There Were all The Signs

2010 She looks beautiful. Her hair is a golden honey and is up in an intricate knot at the back of her head. Her makeup is airbrushed to perfection and her Cinderella dress fits her perfectly. She has a smile on her face and her arm is linked through her fathers as she proceeded down the aisle. I take her in and then I turn my head to look at the groom. He looks so incredibly happy. He has tears swimming in his eyes and my heart skips a beat. There was a time that I believed this would have been my wedding and he would have been my groom. I still wonder why I came here today. I made sure to sit all the way in the back. Even though I was invited I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay for the entire wedding, I wasn't sure if I wanted to watch my best friend get married, I wasn't sure if I could handle my heart getting shredded. Originally Miller asked me to be his best man. I came up with an excuse of not knowing if I could get off work, telling him he should choose someone else just in case. And then I didn't RSVP because I figured if I came I wouldn't stay for the reception. But I still felt like it was my duty to show up for him and my heart is full seeing how happy he is even as it breaks my heart watching him pronounce his love to another. It takes me back to our first wedding. I was ten and my dad was getting remarried, I was to be a junior bridesmaid, Miller was the junior groomsmen and we met the night of rehearsal. 1999 "Ok now you two will link your arms together like this," the coordinator said arranging Miller's fist on his waist creating a circle for my arm to go through. Once we are locked together I steal a glance at Miller. I have never met him before and this is kind of awkward. He has blonde hair in a bowl cut style. He has bright blue eyes and is a little taller than I am. He turns his head to me and I snap mine back to the aisle. That was close. "Ok now walk down the aisle starting with your right foot and then bring your left foot forward and close them again with your right foot, that's it, we are moving at a slow rhythm." When we make it half way down the aisle the coordinator smiles and says, "You know one day you two will be doing this." Miller and I look at each other and make funny faces. The coordinator laughs, "I didn't mean with each other." That was our first sign, the first of many signs that told me that one day we would be here. But the cards didn't line up. The beautiful couple up front were repeating their vows and I just hope the bride knows how extremely lucky she is. Once the preacher says you may kiss the bride, I pray everyone is watching the bride and groom as I make my escape. The tears start to fall and I need to get away before I am seen by anyone. I slip out from the back pew and creep out the door without making a sound, then I run for the bathrooms. I hide in the stall while I let the tears pour down my face. I am going to look like a hot mess now. I made sure to spend extra time on my appearance today. I haven't seen Miller in nearly six years and he remembered me as the tomboy. I wanted to at least feel good about myself on the outside, knowing I was going to be torn apart on the inside. I have changed a lot since the last time we were in the same room. I actually have a female body now and I chose a spaghetti strapped dress that started off in black at the bodice, transitioned into black lace over green satin at the torso and then fades into a light green with crystal inlay at the skirt, ending in a see through green tulle above the knee. Green is my favorite color but it also makes my tan look really nice. My hair is down in big waves, falling to mid back. My hair color is a dark brown on the verge of black and I have bright green eyes. The dress shows off my long legs, the heels make my calves and thighs look very fit and the top shows that I am no longer a flat chested teen. I look the best I ever did, but now I knew my makeup would be smeared and the whole image would be ruined. After I get myself together I unlock the stall and walk to the sink to look in the mirror and see the damage. It isn't as bad as I thought but my eyes are blood shot and my nose is red. I work on myself quickly, taking a napkin and wetting it hoping to get the mascara off my face. Once that is done I take my compact out and powder my nose, then I reapply my lip gloss and finally take a big inhale and try to shake my nerves out. Hopefully I was in here long enough to miss the rush of people leaving. I open the door and the coast seems clear, so I leave my safe area and make my way to the exit when I hear someone say my name. Maybe I can act like I didn't hear them and keep walking. "Sam? Is that you?" I guess I am not so lucky. I turn around and see Miller's mom, Stephanie, standing there looking shocked. "Oh honey I thought Miller told me you couldn't make it." "Mrs. Smith," I reply walking up and giving her a big hug. "I didn't think I was going to be able to but I couldn't miss my best friends wedding." "Oh dear he is going to be so happy to see you. You want to ride with me over to the reception?" "Actually I didn't RSVP so I think I should skip it," I say