Forbidden

****This is the first book in the Forbidden Trilogy: Book One: Forbidden Book Two: Phoenix Book Three: From the Ashes I advise readers not to read these books out of order because they do build upon each other.**** Content warning: This story contains violence, language, adult content, implications of s****l trauma and toxic relationships. Reader discretion is advised. Constance             I stood in front of a very familiar and dreaded door, thinking back to the last time I had seen its weather beaten and peeling paint.  It had been months since my feet had graced the very plain but oh so vivid threshold with its oddly colored welcome mat.  An outsider would never have guessed this very ordinary and quite drab house was the home of one of the nation’s largest criminals.             This heinous felon, Keith, kept a very respectable lifestyle.  He stayed under the FBI’s radar because of his careful, calculating decisions while paying off the local authorities to keep his secrets safe.  Truthfully, if it wasn’t for his marine brother, he may have stayed off the Fed’s radar for all time.  However, the marine reported his brother after learning the devastating truth of Keith’s involvement in their family’s demise.  In return for the information, the authorities made the marine the head hancho of an operation to bring down his brother and the infamous supplier and drug lord, Black Jack.             Since Keith was in league with the drug lord, the marine believed the mission would be easily dealt with.  His plan had been very simple and brilliant:  turn someone on the inside, get them into Keith’s good graces, become the second hand in the business, and then, once the partner was worthy enough to meet Black Jack, the marine would strike, killing two birds with one stone.             Fortunately for him, but unfortunately for me, I had been the turn coat.  I was the one closest to his brother, the one and only person his brother trusted blindly.  He’d loved me; however, I couldn’t say I felt the same.  He had changed.  He was no longer the boy I had fallen in love with and when I finally made the decision to walk away, the marine came into the picture, telling me I could end up changing the world if I just helped him out.             And I had agreed to help him.             What a huge mistake that had been.             And why am I here at my ex’s house, you ask?  Well, you see I am not here by choice.  My demented mind likes dragging me back through that hellish last night—when the operation was at its climax.  I don’t know why my brain was fixated on this one particular night.  It felt like I was stuck on this one fateful day like a bad record player playing the same bad lyrics over and over again.  Unfortunately, there wasn’t anyone who could move the needle so the rest of my life could move on.  Truthfully, I was afraid my dreams would forever be caught on this one gruesome memory; the horrific events that not only haunted the recesses of my mind, but had also changed the course my life forever.             My heart stopped when I heard the latch of the door click.  Time slowed down.  I could feel the pounding of my heart in my chest and in my ears, I could hear my ragged breath as I forced myself to stay calm when all I wanted to do was run.  The moment the door started to swing open, I felt the panic, the urgency to run, but my legs were like lead, glued to the welcome mat.  My subconscious wouldn’t allow me to run from the inhumane events I knew were going to unfold the moment I stepped through that door.  That’s what was so torturous:  knowing what was going to happen and not being able to change it.             I wish I would have followed my gut instinct that day.  I had known something wasn’t right before I ever reached the mansion.  My assumptions were proven correct the moment Ryan—one of the many minions on my fiancé’s payroll—greeted me cheerfully at the door.  None of his employees liked me.  In fact, they all hated me because they felt I was undeserving of the honor of being the gang-banger criminal’s right-hand woman when it came to matters of business—even though I had been his fiancé at the time.               Since we were going to be partners in holy matrimony, Keith only believed it was fair we were partners in his disgusting business as well.  This had been the once in a lifetime opportunity for the marine to take down both his brother and the Canadian drug lord in one fell swoop.  Once I made it to the top, once I was on equal terms and grounds as my fiancé, I would be invited to meet Black Jack on a regular basis to discuss business.  And once I had secured that position, the marine would come in and shut down both criminals.             At least that had been the plan, until fate decided to throw an iron rod into the meticulous design and turn her back on me.             