I MARRIED A PSYCHO (TAG-LISH)

CHAPTER 1

Warning: This story may not be suitable for a very young age due to some unscripted words...

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VLANCE

My peaceful sleep was ruined by the loud sound coming from my phone as it keeps ringing. My face automatically crumpled, irritatedly.

Kinapa ko ang bedside table para kunin ang maingay na cellphone habang nakadapa pa rin ako sa kama at nakapikit ang mga mata ko. Ang magulong buhok ko ay nagkalat sa mukha ko.

Nahagip ng kamay ko ang phone at malakas ko itong inihagis sa kung saan at kasunod nito ay kumawala ang malakas na pagkawasak at nahinto ang ingay. Sigurado akong ang manager ko nanaman ang tumatawag at babatiin nanaman ako ng walang katapusang sermon.

Bumalik ako sa pagtulog, pero bago ko pa magawa 'yon ay biglang bumukas ang pinto ng silid ko.

"Good morning, sweet little Vlance!" I grunted out in annoyance when I heard my brother.

"Leave me alone! You moron!" I growled.

"Gumising ka na d'yan. You're ganna be late to your class again." I grimaced when I felt his fingers pinched my chicks.

"Pwede bang umalis ka na?" I pushed him.

"Fine. But promise, go to school, okay?" he said convincing me, and then he left.

Napatadyak ako sa inis. Hindi na ako makabalik sa pagtulog kaya bumangon na lang ako.

"G-Good m-morning, ma'am V-Vlance!" the maids nervously greeted me.

"Hindi ba't ilang ulit ko nang sinabi sa inyo na 'wag niyong pakikialaman ang mga gamit ko?" I roared.

"M-Ma'am, p-pasensya p-po. S-Si Sir Vlad po kasi, inutusan n'ya kaming linisin itong silid mo," one of them apologetically explained with her stuttering mouth.

"Hindi ko tuloy mahanap ang gamit ko dahil inayos niyo!" I was looking for my hoverboard.

"Ma'am, hindi po ba mas madaling maghanap kapag maayos ang gamit?" Natigil ako sa paghalughog nang sumagot ang impertinenteng katulong.

I scowled at them. "Lumabas na kayo," I just said with a frown in my face.

I am much comfortable with my stuff unfixed. I hate orderliness. I perceive it as fear. Perfect people are weak and coward, they are afraid of adventures, chaos, instability. They don't know how to have fun. They don't see the whole dimension of the world and life. That is why people see me as a psychopath monster, but I don't give a damn.

"O-Opo. Ha-Handa na po ang breakfast," nauutal na sabi nila at agad nag-unahang lumabas na halos kulang na lang ay kumaripas sila na parang nakakita sila ng halimaw. Well, I guess, they just did.

I went to my walk-in closet. Ang kaaayos lang na closet ko ay mabilis na nagulo. I don't get why girls are good at maintaning their stuffs so organized, samantalang ako ay hindi ko magawang panatilihing maayos ang gamit ko, kahit sa loob lang ng isang oras.

"Urgh!" I grunts out, almost giving up when I can't find my favorite shirt collections—the Beatles. Most of my shirts are from that famous 1960's band.

I guess, they are now at the laundry so I went to the laundry hamper and I was right. Nasa labahan na ang lahat ng shirt ko so I pick one and smelled it. "Pwede pa 'to," I said, and then I wore the still unwashed shirt.

I picked the tattered 3/4 pants that was scattered on the floor which I had worn yesterday. I'm gonna wear it again today.

I went to my sneaker's room storage and choose the Givenchy white and black elestic urban sneaker and wore it. I don't collect heel shoes or any girls' stuff ever since I was a kid, but I'm definitely not a lesbian. I'm just not into girl stuffs. I'm not comfortable wearing such.

I took my black Champrau d' Amour cap which was hangging at the wall, and the I wore it on my head.

"Good morning, Ace and Dian!" binati ko ang mag-asawang white Tree Frogs na alaga ko.

I took them out from their glassed box house. I pet them and talk with them for a moment.

There were four car keys which was hanging at the keysholder. Those were my sports cars. Lamborghini Veneno, Aston Martin Valkyrie, Bugatti Chiron and my Chevrollet Corvette, wherein I crashed it on a huge electrict post at the road last week when I got involved with an illegal drag racing.

I picked the Bugatti keys, get my backpack, and then hanged the strap of my limited edition Fender guitar at my back. I noticed my Iphone that was already smashed on the floor. I just shruged. I have an extra phone at my car anyways.

