She felt she needed punishment. Yet at the same time the thought of punishment excited her, because it evoked the memory of illicit desires. From what she told him, even though she tried to resist what her father did, in some sense she took pleasure from it. She indicated to him that if she tried to refuse her father he was angry, whereas if she allowed it he was pleased with her. What little girl would not prefer to make her father pleased rather than anger him? As she got older, the things he did, even if they disgusted her, nevertheless aroused her. Which made her guilt doubly powerful. It was bad enough to do wicked things, but much worse if you enjoyed them.
He listened as she talked on. It sounded as if her experiences had conditioned her to feel that all s****l feelings were bad,
