Just another Tumor

Samantha Type      Okay, new school, new me. It’s going to be different here. You’ve already gone through most of the day without any breakdowns or things that are specifically weird. No need to do anything now to make you seem different. Just go about your lunch hour and eat the lunch you brought while everyone else is buying theirs. Good job mom. Oh my god this is the lunch of a six-year-old. Maybe she mixed up the bags, nope. My name is on this one. For f**k sakes mom could you be any crazier.  ‘Breathe through the day sunshine. Call me anytime you need to.’           Wow thanks mom, great note. Very encouraging. I haven’t made a single friend here. I wonder if people here can smell fear and weirdness. I should have put on my raspberry perfume today. Mental note for next time. Lunch is almost over now. Maybe if you at least talk to someone you could tell mom that the day wasn’t a whole waste. Just say Hi. Those girls look nice, but not at same time? Ugh just pick someone, someone alone. You’re better when talking one on one, Sam. That girls alone, go up and sit with her. Getting up. And it’s a nope. Why does everyone have friends at this school? Maybe it’s because they’re all nice and normal and you’re the weird freak who radiates fear and practically has a ‘My last boyfriend died and I was in the mental institute for a while.’ sticker stuck to her forehead.  f**k it. That guys alone, go before anyone walks up to him. You got this, you can do it!  “Hey cutie, what’s your name?” Ethan Davidson      “What did you just say?” her face showed her obvious confusion when I responded as quickly as I did. I’ve been called ‘V-H-Loser’, ‘Tumor boy’ and other things related to my crippling disease, but this? This was different.      “I s-said you were a cutie, is that not…”      “Why?”      “Why’d I call you cute?”      “No why are you wearing mixed match shoes, yes obviously I’m asking why you said that. Did Minear tell you to say that? He better not have, that little freaking as…”      “Oh no! No, I just thought you looked cute so I just said what was on my mind. I’m sorry if I offended you, also I’m not sure who ‘Minear’ is.” Damn it. She’s the new girl, I didn’t even realize that I didn’t recognize the face and voice, I just pounced on this girl.       “Crap, no, sorry. I really am, um you’re Sam, right?” as soon as I said her name her faced started to glow as her lips turned into a curl, she was actually kind of pretty.      “Samantha Type, but I guess that the abbreviation of my first name is alright.” I remember hearing what people said about her in the halls, they were right but I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover giving my situation. Her hand stretched out to meet mine.      “Ethan.” I say as I grab her hand, it’s soft and gentle. As if she’s never felt the cold world. It’s warm too, her handshake is flowing as I stare at both of our hands movement. Mine stiff and cold, still rusty from the last tumor that got removed from my wrist.      “Okay then, just ‘Ethan’,” she says my name with a smoother tone than her normal voice, “you’re pretty cute but the handshake might take some points from your score.” The whole VHL might take away everything from my score.      “Your vocabulary might take away from your score.” She giggles and I feel the warmth of her beaming around. This girl is very different from anyone around here. It’s refreshing.      “Well some might say it adds more points, but if my beautiful word choice is too intelligent for you, I’ll dumb it down” Her smirk makes it difficult not to smile.      “So, you think I’m dumb? I can have as vast of vocabulary as I please but your word choice seems a little too formal for my own opinion.”       “Wow look at you using the word ‘vast’, but fine. I’ll stop being so formal.” She doesn’t just smile with her mouth, it’s her whole body. The way she lifts her shoulders and inch higher, her eye’s creasing just a bit, her tone of voice managing to become airier. “So, may… wait can I ask you a question? See less formal.”      “Yeah sure.”      “Why were you so agitated, wait no, mad when I said you were cute?” there it is, I’m going to have to bring up my stupid tumors and then she’ll think I’m weird and then she’ll stop talking to me. Wait, why are you so worried about what she thinks? You don’t have a chance anyway, so just tell her and get it over with. Just say it. Out loud. I have Von Hippel-Lindau. Just say it to her!      “Oh, I’m not actually cute and uh well, I um…”      “You were bullied?”       “Yes.” What no?! Why are you lying! No, it’s not lying.      “Yeah, I figured, I was too so I understand how you under value your appearance and end up having an even lower self-image of yourself.” Okay well you aren’t lying to her. You have been bullied. You just aren’t saying why. That’s not lying. Yes, it is. No, yes, no, yes, s**t. “Oh, sorry that was too formal for you.”      “Ha ha funny.” Her smile so bright, stop keeping the truth from her. She will understand, she’s kind.       “So back to what started this conversation, would you like to…”      “I have a disease that gives me tumors and I could die from it!” Nice going dip-s**t.       “Um okay then?” She giggled. She actually laughed at my death giving disease.      “That doesn’t bother you?”      “Well the dying part does because it’s going to be devastating to the world, but the other part no.”       “You sure?”      “I am one hundred percent sure.”       “Okay then.”      “Okay then. So, can I re ask you that question that you so rudely interrupted?” There’s the smile.       “Oh yeah, sorry.”      “Would you like to go out with me, sometime, soon probably, but not like right at this moment. Well maybe if that’s okay with you, I mean it’s fine if you say no. I would completely understand your decision about why you wouldn’t want to.”      “What about tonight at 6?” She freezes and it’s like the world has too. There’s no warmth but it’s not cold.      “Yes! I mean yeah, sure. Six is great.” And the world is started again. The warmth is back and her glow is even more intense, “I knew you were going to accept.”      “I’m sure you did.”      “No really, I was very confident.”      “If that’s confident, what’s your nervous look like?” She hit’s me on the arm and I feel as if it’s the first time being treated as a person. I’m not a patient, I’m not a tumor. I am a person.     “So, I’ll see you later then.” As she’s walking away I can still feel her light glowing around me, I have no idea what I just got myself into.      “Yeah but I kind of need your address to come and pick you up?”       “Chicken nuggets! I forgot, yeah okay so the corner of Leah and Kettle street, it’s the turquoise house on the left.” She talks with her hands, not anxiously though. As if they were supposed to talk with her.      “Chicken nuggets?”        “Don’t tease me because I’m not fond of using harsher language.” Her hands cross in front of her like a puzzle only she can solve.      “I’m not, I’m just... I don’t know. I’ll see you at six.” Her laugh is… wait, no it’s more of a light giggle, is pure. You can tell she means it.       “I’ll see you then, goodbye Ethan.” The way she says my name fills my chest with tightness. What am I going to do with Samantha Type.       She probably goes on dates to the museum or neat little coffee shops or slam poetry nights. I am so screwed for tonight. I don’t even know if my dad will lend me the car, how the hell am I going to pick her up? Oh, Hello there Sam yes, I will be taking you to the nicest McDonalds in our city by cab of course because I am a stupid i***t who doesn’t have any idea what to do with a perfect girl like you. Sounds great Ethan! f**k, can this day get any slower?      The bell rings for school to end and I don’t know why but I’m trying to avoid Samantha. Avoid your mistakes is the first thing a teenager learns. Was this a mistake though? No, no she’s not. She’s the best decision I’ve made so for in this life time. Mom is waiting outside of the car as I walk towards it. Her face is withered and wrinkled, but her smile still filled with hope that one day my tumors will just magically stop on their own.      “How was school sweet tart? Make any friends? How were your classes, do you like the teachers? Because if you don’t I can always call the school and chan…”   “It’s fine mom. I met a girl and I need the car at 6 today. My classes are great, the teachers too.”      “You met a girl! Sweet tart that’s amazing! Of course, you can take the car! Is she pretty? What’s her name? Do we know her? Oh, my is she Kim Wong? I knew you two would find each other on a relationship level.”  My mom’s pet name for me. Sweet tarts used to be my favorite candy as a kid. Key word used to, since then I’ve found better ones.      “What no mom, it’s not Kim. She’s new.” Kim Wong, my best friend since second grade. She only dates guys a year younger than her because she likes the power.      “Oh, does she know about the umm, your…”      “Yeah.”      “And she still wants to go out with you?!”      “Jesus mom! You act like I’m some kind of leper!”      “No sweet tart I don’t think that! I’m just so happy for you, your dad is going to be so proud of you. You want me to help you with your clothes? You could borrow one of dads ties to wear with your suit, or you could wear something a little more casual?”      “It’s fine mom, having the car is fine and I can pick out my own clothes.”      “Okay, okay then. Where are you going to take her? Out to eat does she know whether to eat dinner or not? Did you tell her where or is it going to be a surprise?”      “I don’t know yet mom, settle down.”      “I’m sorry that I am excited for my only son to be going out on his very first date. I’ll just stop talking then since you don’t want to hear any advice from an old lady like me.” My mom knew how to play the guilt card very well. I am her only son but not her only child but my older sister’s life is a little more closed off to her since my diagnosis.       “You know I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just… just nervous, I guess.”      “Well of course you are baby, it’s okay to feel that way, it’s even okay to cancel if you really feel uncomfortable.”       “What no! I’m not canceling.”       “I didn’t say you were going to I just said if you did, you could and I would support you with any decision you make.”      I went straight to my room once we got home, it was already four p.m. so I only had two hours to get ready and figure my s**t out. It probably didn’t help lying on my bed for fifteen minutes thinking about if I should cancel or if that was just a planted thought in my head.       “Tumor boy has a date?” The voice coming from my doorway had to be one person and one person only.      “f**k off Kate.”      “I’m just as shocked as you are. She must be pretty low on the standards to go out with a dying kid or maybe she wants some good community service hours for her college apps.”      “I said f**k off!” Throwing a pillow at her never did work but I try every time.      “Ooh tumor’s getting feisty! Better save that for later.”      “Kate would you just leave me alone, I have to get ready.”       “Don’t choke tonight Ethan, see ya later.”      My sister used to be one of those little girls with the pigtail braids and little pink dresses, then she was the smart girl with the popular friends, basic girly girl. Blond hair, blue eyed dope. Everything changed for her when I got diagnosed. Less time with my parents, missed ballet recitals, cut backs on piano and cello lessons, all because her stupid little brother got tumors. Now she hangs out with the kids who’ve been in and out of foster care, drug addicts and soon to be prostitutes. My parents say she needs time to cope with what she lost but I think they should just lock the b***h up in a mental institute. My phone began to buzz when I finally decided to wear the blue plaid shirt instead of the green.   “It’s Sam, or Samantha, or you could even call me Miss Type but that’s a little too much. I got your number from the school because we never said anything about dinner together or not. I need to know if I Shall eat or not to eat. Xxx”   “Hey, so I’ve decided that we shall starve until I pick you up, if that’s cool with you?”  “Perfect, I can train for my upcoming fast. Lol see you soon! Xxx” The ‘x’s were a new thing to me in texting but whatever floats her boat I guess.   “It’s five thirty! I’m going now!” I heard thumping upstairs and soon my mom was running down the stairs.   “Do you have everything you need? Money? Do you want more money? Here!”   “Mom I have money, I have a job remember?”  “I know but just in case, maybe you need more gas in the car? Use that. I can’t believe my little baby is all grown up and going on his first date!” Her hands were soft on my cheeks and it takes me back to the days when things were normal. Usually mom doesn’t touch me unless we found out I have another tumor. I think she’s afraid of breaking me.  “Okay mom, I have to go.”  “Yes, yes go on. Be back at a decent hour!”  I get in the car and breathe. Just for a moment it feels like the world has been deprived of oxygen but I know I can still feel it around me.   “I’m on my way now.” I text her leaving the driveway. “Okay! Don’t text and drive, I’m looking forward to seeing you alive! Xxx” Again with the ‘x’s.