped that there would be a grand celebration of my debut just like what she said but I know it will never happen. Just like I told her, it was not really part of our tradition. Birthdays are just a little special ordinary day for us. We don’t celebrate it that much. However, we do celebrate big events like graduation, passing a board exam, and marriage. Oh marriage, I wonder if I will ever find my knight in shining armor. I laughed at the idea. Jessa looked at me and asked. “What are you laughing about?” “I was just wondering about getting married.” I replied with a smile on my face. She sat down and looked at me and started laughing. I creased my forehead and sat too. I waited for her to stop laughing and asked. “What was wrong with what I asked?” “You? Getting married? Are you serious? You can’t even last a relationship for one month and you’re thinking about a lifetime commitment?” she laughed again. “Ouch! That hurts. That really hurts, man. I didn’t know you looked at me like that.” I said and pretended that I was really hurt with what she said. I can’t really blame her. She was right. I didn’t have any long term relationship. I just liked to flirt with guys but not for long. Usually after a month, I break up with them and find another prospect. I wasn’t really serious at all to anybody. “Sorry. I just couldn’t help it. Come on, Jann.” she said, still trying to calm down herself from laughing so much. I pushed her and she fell on the bed and started laughing again. I stood up and went to drums and started banging it and singing my heart out loud. She stood up and joined me in singing. After singing, I looked at her and she gave me a peace sign. I smiled. “Silly. I am just like you, girl. I also fancy meeting my special someone. I am not in any rush and just taking my time. Enjoying life.” I said and she smiled. “I know your point. It’s just that, you talking about marriage this time, caught me off guard.” she smiled and we both laughed. “Did I miss something?” Marian said as she opened the door to our clubhouse. “Yeah, you missed everything.” Jessa said and we laughed again. We stayed longer in the clubhouse practicing our piece for the near Scouts’ Party. We wanted to do an intermission number. We practiced our song until night time and chatted in between. “Guys, are you ready for Nia’s birthday?” asked Marian while we were having a break from our practice. “Yeah, sure. It’s not like we really need to do anything special.” I said and shrugged my shoulders. “Hmmm guys, I will be attending the party but I might leave a little earlier than you guys.” Marian said and was actually blushing. “Why is that?” Jessa asked. “Well, hmmm, Arthur and I wanted to see each other that day.” she answered shyly. Arthur was Marian’s boyfriend. Lately, she had been missing in action because she was with him. I guess she was really in love with him because all she could talk about was him. Sometimes, she misses all our fun because Arthur won’t permit her to join us. Sometimes, I think that Arthur was being so possessive of her. Well, they were in love. I guess I will never know how she feels. “Nothing new.” I replied. I saw the sadness in her eyes as she looked at us. She tried to smile and explain. “Guys, come on. Just be happy for me please.” Marian pleaded. “We are happy for you.” Jessa answered. “Yes, we are. Finally, you have met the man of your dreams. It’s just that you are missing a lot of stuff because he doesn’t like you to hang out with us. It’s pretty annoying sometimes.” I said. “I know. I am really sorry. But, Jann, if you give him a chance, you will know that Arthur is really a nice guy. He just meant well for me.” she defended her. “Whatever, Marian. Just know your limitations. I am happy for you. Really.” I smiled and hugged her so she could feel better. I know I had been a little rough with her the past days. Just like I said, she was missing a lot and not just with us, it was also from school. Her grades are not doing so good because she was always with Arthur. I hated to think that maybe Arthur thinks that we were a bad influence to Marian, but it seemed like the other way around. I know Marian for a long time and I know how in love she is. I am genuinely happy for her. I just prayed that Arthur was really the right man for her because I don’t want to see any friend of mine crying because of a man. I was secretly envious of her because I could see how in love she was. I wanted to feel the same. I wanted to know the feeling of being in love. Of course, I kept my secret with me since everyone knew how I was with my relationships. I was merely looking for that spark that the novels were describing. I wanted to feel the connection. I just wanted to fall in love. Little did I know, I was about to feel it in a couple of days ahead.