THE GIRL HE NEVER SEES

(Gari’s POV) They say life is like the four seasons of nature--summer, spring, winter and autumn. And the different colors and phases of life makes it what it is called beautiful and colorful. In our country, we only have two seasons--the rainy and the dry season. Sometimes, it’s peaceful and calming like the dry season, smiling at us as if nothing is too hard in life. Sometimes it’s stormy and messy like a rainy season where we feel so annoyed since a certain plan needs to be canceled. But as someone said, go out and wet yourself with rain sometimes because tickling on your bones and experiencing cold might actually make you stronger. And despite having only two seasons in the country, still, no one would know what to expect in every season that will come into our lives because every season has its way of surprising us. Just like that one simple rainy day, changes the course of my life in such an unexpected way. Something that I can’t feel any regret at all since that day has given me a new reason to live after being crushed and badly hurt by someone I love the most. *** 2021 (present) Walk away. The voice trembled in my head when I saw a familiar face from afar. A face I almost forgot did exist. I blinked my eyes a couple of times and even poked myself just to assure myself that this is just a dream—this is not happening for real. But, it wasn’t. It was him, after all. He, who after 5 long years of not seeing each other and no communication at all, resurface like a ghost in the past. Yes! The great Louie Garcia. The handsome, campus crush, multi-talented, and gentleman of State U. My best friend who always got my back. My knight-in-shining-armor who always on the rescue. The man who never fails to give me butterflies every time I saw him at the campus. My first love who I thought would also be the last. The one that got away. No way! Run. The words I’ve been telling myself. “Gari, this is not the time to freeze out.” It seems like winter has arrived. “Move your feet. Hurry! Why does my body won’t listen? Why are you standing there like a tree? You’ve been practicing this for a very long time.” I moved a step backward. “Wait?” I told myself. “This isn’t right. Why should I be the one to walk away? Why should I be the one to run? Why would I be the one to avoid him in the first place? I didn’t do anything wrong? Why should I act like I’m the one who’s at fault?” Stay! Stand up confidently. My egotistic self finally voiced out after making up some quick realization. “That’s right, Gari. Take a step forward. Lift your head. Walk with confidence as if you’re a supermodel on the runway. That’s the spirit.” The words I’ve been telling myself as I was about to draw closer to him. It’s not like I can avoid him for life. Whether we like it or not, we will always be bound to meet. That’s just how life works—the less you expect it the more it will happen. And, it’s not like I’m the antagonist in the story. He’s the one who hurt me. He’s the one who left after not showing up on that night. He’s the one who broke his promise to my dad that he will take good care of me. He’s the bad guy here. So, he should be the one feeling ashamed. Not me. “Ouch!” I grumbled as my 3-inch red stiletto shoes stuck on the small hole of the manhole cover. I can’t believe life has its way of sabotaging my grand entrance. “What a life? This is so embarrassing.” I tried to move my feet but it won’t let go. I feel like I’ve become a block of melted ice in the desert. Everyone was watching. Gossips were everywhere. And what’s worse, he’s coming. “Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!” My heart beats faster. “Why? What are you doing?” I asked myself. “Calm down! Hurry! Hey! Stop it! Are you crazy? Calm down!” I took a deep slowly. “Inhale! Exhale! That’s it, Gari. You can do this. You got this under control. No need to pack. It’s just him.” I added. Then suddenly, he kneeled. Slowly, he grabbed my hands and place them on his shoulders. He took my foot away from my shoes. Then, removed the shoes from getting stuck on the manhole cover. Just like how he was in the past. He wiped my feet with the hankie he picked from his pocket. Gently, he helped me put my shoes back just like a scene in my favorite fairy tale story. How romantic! But, so silly! “Wait? Why am I seeing things?” I told myself after a certain memory flashes back into my head. Everything moves slowly as if the scenes happen like yesterday. My heart beats slowly. There he goes again. Acting