Between Love and Destiny

    I woke up with a jolt, sweating through my sheets.  What the hell? I think to myself as I get out of bed to wash all the sweat off that I am drenched in.  I have had the same dream two nights in a row now, not knowing what to make of it.  It’s always the same random woman with blonde hair and green eyes, dressed in a navy blue business suit walking by the front gate of my school.  She seems to be in a rush every time and her heel breaks from getting caught in a crack in the sidewalk. She falls into the road and a grey Nissan Pathfinder, going way to fast to stop, ends her life in a split second. The dream ends there and I wake up in a pool of my own sweat, confused, trying to determine what it could mean.     I hop into my steaming walk in shower, determined not to think about the dream and just relax.  As the hot water rolls over me, I let it wash away the dream and negative emotions that came with it.  This is ridiculous anyhow, I’m 17 and about to graduate high school, a weird dream should be the least of my worries.  I should be worried about passing my classes and getting to walk at graduation. Normal high school, teenage girl stuff.  The dream probably doesn’t mean anything anyhow, it’s probably just stress and anxiety manifesting itself into a bad dream.     I get out of the shower and wrap a white towel around myself and walk up to my mirror. I wipe the fog away and I’m greeted with my reflection.  I look at my dirty blonde hair reaching to my waist, then move to my ocean blue eyes that are almost too big, moving to my high cheek bones, then my small nose, landing on my big, pink lips.  I take in my reflection wondering what people see in me.  I can only seem to see my flaws, not the beauty that everyone claims I naturally have.  Giving up on trying to see my supposed natural beauty, I quickly brush out my hair and apply some light make-up to my face. I stick to some foundation, a little blush, and small line of eyeliner with a little wing at the end.  I give my face one last look over and decide it’ll do for today.     I walk into my room to find my favorite light blue sweater folded on my bed, mentally thanking my mother for washing it.  I throw it on real quick, enjoying its bagginess and how it stops just at my naval. I decide to pair my sweater with my dark, ripped skinny jeans I see lying on the floor next to my bed.  I quickly grab my go to checkerboard vans and slip my feet into them as I grab my black backpack and throw it over my shoulder real quick.  I glance at my iPhone to see the time and realize I will be just in time for homeroom if I leave now.  I pocket my iPhone real quick and run out of my room to the stairwell that leads right to the dining room.  I fly through the dining room into the kitchen, skipping breakfast to save time, and into the garage.  I quickly fling open the driver’s door to my 2017 Kia Forte and throw my backpack into the passenger seat while settling into the driver’s seat. I start her, loving the way she sounds and quickly back out onto our street to speed my way to school.      Driving to school gives my mind the opportunity to drift back to the dream I had.  What does it mean?   Why does it feel so real, like I am actually there? It can’t mean anything, right?  It’s just a freak thing caused by stress…right?  I think to myself, the questions not stopping as I try to convince myself that it’s nothing.  I mean, I’m just your everyday high school girl. There isn’t any way that this dream could mean something more than I’m just too stressed and need to chillax this weekend. My mind drifts to this weekend, wondering if my friends are busy and if they would want to hang out.  Finally on to more normal thoughts.     I pull into the school parking lot and catch my friend, Ezra, waiting for me as usual. He has been my best friend for 4 years now and does this every morning.  He gets here early to eat breakfast and then waits for me to get here so we can walk to homeroom together.  I park in the closest open space to him and start walking to him, watching as he smiles and waves at me.  I smiled and wave back, taking in his messy but cute brown hair, big brown eyes, his thin lips stretched over straight white teeth, his very defined jaw. I make my way down to see he is wearing a black t-shirt and light jeans.  I giggle when I see we are wearing the same shoes.     “Hey, did you mean to wear the same shoes as me today?” I say to Ezra as I smile to let him know I am joking.  He chuckles and shakes his head while throwing his arm around my shoulders.      “Oh yea, because I waited outside your bedroom window to see what shoes you were gonna wear so we could match,” Ezra chuckles.  I laugh and shake my head at his sarcasm as we continue to homeroom.      As we make our way to the front entrance, my mind drifts back to my dream.  A part of me still wonders if it could mean something.  I look to my right and see her.  The lady from my dream wearing the exact clothes and seeming to be in a rush.  I have to believe it means nothing.  There’s no way, it’s just a coincidence.  Then it happens, her heels gets caught and she falls into the road.  I hold my breath because I see it happen, too fast to react or say anything.  The Nissan from my dream going too fast, and then…I have to look away.  My breathing is short and rapid.  I can’t believe this. There’s no way…how?      “Did you just see that? What the hell.” Ezra asks just as shocked as me.  I can’t bring myself to reply.  My mind is racing too much to even begin to form a reply.  What did I just see?  I mean, I know what I just saw.  My dream just unfolded right in front of me?  What the hell does this mean?  Is it just a coincidence?  