Since I have nothing to do for today, I'll juts go to school and mess around with those stupid richkid students and dodgy professors.

Beeeeeep!

I forcefully hit the breaks and hardly honked the horn. I grunted out, feeling pissed off.

Those clown witches! Ang sarap nilang sagasaan.

I lowered the glass window. "This is a driveway, and witches are now allowed to roam around here," I said frankly in a mocking tone.

I hovered my car, and then found a spot to park.

The six witches followed me, wearing their most extravagant OOTDs. From their caked makeups, branded accesories, chicky perfumes. shinning, shimmering, but not splendid.

"Aba!" bakas sa tuno ng boses nila ang inis.

"Psychopath b***h! How dare you call us witches—"

I cut off her words. "I'd much appreciate if you just shut your badbreathed mouth. You're just adding too much airpolution to the environment."

They all together gasped in shock. "Ang bastos mo talaga!" One of them exclaimed in too much indignation.

"Hindi kayo nagkakamali, bastos talaga ako," I said, proudly.

Sarkastikong humalakhak ang isa sa kanila at hindi maipagkakaila ang tindi ng inis at galit na bumabalot sa sistema niya.

"Hindi mo ba kami nakikilala?" she asked with her arms crossed.

"Is there such a law that stipulates everyone must know you? Is it a crime if a person doesn't know you? Well, I'd rather be imprisoned, if so."

I know these witches very well, but I just don't like pleasing people. I'm a very straighforward person, which is why they perceived it as rude. Well, yes, I am.

These kikay witches was known as the country's teen socialites. Everybody knows them because they were always appear on Magazines, Fashion Shows, Broadway, Theaterical Events, Red Carpet, Ball, Gala, TV Shows, Social Media, and a lot more. They also belong from the class of Elite's.

"We are the famous Barbies—B-A-R-B-I-E!" The chikly posed and introduced themselves, one by one at me.

"B for Bambie."

"A fo Arah."

"R for Rhea."

"Another B for Bethrise."

"I for Ivy."

"E for Eiliana."

"Mag-ingat ka sa pananalita mo, dahil sa taglay naming impluwensya sa publiko, madali nila kaming pinaniniwalaan sa kahit na anong sinasabi namin," Bambie said.

"Woah! I'm scared." I answered, sarcastically.

"Bawin mo ang sinabi mo! Hindi mabaho ang hininga ko!" Bambie cried.

"Bakit ko babawiin? Totoo naman. Hindi ba sinasabi sa 'yo ng mga kaibigan mo?"

I look at her friends, but they quickly avoided their gazed at me. Obviously, they looks ashame to tell the thruth.

"Psychopath!" Bambie exclaimed with too much indignation.

She's going to slap me. I just waited for her palm to land on my face without even blinking. It's just a slap, it won't kill me.

Out of a sudden, she stops. Her face turned red, her eye slowly winden, and her lips parted, forming big circle. She gasped.

"Aaaagh! W-What's t-that?" She screamed in horror with a stuttering mouth as she was pointing at my shoulder.

I turned my head looking to where she was pointing.

"Frooooog!" They all together scream in horror.

"Ace! I didn't notice you come with me," I took him and showed him to the witches.

"This is Ace," I introduced him to them.

"Come, kiss him. He's looking for his true love's kiss." Inilapit ko si Ace sa kanila pero bigla silang nagsigawan at kumaripas ng takbo palayo.

I started laughing. Those witches!

I put him back to my shoulder, took my wireless over-ear headphones, hang it on my neck, and picked my drumsticks.

I started walking and my eyes emmidiately caught my six precious special children— The Six Morons. Just like the Barbie witches, they also came from the elite class and they were at the same age as mine. Girls call them The Heartbreakers. What the hell is that kid of a name? losers!

"Woah! Guys, the psycho monster is here," I heard Liam called his friends.

"Hey, devil Vlance!" Kyle came closer and was about to put his arm on my shoulders when she suddenly notice Ace on my shoulder.

He steps back away from me.

"What the? Is that a frog?"

"Baka kabayo," sarkastikong sagot ko.

"Hindi ba obvious?" dagdag ko.

He grimaced in disgust. "You're crazy!" Kyle said.

"Yeah, I know, I'm a psychopath," I answered, proudly in a sarcastic tone.

They just shook their heads.

"Bakit? May problema ba, Mr. Baldado?" I added.

The other idiots chortled foolishly.

"Tarantado ka! Balvido! Hindi Baldado! Demonyo ka talagang babae ka! Ano bang kasalanan ng apelido ko sa 'yo?" pikon na bulaslas ni kyle.