like a knight whose always ready to save a damsel in distress. “Stop it, Gari. Stop imagining things.” I strongly told myself again. And there he goes again. Putting that smile with his beautiful eyes. His smile made my world stop for a moment. The smile that made me fall for him. How pathetic! But now, that same smile became something I hated the most. “Are you okay?” He asked softly. “Of course! I am okay. I was always okay.” I replied with some toughness in my words. “That’s good to hear.” He added. “Long time no see.” He suddenly blurted. His acting was superb—acting as if nothing happens. Playing dumb was his forte as always. The great Louie Garcia with his sweet talks and smooth words. No wonder he became successful as an actor, too. He knows how to act. But, it won’t play on me. Maybe before. But now, I’ve already learned my lessons. I won’t fall for his scheme again. Not now. Not this time. Never. “Oh!” I interjected. “Long time no see.” I confidently replied. I can’t believe I’m talking to him. The man I loved the most and whom I always follow around. The man whom I almost gave up my dream. Just almost though because after finally waking up and choosing myself, I’ve finally lived my life the way I wanted. Back then, I was so foolish in believing his words. I was pathetic in just accepting the idea of being hidden and pretending we’re just colleagues—nothing more and nothing less. But that was before. That was all in the past. That was me being so naïve and foolish. That was me being so stupid to easily fall for his smile. That was me being so dumb to only look at him. But now. I’m not the same Gari he used to know. This is Gari version 2.0—wiser, tougher, bolder, and much better. I’m done with him. “Thank you!” I suddenly spurted. I don’t know but I’m left with no words to say to him except on lashing out my anger. But I won’t do it because that would make me look like I’m not over with him yet since I’ve been stuck in the past. But I’m not. “It was nice seeing you. Bye!” I directly ended our conversation. Well, that’s the best thing I can do for him. No more added hi and hello, no more chit-chats, and no more added how are you would make our both lives peaceful. Plus, for sure, he has a family now or even in a relationship. That’s not something unavoidable given how good-looking he is and he’s a good man. “Wait! A good man?” I asked myself. “No way! You’re thinking he’s still a good man after what he did to you. After hurting you like that? After leaving you as if you don’t exist? After breaking you into pieces? You still think he’s a good man?” I smirked. “You’re insane, Gari,” I added. But a minor part of me still believes he’s a good man. Because if not, I wouldn’t fall for him in the first place. And the years that we’ve been together are always good memories for me. It wasn’t a perfect relationship but still, I can’t deny the fact that I was happy back then. And, he gave me the best gift ever. He gave me Blake. “Blake?” I have suddenly been reminded of the secret I’ve been hiding from everyone especially to him. But, I guess things should be this way. We have different lives now and telling him about it would only mess up everything. Plus, I didn’t come back for him. And I don’t think I’m ready to see him in the picture. I’ve been living my life—our lives for five years without him. And I can say that we’re doing well. Blake might be asking about his dad once in a while but he’s an intelligent boy, he knew when to stop his curiosity. I know I sounded so unfair to my son but as a mom, I can do everything just to protect him from his dad’s messy world. That’s something I’ve learned the hard way after living and raising him alone in Amsterdam. “Wait!” He sounded while grabbing my hands. I looked at him hysterically. “I’m sorry.” He said while letting my hands go. “I just wanted to talk. If it’s okay with you.” “Okay? How could he blurted out a ticking bomb at me suddenly?” I asked myself. “If I will say no, that would make me like I’m not yet moved on from him. If I will say yes, that would mean I’m opening up a new opportunity for him to enter into my life again. And that’s something I won’t take a risk with. I won’t let him back into our lives—not on my son. “I’m sorry but it’s a no,” I replied. “Don’t get me wrong, okay? But I’m meeting someone right now. Honestly, I’m late for my appointment. So, if you will excuse me?” I added. “No. It’s okay. I understand.” He easily agreed. “Plus, there will be next time though. Just like how we