Ryan’s warm greeting and welcoming movements returned my attention to the scene at hand.  I willed my feet to stay rooted to the welcome mat but they betrayed me—as usual—and slowly stepped through the doorway.  Ryan’s evil chuckle still sent tremors running down my spine as the deadbolt slid into place with a haunting click.             The great-room was dark and devoid of all furniture, but certainly not desolate.  There were so many men filling in the spaces where furniture had once been, their malicious smiles and haunting stares swimming before my gaze.  I should have been fighting my way to an escape instead of staring at everyone, smiling like the i***t I was, trying to play it cool, as if I knew nothing was wrong.  I had to have known there was no way out.             They surrounded me, like salivating wolves of prey closing in on a wounded animal.  And I just stood there, as if in a daze.  I was compliant, as if I had already come to terms with my fate.  At least that’s how I had been on that day.  But today and like all the nightmares following, I wanted to fight.  I didn’t want to be complacent, yet my brain forced me to be.             They forced me into a corner.  Pushed, hit, jeered and called me terrible names, accusing me of cheating before forcing me to do unspeakable things.  And just like the loyal dogs they were, they parted for their alpha and allowed him the first true bite.  He yelled, screamed, struck and tore.  I was naked and restrained with chains which acted like constrictors, tightening the more I fought.  He dragged me to the roaring fire place and threw me down in such a manner I could see the red hot iron stoking in the coals.             I remember vividly the way he grabbed me by the hair and yanked me up onto my knees so he could easily whisper malicious words into my ear.  I could still feel his wicked breath on my neck, hot and reeking of alcohol and cocaine.  “You w***e,” he spat into my ear.  “You had me going!  Boy did you have me going,” he growled, swaying on his feet and using me as an anchor to help keep himself steady.  “I should have listened to them a long time ago, I should have believed them!” he ranted locking gazes with me as he gestured to the men surrounding us.  “I did my best by you!  I always treated you like a queen and this is how you repay me!?” he shouted throwing me to the ground and in his rage, kicking me in my already broken and screaming ribs.  Even though I was coughing and hacking up blood, he pulled me back to my knees.  “You b***h!  I’m going to brand you like the lying w***e you are!  You’re going to intimately know how it feels to be burned, to know the agony of real pain before I kill you.  But, I won’t kill you,” he ranted a crazed smile contorting his face, making him look viler than he already did.  “The moment you beg me for death, I’m going to leave you to the wolves to slowly eat you alive until they pick your bones clean.  You are going to wish you had never betrayed me.”             With that, he let go and retrieved the iron.  It was at this point my fight decided to show up, but it was too late.  I couldn’t move, the chains ripped into my skin as I struggled to get away.             If only I didn’t know the intimacy of the brand, maybe this nightmare wouldn’t have been so bad.  If I didn’t know its fiery kiss, maybe I would still be optimistic it would only be like getting your ears pierced:  just an initial jolt of pain before it dissipated.             Unfortunately, I couldn’t fool myself.             As with everything else in this nightmare, I knew exactly when everything was going to happen and I knew just how excruciatingly painful everything was going to be.  Therefore, I didn’t have to see the iron descending towards my naked flesh to know the exact moment it would touch my skin.             It was curious, then, the agony didn’t come when it was supposed to.  The iron brand didn’t sear my flesh on cue.  Was my demented mind playing even more tricks on me?             And then I noticed the lack of chains.             Curiously, I pushed myself onto my knees and found unmoving blurred heaps littering the ground.  My mind rebelled against the change, but I fought against the urge to wake up.             Why, after so many nightmares, after so many past fruitless attempts to do just this, was this finally happening?  Had I finally taken control over my own dream?             And that’s when I felt the disturbance behind me.  I swung around to see a larger than life figure standing in front of the hearth.  Large black wings and a smooth back faced me and in his hand he held the brand, which looked like a tiny, almost pitiless weapon in his powerful fist.  The most distinct feature was the large, intricate tribal tattoo curling down his spine.  