Eat Me

Dim lighting set me slightly at ease as I stepped through the double doors, and in to the glistening crowd of gyrating bodies. The goosebumps on my arms had begun to subside as I left the fresh, wintery chill behind and was hit by the warm, sticky atmosphere of the club. Don’t get me wrong, the thumping in my ears wasn’t what had me dreading coming out tonight, it was simply something I rarely did. I loved music, I loved feeling it, having my body become one with the vibrations. What I didn’t care for though, was having to force myself through all the outfit changes and different make-up styles in order to feel somewhat OK with how I looked. Now, I’m not saying I’m hideous. I take care of myself to an extent; I stopped fully bleaching my hair, so I didn’t have to worry about finding time to do my unruly roots and I wouldn’t be caught dead outside without my hair washed – or at least a subtle amount of dry shampoo. Full hips and big t**s gave me more of an hour glass figure and no matter how much weight I would lose, I couldn’t shift either. Despite that, I wasn’t completely comfortable in my skin, much to the approving eyes of some of the men in here. The surrounding girls were dressed to the nines, all in super high heels, make-up painted on perfectly like a second skin, not a pair of legs covered by fabric. Yet, here I was, in my Nike trainers with my brows and lashes done with minimal effort, hoping to be home within the hour. “Cas, you f*cking came!” The warm embrace of one of my closest friends stole me from my thoughts. His hug slowly eased my anxiety levels and I couldn’t help but squeeze him like my life depended on it. “I was this close to changing my mind, so you better get me a drink before I pull a runner,” I laughed, shouting my words into Warren’s chest. Having his arms around me definitely changed my mood. I hadn’t seen him in at least a year and I missed being around him. We’d known each other since secondary school and since he moved away for work, it had become longer and longer in between our calls and texts, mostly on my part for leaving it so long before responding that I’d usually forget to reply all together. “Don’t even try it, you’re here now. Besides, Bev is joining us in a bit, and she’d rip into me if I let you leave,” he released me from his arms and moved me far enough to look me over. Letting out a low whistle, his gaze lingered on my body for a little longer than I’d been comfortable with. “Sh*t, you can’t waste this body cooped up in your flat, come on.” My cheeks heated, and I noticed the slight glint of lust flicker across his big, brown eyes, before his hand clasped my wrist as he pulled me through the crowd towards the bar. I’d always assumed that Warren and I would have ended up together when we were younger; he was attractive, to say the least, and I wasn’t blind. We got on like a house on fire, but he always managed to treat me like his little sister. Now, the fact that we slept together over ten years ago was a drunken one-time thing that we both agreed was a mistake. A very nice mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. Warren ordered us some drinks and as the bartender fumbled with the glasses, he turned to me, leaning his elbow on the bar. “So how’ve you been? What’s new?” “Sweet f*ck all. I’ve been working doubles at the restaurant, trying to actually have some money to put aside.” I took a large gulp of the gin placed in front of me. “There’s never anything exciting with me, you know this.” The small smile on his lips said it all, and as much as I didn’t enjoy shouting my personal life to him over the heavy bass, I felt I had to give him something that wasn’t so depressing, “although I have got myself a new wand that's been occupying my evenings – and mornings,” I laughed. His laugh could be heard from across the dance floor, and even I couldn’t help but chuckle at how tragic I was. “Still not been scooped up by one of the girls you were banging?” I smirked, “I was sure you’d turn up with Lydia attached to your hip.” His eyes lingered on me for a moment before shaking his head, “You answered your own question, Cas, they were just girls that I was banging. As for Lydia, she knows it’ll never be serious between us.” Lydia was one of the girls he had been seeing on and off for the last two years. Everyone knew her end game, but that didn’t mean Warren was stupid enough to take things further with her, she was psycho. For the next half hour or so, we caught up on each other's lives whilst polishing off a couple of shots and I’m guessing half a bottle of gin between us, eventually heading to the dance floor. Finally, the alcohol gave way to some of my inhibitions and I felt the freedom I craved. Warren took my hand, and we moved in sync, from lifting it above my head to wrapping both our arms around my waist as we became one. I felt eyes on me from around the room and the strong wall of his body behind me continued to hold me close as I swayed my hips in tune with his. The top I was wearing wasn’t made for bending over and my bra was barely holding the girls in, but I couldn’t help myself when it came to dropping down low and hearing the slight moan from Warren as I stroked myself against his groin. I knew it meant nothing, he didn’t see me like that, and I wasn’t doing it hoping to get something more from him. It was just how we were with each other. Sexual, without the s*x. “I need to pee,” I screamed back at him as I pulled away and pointed toward the bathroom. He continued his assault on the dance floor without me and I smiled as I turned back and clocked Bev arriving with two of her other friends. At least now, if I ducked out early, I wouldn’t be screwing up Warrens night by leaving him solo.