meet up like this so unexpectedly. I’ll just see you next time.” “Yes!” I pretended to sound like there will be next time but there will be no next time. “I will make sure we won’t meet again. Never.” I promised myself. “Bye!” I shouted while trying to fake a smile. “It was nice seeing you again, Gari!” He uttered. But even before I could part ways with him, he blurted out something. “I miss you… so much.” He said. “Suddenly?” I asked myself. “Seriously?” I added. “How could he say those words after what he did to me? He’s shameless after all.” “Huh!” I yelled upon reaching the café shop. And his words still linger on my mind. O tried to erase it from my memory, but the more it brings back the past I wanted to bury. The past was proof of how fool I was just because of love. *** (Flashback) Summer of 2007. It was summer at that time. Flowers bloom and the heat of the sun strikes so hard into my eyes. The season I awaited the most. It was a typical summer. But never did I imagine that it would be the best summer ever. I was walking from school that day feeling so hype and happy after being accepted on the scholarship I’ve been eyeing for quite too long. Finally, I can help my parents financially since dad’s business went on the rough. But my mood suddenly shifted when I saw a guy who was standing on the edge of the bridge from a distance. From the way he dressed up—I expected him to be a university student and probably the same age as mine. As I draw closer to him and judging from his position, he’s not someone who is just enjoying the view and the breath of fresh air. “No way! He would jump off the bridge?” Without much thought, I run towards him and grab his hands. “Ouch!” we both grumbled and rolled into the ground. “Thankfully. I saved him.” I told myself. “Are you okay?” I asked him first. “Hey!” He shouted and with a fierce look in his eyes. That’s the least of the words I expected from him. Naturally, someone would say. “Thank you!” and with tears in their eyes. But with him. It’s the opposite. Instead of receiving gratitude, he glared at me as if I did a terrible thing. He’s such a weirdo. After gazing at me with those fierce eyes, he pushed me and just left. I was about to blow his ass and teach him a lesson but the wound on my knees is very painful that I had a hard time getting up. I was so disgusted that day. I was trying to help. If he won’t say thank you, then that’s fine. I don’t care. But what angers me that day is he pushed me. What an ungrateful weirdo! At home. “Gari!” Mom wailed. “What happened? Why did you have a bruise on your knee? Where did you get that? And what about this?” She pointed a wound on my arms. I was trying to hide it from my mom but she was like a radar. She always knew everything about me. Even without a single word I speak, she knew I was hurt. Well, that’s so nice about having a mom—having someone to care for you, someone who would worry whenever you’re sick or something bad happens to you, someone who would cry if you’re sad, someone who would laugh if you’re happy, someone who would give you a warm hug whenever you needed one. I feel so blessed to have her, well the same with my dad as well. They are both dear to me. I know I tend to be a spoiled brat at times, but they never failed to support and love me. They never get tired. I can’t stop myself from smiling as I saw mom treating my wounds while blowing some air to them. It was painful but I don’t mind it because what I feel right now is how much her love overflows. A simple touch. A simple hug. A simple kiss. A simple word of, “It’s okay. It will be okay, my baby.” And you know what the best thing about being sick is or getting hurt, well aside from what I mentioned earlier, is having a delicious dinner. And not just any simple dinner, but a feast one. My eyes rolled in excitement as I saw different food served on the table. They were all my favorite. I can’t stop this excitement so I immediately took a scoop when my mom strongly pat my hands. “Psst!” She exclaimed. “Let us pray first, okay?” “Okay.” I softly agreed as I pouted my lips. “By the way, where’s dad?” I curiously asked. “He’s at work.” Mom replied. “Work?” I asked. I know dad’s business went bankrupt and he’s having a hard time looking for work, too. So, where he could be at this hour? But I just let my curiosity fade away after feeling the body pain hit me due to my wrong landing while trying to save a strange guy. After eating dinner, I went to my room. I fix my bed. But I was suddenly halted