hurriedly. I didn't plan on going to the reception, I don't think it would be a good idea to show up there, harboring feelings for the groom. "Nonsense honey, you are family," she replies taking my arm and basically dragging me to her car. I am not ready for this. "Are you sure I won't be inconveniencing anyone?" "Of course not dear. Now tell me how was your trip? We haven't seen you in ages. How long are you going to be in town for? Maybe we can catch up, go to lunch?" "I flew in today, it wasn't that long of a flight. I have to fly back out tomorrow at 11:00 am I have a deadline I have to meet." "Oh that's too bad. Maybe next time I am in town we can catch up," she says while climbing into the back seat with me. Once we are in and buckled the driver takes off. I guess there is no getting out of this. I was prepared for seeing Miller but I find myself shaking with nervous energy. I can feel a bead of sweat drip down my back. I just pray I don't faint. Mrs. Smith and I keep up light chatter. She asks about my job and asks if I have a boyfriend. I reply that I love my work and at the time I am single. She gives me a light smile and says, "Don't worry dear you are a looker you will find someone soon enough." Ugh I hate when people associate my looks with being able to find someone. I miss being that tomboy that didn't care. Blossoming in high school was no fun. I can remember the first day of ninth grade I showed up with a chest and the first friend I ran into from middle school looked me over. I was wearing my parachute blue camo pants and a dark navy v-neck shirt and he smiled and told me I got curves over the summer. Me being the tomboy I was, thought he was talking about my triceps, I had been following my friends gymnastic workouts and had a good muscle buildup going on. To my embarrassment he smirked and told me that wasn't what he was talking about. Still took me a minute to understand what he was getting at and then my face turned scarlet. I never cared about my looks and to this day they aren't as important as my character. I believe people fall in love with looks in an instant and can also fall out of love with looks in an instant. Because looks can fade. Real love is formed from common interests, respect and core values of a person. Those are lasting relationships. I say this from experience because I dated a lot in high school. Boys fell for my looks but never got to know me. You thought I would have been the perfect girlfriend being into sports and other things boys liked to share with each other but truthfully I think boys were intimidated by me. They were expecting another girl who was beautiful and wanted to get her nails done, not a girl who was beautiful but also wanted to be on the high school football team because she threw the best spiral out of all her boy cousins. There was one guy who saw me for who I really was and respected that, Miller. "We are here dear." I look up and see that we are in front of a Hilton. So this is it. Don't faint! I slip out of the back seat and wait for Mrs. Smith to get out behind me. I knew if I was going in I did not have the courage to do it alone. Maybe no one else would notice me and I could slip out after a few minutes. We enter the hotel and make our way to their biggest ballroom. We enter it to find white canopies draped from the ceiling, with crystal chandeliers twinkling like bright stars. The tables were covered with navy blue linen and the centerpieces were white long stem roses, a dozen on each table. The dance floor was in the middle of the room, and the buffet was to the right of the floor. There was a live string quartet playing todays hits in a classical way. The bride and groom hadn't entered yet so everyone is at their tables just talking among themselves. "Sam you can come sit with us. We have an extra seat and you are family," she grabs my arm and pulls me towards her reserved table. This was just the grooms family, the brides family table was next to this one and the wedding party's was right by the two. There is no way that I could sit here and sneak out easily. "Sam?" "Hi, Mr. Smith," I say giving Miller's father a smile and then leaning down to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Well sweetness it is so great to see you. And I must say you have turned into a beautiful young lady." "Awe, Mr. Smith you are too kind. It is great to see you again." "Sam, this is Miller's grandparents, my parents, Ann and Harry," Mrs. Miller introduces, "And this is his cousin Marcus, and his aunt Mary." "It's nice to meet you all," I say giving my best smile and still trying not to show myself shaking with nerves. "You too dear, why don't you take a seat by Marcus, his date wasn't able to make it," Aunt Mary says. "Thanks mom, make me look more pathetic," he scuffs and then turns to me, "I would enjoy the company," he says standing and pulling the chair out for me to sit. He looks to be about my age and it would help to hide by making it look like I am his date. I sit down and everyone goes back to talking, luckily ignoring me. "So are you thee Sam?" Marcus has a big smile on his face. He has that dark and handsome look about him. Dark hair cut short on the side and a