Second Chances:HOPE & FAITH

   Eyes as green as the forest grass. Skin as soft as cotton. Lips so delectable they make my mouth crave more. Her straight chocolate brown hair sways with the wind as she runs to me. My love, my mate, and our Luna. She was so perfect. I remember the first time I met her. Her family had asked my father, the former alpha to join our pack. My father agreed. Their family was on the run from their old pack. Apparently, young girls were sold to the other packs who lost their mate. How cruel to think my love could have been sold to another. I growled to myself and pushed that thought out of my mind. Well, she had been in our pack a week and I still hadn't met her. I didn't much like having to interact with anyone outside of our main circle. I would go to the clearing by the waterfall sometimes. Everyone knew not to come here since it was where I came to run or pass time. Sometimes I would sit there and write in my journal. I found writing to be calming and enjoyed being able to look back at fond memories. I figured since I would stop aging soon I should write more often. See what was my life back in the days when I was 100 years old but still looked 25. One of the best moments was that day I met Faith. One day as I approached the clearing I smelled the most beautiful scent I have ever inhaled. It had hints of vanilla. I followed it all the way to the base of the waterfall. There she was. She was just walking around the edge. I started to tense up at the thought of her falling in. Her face movement was delicate and hesitant. Was she afraid of water? Could she not swim? I pondered these things to myself. At some point, she sensed my presence and looked up to meet my gaze. It's like the planets had aligned and I was home. I felt complete and warm. I knew I was considered a mad man. I loved to live on the wild side. I was strong and no one could measure up. I would run by other territories knowing no one would dare challenge me. Alpha or not. I got into fights for no good reason with my fellow pack members. Torturing and killing were two of my favorite past times. I wanted to hone my skills before I officially became ALPHA. I wanted to be feared and build my reputation before then too. At this moment I felt weak and powerless. This woman in front of me held all the advantages. I would jump was she tell to do so. She was timid but started to walk slowly to me. She came up to me and softly said "mate." I smiled and grabbed her face and caressed her cheek. I grabbed her hand and led her to my favorite tree and sat her on top of me. I told her to tell me everything about her self. We spent all day talking and exchange stories of our childhood. By the end of that night, I knew everything about her. After that, we spent every day together. Where I went she would follow. She was my most trusted friend, advisor, and confidant.  Years went by and we couldn't be happier. When we weren't tending to pack duties we would spend our days at the clearing and swim by the waterfall. We would shift and let our wolves ran free together. She was my beloved and I would do anything for her.   Five winters have passed now. I have thought about having children with my dearest. She seemed overjoyed at the thought. She was going to go visit her grandparents down south and would be back in three days. The 1st and last time I saw Faith will always be the clearest moments I have in my memories. Her death tore a hole in me. That morning she woke up in my arms and smiled just as she would every morning. I gently kissed her and made love to her one last time. She was always very shy but gave me all I needed. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel whole. Her quick glance to me as she entered her parent's car kills me every time I picture it in my mind. She looked peaceful and happy. Why didn't she come home? Why did she have to die? I was ignorant in thinking we were invincible. The moment it happened I felt a blow to the gut and stabbing pain in my heart. I felt her pain and suffering. As she was losing breath so was I. I got in my car and drove all night to reach the human hospital she was in. She was weak but alive I told myself. She would be okay I repeated in my thoughts. I hate that I remember everything. I was driving so carelessly. I was speeding and telling the moon gods I would reign hell if they took her from me. I felt nothing 1 mile away from my destination. I was numb and cold even. We don't get cold. When I found out why that was I broke in two. Being lifeless and perhaps soulless will do that to you. When your spirit moves on to the next life perhaps your wolf's heat also dies and you become cold. I ran to her parents who were sobbing in the hall. I yelled at everyone. I wanted someone to take me to her. I remember the female doctor telling me she was getting out of surgery shortly. I thought for a moment a very short moment that she was still alive. Even though I could not feel her. Another doctor came over and said thank you to her mother and father. "Thank you,"  I thought. I was getting angrier and angrier by the moment. It wasn't until Faith's mother caught my arm that I relaxed. Her words were like small cuts being open all over my body. She had decided to come up early.  Alone so she could be with me. I could understand her urgency. We had never spent not one day apart since we met. Why didn't I go with her? I was a fool. I was an angry fool who would have to live with this forever. I had a million cuts but it was the last that hurt more than the rest. Her mother told me that they found her ID in her purse. She had decided to be an organ donor and they had taken her into surgery so they can give those transplants to others waiting for lungs, kidneys, and a heart. I fell to my knees. As caring and loving as she was I could not stand the thought of my BELOVED laying in some operating table open and empty. Those stupid ID's meant nothing in my world. They were just a tool to fit in when we left our pack territory. They mean nothing I kept saying. She was mine and I had no choice. I shouted at her parents for almost an hour. How could they let this happen? I couldn't believe it was real. I wanted to make everyone around me hurt. I told her parents to never show their faces in my territory ever again. I had her body released to me and we cremated her. I set her ashes free at the base of the waterfall where we first met. I stopped going there. I shut myself off. I focused on my duties and building my pack. I would live my life with this regret and use my pain to rule. " I will make you all hurt"