“I don’t know why you’re doing this,” I mumbled to myself as I was putting on my makeup.
Graziella told me that the party will start when her cousin finally arrives from school because, yes, this is a surprise party. She said I could come wearing some casual clothes but I still insisted on going at least smart casual.
I wore a blue skater skirt and a plaid button-down long-sleeved top that I folded until my elbows. I let my hair down and curled its ends to make it look natural. And my face? Graziella would definitely laugh at me when she sees me with this look on.
“Shiela, are you leaving tonight?” Mom asked as she was standing by my door.
I looked at her and nodded before proceeding on putting on some blush on my cheeks. I bit my lower lip as I slowly painted some of its tint on my skin like how I do it on canvass.
“Where?”
“Graziella invited me to their surprise event for her cousin, Elliot,” I replied without looking at her.
I heard her sighing a moment after. “Are you still not over your infatuation with that cousin of hers?” she asked.
I pursed my lips and placed down my cheek tint. I turned to her and gave her a look. “Mom, it’s not an infatuation,” I clarified. “I really do like him a lot.”
She stared at me flatly—a look that asks me if I am in my right mind for thinking that way. Mom never believed that I would be capable of liking someone but then, in reality, I have only liked someone since I was young—Elliot Patricius Castro, the cousin of my best friend, Graziella.
At first, I thought I was just attracted to him because of his handsome looks. His brooding brown eyes make me feel intimidated every single time that he stares at me. Other girls might be scared of him because of that but not me. I am the only exception because I think that’s his most prominent feature. His eyes are what makes him really handsome in my opinion.
But then, what attracted me more is how he takes care of Graziella when we were growing up. He would always wait for her. He would buy her lunch which included me most of the time. When we were a little older and he got his first car, he would always drive Graziella to school even though his university is on the other way.
He was the perfect guy and that reason is what made me admire him for a long time. I don’t think I would be able to get over him now, or probably, ever. He has already wrapped me up around his finger even before I could even realize it.
“I saw what you bought online,” Mom said with her brow raised. “A tie? An expensive necktie.”
I frowned at her. I used my own savings for that. I refused to eat several meals at school just to afford that Stefano Ricci necktie. I didn’t want to buy it with my Mom’s credit card because I want it to come from me. Although, technically it’s still her money because she gives it as my allowance.
“I saved up for that, Mom,” I told her before smiling sheepishly.
Mom supports me in everything except in the way that I am pursuing Elliot. She always tells me that he’s way out of my league because of our four-year age gap. I don’t believe her, of course. I have seen a lot of couples make it even with a two-digit age difference.
“You better not be starving yourself just to impress him, Shiela Faustine, because that is not how it’s supposed to be,” she began with her lengthy litany once more. “If someone likes you, he will make sure to make you feel that way. Now, if that Elliot guy doesn’t even spare you a glance, don’t waste your time with him because there’s only one thing you can get from that—pain.”
I sighed and shook my head. “I won’t.” I sounded so sure. Well, I am kind of sure that I won’t get hurt with all these feelings that I have for Elliot. As I said, he’s caring and he has never turned me down.
I never really admitted nor confessed but I am pretty sure that he has an inkling of what I am feeling for him. He’s not that dense.
The moments that I give him a bar of chocolate, or when I smile at him, or when I try to start a conversation with him about insects, everything I did was indicative of what I feel for him. It would be impossible to not know.
And truth be told, this is one of the reasons why I am still holding on to the possibility of him liking me back. If he didn’t, he would have ignored me or brushed me off whenever I visit Graziella in their house and he happens to be there.
“How do you know, though? You’re only seventeen. You’ve only liked one boy.” Mom was straightforward. And while I love it most of the time, I hate it when she does that while referring to my feelings for Elliot.
“Mom, I won’t end up getting hurt, okay? I know Elliot. He will probably break it to me gently before he refuses to receive my feelings.”
Mom scoffed before shaking her head. “No matter the manner, it will hurt the same, Shiela. Don’t think that because he can break it to you gently, it would hurt less,” she stated in a warning before leaving me alone in the room.
