Notorious

I come from a family of renowned architects and interior designers. My parents started my education early on architecture and design, so I would have a leg up in the field. I’ve grown up hearing lectures on aesthetics, form, and function since childhood. I never think about this as something to brag about, but rather a fact I live with. While I was growing up, all I heard was my parents hoping that one day I would take over their business. I cannot imagine a more miserable way to live than to wake up every morning and spend the whole day in front of a computer drawing pretty pictures. My parents didn’t know another way to live, but for me, there is no other choice but to dream about starting my own company and doing something I truly love. Anyhow, I am just 10 years old and I don’t have to worry about anything yet. All I know is that right now, I love reading books and playing with my friends. And whenever my parents taught me again about arts, I would just say, “not my time yet”. Probably because I didn’t want to listen to their lectures anymore. One night, I saw my mom packing her clothes. My dad was not home. He’s probably working late. My mom glanced at me when she heard my footsteps. I asked where she's going and she says we were going on a vacation. She asked me to pack my clothes, too. I just did what my mother told me."Where are we going Ma?" I asked, curious. She didn't tell me where we're going, but I knew there's something to it. It's like she wanted to surprise me. She smiled while she hugged me with her bundle of keys in her left hand, and kept caressing my hair while I'm sitting on the couch, playing with the wooden robot. I find it strange, though. "Kasama ba natin si Papa?" "Yup. Papunta na rito Papa mo. So, pack your things na, Justine” “Okay” “Okay. But where are we going ba talaga mama?” My mother sat on the couch beside me while folding some of her clothes and sliding them into her luggage bag. “Kulit mo talaga. Sige na nga, sa lolo at lola mo sa Cagayan.. dun tayo pupunta” My eyes widened. It’s been over a year since I last saw them in person. We didn’t see each other for a long time. Well, we actually do through video calls, but I want to see them and hug them. My grandparents were getting old. I really wanted to see them. A little leaped out of my skin when I heard Papa's voice. He called me a while ago, and I didn't realize it until now because my mind was occupied. He smiled at me gently, and then in this fatherly tone said, "come here!" "How's my little man?" "I'm fine Papa." "Ready?" He asked. "I am. Where are your bags?" "Nasa sasakyan na. Let’s go" He chuckles and followed him. I was sitting in the back of the slick black SUV next to my Mother; she knew I didn't want to be alone. My Papa teased me I would cry, but I am not a baby anymore. I was really tired from the day, so my head was leaning on my mother's lap while she was looking after me. The smell of her perfume, a combination of roses and passion fruit, I still remember it, was comforting. It almost made me drowsy again. It was a chilly evening when I woke up as I heard my dad was on the phone. He was angry and frightened. I just heard them talking but couldn’t isolate some parts of their conversation because they were whispering. They were talking in hushed voices, but I overheard them saying that Max is back with a vengeance. After dad hung up the phone, I asked my mother what happened. She didn’t reply. Mama was tense and looked terrified. “We have to hurry” Papa said in a cold voice. “What’s going on?” I asked, but neither of them talked. He drove the car as fast as he can. The road was going straight to where I don't know, but it looked like it was near the airport. He pressed hard on the gas to go faster. I was scared of what he is about to do because he seem like he wanted to kill his family. My mother was terrified as well and hugged me. My Papa passed a lot of cars. Until another car showed up in front of us that no one noticed. My dad stepped on the brake and I hit my head on the couch. “What’s going on, Ma?” Galit ko na tanong sa kanya. I was beyond frustrated not knowing anything at that moment. "Yumuko ka lang, Justine." She whispered, but I can still feel how scared she was. "Kumapit kayo" I saw both the cars run so fast. The black car was driving behind our car. My father had a strange look on his face, and I could tell he was frightened. There was no time for me to think about anything. My mother grabbed me and told me to hide, but I snapped. “Ano ba nangyayari? And who are they? Who is Max?” I hissed through my teeth. I watched as my mother's face crumpled, tears in her eyes. Her hands were trembling as she held me tightly. I didn’t get a chance to respond at that moment. The car behind us bumped our car, purposely pushing it into the big woods. The crash was deafening, with my ears still ringing as I found myself lying in the back seat of the car with my mother lying on top of me, unconscious and bleeding from her head. My father was in the same condition; blood oozed from gashes all over his body. My father had blood all over his shirt, yelling out in pain. "Pa~ gising Papa. Ma, wake up" "Jus--" I moved closer to her and gently positioned her face to look at me. “Mom?” I called, but she didn’t respond. I watched as tears rolled down her face, but she was otherwise silent. "Umalis ka na. Protect yourself. " I was terrified because I knew my parents were dying. Their eyes were closed, and my mother could not speak; I could only hear her faint breathing. I started sobbing hysterically. "Mama, I can’t! Aalis tayo rito" "Justine.. L-listen to me.. W-we can’t make it--- l-ligtas mo sarili mo" I heard footsteps outside and saw the men with camouflaged uniforms, masks covering their faces. They were holding guns and walked towards us. My dad groaned, "Get out of here." He was in a great deal of pain, and I could see death approaching. He forced himself to reach his bag, where he kept his handgun and handed it to me. “Hold this, Justine. Protect yourself,” “Ano ba gagawin natin? "Edi barilin mo. What’s the use of the gun, right?" “I can’t do it” the man said, hesitant to do it. "Pucha! Ngayon ka pa uurong Robert, napatay mo na sila ngayon. Kaylangan lang natin masigurong wala na nga sila." "Kaylangan ba talaga?" "Yun yung utos sa