The Missing Tales

The sun was pleasantly warmer and brighter today, so brighter you cloud see how beautiful the colors on the small buildings and houses were around town, the trees looked great their branches were full of lovely leaves and on the ground, the grass was greener than usual around the town’s central park. The park was full of life, the bushes looked amazing with flowers of every color imaginable, small animals like squirrels and rabbits were running around the park, birds proudly chirping to each other on top of tree branches, and children were having the time of their lives playing on the playground enjoying every single part of their youth. Everywhere you looked you could see people enjoying life at its finest, folks walking their dogs proudly and carefree, others were near the lake feeding the ducks and pigeons around them as well as families having picnics, with baskets full of food, fruit and all the above. Life outside of the park wasn’t any different the streets were reasonably crowded for a small town, ladies walking and chatting on the sidewalk enjoying the beautiful morning sun and fresh air, showcasing their gorgeous and elegant sundresses and haircuts while holding their lace parasols. Men could be seen on café exteriors dressed as casually as one could be with their shirts and sweaters. Some were smoking their cigarettes and having fun heated conversations about any subject that would pop in their minds, others simply alone reading their newspaper while having their morning cup of coffee. For the people of Ankou Town, this was how the American Way o Life was supposed to be lived in the early 70s. But today someone wasn’t living by that statement, among all this perfect little bubble someone in Ankou town that did not hold any of this mantra of happiness and joy imposed by the people of this town. Her name was Lilly, and for Lilly today wasn’t a happy day not in the slightest, out of all days, this one was by far the worst because today was the day before all her cheerful life went into a deep hole of hell. Lilly woke up today breathing heavily with sweat all over her bed sheets and sleeping clothes, once again nightmares have been plaguing her sleep lately. They have been pretty intense and relentless this week, especially today, and at the end of every single one of them the same words are repeated over and over again, You did this to me. She should have been accustomed by now, every single year since that incident happened her nightmares get worse at the last week of summer break, but it still pains her to relive that moment every time she closes her eyes to the point she used to stay awake throughout the whole week just to avoid those painful eyes followed by those heart-breaking words, You did this to me. Catching her bearings after the terrible nightmare she just woke up to Lilly got off of the bed and went straight to the bathroom to take a cold shower. Now in there Lilly began to strip off of her clothes damp in sweat and stepped in the tub turning on the cold water. Lilly embraced the cold water running through her body allowing every drip of it to wash away the bad memories and terrible feelings. As soon as she closed her eyes to enjoy even more of its coldness her mind immediately filled her thoughts with images of the ginger girl who plagued her dreams, the same ginger girl who time and time again repeated those infamous words, You did this to me. Lilly shook her head trying to think of something different but at this point, it was no use she could take all the baths she desired, shake her head a hundred times do absolutely anything, it would not work today, possibly never. Her mind regardless of what she did would always bring her back to that moment. She knew the girl was right, the guilt she felt over what happen proved she was right, slowly Lilly pressed her back into the shower tub wall where the water was still falling over her and slid down until she was sitting with her hands on her knees pressing them into her chest, sulking over her demise. And she stayed in that position in what felt like an eternity crying her eyes out sobbing and simultaneously repeating to the girl in her head the words, I’m sorry, over and over and over again. Once she recomposed herself Lilly got up from her previous position, turned off the water and stepped out of the tub covering her small body with a towel. Now looking at herself in the bathroom mirror she took in every feature of herself, her long damp and now wet raven black hair. Her black thin low arched eyebrows, that complimented her beautiful almond-shaped olive-green eyes. Her greek nose was heavenly well-shaped, so was her bow-shaped strawberry pink lips, all these features fitted perfectly around her high cheekbones and heart-shaped face. For Lilly, all of these attributes she possessed meant little to her if the person carrying them felt nothing but rotten inside. That’s how she felt every time she looked at herself in the mirror, all of the things everyone thought it was beautiful were simply a mask to shield everyone from what she was, rotten. In her vision, the pretty face was just a small consolation prize from the huge ugly portrait that was her self. On that note, Lilly removed the towel from her body revealing a small fragment of her true self. Her body was full of scars, 5 in total, the main one was under her small breast area, while the others were spread randomly over her 5.2 feet body, two of them in her back while the last one was on the left side of her body starting from the left armpit to the end of her rib cage in an almost straight line. It was crazy to think how much her 15-year-old body changed in a two and a half year span from a healthy and glorious vison to a damaged and broken one. Looking one last time at herself Lilly closed her eyes and took the deepest breath she could muster trying to contain the new tears threatening to fall again. Once again, as soon as she closed her eyes all the images from before quickly came right back, the infamous words, You did this to me, those