I sighed and frowned. I don’t like how she’s already given an ending to something that hasn’t even started yet. How will I even find hope if my own mother isn’t even supporting it?
I stared at the small box on top of my bed. My gift for Elliot is not just because it’s his birthday but also because he will be taking over their shipping company soon. I heard from Graziella that he’s been appointed by his father to take over the company before he died. And now that he’s turning twenty-one and almost graduating, he will be taking over the whole ESC Shipping. I wanted him to have the best tie he would partner with his favorite suit.
I chose the latest design: a cream tie dotted with several diamonds. It costs a lot but it’s also one of the best out there. I would never give him something less than the best, of course.
My phone suddenly rang. It was Graziella.
“Where are you?” she asked when I answered. “Elliot is already on his way.”
My lips parted and I scrambled my way to their house. It was only a few blocks away from our house. Graziella, who lives in a different county, even arrived earlier than me.
I was already out of breath when I arrived at the gate of Elliot’s house. The guard was out front and I was grateful that it was someone that I know. I always jog around here and became friends with some of the employees of the Castro household. It’s one of my many ways to get more information about Elliot.
“Shiela?” Grant, the security guard, asked.
I smiled and nodded. “I am here for the surprise birthday party of Elliot. I am a friend of Graziella’s,” I replied while holding onto my knees. I raised the box, my gift, that I was holding to show him that I am not kidding.
Grant looked at me from head to foot before raising his brow. “O…kay,” he trailed, seemingly unsure if he were to let me in or now. “Miss Graziella is already inside with her parents. You can go now inside,” he said before opening the gate for me.
I smiled widely. “Thanks, Grant!” I beamed and he just nodded.
I slowly got inside and looked around. This is only the second time that I am here so I am still not used to its surroundings. Anyway, when I become Elliot’s girlfriend, I will make sure to memorize every single corner of their huge house.
Kaia, one of the younger helpers in the house, smiled at me when she saw me inside. She looked at my clothes before nodding in approval. “You dressed up for this, huh?” she commented.
I smiled and tucked some strands of my hair behind my ear. “Thank you, Kai,” I replied. “Where is the party? Where is Grace?”
She pointed in the direction of the garden. “They are all in there. We just finished setting up the balloons.”
I nodded and immediately walked to where she told me to go. Instantly, I saw Graziella who seemed to be waiting for me because she immediately smiled and waved at me the moment she saw me walking in. She waved her hand and motioned for me to sit on the empty chair beside her.
I chuckled and walked towards her. “Sorry, I’m late,” I said.
She smirked as she nodded at my face. “You really dressed up for this, huh?” She said the same thing as Kaia. Am I being obvious now?
I pursed my lips and smiled weakly. “It’s a birthday party so I wanted to dress up a bit.”
She nodded before shrugging. She was about to say something but her phone lit up, showing Elliot’s name on the caller ID.
I bit my lip and started to look around the place that they decorated just for this birthday surprise. There are several balloons on the tables and on the pillars. Several letter balloons pasted on a makeshift backdrop that read Happy 21st, Elliot!
Graziella was right. The birthday party was just a simple intimate celebration. Now, I kind of feel embarrassed about how I look. Even Elliot’s mother looks so normal.
“Elliot is at the gate,” Graziella whispered to me before getting the attention of everyone to announce the news.
Every immediately went to their respective places and turned off all of the lights of the house. My heart was beating so hard for a moment with my eyes fixed on the direction where Elliot is expected to come in.
I held tightly on my gift as I saw Elliot’s shadow.
“Mom?” he called out several times before standing right on the spot where he should for us to reveal the surprise.
“Happy birthday!” we all chorused while the lights turned on.
Elliot’s eyes widened as he stepped back in total shock. He even almost stumbled backward. He just came from a trip to the Bahamas with his friends with tanned skin and a perfect wide smile.
“Is this for real?” he laughed as he walked in and looked at everyone who came.
He dropped his duffel on the ground and immediately went on to hug his mother, followed by everyone in the garden.
I bit my lip in anticipation. When he’s already hugging Graziella, my heart seemed to want to leap out of my chest.
