Letters With Boys

Tally and Kai, Week 12 - December

Tally,

How was your Thanksgiving?

Mine wasn’t bad. A little boring, I guess, but that’s pretty much the norm for my family. Did the traditional big turkey dinner Thursday, then pretty much took it easy the rest of the weekend, met up with a few friends to play a little soccer, that kind of thing.

I’m sorry I never got the chance to meet your brother, but I get what you meant about wanting to spend the break with your family. I’m guessing he’s back to NYU already? Maybe we can try again over Christmas break?

Best,

Kai

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Kai,

I do enough pretending in my life, being the girl whose dad killed himself eight years ago. So I’m not going to do it with you. At least, not anymore.

My Thanksgiving was s**t. It always is. My dad killed himself on Thanksgiving day, as a matter of fact. That’s why the girls always push to spend the day before Thanksgiving together—so they can give me some, small degree of comfort leading up to the actual day, which I spend with my family at his grave.

It was extra bad this year, though, because I spent the entire break not only thinking about my dead dad, but also thinking about the fact that, for some reason, my boyfriend doesn’t want me to meet his parents.

I know, I know—they want you to focus on your future, and on succeeding, and all that great stuff. Sounds like excuses to me, but even if they weren’t, I’m still not sure they do the trick. Can you not stand up to your own parents, Kai? Can you not tell them that I’m important, and that I’m not merely a distraction?

I didn’t want to sound this way—whiny and demanding. The truth is, I’m not demanding anything other than to know where I stand with you. I’m a senior in high school, Kai, and I’m legally an adult. I’m not looking to mess around with some juvenile crush. If I’m going to get into a relationship this late in the high school game, it needs to be one that matters. And if I don’t matter enough to you to introduce you to your parents, then I just don’t matter enough.

So just tell me the truth, please. I can handle it, Kai. I’ve handled worse.

Tally

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Tally,

God, I’m an i***t.

I’ve tried calling you a few times since reading your letter, but it went straight to voicemail. Probably because you’re in class, which makes sense.

I’m sorry, Tal. I’m SO sorry. I had no idea about the anniversary of your dad’s death, but I feel like I should have—like I wasn’t asking the right questions, or enough questions, or something. 

And you’re right about my parents. I didn’t look at it that way until I read your letter—didn’t think of it as something to be explained, or argued, to my parents—if it’s even needed. Hell, for all I know, they’ll love you and not say an ill word about you. It’s not as if I have anything to compare this to, you being my first… well, everything.

I was being scared and stupid, and that’s no excuse for hurting you, but it’s all I’ve got.

You matter to me, Tally—much more than you seem to think. You’re no juvenile crush. I only wish I had known you were feeling this way sooner so I could have fixed it.

I’ll talk to my parents when I get home from school today. I’ll tell them about you, and that I want you to meet them. Stay tuned for more.

Please don’t be mad.

Yours,

Kai

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Kai,

Thank you.

I shouldn’t have unloaded on you like that. It’s hard for me to be that honest and confrontational, so when it does happen, sometimes it explodes out of me rather than just gently trickling, you know?

Let me know what your parents say. Obviously I don’t want them to do something they don’t want to do. It helps just knowing that they know I exist.

Tally

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Tally,

Parents were thrilled to hear I have a girlfriend and even more thrilled that I want her to meet them. Go figure!

How’s tomorrow for you? Sunday’s fine, too—either way. You can come over to my place, and we’ll make you some food and show you around. 

I guess I won’t receive your next letter ’til Monday, so shoot me a text, call, whatever.

I really am sorry. I should never have let it get to a place where you felt like you had to unload. I should have listened to the signs you were giving me.

Chalk it up to the learning curve of a first relationship, and forgive me?

Kai