THE PEACEFUL CAROL

2. THE UNSPOKEN TRUTH

SARAH

"You can go and freshen up. We will set everything in the kitchen," said Alena, touching my cheek. I nodded and nearly ran to my room.

The house felt colder than it had in years. I sat in my bed and turned on the light from the small lamp, casting a soft, yellow glow over the space. I stared blankly at the glowing screen of my phone, but the events of the night—Matthew's sweet victory, his girlfriend's sudden arrival, his hug and warm kiss on my cheek—kept playing over and over in my head. The room's silence only amplified my thoughts, echoing the emptiness I felt inside.

I jumped when I heard the soft knock on my door.

"Sweetheart?" It was my mom's voice. "Can we talk?"

I didn't need to be asked twice. I opened the door, and my mom stepped inside. Her face was soft but worried. She looked down at me when I tried to dry a few tears that I couldn't notice were falling down my cheek.

"How are you doing, honey?" my mom asked, sitting beside me.

"I'm fine. Just tired." She let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair.

"I know you, Sarah. You're not just 'tired.' What happened at the rink? What's going on with you and Matthew?"

I felt a lump rise in my throat. I couldn't hide it any longer. "I don't know, Mom... I feel... I feel like I've lost him. But I never had him, did I?"

My mom's brow furrowed in concern. "What do you mean? You've been his friend forever. But you're always there for him. He knows how much you care about him, Sarah. Why would you think you lost him?"

"It's complicated," I whispered, my voice was shaky. "He has a girlfriend now. I'm just a friend. The one who cheers him on, who supports him from the sidelines."

My mom took a moment, then gently placed her hand on mine.

"And you don't want that anymore, do you? You want more, don't you?"

I didn't answer right away. The words were lodged in my chest like a stone. I nodded slowly.

"I do. I want to be the one he holds when he's happy. The one he turns to when everything gets too much. But I'm not that person for him. I never will be."

My mom studied me with a mixture of love and concern.

"I don't want to see you hurt, honey. I want you to be happy. But you can't just keep this inside. If you love him, you need to tell him. You owe it to yourself. If that doesn't end as expected, you must move on and find someone else to love. Someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved. You are still so young. You have a world with many things to do, see, and go."

My heart ached at the thought. I shook my head.

"I can't, Mom. I haven't because I fear that this feeling in my heart will destroy our friendship. Besides, it's always been about the Olympics, about his dream. And I've always been here—just Sarah. His friend. And I'm okay with only being that for him."

My mom gave me a soft smile, squeezing my hand. "I know. But sweetheart, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You deserve more. Maybe Matthew does, too, but you need to move on if he doesn't see you how you want him to."

I sat silently for a long moment, the words weighing heavily on my chest. I already loved one person—Matthew. And no matter how hard I tried to shake it, it was the only truth I had ever known.

My mom sighed, her voice quieter now. "I know it's hard. But sometimes, we must let go of something we can't change to make room for something better. Don't shut yourself off from the world because of him. The advice comes from a person who, for years, thought that no one would ever love her. And look at me. I found a family, the love of my life, and you. Things don't work as we want sometimes, but it's what we need to prepare to value the new opportunities we can get."

I lifted my head and looked at her, trying to smile. "I promise I'll try, Mom. But I don't think I can ever stop loving him. Even if I were reborn a hundred times, I'd still love him. It's just who I am."

My mom looked at me for a moment, her expression softening. "I know, sweetie. I know. But you have to try to be open to other possibilities."

She kissed my forehead and stood up. "I'll leave you alone for now. But remember, I'm here if you need me."

As she left the room, I flopped back onto my bed, staring at the ceiling. My mind raced with thoughts of Matthew. The way his arms felt around me and how he looked at me after his performance. Was there any chance he could ever feel the same way?

A soft meow broke my trance.

I turned to see my cat, Luli, sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at me intently. Luli had always been a comfort, her soft, dark fur and large, wise eyes offering me silent, constant support. But tonight, something felt different. Luli's gaze seemed almost to know what was going on with me.

"You know, Luli," I said softly, stroking her fur. "I don't even know how to stop loving someone. I don't think I can. I don't think I ever will. Not when it's Matthew."

Luli meowed again, this time louder, almost like an answer. I smiled faintly, my heart lightening just a little bit at the sound. "I don't know how either, but I'm not sure I want to stop."

She meowed again, hopping onto my lap and curling up. As I gently cradled her, I could feel the weight of my own emotions. I couldn't help but wonder if Luli maybe understood me better than anyone else.

After an hour, I decided to put on my Christmas Pajamas. It was our tradition every December 3rd to put the Christmas tree in the house; we will celebrate that year, as I mentioned before; this year, it's my house. We drink hot chocolate and decorate one ornament with a wish or manifestation for next year.

I was writing something while Luli was on my lap. Suddenly, Luli jumped from my lap, her tail flicking as she sprinted across the room, darting toward the door.

"Hey, where are you going?" I asked, chuckling. But Luli only stopped at the door, her small body wiggling excitedly. She meowed again—louder, more urgently this time.

Curious and slightly confused, I stood up and walked to the door. I turned the handle and opened it, expecting to find nothing but silence on the other side. But instead, my heart skipped a beat.

Matthew stood there, wearing Christmas-themed pajamas—a soft red flannel with white snowflakes scattered across it. His hair was messier than usual, damp from the cold night air, but his smile—his smile—was everything.

"Hey, Sarah," he said softly, looking almost shy. "I didn't want to go out tonight. I wouldn't miss our family reunion, and maybe we could start decorating the tree together?"

I blinked in shock. "What? Why? I thought you'd be celebrating your win with your friends."

Matthew shifted awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I mean, I was. But... I wanted to spend some time with you, too. Is that okay?"

My heart thudded loudly, my thoughts swirling with confusion and hope. But now wasn't the time for uncertainty. Now was the time to know.

"Matthew..." I began, my voice steady despite the whirlwind inside me. "What do I mean to you?"

Matthew froze momentarily, his expression serious as he looked into my eyes. The warmth in his gaze made my heart race even faster, but his next words sent a pang of pain through me.

"Sarah," he said quietly, "you're like a little sister to me. I always have been. Always will be."

And in that moment, my world tilted. The ground beneath my feet felt unsteady as the weight of his words settled in. I had never been more than that. I had always been a friend—his little sister.

Matthew smiled, oblivious to the sudden pain in my body, especially in my heart.

"I'm really glad you're here," he added, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him. "Let's make this Christmas memorable, okay?"

But all I could hear was the echo of those words—'little sister'—as they reverberated through my mind.

And for the first time, I wondered if I could ever stop loving him... if I could ever let go of the dream I had held so tightly for so long. But after this, despite the heartache, change is necessary. I will begin by creating some distance between us and prioritizing myself.

....

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