when I remember the boy I saved on the bridge earlier. I feel astounded by his nasty attitude but I can’t stop thinking about him. Well, he’s cute. “Hey! Get a grip, Gari. You shouldn’t be bewitched with his looks.” I murmured. “He’s a weirdo.” But on that silent moment when he stared at me, I feel like his eyes are telling me something. It’s like someone with so much pain and asking for some help. I wonder how come at his age, he would have such a problem. Isn’t it young people like us who should just focus on studying, having fun, and love? “Hey! Gari, let’s sleep now, okay? Tomorrow, Dad will be home.” I giggled. Alarm rings. “Good morning!” I happily uttered as I turn off the alarm. I immediately went to the bathroom and took a bath. While fixing myself in the mirror, I can’t stop myself from singing. Well, I’m just too excited. I’ve been wanting to spill out the good news since last night but since dad wasn’t home, I couldn’t. I want to tell the good news to both of them. “Mom!” I excitedly exaggerated as I went to the dining table. But what shook me in surprise was mom wasn’t around. I looked for her in every corner of the house but she’s nowhere to be found. Normally, during this time, mom is very busy preparing food on the table. But today the house feels so quiet. My dad wasn’t home yet. And my mom wasn’t here either. I quietly seated on our sofa as I was trying to grasp what was happening. I called mom’s phone but she’s out of coverage area. I also called my dad but no one answered. The excitement I felt earlier suddenly became disappointment and sadness. Tears out of nowhere suddenly flow from my eyes. I wiped my tears away but I couldn’t stop them from flowing. Nor I couldn’t stop feeling so down right now. I feel so alone. I wasn’t used to this feeling. Then suddenly my phone rings. It was my mom calling. I immediately answered her call. After hearing what happen, I rushed outside and took a cab. Dad was in the hospital. She didn’t tell me exactly what happened since her voice was trembling. “He got injured while working?” I asked myself. I was so worried after hearing from my mom what happened to him. I always see him as the strong one in the family. Not because he’s the man and the father but because he always does. Whenever I would cry going home from school after getting into trouble, dad would always hug me and pat me on the shoulder and tell me we will get our revenge on those bad people. Whenever someone would tease me, he would always portray I strong aura and those bullies will disappear swiftly. My dad is like my knight in shining armor. He’s like my prince who would always save his damsel in distress. That’s why I never get tired of crying home from school because I know there is someone who would fight for me. That’s why seeing him laying down and wearing a hospital gown, breaks my heart. I don’t want my dad to get sick. I don’t want him getting hurt. Well, I know accidents are unavoidable especially in his line of work as a senior civil engineer. But it pains me to see him lying on that bed. I hesitated in going in. I just watched him from the small glass in his room. My foot couldn’t move as I was scared to see him. Plus, my tears won’t stop. I don’t want my dad lying unconsciously. “Mom?” I softly uttered while seeing her sitting looking shocked from what happened to dad. I hugged her tightly. But mom rushed outside. “Mom!” I called but I didn’t follow her. I know how heartbreaking this situation is for her. And I know she wanted to be alone. I was left on the bench outside my dad’s room. I was sitting quietly when I realized I didn’t even change my clothes. I was still wearing my nightdress and slippers, too. I waited for mom patiently. I waited until nighttime and I fall asleep. When I open my eyes, dad’s dead body was already gone from the room. I searched for him. I was about to call mom when I received a text message from him saying dad was already transferred to the morgue. Mom also added that I should go home first and wait for her there since she will take dad’s ashes into our home after. I followed her without asking why. I walked going home feeling so down while tears keeps on flowing in my eyes. I can’t believe things happen so quickly. I can’t believe dad is gone within just a blink of an eye. I haven’t said I love you to him yet. I haven’t said thank you to him. And I haven’t said my goodbyes as well. “Why? How could this thing happen? What did I do wrong this time? Am I really bad? Am I not a good child? I asked