Russet Moon

Shortly after the incident with the Cullen's, they had left town. I was broken and distraught and miserably alone. My heart had broken in ways I never knew possible and the pain was unbearable. The only thing that kept me from killing myself was the slightest ounce of hope. Hope that Edward would return to me and make me feel whole again. During the weekends when my father was at work he would ask Jacob to come and keep me company. The first few weekends with him were the same as the days I spent alone. He would sit by my side while I laid in bed all day, every day. For a month it was exactly the same. Never changing, never moving. The next month though things were about to take a turn for the change. The night before was a Friday and I had seen a movie with Jessica. Afterwards her and I sat and talked for a little bit at a coffee shop. I remember the conversation just like it was yesterday. 'I honestly think you should try dating again' Jessica said. Of course Edward was the love of my life so I turned the idea down immediately. 'Well if you don't want to date atleast try friends with benefits. It's what Mike and I are. It's nice, no strings attached.' she finished. That one conversation had me wanting to try it. I wasn't going to try it with just anyone though I wanted someone I could trust. Apart from the Cullens the only other person I knew I could trust was Jacob. But would he agree to such things. I decided it was worth it to try, the next day would be Saturday meaning my father would be at work all day and Jacob would be at my house. When I woke up the next morning it was almost 10. Jacob normally showed up at 10 so I had a few minutes to get ready. If I wanted to do this I wanted to make sure I was cleaned up a bit. During my shower I scrubbed my body fully, cleaned every crevice I could find, shaved and washed my hair twice. When I got out I heard footsteps. My father was already gone so I knew it wasn't him. I slipped from the shower and wrapped a towel around myself before I ran to my bedroom. Of course Jacob was already there. He was standing a the window looking out. When I shut the door to my bedroom he quickly turned around. I saw his eyes widen as he looked me up and down quickly. "I'm sorry." he said before he headed over to the door. I'm pretty sure he would have left if it hadn't been for me standing in his way. I was struck by the russet color of his perfectly chisled abs. They were brilliant and strong. I wanted to reach out caress them, to feel the strength beneath my fingers. "Bella..." Jake whispered. I looked up into his face. There inches from my face were his lips. They seemed inviting enough and I knew the person behind them was kind and gentle. Without a word I reached my hand up and pulled him closer. "What are you-" He began. I cut him off with a kiss. It was simple at first but it grew heatedly. I released the towel from my free hand and allowed it to fall to the floor. In the next moment Jake was standing before me as bare as I was. Before we moved to the bed he asked me one question. "Are you sure?" I nodded my head. Of course I was sure. This is what I wanted. I wanted to feel something, anything. He could help me to do this. Jake quickly lifted me from my feet and laid me on the bed before he climbed ontop of me. In the next second he had slipped between my thighs and we began making love. The way his skin felt under my nails was beyond words. Several times I cried out loud as he moved inside me. I pulled him closer and closer until I couldn't anymore. The feeling was amazing as I went over the edge in the shared extacsy. I laid in his arms for several seconds before he spoke. "That was wonderful." he said to me. I nodded my head. I felt sluggish again, numb, dead. s*x made me feel something but only while I was doing it. I needed more, I wanted to feel. I brought my lips back up to his and we continued kissing. "You are the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on." He mumbled between kisses. A car door closing grabbed my attention and pulled us apart. Jake jumped from the bed and moved quickly to the window. "It's your father, what is he doing home?" Jake said as he began dressing as quickly as possible. He then bounded to my dresser and tossed me a part of sweats and a tshirt."Get dressed." He added. I didn't hesistate because I knew how my father was. If he knew what I had done he would definitely send me back to my mother and leaving Forks wasn't an option for me. I had to stay. The moment I had pulled my shirt over my head my bedroom door opened. "Just came by real quick to get my badge, somehow it fell off my jacket." He said, flashing a gold star so we could see it. "It'd be nice if you got out of the house, maybe a walk or something." He added before he closed the door. Jake and I watched for his cruiser to pull away and then we sat down. It was weird having just had s*x with the boy I grew up with. He was like my brother. I watched Jake from the corner of my eye, he was bouncing his leg in a nervous manner. Several times I seen him look up at me and then over to the window and then back down at the floor. What was he thinking. He rose to his feet and moved to kneel before me. "Bella, I can't do this with you anymore. I mean just a moment ago that was an accident. I was weak and gave into tempation. We shouldn't-" I rose to my feet and walked to the bedroom door before I headed downstairs. I couldn't listen to this right now. I wanted to feel something, to feel normal or atleast feel how I felt before Edward had existed. I heard Jakes footsteps on the stairs and sure enough he appeared. His expression was odd. "What is wrong with you?" He asked me. "You walked out while I was talking." I looked at him. "Of course I did." I mumbled. "I didn't want to hear what you had to say." He huffed and crossed his arms. "And why is that?" "Because I didn't like it. The s*x is just s*x. I did it because I wanted to feel something. Since Edward left-" Jake threw up his hands. "-Of course it has to do with Edward. Edward is gone and it doesn't look like he is coming back. He dumped you Bella, he left you in the woods. You could have been killed by some animal." I was furious with Jake at this point. Not because I didn't think what he said was true but because to an extent I believed it. I didn't want to believe it and that was what tearing at me. I wanted to believe that Edward did love me and still did but at this moment I knew something wasn't right. "Jake can we just change the conversation." I asked dully. "Why because you know I'm right." he retorted. I screamed angrily. "Yes, because you are right okay!" I shouted before I turned and ran up the stairs before I slammed my bedroom door. I crawled up in the middle of my bed and began crying. The crying turned to screams and the screams continued. I expected Jake to make an appearance to calm me down but he didn't. I was relieved but at the same time I wish he had. Being alone was the last thing I wanted.