My eyes caught the guitar he was holding. It was the latest limited edition guitar. I was supposed to be the endorser of that guitar's brand, but the company has to terminate my contract because I violated some aggreements. They had warmed me morethan enough, but I can't get myself out of controversies.

They notice my eyes were afix to it. "Poor little evil. Pasensya na pero kami na ang bagong endorser nito!"

These six morons are also famous rock band which was known as The Heartstrings. They were luckily chosen to be the next endorser after me.

"No need." I paused.

"I'm sure, sooner or later, the company will ask for my comeback. I heard your newly released song album flops big time."

"Demonyo ka talaga!" Jaden exclaimed.

Ang kamao ni Kyle ay papunta na sa mukha ko pero hindi ako kumurap at walang takot na inabangan ang pagbagsak nito sa mukha ko pero pinigilan niya ang sarili.

"Pasalamat ka, hindi kami pumapatol sa babae."

"Dude, Ituloy mo na. Hindi naman 'yan babae!" Inis na tugon ni Liam.

"You're using my femininity as an excuse. You're scared aren't you?" I grinned.

"Guys, pigilan niyo ako. Makakasapak na talaga ako ng demonyo," sabi ni Jaf.

"Hayaan na nga natin s'ya. Let us not waste our time with this psychopath!" sabi ni Jaden

Bata palang kami, madalas ko na silang pinag-ti-tripan, at hindi ko makakalimutan ang unang araw kung kailang ko sila binigyan ng matindin bangungot na baon-baon pa rin nila hanggang ngayon.

Napangisi ako habang sinusundan ko sila ng tingin playo. Loser cowards!

It was at my brother's twelve birthday. I was seven at that time. The kids were having fun watching the two clown's magic tricks.

I was busy playing my Portable Play Station while sitting at the floor below the table where the gifts was placed.

Since childhood, other kids don't like to mingle with me because they see me as the weird kid who always mess around. There is not a day that I can't make a disaster. People use to call me the real life version of Dennis the menace.

"Kids, alam n'yo ba kung anong uri ng hayop 'to?" tanong nang clown habang ipinapakita n'ya ang isang litrato ng isang kuneho.

"Ang makakasago ay makakakuha ng brand new toys na bigay mismo ng birthday celebrant."

"That's bugs bunny!" Tyron said. Stupid kid, I said at the back of my mind. Natigil ako sa paglalaro at humagikgik ako sa katatawanan na dulot ng katangahan ni Tyron.

"Stupid! That's a rabbit!" I corrected him in an offensive manner.

"Bata, halika dito. 'wag ka diyan sa ilalim. Gusto mo bang sumali? Ano'ng pangalan mo?" I was still fixed playing the PSP.

"Mind your own business! You, fool!" I said rudely.

"Ang bastos nitong batang to, huh," I heard the clown whispered to the other clown.

"Hayaan na lang natin ang batang yan, anak siya ni Don Victor," bulong din nang isa.

"Bata, ito ang premyo mo." Inabot ng clown sa akin isang pouch na puno ng candies at malilit na laruan.

"Are you kidding me? These are all trash!"

"Pare, ang maldita naman ng batang 'to! Sana 'di ko na lang nilapitan." bulong ng clown sa kasama habang kinakamot niya ang ang ulo.

Nagpatuloy na ang mga clowns sa ginawaga nila at hinayaan na lamang nila ako sa ilalim ng lamesa.

"How about this?" Muling naghulma ang mga clowns ng isang hugis Tasmanian Devil na hayop at ipinakita sa mga bata.

"Ang makakasagot ay ibibigay namin sa kanya ang lahat ng mga lobo na nahulma namin bilang premyo."

"Taz! That's Taz!" The idiot Jaf was referring to the animated character—Taz-Mania.

I laugh once more. "Idiot! That's a Tasmanian Devil, from Australia." I said intelligently.

"Kids, the food is served! Come on, let us sing a birthday song for Vladimir!" the emcee announced.

Nagsamasama ang anim na magkakaibigang batang lalake at sinugod nila ako. Hinablot nila ang PSP na hawak ko at ibinagsak sa sahig at nawasak 'yon.

The morons laugh. "Iiyak na 'yan," Liam said teasing.

As if I care, hindi ako tulad ng ibang batang babae na napapaiyak. I never cried since I was a kid.

I laugh with them, instead. At doon na sila natigil sa pagtawa pero hindi pa rin ako maawat. Sumimangot sila at namalayan ko na lang na bumagsak na ako sa sahig.

