Letters With Boys

Memphis and Gray, Week 11 - November

Memphis Joan “The Hammer” Edgerton,

I couldn’t erase the delightful image of you smashing things to bits all weekend. I hope you enjoyed the rage room as much as I did. I also hope that you had a productive meeting with Kai’s mom yesterday, since we had to sign like four waivers saying that rage rooms aren’t actually a healthy form of therapy. (Really, though, I’m not convinced. I always feel better after I smash things.)

On a less cheerful note, there’s something I meant to talk to you about on Saturday, but decided against it for my own safety, given the violent nature of our date. (Figured letters are safer.)

I’m struggling a bit with liking your parents as much as they apparently liked me.

I know you know a lot more about this autism thing than I do, and I say this at the risk of sounding like an ignorant asshole, but do you ever wonder whether your parents are protecting him just a little too much and you just a little not enough?

For example, they know nothing about what happened to you at that Lancaster party, right? Don’t you think that’s a little odd, given how much it affected you? Did they ever even notice a change in your mood? 

Also, the college thing. Did they even know that you weren’t going to apply, if not for your handsome and supportive boyfriend? Did they never even talk to you about college? 

And this whole thing about me meeting Todd. Don’t get me wrong—the last thing I want is to upset your brother, Mem, or to upset you. But a boyfriend is a pretty significant staple in a girl’s life, and it seems to me that not allowing him to come around on account of the possibility that it gives her younger brother an upset or two seems a bit unfair—not to me, but to you. You know?

I feel like you’re not going to like this letter, and I’m going to go ahead and apologize for that in advance. But I hope you know that it comes from a place of genuine concern for you, and wanting to make sure you feel loved and taken care of.

Also—are we hanging out over Thanksgiving break? Should I get together yet another Amazing Date plan?

Love,

Gray

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Gray,

First off, thanks for another Amazing Date, as you apparently now call them. It was truly a stroke of genius to put the three events together in that order—college applications, then rage room, then sushi. After all, who doesn’t want to smash things to bits after planning for their future? And who doesn’t work up an appetite smashing things to bits?

I actually didn’t end up going to see Kai’s mom Sunday. Didn’t really see any need to, as I was happy and, like you said, I felt better after smashing things.

As for my parents… I appreciate the sentiment, really, and I’m not upset, but I don’t think you understand. Having an autistic child is a full-time job. Todd requires all of their time, energy, and attention. Even then, sure, they noticed when I came home puffy-eyed and cut-skinned with glass in my hair that morning, just like they noticed when I started going off the rails, and of course when Matt stopped coming around. They just chose to believe me when I told them everything was fine, and I don’t blame them for that.

Can you imagine how selfish it would have been of me to monopolize that time and energy that Todd needs so much more than me? They already have enough to deal with; I don’t need to add more to their plates. 

Aren’t you going to Manhattan for Thanksgiving, to see your family? Texting you now.

Mem

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Tuesday, Nov. 23rd, 10:30am

Memphis: Just put your letter in the outbox and then realized I won’t see your response ’til after Thanksgiving.

Gray: Do I have to wait til it arrives here to know what it says? :(

Memphis: I’m not mad at you, Gray. Your concern is sweet, just not necessary. Anyway, that’s not why I’m texting. Aren’t you going to Manhattan for the break?

Gray: No. Why would I got to Manhattan?

Memphis: Uhh, to see your family? To celebrate Thanksgiving?

Gray: Oh—God, no. Haven’t been invited to one of those since the year I hit Husband Number Two in the face with a turkey baster. Which, for the record, doesn’t do much damage.

Memphis: Seriously? You’re not invited to your own family’s Thanksgiving?

Gray: Don’t feel too bad for me. I’d really require your pity if I was invited. It was always a truly frightful affair.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Tuesday, Nov. 23rd, 4:00pm

Gray: So… since we’ve established I’ll be around… can we hang? Maybe tomorrow or Friday? Or both?

Memphis: Hanging out with the girls tomorrow, but Friday works.

Gray: It’s a date. Pick you up at noon? By the way, I got your letter. Are you sure it’s a good idea to be blowing off therapy? I don’t think the whole “I’m happy today, so I don’t need to go” thing is how that is supposed to work.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Wednesday, Nov. 24th, 10:00am

Gray: Mem, I’m sorry about the therapy comment. Please don’t be mad.

Memphis: Not mad. Just was having a very long talk with the fam and then forgot to reply. 

Gray: Everything ok?

Memphis: Yeah. Except for the part where you’re coming to Thanksgiving at our house tomorrow. Having a little anxiety about that one.

Gray: …

Gray: …

Gray: Seriously???

Memphis: I mean, if you don’t want to…

Gray: Don’t be cute, sassypants. You know I’m coming.

Gray: Thank you for talking to them. You didn’t have to do that.

Gray: Was it because you felt bad for me? I really would have been fine. It’s nothing new.

Memphis: It wasn’t because I felt bad for you, Gray. 

Memphis: I mean, I did feel bad for you, but I want you there, anyway.

Gray: I’ll take it.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Wednesday, Nov. 24th, 11:54pm

Memphis: Can you do me a favor?

Gray: Well, hello there, beautiful. How’d you know I was thinking about you?

Gray: I would love to do you any favor you want.

Memphis: Keep it in your pants, soldier. It’s not a sexy favor.

Gray: Bummer, but still yes.

Memphis: I’m emailing you a few links to articles about how to talk to kids with autism. Also, how to not upset them. That kind of thing. 

Memphis: Would you mind reading them before you come over tomorrow?

Gray: Of course.

Gray: It’s going to be okay, Mem. I promise.

Memphis: I know.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Wednesday, Nov. 24th, 12:42am

Memphis: Are you still up?

Gray: I’m always up for you, baby.

Memphis: What, exactly, were you thinking about me earlier?

Gray: I don’t think I can answer that without offending your sweet and innocent sensibilities.

Memphis: I think I can handle it.

Gray: Why so curious? Is it perhaps because you have been thinking equally devilish things about me?

Memphis: I asked first.

Gray: Fine, then. I’ll tell you.

Gray: But you’d better buckle up first.