Secretly Yours

Blair’s POV It’s Sunday morning and the heavy droplets of rain brings comfort to me, as I hold onto Jenny Han’s masterpiece of a book that is called ‘To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before’. Where the main character, Lara Jean, kept all the love letters for all the boys she loved without sending it to them until her sister, Kitty Covey, made a huge mistake. Well, not really a mistake, it was intentional and it was cruel at the same time. Lara Jean just wanted to write all those letters, because she just wanted to pour all those feelings in a piece of paper. Hoping that it would help her move on from them. A part of me was just like her, the only difference between us were, I only ever love one guy and I don’t write stupid love letters. I just write them in my journal. I have been writing in my journal since 2006 and I was only 9 years old when I realized that I have forbidden feelings towards my best friend, Blake Michaelson. Blake is like one of those hot guys in a movie, who gets every girl that they like. Except for me. He never liked me. In his eyes, I will always be his best friend. The only girl that he could tell his problems with. He couldn’t even tell Niana, the other girl in our group. He trusts our friends, but he couldn’t trust them the ways he trusts me. And, that’s the kind of trust I do not want to break. Not for anyone or anything and not even for my own feelings. My phone rang and Niana’s picture flashed across the screen. I sighed. What in ‘I’m not going going’ does she not understand? She left me 7 missed calls and I put my phone on silent with a sigh. The light of the screen of my phone switched on, showing Blake’s photo. I quickly closed the book, tossing it aside and grabbed my phone. “B,” Blake’s annoyed voice boomed on my speaker. What’s wrong with him? “Where are you?” “At home, B.” I answered his question. Yes, we call each ‘B’. Short for our names, Blake and Blair. “We’re at Kevin’s Burger. We are waiting for you,” He says. “I already told Niana that I’m not going. I have to study for Biochemistry. Midterm is fast approaching.” I said. Even though the book I’m currently holding isn’t related to Professor Nam’s subject.  “Oh. Come on! You already know that no one can beat you. We’re certain that you’ll graduate as Valedictorian. I don’t understand why you have to study when you’re surrounded by morons.” He whines. I could hear Tay and Niana’s voice through the background, complaining. I chuckled. “That’s exactly the reason why I have to study more.” I muttered. I could practically see him rolling his eyes. I chuckled. He was silent for a moment and I suddenly thought he was offended. But it takes a lot of curse for Blake to feel that way. “Come on, B. You said it so yourself, Midterm is fast approaching, followed by Finals and after that will be our graduation. By that time you’ll be splitting up from us, because you’re going to Harvard. While Niana, Tay and I will be taking Clayton University.” He said. I never really wanted to go to Harvard for college, but it was an escape route. Because after graduation, I will finally tell him. Yes, I finally have the balls to say it. I have been holding this back for 10 years already and I’m finally telling him. Regardless of how he’s going to react. I have to tell him. I’ve been holding this back for far too long, without telling anyone. I just kept it to myself and my diary. “Fine. I’ll be there in 5. Mika took my dad’s car, so it will take time to get there.” I said. I slowly climbed out of the bed and grabbed the nearest sweatpants that were hanging on my closet. Kevin’s Burger is 30minutes away from here. “Don’t bother. I’ll pick you up,” He said and hangs up the call. I stared at the screen of my phone, while trying to calm myself and steady my breathing. Why does he have to do it to me all the time? He’s practically making everything harder for me without actually knowing it. I tucked in my oversized shirt inside the sweatpants, grabbed my eye glasses from my study table. I slipped into my slippers and climbed down. When I heard a Car’s horn outside the house, I immediately ran down the stairs and when I opened the main entrance door. Blake was already outside, leaning against his black 1965 FastBack Mustang. When he spotted me he exhaled the smoke and threw the cigarette on my father’s lawn. I glared at him and he only smirked. “Sorry, can’t help it.” He mumbles. He was wearing a white round shirt and dark jeans with a pair of combat boots. He walked over to the side of his door. I climbed inside his car. He switched on the engine of his car and pulled off the parking lot. “I can’t believe that you’ll be going to Harvard while the rest of the group will be in Clayton after graduation.” He says. There was a bit of sadness in his voice that made my heart leap. “I always thought that the four of us will study in the same university,” “I know. Plans were meant to change, you know that.” I said. Glancing at him. His right hand was holding the steering wheel while the other was resting on the window. Both of his arms are covered with tattoos. He got those just to pissed off his dad and he did pissed him off. Which earned his left eye to be swollen and bruised. “Not you. I’ve known you for 12 years already, B. You like to stick up with your plan, that’s why you bother to write it on your stupid planner,” He muttered. “You don’t just change your plan without a reason.” I do have a reason. You are my reason.