Your Vampire Empress: Just Gettin' Started

    Episode One, Part One: Ladies' Night     Well. Hello there. Aren't you gorgeous? Have you come to hear my story? The story of Alicia Evermore: Your Vampire Empress! Please come on in and have a seat. Anywhere you want is fine. Can I get you anything? I'm sorry if I seem a little much, but I usually don't get too many visitors. Awkward question, but you're not here to kill me are you? See, I've had attempts on my life and... well you can see how those go by the fact that I'm here talking to you... and they're not.      You know something? I have this habit of reading people that I come into contact with and I don't know if it's my presence or something in your personal life, but I get the feeling you're going through something right now. I'm gonna let you know right now that no matter what kind of rough s**t is going on in your life, I sense incredible strength in you. I know power when I see it and right now, I see it before me. I like you.      I'm gonna begin my story now, but before I begin, I'm gonna warn you now that when I tell the story of my ascension to Vampire Empress I become very animated. I speak as though it's happening right now in the present. Also, I ask that you indulge me if I go off-topic at some points. Those little moments of normalcy give me comfort and I think those moments are just as important as "the big moments." So sit back, baby, get comfortable and picture a nice, cozy apartment in Marchgrove, California. One fabulously gorgeous woman is in the kitchen hooking up a fruit platter. Another one's in the living room sitting her lazy ass across the couch trying to find a movie to watch.      That lazy one is me. The gorgeous one, I'm happy to say, is my wife, Faith. She glides into the living room with the fruit platter and sets it on the coffee table.     "Find anything?" she asks as she plops down next to me.      "Still looking," I say, scrolling through horror movies.      "Why's it gotta be a horror movie?"     "You know I loves me my horror, baby. Plus..." I press myself against her, "I'm trying to get you all scared so you can cuddle up to me for protection."     "Cuddling sounds good but I dunno if I wanna do horror, tonight. Can we pick a comedy? I'll still cuddle."      "I'm good with that." I start scrolling through comedies slowly. Faith wraps her arms around me and I'm in heaven. She smells so good.     You know what's hilarious about saying I'd protect her? You can see I'm a very tiny person; only 5'1" and about 110 lbs. Faith is half a foot taller than me and thicc thicc. If anything, Faith's the one who protects me. I know if the s**t goes down, my queen got me. That's not to say I won't turn into an absolute pit bull if someone ever messes with her.      "You still alright with going on that ghost tour tomorrow?" I ask,"I know you're not really into that stuff, so it's okay if you change your mind."     "I'm fine with it. I know you love all that ghosty stuff, plus I admit I'm a little curious."      I hug her a little tighter. For Faith to even go on tomorrow's ghost tour with me is major. See, Faith don't believe in or care about ghosts and spirits and all that. She's a woman of science. I'm not really sure if I believe in it either, but I'm totally into the aesthetic. I was one of the few black goth chicks at my high school. Looking at my current style, though, you might think I still haven't grown completely out of it since graduating nine years ago.  While I'm scrolling for a good, classic comedy, my phone buzzes.     "It's almost twelve. Who the hell...?" I look at my phone and hold it up to Faith, "It's Lily."     "Oh boy. You think it's Lester drama?"     "Hope not. I love the girl, but I don't wanna be texting back and forth with her through the whole movie." I tap Lily's name and read her message:              "Sup girl. Can I come over? Me n Lester fightin and i dont wanta be home rite now"     I hand my phone to Faith and while she reads I ask, "I wonder if it's a bad sign that she didn't even ask if I was up or not?"      "Nah. Them two been fightin' for weeks and I know Lester ain't never put a hand on her. I think they both need to take a break from each other for a little bit."     "So how should I answer this text? This is pretty much gonna kill our movie night."     "Yeah, but she's our friend and she needs someone to talk to."     "Yeah. You're right." Faith hands my phone back and I type.             "Yeah girl. Come on over. We still up if you wanna talk"             "omw"     "She's on her way," I tell Faith, giving a low sigh, mourning the loss of our movie night.     Lily lives about fifteen minutes away. She gets to us in about ten.     She comes in and we all sit. I can tell Lily's pissed. She immediately begins her rant and since me and Faith have to listen to it, you do too:              "I'm starting to wonder if me and Lester ever shoulda got married. I didn't know just how different we were from each other. I mean, we met in a bar so I thought he was more, I dunno, outgoing than he turned out to be. He was fun, ya know?! We went on dates all the time! He made me feel special. He was funny; charming. He was Prince Charming. Now? Now he never wants to go anywhere or do anything, ya know? And yes we got, like, an eleven year age difference between us, but I didn't think that would, like, matter. Now he's telling me he wants kids! Before we got married, we both agreed to wait until we were ready and we even joked that we prob'ly wouldn't be ready for ever. Now it's like he wants us to become some old boring couple that has the same day every day. Go to work, come home, watch t.v. Go to work, come home, watch t.v. And don't get me wrong, I'm aware it's not just him. I can actually feel myself turning into a b***h. My attitude is starting to suck and I think maybe I'm the one starting a lot of our arguments."     "What'd you guys argue about, tonight?" Faith asks. Lily lifts her arms a little and lets them fall into her lap. "Stupid s**t, I guess. He got off work, came home, and just went right to sleep on the couch. He hardly even spoke to me; he just... sat his ass down and fell right to sleep." I don't know how to respond to that, so I just say, "Damn."      "What time he get off work?" Faith asks.      "Like, eleven."     "So what you do? Wake him up?"     "I was just trying to get him to go to bed, so yeah," she looks down, "I think what started the problem was I mighta said some sideways s**t when he was on his way to the bedroom. Then he turns around and said some things and it went on from there."     Faith sucked air through her teeth, "You do realize the argument isn't all his fault."      Lily stares off for a few moments before nodding, "Tonight, no it wasn't. But he's started stuff on other nights. Look, this's been going on for a while now and...we only been married for three years and I feel like it's probably not going to get any better."     "Does he know you're here?" I ask, "That this is where you went?"     "Yeah. I told him before I stormed out the house" The next part is awkward for me, "Did you wanna stay here tonight or...?" I look at Faith to make sure she's okay with me suggesting this. She looks at me and nods her head, understandingly. I look back at Lily, "You can stay with us tonight."     "Text your husband and let him know that you're staying, okay?" Faith added, "No matter how you two feel about each other right now, he's probably worried," she stands up, gives a radiant smile, and looks at both of us, "Now,.Since none of us have work tomorrow, wanna make drinks?"     "Hell yeah!" I yell.     "Sounds good to me," Lily says while she texts.      So we have a little impromptu ladies night. We gossip and talk s**t about annoying dumbasses we encounter at our jobs. All three of us have jobs that interact with the public so there's no shortage of stories.      Lily. She's a receptionist at a temp agency. She deals with lots of desperate people who are basically looking for anything. Ain't nothin' wrong with that; it's hard here in California. Most of 'em will take just about any job they can, but you get some who are too boujee about what jobs they'll accept. We're talking to the point of actually arguing with her. How you gonna get loud and ignorant at someone and then demand they find you a cushy office job you ain't even qualified for?     I don't have screaming customers at my job; only weirdos and drunks. I drive for a rideshare company called Taxi2. My work stories are usually about single and married guys flirting with me or rowdy drunk people. My rowdy drunk people stories reduced a lot, though, when I decided to stop driving at night.      The most interesting work stories come from Faith. She's a dentist. She got stories that are so nasty, they'll make a toothbrush and floss materialize in your hands like magic. My woman could write a whole book of cautionary tales about keeping your shits clean. Listen to her disgusting stories and you'll never skip a day of oral hygiene.      After three hours of drinking and carrying on, we decide to call it a night. We all had a full day and we were through. Faith goes to grab a pillow and blanket from our room for Lily to sleep on the couch. While she does that, I ask Lily if she wants to go on the ghost hunt with us tomorrow night.      "Well, I did go through a witchy little phase in high school and it would get me outta the house."     "There you go. Hell, invite Lester."     "What time does it start?"     "We're going on the ten o'clock tour."     "Ah. Lester won't be getting off tomorrow 'til eleven."     "Oh, that's right. He works 'til eleven on Saturdays."     Lester's a sous chef at a restaurant called Canon la Fleur. It's a fine dining restaurant and it is awesome. It's expensive, too. More than I could afford on my own.      For a second I look down on myself. If it wasn't for the good money Faith makes, I'd never have experienced a lot of these really nice things in my life. From time to time my brain likes to remind me that I'm the least successful out of all of us. I push the thought out and remind myself that millions of people  have it worse than me. That usually brings me back.     Faith comes back with the pillow and blanket and I tell her Lily's joining us on our tour tomorrow. I can't lie, I'm really excited about it. Lily's been my friend since high school. After she got married, we started hanging out less. Then I got married soon after and we hung out even less. It'll be nice to reconnect with her. I smile. Me, my long-time friend, and my beloved wife out there hunting ghosts. I hope they'll have as spooktacular a time as me!  