Outside In

Chapter 3-4

It had been a hard afternoon. Cameron laid her crutches against the wall as she lowered herself onto the couch. Something was wrong. Karen had been distant and quiet ever since they’d returned from the ceremony.

Cameron had just been decorated with the City’s Medal of Valor. The newspaper and TV reporters had been buzzing around, trying to get her to say a few words: trying to analyze who this new hero was, this woman who had saved the lives of two little children who were being held at gunpoint by their mother’s crazed boyfriend. Karen had helped her weave her way through the crowd of well-wishers and finally get to a place where she could sit and relax without someone snapping a flash bulb in her face.

That was three days ago. Cameron couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Now Karen wanted to talk.

“What is it, Honey? What’s up?” Cam asked as Karen sat down across from her in the overstuffed chair.

Karen took a deep breath, her eyes still not meeting Cam’s.

“I can’t do this anymore,” was all she said.

Cam rolled it around in her mind. “I don’t understand.”

“I can’t be there for you. I can’t go on like this. I need you to move out.”

The words hit Cam right between the eyes. She was totally unprepared. Three weeks before, they’d been making plans to go up to Provincetown for a couple weeks later in the summer. Then there’d been that hostage situation and Cam had ended up in the hospital with two bullets in her; one in her backside, another in her leg.

“I know this is a bad time for you, but it’s something I have to do. I’d move out, but this is hospital subsidized. You’ll have to go. I can’t put it off any more.” Karen pushed on. She still hadn’t looked at Cam. “I’m going to D.C. for a couple days. I’d really appreciate it if you could be gone when I get back.”

“What?! I don’t understand. Is it something I did? If it is, I’m sorry. I could try to fix it.” Cam broke out in a cold sweat.

“It’s not something you did, Cameron. It’s who you are. I can’t live worrying that the next time the doorbell rings, it’ll be someone telling me I have to go and identify your body. Every time the police radio in the ER reports that a policeman has been hurt, I start to shake. I can’t do that anymore. I don’t want to have to be there for you.”

“You don’t need to worry so much,” Cam pleaded. “I’m careful. I’m not going to get hurt again.”

Karen’s anger flared. “You can’t promise me that!” she spat at Cam. “You’ve been on the Force for less than two years and you’ve been shot twice. Either time could have been fatal. You put yourself in danger without ever giving it a second thought. It’s who you are. It’s how you think.” Karen finally looked Cam in the eyes. “I don’t want to be on duty in the ER the next time they bring you in.”

“Well…maybe I can get a desk job, at least for a while. I can’t go back out on the street, yet, anyway. Maybe there’s something…”

“Cam, you can’t!” Karen stopped her. “I’ve known this ever since you started talking about joining the Police Force. I’ve dreaded it. I thought I could handle it. I can’t.”

Cam let the silence stretch on for a few minutes.

“I could be more careful, maybe go into forensics. I don’t plan on being a street cop all my life.”

“Please.” Karen put her hand up to stop her. “If I thought you could do that, I’d jump at the chance.” She shook her head “I’ve known you too long…and too well. There’s a lot of anger inside you. It’s who you are. It eats at you when you sit behind a desk. One of these days it’s going to erupt and swallow you. I can’t be around when that happens.”

Cam wiped her hand across her mouth, as if she could reach inside and find the right word to make this all go away.

“I’m sorry, Cameron. Please don’t make this harder than it already is. I’ll expect you out by next Thursday.”

With that Karen got up and walked out of the apartment.