myself. Then suddenly, I paused for a while after seeing the sunset slowly fade away into the sea. I walked towards the edge of the bridge to take a closer look. “How calming!” I said. I climbed at the top part of the bridge and wanted to sit to have a clearer look as the sun slowly hides from the horizon. But even before I could climb up, I accidentally slip from my grip of the bars and almost fall into the water but someone pulled me back and stumbled into the ground. “Ouch!” I said. “Hey! Are you dumb? Why are you trying to end your life in this beautiful spot?” Someone shouted from the back. I looked back and my eyes rolled into shock after seeing that the guy who yelled at me was the guy I saved from the other day. “How funny it is?” I told myself after realizing how our situation got switched up. Back then, he was the one who was standing at the edge of this bridge and I was the one who dragged him away. But now, I was the one being dragged by no other than, the same person I save. “You?” I asked. “Why? Why, me?” He asked. I suddenly laughed. “Hey!” I shouted. “You don’t remember me? And this situation we are in? Like this?” “Oh! It’s you. The crazy woman who drags me suddenly.” He said. “Hey! I’m not just a crazy woman. I’m your savior. I just saved you from taking your own life. Remember?” I explained. “What? Me? Taking my own life?” He sounded as if I was telling a bluff. “I’m didn’t try ending my life or something. I don’t know what you’re talking about?” He proudly added. “And now, you're making me look like I made up stories,” I commented. “I’m not lying. I did see you here. Right on this spot. You were trying to jump off the bridge. I don’ know what your deal is on that day. But if I didn’t arrive you must’ve been dead now? And the least you can do is to say thank you.” “You’re that girl?” He curiously asked. “You’re the one who suddenly pulled me up?” “Yes! I’m the one. Your savior.” I proudly commented. “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” He laughed endlessly. “Uh!” I feel shocked. “How could he laugh like that?” I asked myself. “Hey!” I complained. “I’m not trying to end my life on that day. I was just trying to reach my handkerchief from getting stuck up there.” He added while pointing out the top-most spot of the bridge. “For real?” I asked. He nodded. “Yes! Of course! Why would I end my life then? For what reason? I mean why would someone want to end his life just because life is hard. That person must be crazy!” He smirked. “Hey!” I protested. “How could you say that? You have no right to judge someone’s life. You don’t know what they’re going through.” “And, why are you so defensive, then?” He asked. “Are you not the one who was trying to end her life on this spot? Why are you sitting here as if this is not a dangerous place or something? Are you not the one trying to end her life?” His outburst is something—looking how his veins on the neck were about to pop out whenever he speaks. “No. Of course no.,” I quickly replied. “I don’t have a reason to end my life or what. I was just following the sun while it’s set down. It was very calming to watch, so I wanted to witness it up to the last moment. But, I got slipped off from my grip and almost fall.” “Me, neither.” He reiterated. And we both laughed after realizing how pathetic we were. Just like how kids act, they fight and then, makeup. *** We were like those kids. “Fighting… and then, laughing,” I told myself after realizing how things change before my very eyes. Somehow, that memory paints a bit of a smile on my face. But, while I was sitting on the couch of the café shop and facing outside, it suddenly poured out. A sudden rain from very hot weather. Something that made me reminisce again. *** That day, a simple and ordinary day of my life. I didn’t expect it to be the same day that would change the course of my life. A sudden drizzle came that made us run and search for a building to take a shade. And that drizzle became a downpour that made us stay until two hours at the convenience store nearby. And those two hours became the most memorable day of my life. That two hours, we exchange names and even stories about why we landed on that bridge and why we’re caught like ending our lives. And that two hours may seem short, but it was enough to know him. Because of that day, I got a new friend. And never did I imagine that the same friend will be the man I will love the most next to my dad of course. A rainy day that changes the course of my life unexpectedly.