Sioggard - The Moon Flower Luna

2.

It was far worse than anything she had ever remembered, worse than anything could ever imagine, worse than what she could bear.

The pain became alive, voracious, cruel, consumed her breath while trapped in her own head Isadore could only scream in despair crying tears of blood.

She wanted to give up, embrace oblivion and abandon herself to unconsciousness to escape the torture that was consuming her body and soul, but the pain kept her awake instead.

It continued to change, growing, expanding, penetrating like evil darkness into her heart to envelop it in a red-hot head of pain and struggles.

It was draining her of every breath of life that was left inside her and Isadore screamed again, begging to give in to death because she could no longer bear that torture, was neither strong nor brave enough to continue living.

She wanted to surrender, bow to the cruel fate, yield to the curse she was given but despite the fact that she could no longer almost breathe the choice was denied her once again and then suddenly the pain changed once again.

It became a living fire on her skin, blackening her soul and any coherent thought just disappeared from her mind.

There was no room for anything else as the fire grew in intensity embracing her in its red-hot coils, making her reach new heights of uncontrollable suffering.

And it continued to grow and became hotter and hotter, minutes, hours, days, Isadore lost track of time, prisoner in its cruel jaws.

She screamed, begged, cried all her despair but the fire didn't leave her.

It was consuming her soul, bit by bit, raging cruelly on her glowing skin and continued to keep her awake and agonizing to beg for the end of it to come.

Death or absolution did not matter to her, she just wanted the torture to stop because she had not even an ounce of strength left to fight the pain, but then when she thought she could no longer hold up, the fire went out.

It slipped off her, leaving room for the cold that tore apart what the fire had not yet scourged like a thousand sharp needles tearing the collapsed wall of her defenses.

It penetrated her, freezing the blood in her veins, more and more and more until it exploded like fireworks in her now defenseless body.

And again the pain intensified, Isadore felt it on her skin, in her head, in her heart, right down to the depths of her being and it hadn't finished torturing her because, in spite of herself, Isadore was still breathing.

And she continued to breathe slowly, inhaling and exhaling until the chill penetrated her chest and stabbed her heart and the pain that exploded back into her, reached unstoppable peaks as the ice mingled with the fire that start consuming her once again.

Isadore begged the flames to free her, crying salty tears, tried to run away, but suddenly she felt sucked.

The flames returned to envelop her, burning her boldly and the light disappeared before her eyes.

Frightened as never ever in her whole life, Isadore cried out to invoke the absolution, but no one was listening to her.

Life was leaving her and at that very moment, while trying not to succumb to the darkness, another sudden flash blinded her eyes and took away her sight.

Isadore screamed again trying to escape, breathing convulsively but that light was chasing her relentlessly and it had almost reached her.

It wanted to steal her soul and deprive her of her defenses.

She begged to be left alone and kept fighting hard to deny it but the light was stronger than her. It wrapped her in its red-hot embrace with a thunderous roar that rang in her heart and tore her from the ground, throwing her into a swirl of thick, suffocating air that grew thinner with each breath.

It was carrying her to the sky, throwing her like a rag doll as it sucked her life out.

She felt so weak and couldn't fight anymore.

Isadore closed her eyes, moaning weakly.

She wanted to surrender, wanted to disappear, to burn in the incandescent fire that consumed her.

She was so hot and tired but the pain kept burning intensely in her mind and it hurt her, it hurt so much she wanted to cry but she had no more tears left, the flames had burned even her eyes.

She could only make out vague shadows in her surroundings calling out to her.

They were loud and their shrill voices crashed against the wall of fire crackling like sparks in the very thick air.

Isadore was almost out of breath, yet the fire kept burning her alive again, tormenting her.

She couldn't fight it, didn't want to strain anymore, was so hot and she was tired.

She was really too tired.

The fire, however, continued to rise in her chest, returning to undermine her.

Isadore felt desperate, felt her breathing get heavy and her head throbbing painfully. Oblivion was calling her but she struggled to resist while the flames took her breath away. They kept pushing her towards the bank of the dark river that stretched before her but Isadore didn't want to go, not yet.

She shook her head, thinking at uncle Viktor, thinking at Aileen, struggling weakly to get up, but her strength was failing her.

Isadore felt weak, fragile, she could no longer breathe.

The fire consumed her relentlessly making her fall into dark and deep edges from which she could not emerge.

The ferocious flames oppressed her, choking her, took her breath away and sucked her soul out.

