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Invisible

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I am Tamo from Georgia. Not from the United States. My country with small, small opportunities. And when you write well, you want the world to know you. When I discovered a talent for writing in myself, I realized that I could share life experiences and ways with others, This book will help others find themselves, The goal is to fight that you should never give up. Spiritual growth will make the world a better place

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Invisible
 “The truth is light and difficult to tell, but if we walk on this path we shall find something that can never be reckoned that this might happen”.     I have always wanted to write a book, but I have never had this chance. I did not have that special sense what many writers, poets, artists and other creators call the muse. Perhaps something bad should have happened in my life in order this talent to come to me. It is just a few months my soul has started to wake up, something happened, it has changed forever. This gave me the opportunity to fulfill my longstanding dreams. But I did not expect this to happen. While writing, I realized what they mean by coming to the muse. I think this word does not correspond to the feeling I experience while writing. I call it "the shining of the spirit». I can explain the shining of the spirit in many ways. This happens suddenly, this may happen at such a place and time when you do not expect at all, and that's exactly the moment when the cell of the mind revives, which completely changes your internally, so I always have a notebook and a pen, if I fail to note down in the exact moment of thinking, it disappears without trace. You cannot write with the words, with the emotion burning inside yourself at that moment, it becomes totally banal when it is written another time, just only by recollecting. Because that writing does not have the spirit, neither emotion, a book is the world where you can travel; you may become the one you want to be. It will be forever imprinted as a living book, with the immortal soul. Maybe we are people who can change many things, even thinking that our society lacks today. The instant enlightening remains in yourself until you finish what you wanted to say, you are born again, in this moment one is completely innocent, feeling all that is sacred. The masterpieces, the books, the poems, the pictures, the films and the other are created in such a way. I also want to say that every person has a moment of shining of the spirit, some have strong, some are weak, and some are very brilliant, but such people are rarely born. This book is neither about me, nor you. This book is for those who find themselves and if you are lucky enough you may even find God, you will be able talk to him, and most importantly, you will feel the great spiritual power that will help you in the struggle of life. I want you to get acquainted with me because I think I do not belong to this world. Remember me to live forever when I die, I will be the guardian of each of you, and when you are no longer I will come during your death. Finally, I know many people do not like what I've written, some will criticize me, some consider it to be nonsense, and the minority will agree. It is your right to believe it or not, whether you really guess what I try, what are hidden behind these words. Do you know what the reality is? The truth, even though we all see the reality differently, the result is still the same. Finally, when all of us leave this world, we will see whether I was right or not, but before that you will stay in your opinion and you have the total right to do it, that is freedom, to have your opinion about everything, right to decide, it gives us the opportunity to lead the life as we want. At the time of writing I do not just write, I feel these words inside, each word and I understand how difficult and at the same time sensitive theme I took up the pen for. Perhaps there is one point to agree for those who do not believe it at all. This world was created by some power, we called it God, and he exists, nothing is created by itself, everything needs to be controlled, even the world. As for me, I can tell you I am ready for everything you will think after reading.  I feel like writing this and showing to people, and the result is minor to me.   The Reconciliation    I am opening my eyes, I am standing at the beginning of the road, I do not know where I was, how I came here. At first I thought it was a dream, but it was not. My eyes are so heavy as if I have slept with a deep sleep where I was leading my life. The reality is gone somewhere until now. I have difficulty in reckoning what happened, how I came here, or what place it is. I try to remember who I was and who I am now. My mind tries to forget something. Forget what happened before. Was my life real? It's hard to remember when the mind does not allow you to do that. Finally everything always returns to its place. When I remembered who I was, I realized the reason for coming here. I woke up and saw the world better. I got up. My head was splitting. Everything is empty here. There are no buildings, neither trees nor stones. Only one way -with three directions. Each of them says: "Are you sure that this is your way?" I did not know what to do, how to behave. I am standing in the middle of three ways, I am looking at the inscriptions and cannot understand whether it says or asks. I looked back, and the way back to me was "past", I decided to follow this path because I knew what it was like, and I did not know what it would be like in the future. I was about to go, when I heard the sound. - “Do not go, it's your past, if you go back there, you will never be able to start again and find the right path”. This voice was heard from all sides. At first, I could not understand who he was, I did not know whether it was worth saying something and then said something what I did not want to hear. Why? Because I reckoned who he was. – “You have to go”. - I do not know whether I was ready or not to find, what I was looking for, sometimes I feel scared. Sometimes bad or even a good answer, none is acceptable. Though... -“All other ways say the same, how should I know which is right”? –I said.