Loves Me Not?

Prologue

They sat there silent for a while with their feet in the river. She was a little cold now but she liked the way the water tickled her toes. It was moments like these, when she regretted not having learned to swim years ago as she should. If she had, she would have brought her swimsuit and…Oh, who was she kidding? Even if she knew how to swim she would not dare to do it in front of him. Surprisingly, she was still incredibly shy around the man after all these years and she was afraid his judgment of her body, despite the fact that she had gained much confidence on the matter since she knew him and he was no longer his perfect self anyway.

Mental note; take swimming lessons when she got back.

She could even get Aiden to join with a little sweet talking him into it. Strange thing; he did not know how to swim either. Some pair they were!

She had made progress over the years but she could feel her core had not changed all that much. She would not take a risk if she did not know the outcome would be in her favor. Some would say it was not a risk at all if in reality you played it safe. Well, screw them. She could twist the words the way she liked. If she had any real talent, besides sketching, it was precisely that. It was not like she was generally dishonest but certain things she had difficulty facing. Usually, it was the things she was more aware of, like his thumb making circles on hers. She was sure it was an unconscious move and she decided not to point it out to him. Actually, she avoided even glancing at their joined hands but she welcomed the warmth his touch offered. His first real, conscious, touch, she thought.

Almost everything between them since they had met again was a first. It was slightly awkward but she liked it at this moment. She would not admit this to him of course. Or she would, if by chance she felt brave enough.

He, on the other hand was stealing glances of her profile. She seemed deep in thought and was squeezing his hand every now and then without even realizing it. For some reason it made him want to smile. Earlier, he had been an i***t and took his frustration out on her, when she was nothing but kind to him.

Perhaps, that was that bothered him. All these years, he had completely forgot about her. He had other matters, far more important to tend to. So, yesterday night, when she came strolling gracefully in his life, smiling and being relaxed and sweet to him, it irked him to no end. He could not tell why, so for the time being he would blame it to his strained relationship with Iris. The pregnancy had altered her personality completely and they fought every second day. Truthfully, she was the one who started it more often than not and he would try to keep his temper in check. The closer she was to her labor the more difficult she became and he had stopped being a patient man very early on in his life. He needed an outlet and the woman next to him, unsuspectedly, provided just that.

Come to think about it, unfortunately for her, she was always his outlet. Back then he needed a plaything; now he needed a punching bag. It seemed, though, that she had grown a backbone and while she had been the first all these years back she refused to be the latter now. Her calling him on his s**t had brought him to his senses and while he knew he was too arrogant to actually apologize to her for his behavior, he felt sincerely regretful.

He observed her closely. She had not changed all that much, that’s why he had recognized her immediately when his sisters made him greet her. Her nose was as prominent as ever but he did not find it funny anymore. Nothing seemed too funny anymore and yet he caught himself wondering how it would feel like teasing her again. Would it create the same effect on him? Would it draw the same reaction from her?

He watched her shiver slightly. She must be cold. It was late spring and the day was sunny and warm, but they were surrounded by trees that provided shelter from the sun and their feet were in the water. Of course she was cold and damn she had dressed too lightly for the season. He had a jacket but it was back in the truck and selfish as it was, he did not want to get up right now. He shuffled a little closer and contemplated releasing her hand to hug her shoulders but that would be a little too bold of him.

He knew things had changed for both of them. They were no longer children; they had moved on with their lives. She seemed to know her limits and he should follow her example and not overstep his boundaries. So, he tried not to think how small and soft her hand felt in his. It did not matter. Not at all.

Fuck, he needed a cigarette.

He took the packet out from his pocket with his free hand and held it for a few moments.

“Is it okay if I smoke?” he broke the silence.

She turned her face to him and smiled nodding. He smiled back.