Yes, daddy

Certain things don't go out as planned. You don't always get what you want and life isn't all rainbows and butterflies. I hope to believe that if I grew up with a different family I wouldn't be the way that I am. I tend to act younger than the age of I am. I'm barely 4'11 and I'm 17 years old, what 17 years old is that short? It doesn't make any sense to me. I've always wanted to know why sometimes I act like an adult and then sometimes I act like a child. My parents have tried to fix me and every time they fail they beat me. They say that "Big girls can deal with a good beating", its as if they're trying to beat some sense into me. I can't help the way I am, can I? I'm pulled out of my thoughts when the bell rings. Second period is over and I'm heading to third. No one really knows about my "head space" besides my parents which is probably even worse than everyone knowing. When I get scared or upset I tend to retreat into my head space because it makes me feel safe in a way. I have my favorite stuffie in my bag, a hippo named George. I honestly don't know why I named him George. I just did. I'm considered popular because I'm friends with the prettiest girls in the school. Which apparently also makes me a "slut" because that's what they are. They all come across as bitches but when it comes down to it they're great friends. When I reach third period I head to the back where Jessica is, the queen bee of the school. Surprisingly she knows about my headspace and she's fine with it. "Hey, girl." Jessica said with a smile "Hey Jess, did you do the homework?" I said knowing that she probably didn't. She wasn't stupid, she was actually really smart, but sometimes she forgot to do things. "s**t. Can I see your's Ray?" she looked at me with desperate eyes "Of course. I can't say no to that face." I replied while taking out my homework and handing her it. My homework was written in a pink sparkly pen and had doodles all over the page. I flushed with embarrassment but she just smiled "I honestly love you for this. I'm going to need to get a pen like this. It's so cute. Don't be ashamed of it baby. You just be you, okay?" She's literally one of the nicest people I know. Sometimes I doubt myself and think it's all an act but then I see that she generally cares about me. "I'll get more and give you some. I saved up money. I know that I probably shouldn't spend my money on pens but they're all running out of ink so it's okay." She knows about what goes on in my house. She hates that I won't tell anyone but she realizes that it's hard for me to talk about it so she doesn't push me to. "I heard that we have a new teacher because Mr. Anderson was sleeping with some of the students. Amy was one of them. Apparently, it's Mika's brother, the billionaire. I don't know why he decided to work at a high school but I guess that he got bored shut up in his office. He works at both places. Now he's a CEO and an English teacher. He's young but also an old school teacher so we have to hand write essays. But he's hot so it makes up for the fact that we have to hand write ten-page essays." I look over at her. Mika's one of the people who bully me but she only does it when none of my friends are around. She knows that if Jessica found out she would be destroyed. Literally, Jess doesn't mess around when it comes to people being mean to her friends. "I hope he's nice." "Don't worry Ray, even though he's a teacher I won't let him do s**t to you. If anyone is being mean to you I'll kick their ass." This is why I haven't and probably won't tell her about Mika. I don't like violence. It's scary and I've seen it first hand. "You don't have to worry about it. No one's being mean to me at school."