-“Everyone is the same but it means different, you have to decide which one to choose. Remember that you can always go another side, it's your life and it depends on your steps, do not be afraid, the difficulty lies in everything, the main thing is to believe in yourself”.-the voice disappeared. I chose the first way. I think the first is always important, it means the beginning of something that you will understand with me. I glanced at the past, I knew I had to forget what happened and who I was, if I walked forward, I would have to change, one cannot see the future as you are now, because life cannot be continued, you will come back from there, you will have to start again. It is true when they say that we are guilty of every our misfortune, but somehow I did not find myself guilty in my life, I thought a lot, why it happened to me and the answer is probably between these roads and I am ready to accept any response because the truth nevertheless it is painful, still reveals you. I walked along the road, I did not think about where I was going or what I was going to do. I was just walking. Thoughts were gone, I tried to imagine myself or meet somebody or something that would bring me to the answer. The question that has not been asked yet cannot be answered, but I know there is the question and the answer. Sometimes we find out what our question was only after receiving the answer. I do not remember how long I walked, the only thing in front of me was the road, and everything else had disappeared.  It looked like a dream, but it was not. This is the way that we all have to go through, just some people cannot see it, but I could always see it even though I did not want it, and finally I decided to accept the truth. It is not easy to see what is real, to see yourself as you are, it can be frustrating. Maybe I am afraid not to find myself as I know myself. Now I cannot think of it, what will I do and I do not know what I will feel. With a lot of thoughts, I've gone through a lot of things, and I did not even feel how it got dark. I looked around and saw a big stone. “I'll sleep here and tomorrow, I hope there will be no empty road like today”. Reality or Imagination You keep on going, going again and the path seems endless, you lose the hope. But hope sometimes fails; sometimes it makes no sense, sometimes it is the most important thing, it depends on what happens in your life. You want to go back. Two persons are fighting with you:  "feeling" and "brain". The brain says, "There is nothing, but only the endlessness”, and the “feeling "says – “Listen only to me, I never deceive you, have I ever mistaken?” I'm being attacked by the voice from every side, I want to go forward for a second and get back for another second. This is a battle where the winner is only the pain that leaves the track behind, I'd like to disappear for a while, to stop the pain, but most of all I want to shout, with all my strength, I want my mind to stop the poisoning of me. I only think of my feelings, this is the only thing that gives me the hope and confidence to keep on going despite the holes; to struggle. When I feel I'm never mistaken. Deeply absorbed in struggling with myself, I did not even notice how I came up to the city. I cannot say what I see now, really exists. I do not know what the place is, everything and everyone are alien; they do not look like the Georgians or the inhabitants of any other country. Huge trees, their height are usually four times as large as the tree, with big green shiny leaves, high buildings are standing next to each other, everything is shining on every side, and the people there also do so. Their faces, their features are natural, painted and unique. They were not created by a human. I wanted to talk, but the person like me does not deserve the speaking to them, though it was only my assumption. They looked like neither angels nor humans. I wondered what creatures they really were. What I was able to see was love, kindness, beauty, which united them and created happiness. There were not those among them who you would not like. This was neither the boundary nor the earth and the paradise. I was interested in what this place was. Because this road brought me here, I had to understand why I was here; otherwise I could not go out of this place. As I watched, I noticed someone walking in the middle of the road and the cars were moving quickly. He crossed the road in such a way, that he did not look the cars as if he knew that they would not collide with him, then stopped, turned to the right and started watching something. I was interested in what he was watching with such an interest, but I did not see anything and came up to him. - “Can you tell me where I am?” - I asked. He did not answer, he was still standing. I repeated my question, but in vain. I was trying to see what he was looking at. Suddenly he raised his hand and pointed his forefinger to the right, and I kept my eyes on his hand. I saw a huge gateway, it appeared from nowhere, it was slowly opening and the beam out of it was dazzling me, and he looked at me as if he was the part of the beam. The movement stopped, everyone started watching the gate. I had a feeling that somehow had captured their minds. I did not know if I could get inside, maybe the answer was there, but no, nothing had ever happened so easily in my life, and it would not happen at that moment either. I could not easily find what I was looking for or whether I guessed if it was an answer when I found it. I decided to try myself; I did not know what else to do. I went into luminous gates with closed eyes, shining so brightly as the ordinary people could not look straightly to the sun, they could not also look straight to this beauty. I did not know what was happening there.  