Calculated Love

I wish I was not good at math. Before the alarm, my mom knocked on my door. I groaned and looked at my cell phone and I still had three minutes before the alarm would go off. She destroyed my precious three minutes of sleep.  "Getting up." I gave a muffled cry. "Now Chloe, I have to leave for the University." She said already in panic mode this early in the morning. She taught history at the local university. I grunted hoping she got the message as I dragged myself to the bathroom. My hair was oily again, it was the only day before yesterday when I shampooed but my hair was rebellious. I hated my red hair, it stood out like a sore thumb and got me unwanted head turns I didn't need. It would have been an advantage had I been one of those beautiful girls with a perfect slender figure and a good collection of clothing. But my red hair was my boon. It turned heads for people to find out a size 10 girl with messy waves of red and unflattering oversized clothing and then they would laugh or whisper something that would not include anything pleasant. It's not that I didn’t like to dress up but, it’s just my mirror usually told me that nothing looked good on me. As I rushed down after a quick shower, I noticed the usual mess on the kitchen counter. My mom used to be the most organized person before the divorce but after that, she had to work and was mostly busy, she became quite a mess. Now I was the manager and I needed to make a grocery list, handle laundry washing and folding, and on alternate days cooking. I gulped down the juice in the glass and munched on the toast as my mom walked in quick steps around the house grabbing keys, purse, cell phone, lipstick all in a haphazard manner. This was a morning routine now and I observed her panic state almost daily unless it was weekends and she would be in PJs cooking or baking for me. “Did you get that English Assignment done?” She asked as we were in the car. “Obviously mom.” I do not have anything else to do. “Is chemistry still hard?” She asked just a mom would worrying about weird things at sudden times. “As far as I could remember but I am not failing,” I said in an almost sleepy state. “We are going hiking this weekend, right?”, she said in an excited tone. This was a mother-daughter ritual. We would choose an activity every weekend and do it together. Last time it was shoe shopping because my mom needed new shoes. This time it was hiking because apparently hiking in summer was fun. Anyway, I loved spending time with my mom because I had barely any friends. “Ok, I am stopping the car here. I see Thea from here.” She said and I spotted my only nerd friend who shared my love for ice cream and K-dramas. “See you later mom,” I said and got down from the car. “Thea, “I called out because I started feeling weird if I walked alone for too long. It felt like people were staring at me. “Don’t talk to me, I still have to write 400 words more.” She was furiously typing on her laptop for the English Assignment. “You ditched homework and watched episodes without me, didn’t you?” I asked but she just hissed at me. Aside from her similar thinking and choices, we were different. She was a pretty girl and would have been in the popular lot if her father did not work as a driver to the town’s mayor. She was proud of her father and his job and unlike me was sassy and self-confident. People didn’t dare to speak against her because she had that do-not-mess with me glare. So, she simply glared at me for the answer. “Fine, fine. I will sit here until the class starts and support you.” I said and sat down with a sigh next to her. But she was too preoccupied. I took the chance to see the students entering and chatting. The cute couples who were all lovey-dovey but lasted for mere some months. I enviously looked at girls who would wear anything and looked good with slender legs and a good waistline. One of the days I would start jogging and I would come back after the summer break and my life would change. I would find love and self-confidence. People will admire me, rather than ignoring me or mocking me. “Done, stop day-dreaming b***h we need to go now.” She said like I was the one wasting her time. “Ok, fine,” I said and walked with her as she told me about the latest trailers and last romance novel she read. “Look at them they are nothing like the hero in my book.” She said suddenly changing her topic of discussion and habitually tying her black hair in a high bun. I observed the group of kids who will always have an easier time in life just because they were blessed with looks and money. I mean how unfair could it get, at least I and Thea could be rich if not beautiful. But Micah Watson and his group were like the epitome of this unfairness. Not only he was tall and handsome, but he also had a smile of a devil that would lure you in the darkest of forest and you wouldn’t question it. Every other month he would be using his smile and surprisingly charming personality on a new girl. I was not dreaming of falling in love with me because let's be honest that was not remotely possible unless he turns blind or maybe he is threatened but nevertheless, his charms and his friendly personality always made me want to be in his group. Thea on the other hand kept distance because she wouldn’t allow herself to be friends who might make her father belittle himself. Amazingly she loved me and was my protector. If it hadn’t been for her, I would have been bullied. I was before she came along in third grade. I was the fat kid, the balloon and other hurting nicknames, and kids stole my food or tripped in games and cafeteria. One day Thea actually sprayed someone with a chilly sauce bottle and since then we became friends. “I thought you had a crush on that boy in the