The Story Of My Life

Chapter 6

When I was nine something happened. Something that changed my life from worse to terrible. I was drawing an image of the man that killed mama, I heard the sound of the doorbell. It wasn't something new to me Tony had lots of insane friends like him. They laughed loudly disturbing my sleep, they loved smacking me cause I was little and weak.

"Alexander!" Anthony's hoarse voice called from downstairs. I stood up with a groan, I was not yet recovered from the last beating. I slowly walked the stairs to where he was standing with a blond slim guy that had a bloodshot eye, the work of alcohol and cigarette were clearly showing through his look. He stared at me weirdly with a smirk sending shivers to my spine. "What took you so long, i***t?" Said, Anthony.

"I–" I was interrupted by a slap. I rubbed the stinging spot not crying about it, rather I was glad it was just a slap, not a full beating. 

"I don't care!" He yelled, "Tidy the house, I don't wanna see this piggery when I get back!" With that, he stomped off slamming the door. It was still evening so I had time before he got back, he was always back during the night.

I grabbed the beer bottles, pizza packets, cigarette butts, and other dirty stuff on the floor. When I was done packing I threw them outside in the garbage. I went to Anthony's wreck as a room picking up dirty stockings, pants, and shirts. With a sigh, I dropped them in the washing machine. I went to the kitchen, where piles of plates stood unwashed. I did the dishes and cleaned them and arranged them in the cupboard. I had this sensation that someone was watching me. I quickly turned and gasped, my heart missing a beat. There stood the strange man with bags under his eyes,  on the kitchen doorway with a smirk staring at me weirdly. I slowly moved closer to a kitchen knife, when he noticed my movement his smirk faded. 

"Uh, I am looking for a beer," He said, looking around not making eye contact with me. I ran out of the kitchen once his back was turned to me. Beads of sweat broke on my forehead, my heart was racing, I had a feeling that the man wanted to hurt me, he was insane. I said to myself. After calming down I resumed my chores, I was quick to finish them. I walked to my room, resuming my drawing. It was a little dark so I switched on the light. I began feeling that sensation once again like someone was watching me. I snapped my head on three different occasions but no one, the doorway was empty, I still had that feeling, when I turned for the fourth time, I saw him, the insane guy. I immediately stood up, my heart pounding in my rib cage trying to escape. Has he come to look for beers in my room? I looked around for a sharp object but none.

"W-what d-do y-you want?" I stuttered out of fear. 

He took slow footsteps toward me, "You are beautiful," he slurred.

"G-go away!" I screamed while backing off till my back was touching the wall. He switched off the light before grabbing me. His hand ran through my body weirdly, while he sucked on my neck, his hand stopped on the zip of my jeans short. I struggle holding his hands. "No! Leave me alone!" I cried. He was stronger than me, no matter how I fought he pined and successfully removed my clothes. He pushed me to the bed, jumping on me.

I cried and screamed but no one came to my rescue, he was really hurting me. I cried all the while calling dad to help me, but he never came. When the door swung open, Anthony walked in.

"What are you doing Jay?!" Anthony said in a pissed voice. The guy jumped up, releasing me.

"T-tony, mate! Is not my fault, your son is so beautiful. J-just let me have him for the night and you'll obtain whatever you want." He said in panic.

"Well, well. Throughout the night, I see, are you ready to pay $200," Anthony said and I froze. 

"Yes, here you can have 100 dollars, only when I am done will I pay you the rest." The man said tossing the money to Tony who gladly caught it and was about to walk away.

"No, papa please help, you can't do this to me, please, I beg you help me, don't allow him to do this." I pleaded with tears running down my cheek. 

"Shut up b***h! You merit your fate," He said angrily, stomping away. The man turn to face me with a smirk.

My father just abandoned me, when I needed him the most, he turned his back on me. I was alone with the man who was hurting me, I struggled and screamed. What kind of father allows their kids to get r***d and does nothing? He is not my father.

"STOP IT!" He yelled, when he'd had enough of my cries, he delivered a hard smack to my cheek. Reaching for a needling stuff then stuck it on my arm, it sent a sharp pain through my body, but before I could even gasp, a hot warm feeling overcame me. My mind tingled as my darkness fled to make room for an instant rush of pure euphoria. I inhaled a deep breath and closed my eyes as the feeling swallowed me whole.