atin patayin mo!" As I watched the man with the gun, raise it toward my father, I could hardly breathe, even though I knew it was coming. I watched in horror as my father died in front of me. He was shot multiple times by these men. The entire situation was heartbreaking and disturbing that my body couldn’t react at all. I could only stare in horror at the lifeless form that had once been my father. I could not bear to lose him. He had been my protector since I was very young and his death left a hole inside of me that I fear may never heal. I was shocked and numb, not knowing what I would do next. But then my body took over, and I grabbed the gun that my father gave me, lifted it, and aimed at the man. Without even thinking, I fired at him with all the force of anger and fear inside me. After my body fell back onto the floor, there was silence and then a loud ringing in my ears like a firecracker. Then everything went black and silent. ......................................................... Drowsy and confused, I first failed to comprehend what was happening to me. Was I still dreaming? Could it be that my mind is playing tricks on me? As I regained my bearings, however, I remembered the men who wanted to kill me; I remembered being chased. Then, before my consciousness slipped away again, I heard footsteps coming toward me. I stared at the ceiling, unable to think straight. I was dazed from waking up to a white, featureless room. I thought I was still asleep and in my dreamscape. So I rubbed my eyes and pinched myself. Still drowsy, I wasn't convinced that it wasn't a dream and so I stayed still on the bed, trying to wake myself up with the day's light filtering in through a small window to my right that had a perfect view of the full moon. As I was forced to recall and remember everything, I was horrified. "Mama.... Papa" I shouted and felt the dryness in my throat, knowing that my words would go unheard. Hoping someone would come, I heard no one. Another moment passed the door pushed from outside, and then a group of unfamiliar faces entered the room but I didn’t know them. Are they still after me? “Who are you?” Scared beyond reason, I scream as loud as I can. The old man gripped my hands tightly, but I pushed him away. "Justine. Kami to!" The old lady looked at me, but her eyes were brimming with tears. Her hands were shaking, and she seemed to be having a hard time not crying. I looked around and saw that all of the people there were crying; there were police officers as well. "A-apo. Kumalma ka please." "S-sino kayo? Nasan ang Mama at Papa ko." I asked them after I calmed down. I suspected something was wrong, but I did not want to believe it. "Kumalma ka lang. Dadalhin ka namin sa Mama at Papa mo." Said the old lady. Her eyes were swollen. I looked at her and I recalled who she was. "K-kilala mo sila? Pwede mo ko dalhin sa kanila? I want to make sure na okay sila. Where are they?" I beg. "T-tara. Tiyak gusto ka rin nila na makita." The old woman added. I couldn’t walk, so the doctor put me in a wheelchair and ushered me into a room. And now I realized that I’m in a hospital with my parents. I recalled the events. I wondered how I got here after shooting at the man. It did not make sense. I should be dead. It took me a few minutes to clear my head, but when I did, I started thinking about my parents? How are they now? I was barely able to breathe as my heart pounded ferociously beneath my ribs. Finally, the door of the room I’d been waiting in opened, and two nurses walked in. I saw my parents lying flat and still on the beds—cold and lifeless. I blinked once and then again, but the horrific, lifeless sight didn’t disappear. My mind was blank with shock and despair, my cries echoing off the walls as I stumbled toward their bedside. I didn’t know how many times I grasped air. I started weeping out loud, calling their names as I ran toward them. When I reached them, I hugged them and cried so much. Tears fell and my heart tightened like it was a grip around my chest. It took a moment for me to realize they were dead. As I looked at my parents lying lifeless in the hospital bed, I could not breathe. Their faces were pale, and my knees felt weak. As nurses moved my parents to another room, I followed them out the door and I collapsed on the floor. I cried so hard that everything became blurry. My heart was breaking into a million pieces as my mind was racing with memories of happier times. It was like the worst nightmare of my life had come true before my eyes. “Please, not you two. I need you both.” I cried and called out to them. I knew they were dead. It had been three days since the car wreck. My chest was pounding in grief. I was left alone and lost to care for myself after the incident. I realized that no one could ever replace my parents. However, I couldn’t stay in that house anymore. It brought back so many terrible memories of the incident. So my grandparent from my mother's side took care of me and lived in Cagayan. The other day, the police questioned me, but I was too distraught to remember what had happened. To this day, I cannot recall how that night ended. The killer had fled from the scene. I wished they killed me, too. I was really upset when I found out that the police couldn't find the guy who killed my parents. The policemen told me that no one had been fired but only my parents. I didn't understand why he said no one was fired. I am sure I shot the man who killed my father, I know I fired his head. And what frustrates me is that no one would try to figure out what had really happened, because I can’t give a clear testament. I thought about it for days. Now, I don't even know if they'll ever be caught. They were masked, and it was dark. I don’t even see their faces. I was driven to find the killers who murdered my parents; I had to know their identities. That desire drove me to seek out the truth for many years. I have spent years studying and tracking them as possible — so that I could take revenge on them myself. This is how I live my life now. I will never forget the day my parents were taken from me. I have learned that if I did not kill the man, they would find me and kill me. My only way of living was to kill the men who took my parents away from me. I realized, to gain justice, I must be willing to kill.