He broke off the hug with his cousin and pinched her cheeks playfully before his eyes finally met mine. I almost froze on my spot.
“Thank you for coming, Shiela! Hope you have fun tonight,” he said before stepping closer to me.
He’s going to hug me! He’s about to hug me!
I was internally squealing but instead of a hug, I only got a smile and a pat on the head. A smile. And a pat on the head. What the f**k?
My heart sank when he suddenly moved on to other guests and gave them each a hug. This is unfair. How come he only gave me a pat on the head?
I was already feeling really bad that I couldn’t even eat properly.
“Are you okay?” Graziella asked because she probably noticed that I am barely touching my food.
I looked at her and smiled. “Yeah,” I replied before looking in the direction where Elliot is. He is currently laughing with some of his friends.
I sighed and frowned because of the fact that he didn’t give me a hug. How sick is that even? He gave everyone a hug but me? That’s just unfair! The hug was what I have been anticipating the whole time!
I looked at Graziella and smiled. “I’ll just go to the restroom,” I said.
“Do you want me to accompany you?” she asked in a completely worried manner.
I smiled weakly and shook my head. “No need. I can manage,” I replied and grabbed all of my things including my gift.
Maybe I will just give the gift and then go home right after.
I let out a heavy sigh as I looked at my reflection on the mirror inside the restroom. Mom’s words are echoing inside my head. “Maybe she’s right,” I mumbled. “But then, I won’t give up without putting up a fight.”
I gave myself a brief pep talk before walking out of the restroom. However, I almost lost my balance when I bumped into Elliot.
“s**t! Shiela, are you okay?” he asked as he helped me get up. His brows are furrowed and he looked worried as he studied me.
I bit my lip and shook my head. “I am fine,” I told him in a soft voice with my heart pounding so loudly; I am afraid he would hear it.
He nodded before letting out a sigh of relief. “Then, good!” he exclaimed and I couldn’t help but feel touched that he is concerned about me.
I swallowed hard and decided to give him the gift now. With trembling hands and a shy smile, I gave him the small box that I have been holding on to for the rest of the party. “For you,” I began. “Happy birthday…”
He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes on me. He looked so serious and suddenly, the excitement built up inside me started to fade away. “You didn’t have to.” There was no hint of humor in his voice which actually made me even more nervous.
“B-but i-it’s your birthday…” the loud beating of my heart is what’s making me stutter.
He clicked his tongue before nodding. “I know…”
I bit my lower lip, eyes lingering everywhere but his face. “Are you mad at me?” I asked in a trembling voice.
“No. I am not mad at you.” He was quick to reply. “I just…” he paused and exhaled heavily. “I don’t want to lead you on even more…”
My lips parted as I finally had the courage to look at him in the eye. I narrowed my eyes at him. “What do you mean?”
He pressed his lips in a grim line. “Shiela, you’re too young and you’re just like my sister—”
I shook my head. I don’t want to hear his words anymore. I already know what he’s going to tell me. I already know that he will use the fact that I am his cousin’s best friend as an excuse.
But then…maybe he really doesn’t like me. He only looked out on me as a sister because I am Graziella’s friend. Either way, it would still hurt on my part.
“You can’t see yourself with me…” I took the initiative to summarize what he really wanted to say.
Tears started to pool around my eyes. I swallowed hard and prayed that I will have the willpower to stop myself from crying in front of him. I don’t want to cry now. The last thing I want him to think is how pathetic I am.
I clenched my fists tightly. I don’t want to cry. I will not cry in front of him no matter how painful this is inside me.
I have loved him ever since he helped me with my assignment in third grade. I didn’t know what it is by then but with the way he treated and cared for me through the years, I realized my true feelings. I love him. I may be young but I know what I feel.
“You’re only seventeen, Shiela,” he stated and shook his head. “Please just date men around your age.”
And just like that, I wish I had listened to what my mother said. Too much for putting Elliot on the pedestal. Too much for thinking that he would not hurt me. Too much for thinking that he would break it to me gently when he finally rejects me.
I am a fool to believe that he’s all that. Mom was right. All I could get from this is pain.