Episode One, Part Two: The House     We didn't wake up the next morning til around eleven. Lily grabs her things, thanks us for being there for her and left. We agree to meet here at eight so we can grab something to eat before the tour. After she leaves, I wrap my arms lovingly around Faith and she does the same.      "Thank you for handling that with Lily," I whisper, "I'm not good at situations like that."     "Keeping people calm is a skill I had to acquire in my profession."     "I noticed. And you were able to call her out for starting their argument without settin' her off."         I look up at her and she presses her lips to my forehead, and kisses me. Words cannot express how much I wanna melt when she does that.      "That part was easy, "she says, "Lester had just gotten off work and he was exhausted. Ain't nothing wrong with that." We hold each other for a little longer before finally releasing each other. Then, I follow her to the kitchen.     "See? You think about things like that. I was taking her side at first without considering his."      Faith starts making coffee, "Well, I didn't exactly fix their marriage. If it's this bad after only three years..." she shakes her head, "...I dunno if it's gonna get any better."      I shake my head, and we move on with the the rest of our Saturday together. Neither of us notice clouds gathering in the sky.     Finally, eight o'clock comes. I'm in the bedroom putting the finishing touches on my eyeliner when I hear Lily knocking and Faith answering. I finish up and walk out of the bedroom, dramatically.      My appearance has exactly the effect I want: All eyes on me. Tonight, if we are going to visit the things that go bump in the night, then I want them as fascinated by me as I am of them.     "Wow," says Faith, breathlessly.      "Damn, girl," says Lily, "That's the Alicia I remember from high school," She looks at Faith, "I actually got into occult stuff because of her back in the day."     Tonight, rockin' full goth mode. Heavy makeup. Neon green eye shadow and lipstick. Nose ring, which I wear most of the time, anyway. White colored-contacts that make my eyes look like moonlight. Hugging my curves is my ebony black mid-length dress with lace overlay. Lace gloves. Fishnet stockings. I didn't need to do much with my curly hair cause I keep it in a short pixie cut. Maybe one day, I'll color it like I used to.      I did a turn for the ladies and smiled at Faith, "You likes?"     Faith's eyebrows go up and she nods, "I like likes."     "I'm Alicia Evermore and I'll be your vampire queen for the night," I announce.      "You're more than that," Faith says as we embrace each other, "You're my vampire empress."      We separate ourselves sooner than we normally would, both of us remembering the state of poor Lily's marriage at the moment. We'll make up for it later.     We chill til about nine and then we head out to get some food. The air feels humid and I begin wondering if it's about to rain. I hope not; everything is according to plan and I don't want anything spoiled. I'm having a good time, but more importantly, Faith and Lily are having a good time. We roll up to a small restaurant and I'm loving the looks I'm getting from just about everyone. Faith is a constant professional, so she's always dressed tasteful and conservative... even to a ghost tour. Lily's clothes somewhat reflect the more black, goth-lite look that I usually wear. Stand us all in a row and we'd make a good chart displaying decency to degeneracy.      While we're sitting down eating, Lily asks Faith, "How come you didn't dress up like Alicia? Not a creature of the night?"     "Not really. That's her thing. I'm more of a rom-com or drama person."     "That's why you need to watch more horror movies," I reply, "What's more dramatic than a  bloodthirsty zombie?"     "A bloodthirsty zombie who's secretly a married woman's baby daddy," Faith counters.     Lily, almost spit her soda out, "I'd watch that!"     I laugh loudly, "Okay, I'd watch the s**t outta that."      While we're giggling, we hear a slight rumble of thunder outside. Are you for real?     "Is it supposed to storm tonight?" Lily asks.      I'd been in denial about the rain, so I've been avoiding my weather app. I look at it now and sigh, "Yeah."     Suddenly, my phone rings. I check who it is and answer.      "Hello?"     "Hello, is this Alicia Evermore?"     "Yes, hi."     "Mrs. Evermore. This is John Richards from Tread With The Dead Ghost Tours. I am so sorry to call you on such late notice, but I unfortunately have to cancel tonight's ghost tour until further notice."     "It's the thunderstorm, isn't it? We're actually down the street from the meeting spot and we can hear it coming."     "Yes ma'am. I'm very sorry about this. We knew all week there was gonna be a slight drizzle and we were fine with that, but thunder and lightning is a different story." Suddenly, the sky flashes very bright and rain starts pouring angrily from the sky.      "It's okay. It's not your fault." The thunder booms, vibrating our seats.     "Thank you for understanding. We'll send out an email with our future dates. Again, I'm sorry and have a good rest of your night."     "You too."     I hang up, fold my arms, and look at the girls, "I think you all know what that was about. You ladies up for another girls' night at home?"      "I'm always down for it," says Faith. I can tell she's not too heartbroken about the cancellation.     "Me too," adds Lily, "When Lester gets off, I'll call him to get me from your house and then tomorrow morning, I'll come get my car. That way, I can drink all I want."     Outside, the storm rages and the rain unloads it's arsenal with no sign of stopping. I better keep my face covered; I got so much makeup on, I'ma look like a melted candle if I'm caught lackin'. I was hoping we could stay in the restaurant a little longer, but this place is closing soon and the staff is starting to look at us like "these bitches."      When it's time, we race through the rain and jump into the car, laughing like crazy. When it dies down, I get an idea.      "Check it out; since the tour's cancelled, I'll drive down where we were gonna walk. Maybe we'll still see a ghost."     They agree and I drive us to a small, barely used, paved street, lined by violently blowing trees. I drive slow until I see a dirt road to turn onto that leads to the tour site. The rain, though, had already turned the dirt into mud.      "We better not try that road. We might get stuck," Faith suggests. I nod cause she's right. It's raining so hard, my wipers can hardly keep up. I shine my high beams down the road and point, "We were gonna meet in a spot down there and the tour was gonna take us to a cemetery where people claim a lotta paranormal activity happens. Then, we were gonna head to an abandoned house that used to be owned by an old guy who collected occult stuff."     "Were we gonna go in?" Lily asks from the backseat.      "Yup," I said, turning us away from the dirt road, "The old guy didn't have any family so no one inherited the place. The ghost tour company bought the house and everything inside. Supposedly, the old man's spirit is still in there."      "Yeah, ya'll have fun with that, I woulda probably stayed outside," Faith says.      I take us slowly down the paved street and to my surprise, I notice that the dirt road actually turns and runs parallel to the street we're on. I see the cemetery and point it out. Then, further down the road I see the abandoned house through the trees. I pull the car over to the side so we can take in the view of it.     "That's the house right there. I seen it on the website." The picture on the site doesn't do justice to how wicked it looks. It's small; only two floors and an attic. And trust me when I say this place is dilapidated. The roof's partially collapsed, exposing the inner wood beams over where the attic would be. Through the downpour and darkness I can't tell what color the house is or used to be. It's all gray and uninviting. The roof over the front porch is bending under its own weight. Probably the only thing holding it up at this point is the vegetation and vines growing all over. A very bright lightning flash illuminates the house and the creepy effect on the house is fascinating. I shake my head.      "I never knew there were houses like this in California." I say, impressed.      Lily, behind us, whispers something. I didn't catch it and neither did Faith.     "The rain's loud, babe, what you say?" Faith asks.     Lily doesn't answer. I look back at her and she's staring intensely at the house with her forehead pressed against the door window; her eyes wide. I glance at the house.     "See something?" I ask.      Lily speaks again; low, but I'm able to understand her this time. "Yes. I can hear you," she says.     Faith and I look at each other, confused. Lily's voice rises as she keeps talking, "I can help you. It's not fair that you should still be in there." She immediately throws open the car door and before Faith and I can say anything, she gets out and starts running towards the house!     Faith rolls her window down and shouts, "Lily! What are you doing?! Get back here!"     "What is she doing!?" I yell.      Lily continues to run while Faith calls her name. Seeing that Lily ain't listening, Faith opens her door to go into the downpour after her.      "Faith! Don't go without me!" I cut off the engine.     "Then let's go!" she screams, "I dunno what's wrong, but it's dangerous out here!" She begins racing after Lily through the grassy field.     I jump out the car and race after Faith as fast as I can. The pelting rain re-drenches us in seconds and the tall, uncut grass we're running through is whipping my legs. My adrenaline don't let me feel any of it. Faith is shouting Lily's name over and over and Lily doesn't look back. Finally, Lily reaches the rundown porch and runs up the three wooden steps. As she rushes across the porch and reaches for the doorknob, I here Faith scream, "Lily! Don't go in there!" Lily ignores her and she almost slips on the wet porch before she opens the door and rushes into the darkness. "Why the hell is that door unlocked?" I thought. Faith stops and hesitates for only about a second, but a wild flash of lightning gets her running again. I catch up and we run together.     "The f**k is wrong with her?" I yell, "I swear I'm gonna kill her when we get back to the car!"     "Save some for me!" Faith shouts back, "Did I ever tell you I'm afraid of lightning!?" As if answering, a loud boom of thunder rocks our senses.      We reach the house and race up the porch steps. Lily left the house door open and we peer into the darkness. We get inside just to get out of the rain. Lightning illuminates the sky in two bright flashes, but it gives us a view of Lily for that moment standing in the remains of an old, preserved, living room. Her back is to us and her phone flashlight is on. She's points it at a small wooden door in the dining room and begins walking quickly towards it. The thunder from that last strike booms loudly outside.     "Come on, Lily. What the hell are you doin'," I hiss at her, angrily.      She speaks without looking back. Her voice is shaky.      "There's a man trapped in there. He said he's been there for a long time and he says I'm his only hope." She opens the door and looks down into even deeper darkness. "He's scared and lonely. Help me save him," she says as she begins descending down narrow wooden steps. Faith and I both turn on our phone lights.     "Save who?" Faith yells, "There's nobody in here!" She looks at me with such a panic that I immediately go into protect mode. My baby's scared and now I'm really angry. I hold my arm out to Faith signaling her to stay there and I begin tramping down the wooden steps.     "Lily!" I call out, "I'm only saying this once! Get your ass out of here and let's go home. We can't be here!"     Reaching the bottom of the steps, I see we're in a large, dingy basement full of shelves and bookcases. Lily's light is swinging around somewhere toward the back and I pursue it, shining my light all around to get my bearings. If this were the tour, the various grotesque things on the shelves would've fascinated my dark little heart. I walk carefully among the shelves; past creepy dolls, jars of who knows what, black and white photos of probably dead people, figurines of animals with demonic human heads. Each item has a placard in front of them, saying what the item is and some info about them.      I hear Lily whisper, "I'm here. I got you. I'm going to get you out of here,' and my momentary fascination drops and my panic and anger rises.      "Lily! Let's go or I'm gonna leave you here!"     "No!" Lily calls back to me, "Don't leave me here! I've got him. I'll go!" I see her light move quickly toward me, but it's so bright in the darkness, I only see her silhouette. She's holding something in her hands.      Suddenly, from above, Faith comes racing down the steps, breathing heavy, scaring the soul out by body.     I run back towards the steps. Faith slips on the last few steps and loses her balance, but I catch her before she hurts herself.      "There's s-somebody in here w-with us!" she stutters while getting up.      "Is it someone from the tour group?" I whisper.      "No." she whispers back, "He's got a hood over his head. He was s-stalking around the windows outside and then he c-came in like he was sneaking. He saw me and s-says hehasagun."     I point my light up the steps, but Faith pushes my arm back down.      "Don't give him light," she whispers, "We hafta hide."     We point our lights at the floor and we slowly and quietly try to move away from the steps. We only get a few steps away before seeing a light beaming down from above, followed by the slow, creaking of the stairs. I turn my light off and shake my head in the darkness. There's no way we're gonna find a spot to hide in this basement. We're sitting ducks down here.      I turn and look closer at what Lily's holding. It's a vase or an urn or something. I get a desperate idea. I snatch it out of Lily's grasp.      "Give that back..."     "Shut up," I hiss as I scamper to the other side of the stairs, away from my wife and friend. "You two run," I whisper, harshly. It's no use, though, his flashlight is already on them. I grip the vase or urn in my hand and think to myself, "Point a gun at my wife? Not on my watch, b***h!" I hurl the object as hard as I can at the descending dark figure. The shot couldn't have been more on point; it collided with the intruder's head perfectly. The vase or urn explodes and dust poofs all around him and us as he falls the last couple of steps to the basement floor. Immediately, I rush to Faith and Lily and push them toward the steps.     "Go!" I growl. Faith wastes no time running back up the steps. Lily races, too, crying loudly, saying things like, "I'm sorry." "I tried to help you." and "It's not fair this happened to you." I give her quick, hard shoves as I follow last up the steps.      Before I'm all the way to the top, I dare a look back down with into the dark basement. I can't see anything.     We burst out the house and the rain is still pouring as violently as ever. Faith, Lily, and I bolt across the tall grass that leads to my car. Ahead of me, Faith is the first to make it to the trees that separate the field from the road. Suddenly, she sees something and stops in her tracks. Lily is the second one to see something and stop. When she sees it though, she drops to her knees on the muddy ground and, through the loud rain and lightning, she shrieks!     At this point, I can't take any more of Lily's craziness and theatrics, "What is it now!?" I shout angrily at her. She points past the trees where I parked and I see my car... and another.      Lester's.     I'm... gonna go ahead and stop my story for a moment. I'm mentally tired from reliving this and I think I'm gonna take a break. I really do appreciate you visiting me and I hope you bring yourself back to me when it's time to continue. It won't be long, I promise. For now, though, your vampire empress needs to rest. Until we meet again, baby, stay strong, and go kick the world's ass.