I felt I would do everything to find my place in the world. In other cases I would have lost my life forever. I opened my eyes, there stood somebody smiling. He was crook-backed, wearing the rags that were shining. He had a wrinkled face, bright eyes, with different colors, they were green, blue and brown at the same time. The old man united the word itself. He approached me, my heart was beating. A pleasant emotion was coming from him. He had a kind man's impression. It was difficult for me to breathe. I would probably lose the consciousness if he touched me. No one could endure the grace that was coming from him, but when he touched me everything calmed down inside me, I felt calmer, all the grief was gone. I'd have to feel strange, but I thought it could not have been otherwise. He neither let me go, nor did he say anything, I was silent too, I did not want him to startle and go, I wanted to talk to him, I had questions. I was in a hurry intrinsically, but I knew the speediness was not worth it. I waited for him to act, and he just watched me, I felt how he entered inside me, I was like an opened book that he could read. I was scared not to see my biggest sorrow. I avoided his glance, but he smiled, guessed my intention, he even did not utter a word again, though I felt his gaze. He took me to the house, I was so fascinated by this person that I did not even looked around, but then I had time. He was going and I was following him. I looked around; the place was strange, ordinary without any large buildings and landscapes. I enjoyed watching. The enormous space, the light around, the sun's rays did not reach this place. But it was bright. There were several houses like a hut, built with bricks in the old style. Near the house there was a small garden, decorated with flowers. The sky did not exist, nor the clouds, the sun, the trees. We came up to the house. He pointed me to the chair, I sat down - he sat down too. None of us spoke, none of us looked each other. __ “How do you think, where you are? Is there anything familiar to you?” __ “I do not think so”, - I said. I knew, I should not have heard this question directly, he meant something deeper than a simple question. Then I continued: __ “I know what the place is, I have never seen it but it exists and is invisible. Am I right? “– I ask myself. He said nothing, I felt he was waiting, but I did not know how to begin, what to say or ask, I was so enchanted by all this, that I was unable to gather the thoughts. He was the first person I met and the very first question should have been the most important.  -“We understand sometimes that we do not know ourselves well. I realized it a long time ago. I thought if I got acquainted with him, I would be able to better understand it. Not knowing who you are is the same to live nowhere, without your own essence. It took me a long time to understand this”. - I said. -  “What did you find?” – Hearing his voice was pleasurable. –“I would be different if I were alone, how can a person be the same as I am?” - “You feel more from life than others, you can be stronger”. _ “Why?” – I looked. -“You are the answer yourself, you are the key, no calmness or happiness you are looking for can be gained by hearing these words from me”. - “Am I looking for this?” -“You are looking for a lot of things at the same time; I have chosen a hard way to go through, if you go ahead, you will find answers to all the questions”. - “And what if I get the answer?” - “It is what it should have been what is yours, and is yours at the present moment, you know it, and you just need to be there”. - “It is very tiresome, sometimes I want to end it all, maybe I have just started to walk on this road, but the main thing is the past that has brought me here, this is difficult”. -I looked other side. - “You will feel tired for many times, you will fall many times. You are not alone, they are helping you, it is nearby but you can’t see, can you?” - The faith towards me felt in his voice was more than it was inside me. - “You are right, it is with me. It is the reason I decided to walk on this road”. - “Keep on going; don’t lose your time. Go ahead and never concede when you realize that you are out of power, have a little rest, restore your strength, and continue walking again. Don’t worry about the wrong way, you will always guess which one is the right, you have the talent of it. You may think that everything will be lost, but remember you never lose the main thing and anyone, whoever loves you, who knows who you are, the person who sees more inside you than you seem to be, you will never lose them, they will always come to you, to your heart and will be with you forever. Never be the person like the one you were, always remember who you are and you will know what you want to know. If someone has understood your words   as if you were somehow above the others, just forget; don’t begin explaining as they already know what the person you are”. - “Go”. – He stood up; he put his hand on my head and blessed me. - “Shall we ever meet again?”- I asked. - “I suppose so; the main thing is to recognize me”. - He smiled. - “I’ll recognize you”. – I said. These were the last words I said. Then the world sank into darkness, the way appeared. As devoted, I walked along the road. The recollection Even though I decided to forget the past, I might meet it in the future. It happens in everybody’s life. If you feel that you are hurt, do not try to stop it, get it as it is; otherwise it becomes more painful than ever before. As I approached the road, I had a strange feeling, I did not want to continue the road, but I could not come back either. There was something else, a good emotion with it, I did not know where it was coming from, and it was happiness and pain at the same time. I had a sense of uncertainty. The more I went forward, the stronger the premonition was. I possibly came back; no one was there beside me who would tell me not to look behind. –There was only God, who could say that. “The pain is not cured with time, we just get used to it and we cannot feel it until we remember it again”. I wonder if I am mistaken as I feel frightened. Fear differs, I'm not afraid of evil, death, I'm afraid of remembering the pain and experiencing of a new one. Remembering the past, I totally forget where I was. It took me back to the time, where I was able to see myself again from the other side. That day I was at the entrance of the university when I saw him. The first thing I felt was uncertainty, something brightened inside me, the lamp of the first soul, it confused me. I had a feeling that I knew him for a very long time. It was the first time that I had seen not only the physical body of a person, but his soul as well.  