What You Are

Chapter 1 The party was a mess, but it wasn’t a surprise because every time Gabriel organized one, the apartment was filled with a bunch of people of all types, from the typical businessman to the woman who still had the illusion of being a teenager. Alex was even sure he had seen a girl with two blond pigtails that swayed as she walked away wearing nothing but a pair of blue underpants. Yeah, this was a typical Gabriel party. The air smelled of beer, whiskey, and smoke, and the music was so loud that, probably, the police would come around sooner or later. Alex was peacefully lying on the couch, watching the people around with his big green eyes, thinking someday he would have to say “no” to these parties for his own good. The beer had its effect and he was relaxed, his vision a bit blurry. Kate approached him, swaying, and she gave him a meaningful look, before bending over and licking his lips. “Are you going to stay here all night, or can I hope for something better?” she purred in his ear, trying to keep a sensual tone, even though she practically had to shout to be heard. She let one hand slip between Alex’s legs, who chuckled and shook his head, a little bit too drunk to react. “You’re not having fun, K?” he asked with a mischievous smile, grasping her waist and hauling her onto his lap. She wasted no time and leaned forward, claiming his lips. Kate was beautiful. She had long, curly red hair that danced in front of her eyes like swirls, green eyes with long black lashes, and a perfect and curvy body. She was wearing a tight, emerald green dress, which now was sliding up on her thighs, and her breasts were in plain view thanks to the deep neckline. “This is not a whorehouse! Why don’t you two go and get a room?” Gabriel yelled, slapping the top of Alex’s head while he was passing by. “It’s not a whorehouse, but sure as hell it smells like one!” Alex glared. “You should wash yourself more, then!” Gabriel replied with a grimace. “And anyway, why do you know what a whorehouse smells like?” “Shut up, asshole!” A pillow flew toward Gabriel’s head, who dodged it quickly and smiled in amusement at his friend before disappearing into the crowd, flipping the bird. How many people were here? Alex knew maybe a quarter of them, the rest were Gabriel’s friends, or at least pseudo-fans of his group. That was the lucky thing in sharing the apartment with a musician…or two. Gabriel and their friend Kevin, the other roommate, played in a country rock group called Outlaw that was quite famous in Northridge, Los Angeles. They were semi successful and were still hoping to become one of the big names in country music. Usually, they performed once a week and Alex enjoyed their gigs, though he didn’t like the people they attracted. Alex knew the guys from his last year in high school and they were his best friends since forever, even though they were totally different from each other. He had moved in with them when he had found a job in the same part of Los Angeles and he liked living with them, even though sometimes it was difficult, considering Alex’s closed nature versus Gabriel’s being so open. Kevin was in the middle; he was like the needle of the scale and he made sure the equilibrium would remain intact. Alex closed his eyes and opened them again, seeing the mute request in Kate’s heated look. Maybe Gabriel was right. Maybe they needed to go to his bedroom, but at the moment, Alex wasn’t interested in having s*x with her. She was so beautiful and very sexy, but he was wallowing in the torpor of being drunk and was really relaxing, despite the chaos inside the apartment. “I’m going to get a drink,” he finally said, rising from the couch, moving Kate on to the pillow next to him, and noticing her disappointed look. “Do you want anything?” he added. “Nah. Come back soon,” she answered, pouting. Before going to the kitchen, Alex paid a visit to the bathroom where he washed his face to recover some clarity. The smoke was irritating his almost impossibly green eyes and wearing lenses made it even worse. Maybe he should wear his glasses, but he knew better. He looked like a loser with glasses. And he wasn’t a loser. Not anymore. When he was a kid, he was so different from now. He was short, chubby—actually, he was fat—with a pair of huge glasses. The older students mocked him, and even the ones in his class teased him, calling him Mr. Magoo. Alex had tried to ignore it, but the jokes hurt and made him feel unsure. Only Ben had made him feel better during those days, only Ben had seemed truly interested in being his friend, or at least, he had been for a while. Then the years had passed by and Alex had started to change. His body had become toned and well built, his face squared and the first thing he had done when he had the chance, was throw away the huge glasses and buy contact lenses. He grew into a handsome young man and no one had mocked him since. So yes, he had glasses, but he used them when his eyes were tired or irritated, or early in the morning. Alex shook his head, trying to erase the image that popped up in his mind. He had avoided those memories for the last ten years and this wasn’t the right moment to walk down memory lane even though lately it was something he had done on occasion, and he didn’t like it. He walked into the kitchen, where he met Kevin fixing some sandwiches, and Alex raised an eyebrow. Kevin was a nice guy, with blond hair he kept gathered in a short ponytail. His bright blue eyes were very similar to Gabriel’s, but sweet, while Gabriel always had a mischievous look. He was wearing his usual loose jeans and a white T-shirt. “Are you still here?” Alex asked incredulously, looking at his friend who was busy with a huge pile of sandwiches. “Well, it seems so. And it also seems that Gabriel carefully invites only starving people to his parties. I bet they don’t eat for days when they know they’re coming here. It’s not normal. We aren’t a