The dark angel must have felt my stare because he slowly turned to face me, though his features were blurred.  My mind was dragging me into consciousness.  I reached out to him, wishing I had the willpower to fight against my minds resolve and stay to at least thank him, but my fight to remain asleep was lost . . .   ***               I woke with a start, my gaze searching the darkness surrounding me, looking for answers that weren’t there.  I studied the darkened corners of my room apprehensively, as if the dark angel would suddenly morph from the shadows, or worse, my demonic ex would step from their hidden depths.             Slowly I sat up, rubbing my pounding temples.  Never before had my nightmares been interrupted.  I wasn’t sure if I had created the avenging angel as a last resort to save some of my sanity or if my unknowing savior was real.  But how could he be real?  It had all been a dream.             Knowing I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep anytime soon, I decided a glass of water and some fresh air would do me good.  Once I was settled comfortably on the front porch swing, I allowed my mind to embrace the fact that maybe someone had in fact de-railed my nightmare.  While it was an impossible theory to have, I was starting to accept almost anything could be possible.  Especially after my cousin rose from the dead.             Well, he didn’t exactly rise from the dead.  It wasn’t like he had been resurrected or turned into some kind of zombie.             A cold wind sent a shiver down my spine and memories from that night with Keith, came rushing back.  After being branded, my cousin Erwin—my only living relative save my mother—was shot three times when he attempted to save me.  He had given me the opportunity to escape out a window where I had run as far as my mangled body could take me from that house of horrors.  Needless to say I hadn’t gotten far. I was laying on the ground scared, and fighting for my life when I heard Keith’s maniacal voice give the orders to find me.  And they would have too, if my cousin’s wolf pack hadn’t swooped in to save the day.             Before that fateful night, Erwin and I believed we were just your ordinary, everyday teenagers who suffered severe memory loss due to a car accident.  However, when Erwin had been shot, it jarred his memory and he had reconnected with his pack, and opened up a whole new world filled with lies and deceit and dark secrets.             Everything we had known and believed in had been a lie, and ever since that moment we had done everything we could to regain our memories and reveal the truth.  Unfortunately, most of our efforts had been fruitless.             “Have another nightmare C?”             I started at the familiar voice, but relaxed back into the blanket which was gently tucked around my shoulders.  I waited until the speaker settled down on the swing beside me.  “Unfortunately, yes,” I replied glancing at the pale, dark figure cast in silver light and shadows.             “Would you like to talk about it?” he offered.             “What is there to talk about?  It’s the same nightmare Mathew!” I groused in agitation, not even thinking about how my response would make him feel.  “There’s nothing new to discuss.”  Well, nothing I was willing to discuss anyway, not until I did a little more critical thinking on what had gone down in my dreams.             “I’m sorry C.”  Grief and guilt were evident in his whispered apology and I couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty myself.  Mathew had been the iron rod that had caused so much pandemonium and pain that night.  He was the reason I had been so brutally attacked and the operation had failed.  “At least you didn’t wake up screaming this time,” he pointed out weakly.  “Are they finally subsiding?”             I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  Mathew and I met our senior year of high school.  He had been a transfer student.  Over the course of our senior year, we became very close.  He was always a supportive friend, always willing to listen to me or comfort me when I had emotional outbursts.  Towards the end of the year, he approached me in earnest of wanting something more.  While I very much wanted to be out of the toxic relationship I was in, I couldn’t break it off.  I had signed a contract with Allen--Keith’s brother--and I had to see the ominous deed through.              Even though I had turned down Matt’s advances, the attention he lavished on me was noticed by one of Keith’s men and the conclusions drawn from Matt’s advances were what Keith had eventually charged me and condemned me with.             Once everything settled from that night, Mathew and I had a good long discussion about what had happened.  I mean, I had disappeared for several weeks without explanation.  