coffee shop.” I reminded her and she gave me an eye roll. “I am just saying, look at the cliché pairing her. Why is Micah with Helena?” Because Helena was pretty, nice and intelligent. Aside from the fact that she was super nice, she was a little bit of a drama queen. But that all canceled out during bake sales and bikini car wash days. I loved her for bakes sales and school population on car wash days. “Do you love Micah?” I asked and she groaned. “I would rather be with Jose.” She said eyeing Micah’s best friend, sexy with his olive skin and hair made of black silk apparently. “Sure,” I said when she gave them an annoyed looked even though people like us were practically invisible to people like them. The bell rang and we ushered in the class like a wild herd of sheep. Everyone had their usual seats but unfortunately today my seat was taken by a new student, a totally gorgeous addition to our class. I lacked confidence in the first place but when I saw a Beyoncé sitting in my place I had absolutely no courage and apparently no right to ask her to leave. “This is my friend’s place.” Obviously, Thea said with a dry look. “Oh, I am sorry. Dear do you mind?” She asked me in a sickeningly sweet tone. “No, it’s okay,” I mumbled and Thea glared at me. Our Chem lab teacher entered and that was the end of the discussion as I found myself the only empty spot, next to Helena. If I could die then, I would. I walked feeling the weird tinging sensation of being stared on. As I kid and maybe a little till now, I have been mocked a lot and I hated walking alone among the people. It made my breathing difficult and uneasy. “Hi, Chloe,” Helena said with a smile. Like I said, super nice. “Chlo, you need to do something about these t-shirts. Too big for you and this makes you look fatter.” But super blunt. There was no mockery in her tone just concern. “Thanks, I will go shopping soon,” I said just to get her off my back. But I felt sorry for her as soon as I saw the guy in front of our lab desk, her current boyfriend, Micah was already staring at the new girl. We started the experiment and Helena did her part quicker than me because I literally struggled with chemistry. She even helped understand it and didn’t once stare at me just because she was size four while I looked like a hulk next to her. “Dude, you need to pass this class because if you fail both chem and math you will be thrown out the basketball team and the archery team,” Jose spoke from the desk in front of me. “I need help in math and no one is free to tutor me. I can’t tell mom about this because that would mean dad would hear about it and that would mean trouble.” I kept my eyes towards the lab file and fill in the data required as Helena placed the test tubes systematically after every step. “Sweetie, Chloe is a math genius, aren’t you dear?” She said a little too loudly and the lab assistant gave us a glare. “Sorry.” She said with a brilliant smile. Of course, it worked. I would have gotten a scolding. “Huh? Who?” Micah asked and she pointed at me. I immediately looked away not accustomed to interacting with people in general. “Oh, her.” He said with a bored tone. “Chloe, I am sure you can tutor Micah just for this term. I hope you are not too busy.” She said, like, she knew I did nothing except school and sometimes cat sitting for my neighbor. I was an AP Math and I could help Micah but that would be useless and super uncomfortable for me. How would I survive without Thea? Micah was giving me an unimpressed and questioning look. “You wouldn’t want our school archery and basketball team to lose its star player.” She said in a gentle tone and I was shocked to see that she was pouting to add the effect. Refusing would just bring unnecessary hate and attention. I wish I was not good at math. “Sure,” I said avoiding looking at both Helena and Micah and pretended to scribble on my notebook instead. “There honey, done, you have been crying about this for a week. Now you have a tutor, can we go on a date today.” She said with a cute puppy look. “Done babe.” He said with a big smile. His whole expression changed when he looked from me to Helena. Apparently, his friendliness only extended to good looking people. But then again, I was not even surprised. And just like that, the class continued. When the bell rang everyone rushed out from the fumes and choking smell in the lab. Micah gave Helena a quick kiss and followed Jose who was talking to the new girl. Helena looked displeased but she knew Micah was not someone you could control so she left. “You traitor,” Thea pulled me aside as we came out of the lab. I gave her an apologetic look. “I am not sitting with her in the next lab, she is self-obsessed or I think so.” She said scrunching her nose in disgust. “Promise, next time we will get there before her.” “No, Chloe Anne Brown, you will tell her that it’s your seat.” She practically threatened me. I nodded knowing too well it was useless arguing with her. “Why did Queen Hells say that you are a math whiz?” “Because she wants me to tutor her boyfriend,” I said realizing in the pit of my stomach that I made a wrong decision agreeing with her. “You refused, right?” Thea asked, glaring her me with her hands dramatically resting on her waist. “I am sorry,” I said in a small tone. “Urghh, you are such a wuss.” She looked exasperated at me. “Don’t come crying to when hanging with the wrong crowd will hurt you.” “It’s just an hour of tutoring Thea, please you know I couldn’t say no.” “I know Chloe and this nature of you will get you in trouble.” But you are here, my invincible shield.” I said trying to use the pouting thing Helena did. “Ew, forgiven. b***h please don’t ever make that face again.” She said and I grinned relieved and happy that she was my friend.