There’s no way it can be just a coincidence. I just –     “Come on we are gonna be late, are you okay? Alex, say something!” His voice is filled with concern for me.  I know I need to say something to him.     “I saw it happen. I could have done something, I should have said something to her…called out to her.” I finally get out, still in a state of shock.     “Alex, there is nothing you could of done. That dude was going way too fast in a school zone. There’s no way it’s your fault, Alex.  Are you going to be okay?  Do you need to go home,” but I’m not listening, too consumed with my thoughts.  Ezra grabs me by my shoulders and forces me to look at him.  I see the worry in his eyes and know I need to reassure him before he begins to think there’s more wrong than just what we bore witness to.     “I’m…I’m alright.  That just…was a lot to see.  Um, I think I am gonna go home.  I’ll call my mom on my way home and explain why I’m not at school today. I’m sorry, that was just a lot.” Although, I know the real reason it was a lot.  I need to go home and figure out what that was and calm down a bit.      “Yea, of course.  I’m sorry, Alex.  Are you sure you’re gonna be okay by yourself?  I can come with you, at least follow you home if you want.”  I shake my head, I need to do this on my own.  There’s no way I can tell him about my dreams without knowing what it all means first.     “It’s okay, I’m fine, really.  Are you okay?” I ask, feeling horrible for not asking sooner.  I’ve been so consumed in myself, I forgot to worry about my friend and what he saw as well.     “I’ll be okay, I think.  That was just crazy, a lot to take in, but I can’t miss any more Chemistry.  I’m way behind already and need to pass so I can walk at graduation.  Call me during lunch though and let me know if you okay. Okay?”     “Yea I’ll call you. See you later.” I head to my car, mind still racing.  As soon as I get settled in and I’m about to drive off, I feel a presence.  Like I’m not alone.  I slowly look over to my passenger seat and there she is.  I immediately jump, knocking my arm into my door.      “Ow! s**t! Who the hell are you and why are in my car? I swear I just saw you on the road…” I can’t bring myself to finish my sentence, unable to repeat what we both know just happened.     “I don’t know why I am here.  I think I’m dead.  My kids…what about my kids, and my husband?  Oh, my sweet husband.  What will happen to them?  They are going to be devastated.”      I just look at her, unable to say anything, still shocked that she is here with me.  What the hell is going on? First, I can tell the future?  Now, the woman I just watched die is in my car with me.      “Look, I’m really sorry, but I don’t know why you are here either.  I just watched you die, though, and I’m a little freaked out that you’re here in my car with me.” I tell her, feeling guilty for sounding so harsh. She just died and I’m complaining about being freaked out.  Then I feel it.  This feeling that she has unfinished business, that she is still here for a reason.  Do I tell her? Is that why she is here with me?      “I’m sorry, I’m sure this is a lot for you take in as well.  All I know is that I died and then popped up here in your car.  There must be a reason I am here.” She says.  I can tell she is just as confused as I am.  Although, I feel I should tell her what the feeling I’m experiencing.  Maybe she will know what unfinished business she has.     “Well, I just got this feeling that you have unfinished business.  That there is a reason that you are still here.  Do you have any idea what it might be?”     “Um…no not really.  I think I’m going to go see my kids and husband, though.  Maybe I will be able to figure it out while I do that.  I’m sorry again, thank you for letting me know.  I hope your day gets better,” and with that, she is gone.  I rest my head on my steering wheel trying to make sense of all this.  How, just yesterday, I was a normal teenager worried about graduating and today I’m seeing dead people.  Not to mention I’m also dreaming of their deaths.      I start to drive home, thinking that I can better understand everything once I’m there.  As I’m weaving through morning traffic, I remember I need to call my mother and explain why I’m not at school. Hopefully, she won’t freak out on me.  I find her number in my cell and press the call button.  It rings three times and she finally picks up, obviously a little annoyed I’m bothering her at work.’     “Yes?” She asks, annoyance evident in her voice.     “Hey mom, I’m sorry to bother you at work.  I just wanted to let you know that I’m headed home.”     “What! Why?” She exclaims.     “Well…I just saw someone…get run over in front of the school and I’m just not feeling well after seeing that.”  I decide to leave out the other details, not wanting to worry her or freak her out.     “Oh my God, honey, are you okay? Do I need to come home? Do you want to talk about it?” That’s a definite no.     “No, it’s okay, mom.  I’m just going to go lie down.  We can talk when you get home, I just want to be alone for now.” I cross my fingers, hoping she will listen to me and just stay at work so I can have time to figure everything out myself.     “Okay, baby,” she says a little unsure, “if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call.  I’m here for you, whatever you need, okay?”     “Thank you, mom.  I will call you if I need anything.”     “Okay, I love you, bye.”     “Love you, bye.” I hang up and let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.  I pull up into the drive way and park in the garage.  I rush up to my room and immediately sit at my computer. I pause with my fingers hovering over the keys, wondering I’m supposed to type into Google.  I figure I can start with how I’m seeing dead people.  