shelter for homeless people!” “It’s the price for your success.” Alex chuckled, opening the refrigerator for a beer. “Stop teasing. There will come a time we will be really famous and you’ll be under the stage begging us to have at least one drop of our sweat!” “God, that’s disgusting, Kevin. No. No way. Look, I wish you all the luck in the whole world, but your body fluids are still disgusting. And I never, ever, want to have something like that from you,” Alex said, shuddering. “Body fluids? Interesting topic,” said a voice from behind him. Alex rolled his eyes and looked back at Matt, one of Gabriel’s friends, actually a gay friend…too gay for his taste. Matt was really handsome; it was impossible to deny it. Shorter than Alex, lean and delicate, with wavy black hair and an impressive pair of bright, baby blue eyes. His smile was so white it could blind anyone. His movements were fluid and his black pants were so tight you could almost see the veins of his thighs. “What? Do you have a radar for filth? Is it being gay that makes you a hound for these things?” Alex asked him dryly before taking a long sip of beer. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you guys.” Matt grabbed a beer from the fridge, and his blue eyes moved on to Kevin, who was reproachfully looking at Alex. “Don’t listen to him,” Kevin muttered, picking up the plate full of sandwiches. “Alex is an asshole. But I’m sure somewhere inside him there’s something worth saving,” he said to Matt with a gentle smile. “Do you want a sandwich?” When the guy left the kitchen, Kevin turned to Alex, who was still leaning against the counter with a beer in his hand. “What’s wrong with you? Because there must be something. Matt is a good guy.” Kevin glared at his friend. His eyes, usually gentle, became stone cold. “And he is gay,” Alex muttered. “Then what?” “Then nothing. It’s just…he is much too gay. He is flamboyant.” “You know what, Alex? Sometimes I’d like to kick your ass! Your homophobic side is what irritates me the most.” “I’m not homophobic.” “Oh, no. Of course not. You’re just an asshole.” Kevin left Alex alone in the kitchen staring at his empty bottle. He wasn’t homophobic, but there were moments when he wasn’t sure how his own mind was thinking, or what his own body was feeling and it was confusing. With a nervous sigh, he made his way toward the living room, dodging someone who was running into the bathroom and, as he walked past the door, the bell rang. He looked at his clock noticing the late hour. Who the hell had yet to come to the party? He snorted as he opened the door, facing a tall guy—seriously, inhumanly tall—who was looking at him through some ridiculous tufts of hair covering his eyes. Alex raised an eyebrow and looked at the guy from head to toe, noticing a suitcase on the floor beside him. He had dark hair and clear eyes, blue maybe, or grey. He was wearing a black T-shirt over a pair of loose jeans. “Yes?” He brought another bottle of beer to his lips. “Hmm. Are you Gabriel?” the stranger asked. “No. Thank God, no. Who are you?” “Daniel.” “I don’t know you. What do you want?” Alex wasn’t really a people person. “I-I should talk to Gabriel. Is he there?” “Gabriel Hayes?” Alex said with a half-smile. “Yes, he’s here. Are you a fan?” “A what?” “Fan. F.A.N. Do you know the ones who usually admire/like/love an actor/singer/whatever?” “Oh, fan. Sure. No. Why? Should I be a fan?” Alex sighed, already bored. “Come inside and find him yourself.” “B-but…I don’t know him.” “And why are you looking for him, then?” Alex snorted, leaning against the door, speaking like he was talking with a slow-minded person. “A mutual friend told me you have a spare room and you are looking for a roommate. He told me to ask him.” The buzz from the alcohol disappeared in a second and Alex stood up and called out “WHAT?” in the guy’s face. “GABRIEL!” Alex shouted, then he gestured toward somewhere in the room. “Bring your drunken ass over here!” Gabriel appeared a few moments later, darting his blue eyes between Alex and Daniel, who in that moment clearly wanted to disappear, considering the embarrassed look on his face. “What was that?” Gabriel asked, opening his arms. “He was that.” Alex pointed out Daniel. “Hum, Gabriel? Hello, I’m Daniel Cornell. Maybe Jason told you about me,” he whispered with the hint of a smile. Gabriel slapped his forehead, and Alex raised an eyebrow. “If I were you, I would hit it harder,” he muttered. “Holy crap. I forgot to tell you!” “Oh, really?” Alex said sarcastically. Kevin joined them immediately after, glancing at the man at the door, before focusing on his friends. “What’s happened?” “It happens that the genius here forgot to tell us we were looking for a new roommate who, incidentally, came here because—the same genius here—spoke with Jason about this thing, instead of with us!” Alex said, throwing his arms up, his voice rising with each word. “Maybe I better go.” Daniel bent over to pick up the bag placed on the ground. He was more than visibly embarrassed and was blushing all over. “Yes, indeed!” “No!” Gabriel and Alex had spoken at the same time and Daniel, who was about to leave, stopped dead. “Look,” Gabriel said to him, raising his palms. “Can you wait here a moment, please? I have to talk with my friends. It’s my fault. I forgot to warn them, but I’m quite sure there won’t be any problems.” “Your friend seems to have a lot of problems,” Daniel murmured, glancing at Alex, who was arguing with Kevin. “Yes, it’s true. He has many problems. And you don’t even know the half of it!” Gabriel chuckled but, immediately after, he became serious again. “Listen. Really, I just have to talk to them. Jason told me about you, he said you’re a nice guy and we need another person to help us with the rent. The apartment is big enough for four people, and of course, it costs a lot to have so much space.” “Okay, I’ll wait here,” Daniel sighed, leaning against the wall in the hallway.