Nights Like This

Bitter and Sweet. That's how the alcohol tastes like to me. My lips touched the rim of the glass as I took another sip and my taste welcomed the delicate sweetness that is hidden after the overpowering strong taste. Ah... This is the taste. I can feel my nerves calming from within. I slowly placed the glass of my unfinished drink on the counter top and I bowed my head to brush my hair backwards saka naglabas ng isang mabigat na buntong hininga. Hindi pa ako nakuntento roon at ihinilamos ko pa sa mukha ko ang palad ko. I don't even know if my mascara smudged or what. The only thing that I want is to have my drink in peace. A classic jazz is playing on the speaker that's being buried by the sound of chatters around the whole bar. I emptied the glass saka nag signal kay Jaye ng isa na agad nya namang binigay. I quickly gulped down my second glass of drink at sumenyas ng isa pa. My phone beeped. It's another text from Kuya Conrad at ka- sunod din no'n ay ang tawag mula sa kanya na hindi ko pinansin at hinayaan lang na mawala. Hindi lang si Kuya, even my friends are reaching out but I don't want it. "Hindi mo ba sasagutin yung phone mo? Kanina pa po nag ri- ring 'yan," sabi ni Jaye at inilapag ang isa pang baso ng alak. Umiling ako saka tuluyang in- off ang phone ko and I slipped it inside my bag. I honestly don't want to hear anything from anyone right now. Not their concerns and certainly not about their rants about me. I don't want to hear them telling me how messed up I am because I know. I already know that for a fact kaya hindi na kailangang ipamukha sa akin. Sure. I did something wrong and terrible. Wala akong excuse roon. But I have my reasons why I did that and I did that solely for myself dahil pag hindi ko ginawa 'yun mawawala ako sa sarili ko and that's the least thing that I want to happen. "One margarita for this beautiful lady please." A guy suddenly slided beside me and smiled at me playfully. Agad kong tinakpan ng palad ko ang baso ko. Who knows what he might mix in there kapag hindi ako naka tingin. I faced him and I rolled my eyes and I made sure na makikita nya then I stopped Jaye from moving further. "No, thank you. I can order for myself," I clearly said. "Why? Come on!" mahangin na sabi nya. "It's just a drink. I mean no harm I promise," aniya saka itinaas pa ang right hand nya na parang na p- pledge. What the heck? Why does men can't take 'No' as an answer and has the audacity to ask 'Why'? Seriously? It's really annoying. Itinaas ko ang left hand ko at dumako ang tingin nya sa pekeng wedding ring ko at nginitian sya. Nang makita nya kung ano iyon, mukha syang natauhan. Unti- unting dumiretso ang kanyang tayo. His flirty demeanor's now wearing off na para bang ang layo na ng distansya ko sa kanya. "Sorry I didn't know." One second and he's already gone from my sight. Ugh. What a lousy ass. "That's your 23rd," sabi ni Jaye with a smirk on his face na ikina- halakhak ko. The guy was the 23rd guy that I refused to buy me a drink ever since I brcame a regular here. I picked up the glass and drank it straight tapos biglang lumutang ang ulo ko and I automatically stayed still. The alcohol are starting to kick in but it feels good. It makes me crave for more. I want to be drunk to the point that this seat will be my grave for tonight. I asked for more drinks but Jaye just stood in front of me. "I'm afraid I can't pour you drinks anymore if you are going to drive, Cami." Right. I drove my car here na halos paliparin ko sa kagustuhang maka layo. None of my friends know about ZONE17 and I don't wish them to find out my hide out and my own place of healing kaya't they can't take me home. I looked at Jaye. "I'll just book a Grab at iiwan ko ang kotse ko rito and I'll just come back tomorrow to pick it up. I can do