Meet the six idiots.

Liam Harlington, the drummer.

Kyle Balvido, the guitarist.

Jasper Avelarde Fuentes, popularly known as JAF, the band's bassist.

Tyron Javier, the band's song writer or composer. He's incharge of the band's musical effects, he's a musical genius.

Russel Clemente, the second vocalist and keyboard player.

Jaden Imperial, the lead vocalist. He's family was my unwanted family's very close family friend.

Tumayo ako at hinamon nila akong muli. "Ano? Lumaban ka!" I grinned at them.

"You want this? I give you." I said before turning my back and walk away. Let the game begin.

I went straight to my room and prepared all my toys.

"Gun? Check."

"Ropes? Check."

"Police car? Check."

"Skateboard? Check."

"Helicopter? Check."

I wore my comoflauge sando shirt, pants, and boots. I tied my soldier banda on my forehead, and put two lines on my right chick using a black ink. I look like a badass soldier kid.

"Let the battle begin." I grinned.

I look for the six morons and I found them playing at the swimming pool. I hide and operated my helicopter and it flew going to their direction.

"Helicopter!"

They followed the flying toy as they try to catch it. Little did they knew, they were about to fall at the deep cold swimming pool.

"Aaargh!" They all screamed the moment they realised their fall.

Malakas akong napahalak at doon nila ako napansin.

"You!" Nagmadali silang umahon at hinabol nila ako.

Nakarating kami sa may kusina at nabigla ang mga chef na abala sa pagluluto nang magtakbuhan kami dahilan para matapon ang kaluluto lang na mga pagkain at nabasag din ang ilang mga baso at pingan. Here I go again—Disaster.

Nakarating ako sa second floor at mabilis kong inihanda ang susunod na patibong—the push pins.

"Aaaaargh!" Nagsigawan sila nang matapakan nila ang mga 'yon.

Pasalamat sila dahil may soot silang sapatos, kaya hindi sila masadong nasaktan.

Walang kaalam-alam ang ibang mga bisita dahil nasa garden sila, doon nagaganap ang party.

I am enjoying the game. Muli nila akong hinabol, tawa pa rin ako ng tawa. Nakarating ako sa hallway patungo sa under renovation na balkonahe at wala pa itong railings.

Nahinto ako nang maharang ako ni Russel at JAF, nakaabang na pala sila doon. Tumakbo ako pabalik pero naharang na ako ng apat na humahabol sa akin, sina Liam, Kyle, Jasper, At Jaden.

They all laugh in victory when they cornered me. "Wala ka nang kawala!"

I answered them with my evil smile. Kinapa ko ang pellet gun na nakasabit sa pants ko at itinapat sa kanila iyon. Napaatras sila.

"Run!" I half yelled and they run.

Kinalabit ko ang laruan ko at tuma sa balat nila ang mga pellets na bala. Nagsigawan sila sa sobrang hapdi ng pagtama ng bala sa balat nila. Their skin starts producing small bleeds.

Nakarating kami sa balkonahe. Hindi nila namalayan ang skatebored ko at natapakan nila ang mga marble toy stones at skatebord dahilan para mawalan sila ng balanse at dumausdos palabas may garden kung saan nagaganap ang party.

I did it on purpose. Alam ko naman na hindi nila ikamamatay ang mahulog dahil nakalagay ang malaking trampoline doon pero hindi ko alam na tinangal 'yon dahil inilagay nila doon ang mga handa at ang malaking cake at doon sila bumagsag sa malaking cake at na wasak ang buong handa.

"Mommy!" The morrons cried.

All the guest gasped in shock.

I drove my police car at the garden at bumaba sa sasakyan. When I got there, recited the miranda rights habang ginagapos ko sa kanila ang handcuff na laruan ko.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law—"

"Vlaaaaance!" dad yelled, furriously.

Tumakbo palapit sa amin ang mga magulang ng kawawang mga bata.

"Oh, God, my son!" Nag-aalalang kinuha sila ng mga magulang nila paalis sa nasirang mga handa.

I was grouded for five months, but it didn't worked because I was able to flawlessly sneak out.

The six idiots was hospitalized for weeks. I heard, they got bone fractures. My parents apologized to their families. My bad.

When I was a kid, all the children used to call me a psycho monster. Satan's child. Well, I use to tell them I'll soon introduce them to my dad, Satan. The scared kids would cry, scream and run away from me. Takot na takot ang mga kapwa bata ko sa akin noon. And I am loving it.