barely there beard. His eyes were the most piercing blue I have ever seen. He is a mix of Matt Bomer and Chris Pine. "Which Sam would that be?" "Miller's best friend Sam? I grew up on stories of the feisty tomboy who captured the heart of my dear cousin. But I must say you look way hotter than the way he described you," he says with a smirk on his face. He takes a sip of his wine and I realize he is at least twenty-one. "Well I am Miller's best friend, but we haven't seen each other since we were fifteen and a lot has changed since then, for both of us. I remember him as the boy with a blonde bowl cut and I am sure he remembers me as the girl with braces." "I must say it is a pleasure to share the night with you, I always hoped that one day I would meet the girl that could beat all the boys up and play football like a pro." I giggled. "That was a long time ago." "Oh come on, are you saying you can't throw the perfect spiral anymore?" "Oh believe me I can still out throw all the boys, but I don't beat them up anymore." I don't know why but I find myself flirting. It has been awhile since I have been in a relationship and it is easy to talk to this cousin of Miller's. In a lot of ways he reminds me of him. And I like the fact that he seems intrigued about my past and the stories of my old self and not just the way I look now. "Well if you aren't beating them up what do you do with them now?" "Wouldn't you like to know?" Marcus's brow lifts in a question. But at that exact same time the wedding party starts being announced as they enter the ballroom. They dance down the dance floor on their way to the table, all with a different bit to make people laugh and clap. And then my heart stops as the bride and groom are announced and I watch Miller enter with his new bride. They dance down the dance floor and then when they are in front of the table he stops and spins her, pulls her close to him and then dips her back, laying a big kiss on her. This just so happens to be right in front of the table I am sitting at. My breath catches and my heart drops. This is going to be the worst night of my life. Once the kiss ends the MC announces the first dance of the bride and groom and Amazed by Lone Star starts up. I can't watch so I turn to Marcus who is watching along with everyone else at our table and whisper, "Can I have a sip of your wine?" He smiles, "Aren't you under age?" "What are you a cop? Or my parent?" He just lifts a brow at me. "Actually I am twenty but I will be twenty-one in ten days." He leans in and whispers in my left ear, "I will give you the whole glass if you promise me a dance and you tell me the secret of what you do with boys now that you don't beat them up." I turn my head to the left, and our lips are a breathe away, I look in his eyes and say, "deal!" He pushes the wine glass over to me and I pick it up taking a sip, the whole time I look at him and he is watching my mouth. I will admit he isn't bad looking and I could use a distraction to help calm my nerves. "The bride and groom would like to ask all couples to join them on the dance floor," the MC announces and couples all around us stand up to walk out on the dance floor. Our table is empty now and I take another sip of the wine watching all the couples link up for the slow dance. "What do you say about that dance?" Marcus asks. "I would say we aren't a couple," I respond giving him a sweet smile. "No one has to know that. Come on save me the embarrassment, everyone knows my girlfriend was suppose to attend this wedding with me and it's not my fault she decided to break my heart last night and end things. You would be doing me a huge favor. I will even buy you another glass of whatever twenty-one or older beverage you desire," he practically begs with a pouty face and a twinkle in his eye. "Ok, since you are so desperate," I says with a smile and then pick the glass of wine up downing the remaining liquid and then stand. He follows my lead and grabs my arm. Once we are on the dance floor we go full on middle school style dance, my hands wrapped around his neck his wrapped around my waist and we sway back and forth. No fancy dancing for Marcus, which is probably good since I can feel the wine already going to my head since I haven't ate all day. I was too nervous. "So what do you do for a living Sam?" "I am a writer. I write books mostly but I just came off a book tour right before the wedding. What about you?" "Far less interesting but I own a construction company." "That sounds like a promising future," I feel myself relaxing as we continue our easy conversation, getting to know each other and soon my fingers start to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. I definitely may be on my way to being drunk. "You have a beautiful smile," Marcus says smiling down at me. I blush and just as I go to say something back we bump into another couple. I turn around to apologize and all the color from the compliment leaves my face as I stare at Miller and his bride. "Sorry man I was distracted and I lead her right into you guys," Marcus says with a grin to his cousin. Miller is smiling at his bride and finally looks up noticing me. He realizes it was Marcus I can tell but when his eyes land on me I can see the recognition on his face and the shock. I know how to read him like a book, it's what best friends do. "Sam!" "Hi Miller." "Wait, are you serious, I finally get to meet Sam?" the bride says in excitement but I feel like I hear a trace of something more. She lets go of Miller and pulls me from Marcus's arms, swooping me up in a hug. "I have been waiting years to meet the girl who was my loves BFF. I have heard so many stories." Again I heard the underlying meaning in her words. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, she was intimated by me. I hug her back, "I have been waiting to meet the girl that my best friend fell in love with. Make sure you take good care of him, he's a handful," I say looking in her eyes and then look up at Miller and give him a smile. "I see you have met Marcus, out of all the boys I would say he is second best to my Miller, you have good taste." I look back at Marcus and we share a small laugh. When I turn back around I catch Miller looking me over with a look bordering on shock and also something that resembled regret, or maybe he just didn't approve of me being with Marcus. "Well we are saving each other from the loneliness of being at a wedding stag. I don't want to take you two away from finishing your first dance. Let's catch up later," I rush the words out and then go back to Marcus and this time I lead, and I lead us to the bar." "Ok bud you owe me that drink now." "I must say for you two being best friends that little meeting was a bit awkward." "Well we haven't seen each other in years. I got a feeling his Mrs. was giving me a back off vibe." "To be honest, if I was a woman I would give you that vibe too. You are stunning and I would be threatened. You could pick up any guy here, single or not, and you share a deep meaningful history with her groom." "True. That is why I didn't want to come. Please get me that drink now so I can stop feeling so self conscience." Marcus orders my drink and we stand around talking, far away from the dance floor and the bride and groom.I feel guilty using Marcus as my distraction because I get the feeling he might actually be interested in me. I don't typically date, mostly because my schedule is so busy but also I am not looking to start something with someone who lives so far away from me. Long distance only works in fairy tales or romance novels. I am still enjoying our light chatter when I feel a presence appear behind me. "I hope you don't mind Marcus, but I would like to steal your date. Five years has been far too long and I could use a dance with my best man." "Be my guest, it is your wedding." I feel myself tremble, I am so scared but also so excited. I turn around and look up into the blue eyes of my best friend and put my hand into his that he has extend out to me. He pulls me to the dance floor and unlike Marcus he sets us up into a formal hold, hands clasped, my hand on his shoulder his on my waist and we start a waltz. "You know it took me a solid five seconds to recognize you and that is just unacceptable. It has been far too long since I have laid eyes on you. How can we even claim to be best friends?" "Because no matter if we see each other we know we are there for each other." "You don't know how complete I feel now with you here." "Well what kind of best friend would I be if I didn't show up for the most important day of your life?" "I would have understood. You have been traveling so much. I brag about you to everyone Sam. I am so proud of the woman you are. You did everything you said you were going to do." "Well so have you. Well except the getting married at twenty thing. If I recall we both used to say we were never getting married." "Well that was before puberty," he chuckles. "Such a man, all you think abut is sex." "It is a little about the sex." I turn my head a bit not wanting to look him in the eye. It hurts a little, thinking of him intimate with another woman. Not that we ever went there but it still stings. "You know Sam, at one point I thought this would be us.., you know getting married." I snap back and look him in the eyes and I feel his grip on my waist tighten a bit pulling me a little closer. "Me too, Miller," I say giving him a sad smile. "But I am just happy to see you so happy." "Do you remember the signs?" I think back over all the incidents we had over our shared history, where I was sure that fate was telling me we were destined to be together. I open my mouth to reply and then a voice speaks up. "You mind if I cut in?" It was the bride. I smile at her and say "Of course not, he is your husband and this is your day." I lean forward and give Miller a kiss on the cheek and hand him over to his wife. I slowly walk off the dance floor and slowly pick up speed the further I get away and as soon as I breach the doors leading me out of the ballroom and into the hallway of the hotel I make a dash to the hotel exit and tears blind me. He remembers the signs too. It is all the more heartbreaking to hear someone tell you they thought you were meant to be too but now it is too late because they belong to another. I have to get out of here, my heart has broken enough for one night.