cold hazel eyes who once held happiness, that lifeless body laying on the floor whit a pool of blood around it. All of it was too much for her to bear. Lilly opened her eyes leaning over the sink breathing heavily, her heart rate went through the roof, trying to face those images in that way again was a huge mistake, the pain and guilt she felt were too much. “I-I can’t... I can’t do this anymore” Lilly said stuttering. She had to find another way to face these demons, closing her eyes and hope her mind would block them away wasn’t the way to do it, she had to be smarter than that. Lilly grabbed her towel and dirty clothes, dumped them in the laundry basket and left the bathroom to get dressed. Naked she made her way to her walk-in closet trying to find something simple and comfortable to wear, over the past few years she picked up the habit of dressing as casually as possible. She used to be picky about her outfits due to her friends, mainly her former best friend who used to give her makeovers and make fun of her every time she wore something that in her eyes and words were, Lame and out of fashion. Lilly remembered that she always tried too hard to impress her. The approval and attention she received from her meant the world to Lilly, to the point she would do anything to please her. To this day she still doesn’t know why she used to be that way, she was never like this before with anyone, only with her. Her compliments always made Lilly feel special, her touch made her feel warmer inside and heart beat faster than normal. These strange feelings made Lilly very uncomfortable and strangely happy, she always questioned herself why she felt like this at the time. Her best friend, or former best friend, on the other hand, was never fazed by Lilly’s random compliments about her beauty and the occasional looks she gave her. Maybe she saw that behavior as a best friend/sister type of thing, one time she even told Lilly she was the sister she never had. Strange how long friendships and deep connections we form with some people can simply vanish overnight. Opening her wardrobe drawers Lilly choose her outfit for today, she settled for a white oversized t-shirt putting it under her high waist jean shorts that fit perfectly around her pale skin thighs. To wrap it up she put on white socks, Lilly hated walking barefooted around the house. Making her way out of her walk-in closet she tripped over something that was laying on the bedroom floor making her fall forward on her knees. Whatever caused her to fall made a loud sound that resembled the one of an acoustic guitar, turning herself around sitting on her keens Lilly was now facing what made her fall. It was indeed a guitar, it had a light brown top, black color bridge, and pickguard, her sides and back were dark brown resembling coffee grains. The neck and head possessed the same tone of color making the metal of the turning kyes look brighter than they were. Lilly held the guitar, carefully pressing her fingers on its head and caressing her from there to the pickguard where for her the most important detail about that object was placed, the letter N stamped on top of it. The letter N stamped on the guitar represented the initial of the name of its previous owner, her older brother Noah. It has been a while since her mind wandered around her brother mainly because she has a difficult time getting her head around the fact that he is not here anymore. Accepting that he’ll never come back is such a difficult task for Lilly, everything around her house screams her brother’s presence, especially his bedroom who was still intact. Lilly didn’t allow her parents to remove his things from there, the moment her parents proposed getting rid of his things was still present in the back of her mind. When they told her what they intended to do with Noah’s room, she begged them not to go forward with it, desperately crying, going extremely as begging on her knees for them to reconsider their choice. It pained them as much as it did to Lilly making that decision, but unlike her, they were willing to let Noah’s presence go and move on. For them, it wasn’t healthy seeing their daughter in such a catastrophic state, sleeping on his bed never leaving his room always confined there, only leaving when it was lunch or dinner time. Eventually, they gave up on touching their son’s belongings to Lilly’s delight. Their daughters plead convinced them, they did not want to make her suffer more than she already was. Lilly stood up from the floor with her guitar in hand making her way to her bed sitting down on the comfortable mattress. Gracefully, she placed the guitar in position to play, taking a deep breath Lilly began to strum gently through the strings. Closing her eyes she embraced the beautiful sound coming out of the guitar and unlike before her mind showed images of her and Noah, and the good times they had together. All the wise words he had for her the friendship and the unbreakable bond they developed since she was a baby. Tears started to fall from Lilly’s eyes for what it felt like the 99th time today. But these tears were different from the previous ones she had shed, these tears were nothing but happiness, remembering Noah felt good, felt amazing, made her brave. Brave enough to face her dilemmas and the ghost who has hunted her for too long, maybe it was a stretch but she did not care at the moment. Feeling more confident than she ever felt in the past few weeks, Lilly began to sing with a raw melodic voice. The sound of her voice with the soft sound of her guitar made her leave all her demons in the lyrics. I’ve tried to live freely But your eyes keep pushing back in All the will All the fire All the life, I had in me Your last words, filled with pain Became my storm after the rain And my whole life In the hands Of the Devil, who never rests Why won’t it leave me Why won’t let me get away Why it keeps on killing All the love All the poise All the cheerfulness and the joy In my life “Thank you Noah” And just like that, she was ready, ready to face it all.