They wrapped her painfully, clouding her thoughts, taking away her lucidity.

She no longer heard the sounds nor seen the colors, everything was wrapped in a reddish spiral of fire when suddenly everything died in the infinite brackish-tasting river that appeared before her, invoked by her hope.

Safety thought Isadore heartily.

But the fire did not want to give up either. The flames consumed her again, burning in her chest like glowing embers, tearing her away from the protective embrace of the water.

Isadore fought not to give up but the fire won once again, penetrating her subconscious, taking away the last ounce of strength she had left.

It burned her intensely blackening her heart and mind, leaving her empty to float in the dark for a time that seemed infinite.

Then again as suddenly as it had come it disappeared from her, leaving her trembling and weak listening to the faint heartbeat in her chest.

The flames had stopped burning, she could breathe again.

Isadore felt weak and empty but returned to perceive the sounds and colors and the intense scent of lavender that tickled her sense of smell.

Yet when she tried to open her eyes she found she could not do so, the weakness that had enveloped her was just too strong and she had no strength left to fight it.

Her whole body was still trembling struggling to not give in but the darkness was calling up to her.

Isadore could no longer bear to ignore the urge to embrace it, with a last sigh she just put her mind at ease and let the dark night null her weak consciousness, making her fall asleep.

A faint light and a familiar presence awakened her just a few hours later.

The return to consciousness was slow and gradual, but when she opened her eyes she immediately recognized the room that housed her.

Isadore had spent many sleepless nights within those walls, gazing at the high ceilings, inhaling the intense fragrance of lavender that impregnated the walls, longing for her freedom.

With each eclipse she found herself lying on her four-poster bed struggling to stay alive and keep her breath until the next moonset.

She was still alive, thought Isadore while looking around her room, but really did not know for how much longer.

This time, the pain had been much worse than ever, worse than it had ever been in the past, and despite herself Isadore remembered with vivid intensity every moment of the atrocious suffering that had afflicted her. The torment that still held her prisoner even though she was now breathing again and had regained control of her subconscious.

It was still hurting a lot, the herbs that Aileen probably forced her to swallow had numbed her, inhibiting her senses but the pain was stronger than the poison.

With her body throbbing incandescent, Isadore turned her gaze to the window to stare at the sky outside that on that dark morning seemed to her alone, sad and dry like her own heart.

Autumn was now almost over, taking away the hope she had jealously guarded of finally being free from her cursed fate.

The trees began to shed their colorful robes, the sky was tinged with red towards the horizon and a lone sparrow was preparing to take flight towards new directions, while she could only watch and bear the agonizing wait in silence.

Nothing had really changed, Isadore thought sadly, year after year time continued to pass with an exasperating slowness.

Winter would soon come, in the blink of an eye another nine months had already passed and she was still there, continually waiting patiently.

She was tired and this time was also losing hope because never before had the pain been so stifling.

The memory of its incandescent grip haunted her even now that her heart had stopped beating in agony.

The next eclipse would be fatal to her.

Isadore was sadly aware of this because she knew she would never be able to endure that exhausting agony again, she wasn't strong enough.

With a desolate sigh she looked away from the vast sky and closed her eyes, ignoring an annoying pang of pain.

It would eventually subside not that it would be of much use to her she said to herself resigned.

The time.

She had thought that perhaps time would come to her aid but was mistaken.

Time had passed inexorably, slow and tiring, the hours had dragged on inexorably, turning into days, days into weeks and weeks into months.

Isadore had counted its flow with relentless hope until she had reopened her eyes on that cold autumn night and her hope had died in vain, leaving her in torment.

She was really tired Isadore thought again with a sigh, also tired of continuing to not give up the life, she had fought hard to stay alive, enduring in silence, waiting to wake up. Driven by her will, that damned instinct that kept her alive and continued to torment her with raw intensity.

She was tired and just wanted to close her eyes and go back to embracing unconsciousness in search of a quiet refuge to ignore the life that had ignored her.

But that damned instinct, her strong will, was strenuously pushing her in the opposite direction, denying the pitch darkness, to continue to breathe instead.

It was just that damned instinct that kept her alive, because Isadore really saw no other reason to face the cruel fate at the sunrise every morning.

Isadore felt sorry for Uncle Viktor and felt guilty knowing how much time Aileen had wasted while trying to cure her.

And yet if she thought about the future she saw just more pain and disillusioned hopes and while being bedridden waiting to regain control of her strength Isadore thought and thought about it for a long time.