All my worries, all my pains, none of that mattered anymore, I felt like I was floating in the air, flying like a beautiful butterfly. I didn't have to fight anymore because I felt good all of a sudden.

When I woke up the next morning I felt tired and sluggish, I couldn't recall what happened, when I did, I started sobbing as tears of agony and pain streamed down my face, I was r***d by some demented guy and he didn't help me.

"What are you still doing here?!" Anthony boomed when he saw me lying on the floor, crying hopelessly.

"W-why do you hate me?" I said in a raspy voice, making an effort to stand. He walked to me delivering a hard kick to my stomach, I fell to the floor. He kept going on with the kicks and punches. 

"You are the cause of my misery, you are a mistake! A useless piece of rag that's what you are! You ruined my life! You equally ruined hers. Her family disowned her just because of you, I asked her to abort you cause you were a terrible mistake! You made me do that to her! You are the only one responsible for her death! YOU DON'T MERIT LIFE! That's why God cursed you! You are a devil! You always end up hurting those that love you! You can never escape your fate! You will perish along with your master the devil!" He yelled while carrying on the abuse. When he was done he left, promising to kill me if I was still home. "I crawl to the shower, turning it on. The drops of water wet my hair and washed the blood on my wounds and bruises, blood streaming down my feet, I sat on the tiled floor bringing my knees to my chest, wrapping my hands around them, and sobbing under the cold shower. Bad memories kept coming to me. I remembered when Anthony first hit me, then the day mum rescued me, how I was happy living by her side, the night she died, the words of the man in the mask, the incident of yesterday. All those memories cause me to weep bitterly. Even the cold water couldn't quench the burning flame of agony and pain in me. Then I said to myself, It was all my fault, I killed her, God hates me, cause I'm a mistake. I sobbed. I need to pay for my sins, I need to be punished. I whispered softly. 

Later that day I went to school just as Anthony wanted. You might think that school was a cool place where I could speak to friends, don't be disappointed if I should say school was my second hell. 

One of my teachers, Mr. Billy, always said I was good for nothing, I had the lowest grade in class. The kids in my class would always say something was wrong with me, they called me crazy and smelly, I didn't have nice clothes to wear, I didn't speak to anyone because I was horrified by anyone coming to find the truth.

Those words really hurt me, no one wanted to be friends with me, rather they'll throw papers or pencils on me, during recreation they'll push me and make fun of me, calling me names such as "crap, insane, stupid..." I was always crying, the teacher would run to me, taking me back to class. But that day was different. They had another plan for me. 

Jeremy and Tom, the main bullies, walked up to me that day and Jeremy said, "Alex, you know, I have a solution to your problem," he paused. I sat staring blankly at the slide not paying attention to his words.

"Hey! Look at us!" Tom yelled, causing me to flinch. I slowly looked at him not wanting them to hit or push me.

"Good, yesterday I watched a movie about some boys like you. The only way they could feel better was by cutting, you know when you take a blade and hurt yourself, why don't you try it?" Jeremy said with a grin.

"Dad depressed people do that because after they feel better, they try to kill themselves as a punishment," Tom added with a serious stare. 

"Will you try?" Jeremy asked and I slowly nodded. They started laughing hysterically.

"We got you! It was a joke, you're such a moron." Tom said wiping a tear from his eye before walking away with Jeremy.

I ran back home after school, Anthony was not around, he was working in order to earn money for his alcohol. I went to his room searching for a blade when I finally got one I walked to my room, sitting on the foot of my bed. 

"I need to be punished, I brought pain to many, God hates me, I killed Mama," I said, shutting my eyes and biting my bottom lip while pressing the razor on my wrist as tears slid down my face, I took a shaky breath. The pain was terrible, but the feeling of blood running down my wrist and dripping to the floor brought satisfaction to my dreadful desire to be punished. That was the first time I ever cut, indeed it felt good. I heard a voice deep inside me, telling me I needed more than that to feel better.