Anchor

Part 2 - Memories

The aroma of disinfectant and flowers filled my lungs. I slid my hand across the scratchy blanket that covered my tiny frame and peeled open one eye, then the other – a vase filled with Magnolias sat to my left, slightly wilted.

“Good afternoon sweetie,” a bright eyed nurse chirped. “Someone is looking a lot perkier. How are you feeling today?”

“Thirsty,” my voice was barely a whisper.

She nipped outside to the trolley and returned with a carton of juice, like the small cartons you got at a child’s birthday party. I thanked her with a small nod and a smile.

“I’ll get the doctor to come have a chat with, just sit tight.” And just like that, she turned on her heels and breezed out of the room.

I managed to get a couple of sips in before another voice sounded at the door, only this time I was sure I’d heard it before.

            “Glad to see you’re finally awake.”

Casually resting an arm against the door frame stood Stellan, the officer who brought me here. His dark hair was slicked to the side and his face sported a small amount of stubble. It was a stark contrast seeing him dressed so casual compared to his police uniform. His dark jeans hung low on his hips and peeking through his jacket was a fitted grey v-neck which hugged him in all the right places.

“I was worried about you there for a while,” his voice was sincere.

I had so many questions, but as I took a second to think, I noticed the IV line in my hand, only adding to my growing list. I decided to start off simple.

            “What happened? Why am I here?” Killed two birds with one stone.

            His hands moved into his pockets and his head dropped. I should have rephrased my questions. What I meant to say was why am I still here? And what happened in regard to the machines monitoring I seemed to be hooked up to. Yes, I felt groggy and I know I had been thrown around some but this all seemed a bit too much.

“Officer, how long have I been here?” The panic was in full swing.

He moved closer, taking residence in a chair beside my bed.

“Three weeks- sorry, twenty two days to be precise.”

That was a slap in the face, how I had been here for that long was scary, and dare I say, infuriating. It all felt like it happened yesterday, which to me, it did. A lump formed in my throat, knowing my next question had an answer I already knew but didn’t want to hear out loud, rendering it true. “And my father?”

Stellan paused for a moment, hesitant to answer.

             “I’m so sorry. He didn’t make it.”

I couldn’t hold back the tears.  My father and I were solitary. It was just the two of us after my mother left when I was young. He always said no one would understand me like he did and he was right. I had no friends, no family. I was alone and I only had myself to blame. If I had done more, fought back or ran for help then he would still be alive. Stellan rested his hand atop mine wrestling me back from my thoughts. My tears slowly dissipated and in silence we sat as I steadied my breathing.

            “What happens now?” I sniffled, “I have nothing left.” A blank expression spread over my face and I could feel the weight sit atop my eyelids. I was ready to let sleep welcome me, hoping I could drift off with ease, never to wake again.

His grip loosened and from his pocked he produced a small notepad and pen.

            “Kitty, I really am sorry for your loss. But I still need to ask you a couple of questions about what you remember from that night,” he clears his throat. “If it gets too much then we can stop. I Just need you to walk me through it.”

I didn’t want to remember. My mind was abuzz with fragments of memories but I kept seeing his lifeless body. I sunk back in the pillow. The quicker I was done here the quicker I could get back to praying for a painless death.

            “I understand,” I closed my eyes and walked through the memories as they happened. “I was just getting into bed when I heard voices in the living room. I crept over to my bedroom door to listen but, there was a commotion in the hall and the door burst open. My father and a man I’ve never seen before came crashing in,” my voice grew harsh, “there was a struggle and my dad tried to fight back but the other guy overpowered him and they fell to the floor...”

            The atmosphere changed – a storm brewed around us. Stellan gripped his chair as if he too could sense it.

“I crawled around the side of my bed, trying to get out of the way. But this guy kept slamming my dad into the ground, over and over.” That’s when I heard it, that sound. I should have done something. The lights in the ceiling had begun flickering, eager to explode. Sweat rolled from my forehead and settled in the tiny cracks in my lips.

 “His head cracked open like an egg,” Something I would have etched into my memory until my dying days. The ‘crack’ sound on a continuous loop.

A lanky doctor entered the room and Stellan’s chair shot back as the storm disintegrated, freeing him from its grip. The doctor stopped at the end of the bed whilst he observed my medical notes. I took a moment to use my sleeve as a tissue, wiping away the fresh tears that stained my cheeks.

            “Miss Daniels, nice of you to join us. I’m Doctor Reed. How are you feeling today?”

            “I’ve been better.”

“I’m sure.” The pen that poked from his pocket had moved in front of my face. “OK. I’d like you to follow the movement with your eyes.” I still had plenty of questions but I followed along anyway. “Brilliant. There is a definitive improvement from when we last spoke.” If someone had asked me to point him out in a line up I honestly wouldn’t know where to start, I had no recollection of speaking with him prior to this moment.