If only she could just let go of uncle Viktor Isadore said to herself with a sigh, as her thoughts invariably centered on him and she hated to feel sorry for him and make him worry because Uncle Viktor was the last person she had left in the world.

He was her whole family, the only one she had ever had, and he had sacrificed his freedom to take care of her and raise her with all the comforts when Isadore was orphaned.

She had always loved him very much, even before her parents died, and it was only for him that over the years had made an effort to pretend that she didn't care that she was so different, even tough over time it had become so tiring to keep that pretense.

"You're awake .." Aileen's provident arrival took her away from her dark musings and Isadore turned to face her, relieved, remembering too late the pain that still held her prisoner.

Yet she was happy to see the woman.

"Easy." catching her grimace, Aileen put down the tray she was carrying and then came to support her, helping her find a more comfortable position.

"I'm sorry .." Isadore apologized, dejected.

"Mhh ..?" the woman asked distracted.

"You know." Isadore answered sighing.

Over the years, asking her for forgiveness had become an annoying habit because at each eclipse it was Aileen who supported and healed her, feeding her with her herbs and every time she managed to bring her back, tearing her from death on the edge of the no return point.

"Here, it's a serum of agave and meliliti, it will help you recover."

"Why?" Isadore wanted to know, ignoring the cup that Aileen was giving her with a distant look and an apparently neutral expression that did not deceive her even for a moment. "What are you afraid to tell me?" She asked because she had known Aileen for more than ten years and knew that something was bothering her.

Aileen, not that many knew it because the woman lived in solitude at least as much as she did, even if hers was not as forced, rarely let her emotions out.

"It's nothing." Aileen insisted however, looking away, but returned to pin her eyes on her with diligent urgency at her answer.

"I'm dying?"

"What are you saying.."

"I know it Aileen.." Isadore interrupted her with a sad sigh. "You told him right?" she added knowingly seeing the woman's gaze darken.

"You need to rest .."

"I need answers."

"Isadore .."

"No." she denied, sighing wearily. "I'm not afraid." she added with a sad smile, she was indeed quite relieved despite the hope screaming desperately in her heart. Hope, however, could do nothing and not even her damned self-preservation instinct could help her because it no longer depended on her will. It would be her heart that would betray her, it was too weak and would no longer be able to withstand another eclipse. "You have to tell him when I'm gone, uncle Viktor .."

“Stop it!” The woman's cry surprised her so much that she fell silent and watched the ceramic cup shatter on the ground, bumped involuntarily by Aileen.

"You are different today." Isadore observed darkly, breaking the tense silence when the woman bent down to pick up the pieces. Aileen did not bother to answer her, she finished wiping the floors, took the tray she had brought with her and then walked out of the room without a word of farewell, making Isadore sigh heavily.

She felt very sorry for Aileen, had always felt sorry because fate had not been more generous with Aileen than it had been to herself. And the woman didn't deserve it, she was a kind and lonely soul who just needed a little bit of kindness.

If anytime she had been grateful to her cruel fate it was because it had brought the woman and Uncle Viktor on her way, thought Isadore as she remembered their first encounter.

It had happened during her first eclipse more than ten years ago, the day she discovered her damn curse.

Uncle Viktor had taken her to every doctor he could find in the reign but no one had been able to help her and ended giving up even before trying because the ailment that afflicted her was incurable.

But uncle Viktor refused to give up as well, he had resorted to every therapist and healer he'd managed to dig up until he had nothing left but to turn to Aileen.

Half Lycan, half human, the woman had been the mate of a warrior of the royal guard and at his death she had withdrawn into the woods away from prejudices and the suspicion that she had never been spared.

Rejected by both of her families for being different, Aileen had chosen solitude, retreating into the shadows on the margins of society surviving thanks to her knowledge of herbs.

And even if her remedies had never been able to heal Isadore but only to postpone her inevitable fate, in Aileen Isadore had found a confidant and over the time she had grown very fond of the woman.

She was sorry to see her so uneasy and would have liked to be able to ask her the reason because couldn't really get it.

Aileen had never given her false hopes, she had never made her promises, nor had she ever deluded her, Aileen had been the first to be honest about her condition.

Isadore had been grateful to her for that because Aileen was the only person in the world before whom she had never faked or hid her weakness.

From her Isadore had inherited her love for herbs and Aileen had been more of a mother to her than her real mother had been.

Isadore wished that when she was gone the woman would not go back to hiding in her shell because she still had so much to offer to the world.