I’d missed many things, even graduation.  And upon my return he had been desperately concerned.  I ended up telling him mostly everything—from the start of my relationship with Keith to the day it all ended—and what had happened.  I told him everything except what had really happened to my cousin and the immortal world we’d been thrust into.  At the time I’d had this heart to heart with Mathew, I hadn’t known he was also part of the secret world Erwin and I had just been introduced to.             Fortunately, we had been able to work through the resentment and distrust that came from the incident and were able to come out as friends.  Our friendship grew stronger once he’d met my best friend, Jamie, and dropped all interest in me.  I was overjoyed because Jamie had finally found someone who would treat her right and cherish her like the goddess she was.             I shrugged my shoulders and grunted a reply, “It’s hard to say.”             “Well, it’s definitely a start right?  Let’s hope this is the beginning of the end.”             I wish I could have his optimistic outlook, but I had seen and experienced too much to be that hopeful.  No, this wasn’t the start of my nightmares giving way.  My dream had been just as ruthless as usual, it had just been interrupted by someone or something …  Gabriel             I came to with a start.  Heart racing, blood pounding, drenched in sweat.             That damned nightmare.  Again!             There had been no respite from it for several days now, and it wasn’t only wearing on my body, it was wearing on my mind.             Sighing heavily, I dragged my exhausted body out of bed and shuffled into the kitchen for a drink.  Pulling whiskey from the top of a cabinet, I took a long draught straight from the bottle and allowed its soothing fiery spirits to spread, helping numb my body and mind.  Allowing it to chase away the horrific remnants of that dream.             Damn, that nightmare was getting old!             Sitting heavily on a stool at the island, I breathed, running my hands through my hair, trying to relax but haunting blond hair and intense hazel eyes plagued the recesses of my mind.             It had been weeks, maybe months, since this torturous nightmare had last made its debut, and I had been optimistic—like all the other times it had stopped—it wouldn’t come back.  The woman’s terror and pain and haunting cries and screams drove me insane time and again.              We had shared this nightmare for a few years now.  The initial horror of it was lost, but her pain was as clear and sharp as ever, slicing endlessly into my heart and soul even long after the dream subsided.  I had tried in vain to focus on any details which would help identify her, but because I experienced everything from her point of view, I never saw her.  Until tonight.             I groaned in frustration, pressing my forehead into the cool wood of the table’s smooth top as I reflected back to the first time we had shared this nightmare.  At first, I hadn’t realized there was something glaringly different about it from all my other dreams.  It had taken months for me to realize what it was:  I was sharing this nightmare with another living being.  It had been quite a shock at first, since I wasn’t sure how this bond came to be.  Quite frankly, it was starting to become annoying, especially when there seemed to be no possible means to an end.             The way to break out of a shared dream was to disrupt it.  And lord knows I tried, but to no avail.  She had an impressive barrier protecting her mind from unwanted invaders.  However, I wasn’t necessarily an invader.  We were connected, somehow, but it was like I was watching from the other side of a glass barrier.  A very thick glass barrier, and I couldn’t leave.  Couldn’t move.  Couldn’t break.  Couldn’t do anything except take it.             I hated how the nightmare just kept coming.  It would come and go, sometimes lapsing for weeks on end, even months.  But it would always come back.  I had begun to fear there was never going to be anything I could do.             But tonight . . . I had by some miracle broken through that barrier separating us and gotten my first true glimpse of the damsel in distress.  Granted, it wasn’t much since both of our minds rebelled at the forceful change in unconscious thought, but it was still a step in the right direction.             Confused, pain filled hazel eyes and dirty blood stained blond hair was all I’d been able to see before she had shoved me out and into consciousness.             Those eyes, they looked so familiar . . . Yet I couldn’t place them and it infuriated me.             Maybe, if I could just identify her, and find her, I’d be able to somehow make the nightmares stop.  And then, I’d finally be able to have some peace.