I type in, “I see dead people” and press enter.  The first thing that pops up is clips from the 1999 move “The Sixth Sense”.  I scroll down till I see an ad for a psychic shop just around the corner.  It’s the only thing I see apart from movie clips and articles, so I jot down the address thinking, why not? They probably see dead people too, at least that’s what they say.     I put the address for the psychic is my phone and head down to my car.  I start to head that way and begin getting nervous.  What do I say?  What if they think I’m just as crazy I’m beginning to think I am? Is there anyone I can speak to about this without being worried they will think I’m crazy?  Just as I’m about to turn around and give up on this crazy idea, I see the store.  I’ve made it this far, I might as well go in. I think to myself.      I pull into the psych shop and let out a deep breath.  I head for the door with a light up sign that says OPEN.  I walk in and hear the ding of a bell letting them know that someone is here.  I look around and am surprised.  It doesn’t look like what I imagined a psych shop would look like. I figured there would be a table with a crystal ball in the middle and an old woman creepily waiting for her next customer to come in.  I was way off.  It looks like a normal book shop from where I’m standing.  There’s a bookshelf on each wall completely full of books with a register in the back corner, followed by a purple curtain behind it where I assume the workers are.      Just as I am about to grab one of the books from the shelf, I hear a woman come from the back and smile at me. “Welcome, can I help you with anything?” She sweetly says to me.  I look at her and smile.  She looks so normal, wearing a blue t-shirt and jeans with her hair down to her shoulders in a curly mess.  I don’t really know what I was expecting, maybe an old woman in a purple robe with rings all on her fingers.  She looks so welcoming though, like someone you can talk to.     “Hi, um…yea you can help me.  I have been going through some…weird things lately and I’m looking for help understanding what is going on.” I nervously get out.  I decide it’s best I wait to explain everything instead of bombarding her with everything that has happened.      “I know, I have been expecting you. Why don’t you come on in and sit down so we can talk.  Would you like some tea?” I give her a questioning look.  How was she expecting me? Does she already know everything?  Is this part of her psychic thing?     “Wait, how did you already know?” I question her, not really buying into it.  There’s no way she was expecting me, I’ve never met this woman before.     “I am psychic, I knew you would be coming here seeking help for your…gift.  I them as well. Although, you have been given a special gift that has been passed down for generations.” I look at her dumbfounded, unable to say anything.  Passed down?  I don’t know of anyone in my family being able to see dead people, and having dreams of their death. Intrigued, I follow her into a room with a round table in the middle and a deck of cards.  She takes a sit in the chair on one side and I sit in the other across from her.  She smiles at me and begins shuffling her deck.  The silence draws on and I’m beginning to get anxious. Why isn’t she saying anything?     “I apologize for my silence, I wanted to give you a minute to take in what I have told you and ask any questions you might have come here with.” Did she read my mind? No. There’s no way, it must be a coincidence.     “Yea, it is a lot to take in.  I guess I’ll start with the fact that I’m having these dreams.  For the past two nights I’ve had a dream about this woman who falls into the road on front of my school and a truck, going too fast…well you know-“     “Yes, I understand.  So you can tell the future.  Or at least, this is how it begins.  You see, for generations your family has been the…let’s say gatekeeper for the Otherside. Your grandma, as you know, passed away last week.  She was the gatekeeper previously and it has now been passed on to you.  You can now see the deaths of people who you are to help.”     “I’m supposed to help? Gatekeeper? How do you know my grandmother? I’m sorry but this is just a lot to take in at once.” I feel like my head is spinning.  My grandmother never told me anything about this.  Is it supposed to be kept secret until it’s passed down? I can’t believe what I’m hearing.  Why me?     “I understand this is a lot, I’m sorry.  To elaborate, you see the deaths of those who you are supposed to help pass over to the Otherside.  They have unfinished business they must settle before being able to pass over.  I can help you to focus your ability so that you can help them to settle what's keeping them here and ultimately help them pass over. It's not easy, it will take practice, but I do believe you have already met someone who needs help.  We can start there and I can help you determine what is keeping them here.  You can't tell them, though. That will rob them of the journey they are supposed to take to realization and letting go.  If you rob them of that, they will never be able to pass over.  That is very important to remember.  Do you want to take a break so you can take all this in?  I can make some tea real quick." She offers sweetly.  I don't know what to think at this point.  I didn't think things like this existed, I thought that we just die and go to Heaven or Hell. I look at her and see her waiting for my response." Yes, I'd love some tea please and your help with this.""So accept your fate?" I didn't know I had to accept it.  Am I able to accept or decline this?  If I decline, who takes this on? If my grandmother did this, then I need to do this.  For her.  "Yes, I accept it."