Becoming Yours By Yastinee

2nd:Silence was too loud

Nasa kwarto na ako ngayon at hindi ko maiwasan mapaisip kung ano na ang ginagawa nila sa labas.

Iniwan ko sila sa sala dahil ayaw ko munang makasama si Adrian.I think it feels so suffocating everytime he's around lalo na ngayon at hiwalay na kami.

I honestly don't understand him.What was the reason?Para kasing hindi ko matanggap o ayaw ko lang tanggapin?

Did he fall out of love?May kulang ba sa'kin?May mali ba?May hindi ba ako nagawa?I just wanted to know so that i'm aware.

Thoughts are keep on coming to me until i fell asleep.

It's almost five o'clock in the afternoon when i woke up so i decied to eat.I was about to get out of my bed when my dad enter the room.

Binuksan niya ang pinto.“'Nak,”sabay lakad papunta sa akin.

As soon as i heard his voice, i immediately cry.I covered my face with my blanket and started wailing.

Hindi naman ako naiiyak kanina ah?Bakit ganoon?

Nang humupa na ang pag iyak ko ay si Papa na mismo ang nagtanggal ng kumot sa pagkakataklob sa mukha ko.

Pinunasan ko muna ang luha ko.“'Pa,"sabi ko nang medyo pumiyok pa dahil sa pag iyak.Nakita kong nakaupo na siya sa tabi ko habang ako ay nakasandal sa headrest.Napayakap ako sa kaniya.

“Nakausap ko si Ad,'nak."sabi nya sabay higpit ng yakap sa akin at hinaplos haplos ang aking buhok..“Hush now,he loves you,okay?Come on,let's eat downstairs."bulong niya ng mahinahon at humiwalay sa yakap.

Hanggang makakababa kami ay hindi ko pa din lubos maisip na ganito ang magiging hapunan ko.

Even earlier,i don't know what does Dad mean when he said that, tho i let it pass.

Weeks have passed,i'm getting more lonely everyday.Hindi ko siya nakikita sa Campus,wala ring nakakabanggit ng pangalan niya sa akin.I think they already know what happened between us so no need for me to tell them.

Sa bagay,paanong hindi nila malalaman gayung palaging kaming magkasama noon tapos ay bigla na lamang hindi.

We were friend back then and so developed feelings,intimate.He was the first one to show motives so then our classmates tease us and the rest is history.I got easily attached to him.

Tuwing gabi ay nagkikita kami sa isang park at doon mag uusap tungkol sa nangyari sa araw na iyon.Sa Nagdaang panahon na kami ay magkarelasyon, palagi siyang nakikinig sa akin.He listens to all of my rants and complaints.He was always on my side.

I'm currently sitting on a bench here at our university while my books are on my lap.

Kung sa ibang pagkakataon ay nandito siguro siya pero wala.He's out of nowhere.After we broke up,i haven't seen any traces of him.He just disappeared like nothing happened.Hindi ko naman matanong ang mga Professor sa amin dahil baka madisappoint lang ako sa malalaman ko but there's always a rumor that slipped onto me that he left to study abroad,he left because he migrated,he left to take care of their businesses and many more but for real i don't know what to believe anymore.

Maybe i should really just continue and maybe, set aside thinking of him.A month already passed and i still can't get over the break up we had.I just can't believe and accept it.I terribly miss him.

Sa lumipas na buwan ay napapansin ko ang pagbaba ng aking grado.My Professor informed me to stay focused on studying so that i can maintain being a dean's lister.

On my way home,i concluded that maybe Papa knew about this already because my Professors are clise with him.

And i was never wrong.

“Darling,is there something wrong?Sabi ng mga propesor mo ay hindi ka na attentive sa klase that's why your grades are failing.They said there's a possibility that you might be removed from being a dean's lister?"he said calmly.

Naghahapunan kami nang mabanggit niya ito.Lahat ng mata nila ay nakatutok sa akin at hinihintay ang sagot.

Tumatango ako at bumuntong hininga.“I still can't get over him.”mahinang litanya ko sabay iyak at takip sa mukha.

Nakarinig naman ako ng mahinang pagibo ng upuan at naramdamang may humawak sa aking kamay.

“'Lil Sis,i know you've been together for a long time and seperation brought too much pain but that doesn't mean that

you will stop aiming for your dream."sabi ni Kuya Kly sa akin.

Lalo ako napaiyak.“But he's the dream Kuya,he's my dream.”bulong ko.

“Then aim for the better."sabi niya sabay tayo.

Tinanggal ko na ang kamay ko sa mukha ko at pinunasan ang luha sa aking mukha.

“Kly!”Bahagya akong nagutla sa biglang pagsigaw ni Papa.

“What 'Pa?"tanong ni Papa kay kuya habang nakatayo na sila pareho.

“What do i mean by that?What's wrong with what i've said?Telling you're daughter and my sister to find and aim for the better doesn't lessen that value of that bastard of being a person.”he said emphasizing the word ‘sister' and sat down.

Papa looked pissed as he heard what my brother said.He sighed.“Still,it isn't right.You're treating him less of a person Kly and it isn't a valid excuse to cheer you're sister up.He has reasons!"sabi ni Papa ng medyo pasigaw ngunit sa kalmadong boses.

I was just listening to their discussion,i don't mind them fighting right now.I continued eating.

There's only the four of us here,my other brother is still working at this hour,6 o'clock.Napadapo naman ang tingin ko sa isa kong kapatid,he was silent the whole scene.

“I know he has reasons 'Pa,belive me i do."sabi ni Kuya sabay subo ng pagkain at tumawa.

That...that caught my attention.

Napabaling ako sa kaniya.“What was his reasons Kuya?Care to tell me?"i said to him.

Napakunot ang noo niya nang bumaling siya sa akin."He didn't tell you?!"halos pasigaw niyang tanong sa akin.

Napayuko ako dahil doon.

I heard him sighing in frustration.“I can't believe that motherfucker!"he shouted.

Papa stood up.“Your words Kly!Stop cussing!"he said.

“Yeah,right.All you could ever care is about my words,not even about your own daughter."he fired back to Papa as he exited our house and drive his car.

“Kly,come back here!"Papa shouted but ny brother keep on walking.

I can't believe we're having this scene.I thought they never noticed any happenings about me.

He walked out because of me.They fought because of me,because of my vulnerability.It was my fault.