Finding Her Way Back

I lay on the bed, hugging my knees and willing myself to move, to get up and clean myself up before he came back. My lips were dry from the steady stream of tears that had been running down my face for the last hour, my body ached at what I can only assume was a few broken ribs, not to mention the deep gashes that lined my chest and back. Even still, I couldn't seem to find the will to move, knowing if I was still like this when he returned, it would only be worst. Honestly, I would be okay if the darkness came to claim me in this moment, I had given up, the hope I held for things to get better had long burned out and I was tired. " Moon goddess, please, I am done fighting, let me leave this place on my terms" I begged into the empty room. If you asked me 4 years ago if I thought I would be estranged with my wolf, begging for my death from a goddess I knew existed but time and time again found myself doubting, doubting her devotion to the species she created, questioning her love, doubting the legends, the stories told by our ancestors. How could I have ended up with such a horrible, nasty, vile mate? How could she allow the daily beatings? How could she watch as my own parents turned their backs on me? How could she let this happen? The more I lost faith in the Moon Goddess, the more Nyla retreated to the far depths of my soul, as time went on, she stopped coming forward, I haven't heard her in almost 2 years. Without her the wounds to my body would definitely need medical attention and I would need to be stitched up, which I was getting pretty good at doing myself, but I no longer cared, the more I laid there, the more my body became numb. The blood was seeping into the sheets and pooling in the mattress, the smell of blood and tears had filled the room. My heart was beating to live, but no matter how fast or hard it was, telling me in its own way to get up, my mind was tired and my body broken. I could hardly reach over the side of the bed to grab the blanket that had fallen there in the chaos. I was cold, and I wanted to have some kind of dignity, I wanted to spare whoever found me, if anyone found me, the sight of my bruised and bloody bare skin, so I pulled the blanket over me, giving into the weight of my eyelids, I let my eyes drift closed. I felt the soft fabric of the blanket as the warmth it brought licked at the aches, the tears finally stopped flowing and my breathing calm. As I drifted off into the darkness all I could think was.. I'm Ready.