Fairytale dreams and nightmares

Black robes, tears and damp tissues in long fingered hands surround me too closely. I hear their voices growing louder as I pass by their muffled conversations and push through the separate groups of people. I didn't even realise where I was standing before, until I noticed this crowd enveloped me and swallowed the little light that was around me. One by one they mutter the same condolences. "Sorry for your loss," and "We'll all miss her"... followed by long, almost unbearable hugs, constricting me. I scan the room for dad. No sign of him... I slowly make my way to through the lofty, heavy wooden church doors toward the other side of the large, open hall. I see dad leaning against the wall, taking to Uncle Charlie. I made my way over to them. "Hey dad, I'm going to stand outside for a bit." I said, looking at my dad then Uncle Charlie hinting in my way that I want to leave soon...  Dad says nothing but suggests a look of understanding and compassion, before I turn to head out my dad pulls me into a tight hug. "Okay pumpkin" he said quietly then released me from his hug, I wasn't sure if he was saying if it's going to be okay or asking me if I'm okay, he has his way of telling me that he knows and that's what makes me feel okay. Giving him a kiss on the cheek, I turn to make my way out the building, feeling a little lighter than before. Feeling the cold air splash my face at the door, I inhale slowly and exhale even slower. Looking out at too many fake people, drinking up the misery like a bitter beverage. Too many fake tears soaking their cheeks for sympathy that is not theirs to take, too many fake faces staring out for more, as though consumers at a food convention.  "I'm sure you can also see how fake the family is mom, it's stupid." I said aloud, looking up at the sky and clenching both my hands in tight fists. The tears were threatening to sting my eyes. "I wish it wasn't you!" I bellowed, "It should have been me! You didn't deserve this, we don't deserve this!" Squeezing my eyes shut keeping the tears from falling not wanting to see the reality that she is gone from me. Looking down at my leather boots, I kick a large crispy leaf off the paved path onto the grass. I'm still staring at the golden leaf, stuck in a trance, not able to take my eyes off it as I slide my favourite backpack off my shoulders and start to focus while rummaging through the messy clutter for my cigarettes and gold flip top lighter. I light up the cigarette that is hanging between my lips blowing out a perfectly long line of smoke, hypnotising me with a blissful ignorance. Not able to cloud the thoughts of being with my mom in the hospital, the painful memories start haunting me. No longer being able to clench my tears I let them run down my face, feeling each one streaming down but I won't let a whimper escape my lips, just pillows of smoke. A small movement caught the corner of my eye making me jump and turn to face whatever it was that startled me. My eyes meet a tall muscular figure leaning his back against the wall, his dark hair lazily in his face, I burst out with a quick giggle as I realised how it must have looked as though I was drooling, I covered my mouth to conceal it just in case but also to hide my smile as I went from deep anguish to bursting out a chuckle. I felt quite awkward but could not turn my focus off of him, he takes a pull from his cigarette; I copy him, still gawking at him. I don't think he noticed me yet, I watch him closely, mesmerised by his movements. I don't even acknowledge yet that he is struggling to do something with his foot, to brush something away but not getting it right, he gives up and places his foot against the wall, emotionless expression on his face... scratch that... more like mild irritation from what ever effort he had resigned from now it seemed. He suddenly looked my way and I was in no shape or form ready as I was still looking directly at him, holding my breath as he leaned into a step toward me saying "Apologies, I tried kicking this leaf away from me and it clearly didn't work because it's still on my f*****g shoe" he said laughing with an adorable frown. "No worries" is all I manage to say, I was thinking WOW he did notice me, he even knew he startled me, what a keen observer... trying to keep my cool and worried that he also might have noticed my staring and my embarrassing chuckle, I finally look away and carry on smoking but I couldn't anymore, I had to kill it or smoke the filter.  I turn and see the guy standing back in the same position. A slight drizzle of rain begins to fall, I stay in it, taking it in and not wanting to move away from this tall stranger. The rain falling gently against his face and clothes. He motions his head up so that he's looking at the sky and sticks his tongue out. (I giggle, again!)... "I enjoy the feeling of rain cooling down my tongue. It's odd but satisfying." He said turning to face me. I smile with a frown. "It is! It is, it's a strange feeling but I also find it satisfying" I say, meeting his emerald eyes. He stares at me with a blank expression and made his way over to me, extending his hand out to me. "I'm Dean... Dean Blakes" I stared at his hand for a moment, contemplating on whether or not I should shake his hand, before taking it in mine. I guess my body reacted quicker than my thoughts. "I'm Claudia Vandell." It felt like I had been zapped. I yanked my hand away and stared at it as if I couldn't believe the feeling tingling in my fingers and up my arm to my shoulder. I give him a questioning look and see that he too is staring at his hand in shock. "Did you just prank me with one of those ring things that shock people when you high five them or shake their hands?!" He shouts. "No? I thought that's what you did to me!" I yelp, looking at my hand again and showing him both sides of both my hands. I look at him once more pryingly before storming off into the church. That was weird. "Hey pumpkin, where are you off to in such a rush?" Dad asks with a concerned tone in his voice. I look at him and see behind him, Uncle Charlie standing there giving me a puzzled look. "Uhm... nowhere, I just want to go home" I said grabbing dad by his arm leading to the church doors. "Slow down Clauds" He demands, pulling out of my grip. "What's wrong?" He asks, his eyes scanning the room. "Uncle Charlie..." I say as I look at my uncle. "Can you drop me off?" I ask looking back over my shoulder at the church doors. "Yeah, let's go little one." He says looking at my dad giving him an assuring smile. Dad let's out a sigh of relief. "Call me when you get home pumpkin." He says, placing a gentle kiss on my head. I nod and follow Uncle Charlie out of the church. As we step outside the church doors I see Dean standing where I left him. His eyes follow Uncle Charlie and then look at me. "Claudia wait...Where are you going?" He asks. I turn to face him and stare at him with annoyance. "I don't know you and you don't know me... leave me alone." I say, snapping at him. I turn to face Uncle Charlie that is now looking at me with concern. "Everything okay kiddo?" He asks waiting for me to stand by his side. "Yeah, can we just go?" I ask avoiding his stare. I see him nod in the corner of my eye. He stops dead in his tracks and looks at Dean with knives in his eyes. Dean switches his eyes from Uncle Charlie to me but stays where he is... the rain falling harder by the second. *** The drive is quiet and we're nearing my house so I unbuckle my seat belt and swing my backpack over my shoulder, ready to get out of the car as soon as it stops. "Thanks for the ride Uncle" I said turning to face him as he slowly pulls up to the house. Can he drive any slower? "No problem, are you coming to dinner with Matt tonight?" He asks, referring to dad, as the car come to a stop in the driveway. "No, maybe next time uncle but I'm sure dad will be there" I say looking at my hand that is now resting on the handle. "Very well little one, call if you need anything." He said looking out at the road. "I will" I said getting out of the car. Closing the door behind me, I ran up the patio stairs. Swinging the door open. I fling my bag onto the sofa and close the door slowly. "Mary?!" I shout as loud as my voice would let me. No answer. I head upstairs to my younger sisters room and see she too is not home. I got back to the living room and dig for my cigarettes once again and make my way to the patio sitting next to the large flowerpot on the floor waiting to see when Mary comes back from her walk with Kelsey.