that right?" He looked at me back and then poured me a drink. "There you go." I raised my glass as if having a toast and sipped the drink. Jaye and I are not friends but we're not strangers either. It's just that tuwing miserable ako, dito ako pumupunta so he had seen me in my weakest state and that made us close. Alas- dos na ng madaling araw at naka bagsak na ang ulo ko sa counter top ng bar. Hindi ko na nabilang kung ilang baso na ang na- inom ko. I'm sure I had a lot. Plenty enough for me to stay drunk for a week. Biglaan akong tumayo sa pagkaka- upo at talagang umikot ang buong paligid ko pero naka hawak akosa stool kaya umayos din ang pakiramdam ko. "Saan ka pupunta?" I barely heared from Jaye. My eyes are almost half closed at halos hindi ko na rin ma- control ang katawan ko at pakiramdam ko nanlalambot na ako. "Chill! CR lang ako," sabi ko then I waved. Surprisingly nakarating ako ng maayos sa CR and did my business with no hassle kahit na humahampas na ang katawan ko sa mga dingding habang pabalik sa pwesto ko. I bumped ito someone pero nahawakan nya agad ang braso ko dahilan para hindi ako matumba. "You should stop drinking. You're wasted. Go home and sleep," malamig na sabi ng lalaking may mababang boses na naka hawak sa braso ko. Hindi nakaligtas ang amoy nya sa akin. He smells really fresh and clean. I looked up and tried to look at who the hell he is pero nag do- doble na talaga ang paningin ko. Stop? Go home and sleep? No thanks. I'm still digging my own grave here and I'm not yet done. "Tss. You can't tell me what to do." I said saka hinawakan ang kamay nyang naka hawak sa akin at inalis iyon naglakad papunta sa upuan ko. Instead of alak, tubig ang ibinigay sa akin ni Jaye. "Seriously?" Sininghalan ko sya then I slid the glass back to him. "You should sober up. You're too drunk to go home." "Kaya ko pa. I'm not yet drunk!" Saka ko tinungga ang huling alak na nasa baso ko. "That's what drunk people always say. Anyway, I'm not giving you more drinks." I glared at him at muling sinighalan. Nagpatigasan lang kami ng tingin hanggang sa ako na mismo ang kumalas. Fine. Okay! I'll sober up saka uuwi na! I think I reached my limit naman na. Baka sa morgue na talaga ang diretso ko pag ipinilit ko pa. I'll just stay here until kaya ko ng buksan ng maayos ang dalawang mata ko at least. Hinayaan ko lang na naka pikit ang mata ko at parabang unti- unting humihiwalay ang kaluluwa ko sa katawan ko. "I'll take her with me." Boses ng isang lalaki sa tabi ko. I'm drowsy and sleepy... "Do you even know where she lives?" Boses ni Jaye. "No." Hell. I can't even open my eyes. "Then how?" "Bahala na. I'll take care of her," sagot ng isa. I felt a slight tap on my arms. "Cami?" si Jaye. It's his voice. "Hmm?" "Kaya mo na bang umuwi? You should go home." Right. I have to go home. Coco's probably waiting for me. I can't leave my baby alone for too long. "Mmm." Tumayo ako pero umikot nanaman ang paningin ko at muntik na matumba pero nahawakan na naman ako ng isang pamilyar na kamay para alalayan. "Alright." Sabi ni Jaye and then we started walking towards the exit. Ang kamay nya na kaninang naka hawak sa akin ay naka pulupot na sa katawan ko para suportahan ang pag lakad ko. "Jaye, my bag?" I said in almost a whisper. "I'm not Jaye and I have your bag here," sagot ng boses ng lalaki na narinig ko kanina. I immediately stopped from walking. I may be drunk pero never umakyat ang alak sa utak ko at alam ko ang ginagawa ko. "Who are you?" I asked and looked raised my head to face him. Damn. I can't even look at him properly dahil blurry na talaga ang paningin ko. "I'll take you home." "I said, who are you?" I asked again but he didn't answer. "Are you going to harm me?" "No. Not in any way," he replied. Bumuntong hininga ako sa saka tumango. "Then let's go."