Maybe this is the key to one of the doors of the universe, it seemed so obvious, I could see more of it, but I had no right if he would not have desired it, it would be the invasion into another's life. I cannot tell you with words what I feel, there are no words that can describe exactly, one should feel it, experience it; otherwise it loses its power and becomes monotonous, the emotions disappear and only the words remain. The door of the world is open; the question is whether it will be good or bad for me. He was coming towards me, the feeling became stronger. Then I thought these feelings meant love. After some time I realized what it was. It was neither past nor future, it was one day. It was strange, but true. Our relationship was short and pleasant. He failed to understand me. Sometimes I feel that people are less likely to be people, that’ why until I see what I want to see in a person, which inspires me to receive him or her, I cannot do anything before. To feel emotions towards someone, this is the greatest thing in life. To feel the love to people means that you can become better. Everything has its own reasons; this one has its reasons too. I do not want this feeling just to pass me. "Sometimes what we cannot understand does not mean that we do not know the answer, it takes time to realize, observe and understand." This way does not end there. There are small curves. Finally, I shall go there where I really should be.   Something I did not want to say, but I did I returned to the road loaded with emotions. Sometimes everything that happens in our life does not leave the trace alone, some remains as a scar; it was just the scar that reminded itself, trying to stop for a long time. I do not like to talk about it, but I have to say it. There is an invisible connection between people. Some feel it, some do not. Whether the people believe it or not, it still exists and nobody will change it. It really exists, I feel it. Sometimes when I do something, something instantaneously wakes up inside me, my heart begins to beat strongly, it presses the respiratory tract and I cannot breathe with the nose alone. It started from the period when my lover and I parted; I should have guessed that it was the reason, but I could separate the emotions from each other. I guessed it could have been something else. I might be wrong. I started to investigate, I dreamt, then there was another dream, then my friend dreamt also. Sometimes I think it was not just a dream. I see his face perfectly only in dreams. Sometimes I think I know how he looks like, what he loves, what he likes. Everyone can feel the existence of another person who has never seen, but knows. He is different from me, has three things that unite us - the flawless heart, the strength and the brilliant spirit. How should I know, I have no idea, but I know. When I was born, the God thought, "She needs a life-partner in this world not to feel alone". Those who feel genuine and pure love can feel it more than just a feeling. I have never felt happiness being in love, though I think it should bring the happiness. I do not know what happiness is. I do not know what the feeling is like when the strong man stands beside you. I never felt someone’s love, just like as I can love. I felt its existence when I needed the most. One sometimes tries to invent something to protect himself, to feel better and to suppress the pain inside him with the thought that there is someone somewhere who lives for him or her. I could always distinguish the reality and fantasy, whether I wanted it or not, the unreal world never became the part of my life. When I think about him, I see him. Sometimes I want to know him very much. I know this also has its time, a great time in our lives, love is the greatest responsibility. I did not want to see this feeling on my way, maybe this way is like this, this road may take me to him and if it does, the only thing I ask the God, will be –“Do not allow me to get frightened”. The roots of fear in my heart become deeper. Perhaps you feel that God is with you, and I feel him all the time. It is difficult to walk on the right path alone, I have no other way. Nobody has ever tried to do something good for me. Just waiting to wheedle the feeling out of me, to exploit me and when they are fed up with me, everything is over there; they think they have caught me. I look at them and understand how severe the people are, I have not done anything bad for them. A person who has a good love can take care of you. One should take care of any person who can love you sincerely. You need to know yourself well enough to understand what you are worth of; then you will know what to do. In order to protect myself, I had to get myself separated from the society, they are so many of such kind, and by separating them I completely pushed myself aside from the public. I'll have to go ahead and get the way to the end, so my words will end like this: "Nobody has ever wished a happy Valentine’s Day for me, has never given a flower, has never given me anything, has never surprised me, has never made an eccentric declaration of love, nobody has ever done anything for my sake, I have never experienced those happy moments which always occur in our lives”. I have never felt like a girl with a boy. I have always felt like a boy. I have never felt myself protected; I have never felt the representative of a weaker s*x with a boy. I have never had the hope of anybody. I love the New Year so much and never met it with a joy. I have not done anything bad for anyone and still they always aggrieved me.

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