 “When you were admitted you had some large contusions around your abdomen and some bruising around your windpipe.  I’d like to keep you under observation and run some more tests. Then we can reassess and talk about a possible discharge.”

Lady luck was not on my side. I had already lost a substantial amount of time; I didn’t want to add more pointless days to the calendar.

   "Is there anything you would like to discuss? Feeling any pain or discomfort?"

   "A little bit of pain when I swallow, but that's normal right?"

   "It's to be expected. Still though, I'll get the nurse to bring you something for pain OK."

    I should have asked for something to knock me out or make me less likely to feel.

    “If you need anything in the meantime that little button to your right goes straight to the nurses station. I’ll send someone to get started on your blood-work, excuse me.” The doctor departed and I pulled my knees closer turning on my side, facing away from Stellan.

He stood, probably debating his next move.

    “Please leave.” The floodgates opened once more and I curled myself up tighter.

Stellan sighed, “I’ll come check on you a little later.”

The door closed and his footsteps faded as he traversed the hall.

Later that evening, after countless blood tests and scans, I was pleased to have the nurse finally remove my IV line and catheter. Another nurse brought me some questionable looking mash potato and after a few mouthfuls I knew I’d probably be in here longer if I finished it. I called it a night and cried myself to sleep.

***

A harsh force jerks me backwards. I crash into my wardrobe, sliding to the floor like butter. Loud footsteps barrel towards me. I cry out for him to stop but he ignores my plea. A fist connects with my stomach, knocking the air from my lungs. His military style boot pushes hard into my chest and I claw at his jeans with all my might.

He doesn’t stop.

Numbness fills my legs until It spreads. My arms grow weak.

Thunder crashes from beyond the window as he straddles my withering body.

Vision slowly fading, I watch as the aggression grows on his face. His hazel eyes fixate on mine; his hands violently press at my throat.

            I awoke, gasping for air. The fingers around my neck were my own as I tried to remove the invisible enemy. In the second it took me to figure out where I was, I scouted the room for my dad. The sharp pain in my heart reminded me it was pointless. I closed my eyes tight and pushed back the tears, he wouldn't want me cry over him anymore than I already had.

     Stellan was back at my bedside, talking ominously on the phone, my abrupt awakening bringing his call to an end, “Nightmare?” He turned to me.

    Was it that obvious?

    He cleared his throat, not pressing me further. “The doctor’s given the all clear for you to go home.” To my bewilderment, he placed a small plastic bag at the foot of the bed. “I, uh, popped back to your house earlier. Got you some clothes. I hope that’s OK?”

            I pondered what my house would look like in the aftermath seeing as I had been in here for an intangible amount of time. Would there be blood? Would there be signs there was a struggle? That house was not mine, not anymore. That man had taken it from me, he took my home, my father, my livelihood.

            “When you went back, was it…?” Before Stellan could answer I stopped him in his tracks. “Actually, don’t tell me. I don’t need to know.” I did need to know. It was eating me from the inside, I just wasn’t ready. “Thanks for doing that though.”

     “It was nothing, I couldn’t have you walking out of here in that hospital gown.” The corner of his lip curled up into a half smile.

    “True. But that would make for quite a show.” His smile seemed to be infectious and for a brief moment, I let myself forget where I was.

    “I can see that, yeah. Well look, I’ll leave you to get yourself sorted. I’ll go finish up with the doctor and wait for you outside.”

    I nodded, not wanting to object. After he took his leave, I dragged the bag closer to see my charcoal hoodie, black leggings, and my Nike air force trainers. No underwear, but I put that down to him not wanting to rummage through my more intimate items of clothing. My legs quivered as I slid off the bed and I limped over to the bathroom to get undressed, refusing to look in the mirror until I was ready. A jolt of pain shot through my side as I lifted my hoodie over my head. Careful not to make the same mistake twice, I tied my hair in a low pony, tucking the loose blonde strands behind my ears. I fumbled with the taps as I rushed to rinse my face, needing to feel something. Above the sink the woman in the mirror locked eyes with mine, her face haunting and pale. I was almost unrecognisable.

    I placed the hospital gown on the side of the bed and left with nothing but the clothes on my back.

    “You really didn’t have to wait. I’m sure you have important police stuff to attend to.”

    “Consider me your chauffeur for the day,” he grinned, showing a small amount of teeth, “I’m actually off duty but I imagined you’d need a ride so…”

    I couldn’t tell if he was being genuine but I’d take it. I didn’t want to be alone and I was as odd as it was, he had become more of a constant in my life since the incident and I liked having him around.

     It was late in the afternoon and I hadn’t yet figured out where I was going to stay, my thoughts were consumed by father and what he would want me to do.

            “I don’t want to burden you.” I really didn’t want to.

    He placed his hands in his pockets and lifted his eyebrow, giving me a look as if to say, ‘Don’t be daft’.

    “OK, OK,” I smiled. “But I need to make more than one stop.”

    He gestured his arm out, “After you.”