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Angel On Fire

book_age16+
2
FOLLOW
1K
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dark
second chance
drama
twisted
bisexual
serious
ambitious
male lead
realistic earth
rebirth/reborn
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Blurb

Once Molly turns 18, she starts to realize changes throughout her body. She had always known that there was something different about her, but the older she got, the more prominent it became. She soon started wondering, if she was preparing for a life beyond this realm. Was it through death, or something completely different?

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Chapter one
Song for this chapter: Feel something - Bea Miller ~~~ I sat at my window, looking out at what felt like nothingness to me. I still tried to feel something. As used to the nothingness I was and as old as I was. I still tried. I had never been able to feel things, even as a child. My mom thought that I was maybe a sociopath when I was growing up and I told her all these things, but I wasn't a bad person. I didn't do bad things. I always had this urge to make people feel good about themselves, because I didn't want anybody to feel as empty and as lost as I felt. That was not sociopathic. We then drew that out of the question completely. Then we moved onto dissociative personality disorder, but nothing helped. No amounts of medical attention, or medication. I stopped seeing a therapist as it was impossible to explain, since I couldn't even explain it to myself. I had never experienced anything traumatic that I could think of and I could remember my childhood as clear as day. Everyone around me thought that that was weird. I remembered things from when I was two years old. The weirdest thing that never sat right with me was that I remembered how I was born. I remembered falling through a dark tunnel and screaming, looking for something to desperately grip onto. And then I was in the arms of a man I didn't know. I remembered then being put into the arms of a woman I didn't know, but I somehow just knew that she was my mother. Nobody could make sense of it. Not even I could. My mom said that it was possible that I was going through a spiritual awakening, but what I wanted to know was how long did it take until I was spiritually woke and I finally knew what the f**k was wrong with me? I decided that there was nothing else I could do, but just make it my life. I had to pretend that I was okay with not knowing who I was and why I was this way to the point that I actually became okay with it. I still dreaded going to sleep every night knowing that I would have to wake up the next day and go through the same feeling every single day, but I lived with it and I had no other choice. "Yo." My dad's voice boomed as he opened my door. I turned my head and smiled at him. I loved my dad, but another thing that I could never do was form attachments to people. I cared for them and I felt love for them, but I knew that I'd be perfectly okay without them. It was then that I knew something was indeed horribly wrong with me. "What's up?" I stood up from staring into the pits of despair. "Eloise is here for you." Eloise was my best friend. She had been since I was in middle school. She was the only friend that I had that didn't think I was crazy when I spoke of the things I spoke of. She was a deeply spiritual being and she believed that it was also some type of spiritual awakening. I didn't think anything of it. No matter what I believed in, nothing changed. I chose to just live with it. There was absolutely nothing I could do and I had to accept it. "Tell her I'll be down in a moment." I said and he winked at me before exiting my room. I liked spending time with Eloise. She never expected much from me, in fact, she never expected anything from me. She knew that I couldn't express emotions in the way that other people could and that I couldn't express excitement. She was okay with that and that was why I loved her so dearly. At the end of the day, I was still as reliable as a true friend should be. ~~~ "Are you excited for your birthday tomorrow?" She asked me as we strolled through the park outside of her house. I rolled my eyes at her and she laughed. I couldn't believe that she just asked me that question. There was nothing I hated more than my birthday. It was exhausting having to act excited for all the things people did for me. I appreciated the gifts and I appreciated the love, but it was impossible for me to show excitement. She knew this. "I'd rather die." I said. The only true gift I really wanted was for things to feel real. Was for my life to feel like my life. What I wanted was to feel like I belonged amongst humanity. What I wanted was to feel like I was a human being and not to feel like I didn't know who I was when I stared at myself in the mirror. That was all I wanted, but I realized now that it was just way too much to ask for. I realized that no matter how many times I fell to my knees - begging God - to make it better, it wouldn't happen and I had no other choice, but to accept it and carry on with my empty life.

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