Helping my crush

Chapter five - I wish that I could change him

Bella's POV:

I don't know what to do anymore. Chris asked me out, but I had to reject him. It wasn't an invitation for a date, but I still feel bad. I just don't want people to understand how messy and complicated my life is. Moreover, if I tell him the truth, he might leave me. Both ways are the same. If I keep saying no, he might give up. It's not like I want this to happen, but now, I don't have time for this. I have no problem accepting, but who will take care of Emily? I can't keep asking the neighbors. I know that miss Adams will agree, but I don't want to do that. Emily is my responsibility. The weird thing is that of all the girls in school, Chris asked exactly me. I am sure that the other girls will die if he asks them out. I mean that they always are checking him out. Sadly, they don't have a chance. Jessy wouldn't let anyone steal her boy. It's not like they are dating. To be honest, from what I see in school, he is not paying much attention to her. Maybe it's on purpose, or he doesn't like her. At least she is not bothering me. Another reason for which I can't accept his invitation. I won't lie that she is the last thing I think about. I have other things in my head more important than this girl. The worst thing is that I can't get rid of this feeling. The way Chris looked at me when I said no is breaking my heart. He looked so disappointed. I would love to go out with him, but I can't let him mess with me. I don't want him to get involved in my life.

I woke up but didn't have the energy to get up. Well, five minutes of laying in bed won't be a problem. No, I have to get up and make breakfast. Today I will make French toast. I have made it before, and it tastes good. Also, Emily likes it. I went to get ready and later walked downstairs. When breakfast is ready, I will go and wake up Emily. I also need to check on dad. He came late last night. I stay and wait for him, so I can lock the door when he comes home. Once, he came at 3 am. I didn't know what he was doing until so late, but I decided not to argue with him. Moreover, I was almost asleep.

I made breakfast and went to wake up my sister. I told her to get ready while I checked on dad. He was also sleeping. I woke him up and told him to come. He doesn't eat much, which is not healthy. Dad drinks too much, but whenever I tell him that or try to take the cup from him, he gets angry. Most of the time, I let him do what he wants. I got tired of arguing with him about the same things. Soon Emily and dad came to the table.

- The food looks delicious. - my sister said

- I hope that it tastes good.

- It does. Since you have made it.

- Dad, do you have plans for the afternoon?

- Why?

- I thought that maybe you could watch a movie with me. Just like you used to do when I was little.

- I don't have time for kids' movies.

- Please. Only today. If you want, we can do something else.

- No. I don't want to do anything.

- Then what will you do the whole day?

- I have my own life. Leave me alone.

- Ok, I won't bother you.

I won't lie that this hurt me a bit, but what can I do? He doesn't want to help himself, so what do I have to do? I want to bring his old self, but I don't know how to do it. I thought about therapy, but I know that he won't go. The only way this happens is, if the therapist comes home, which no one will do.

After breakfast, I walked Emily to school and later walked to mine. I saw Chris standing by his locker. We made eye contact, but I quickly nodded my head and walked away. I can't look him in the eyes anymore. I feel guilty for rejecting him. He probably won't talk with me anymore. Well, I won't blame him. If he tries to ask me out again, my answer will be the same. I can't tell him anything. I know that he won't tell anyone, but this will only make me feel bad.

- Hey, are you ok? You look upset.

I looked up to see Chris. I guess that he didn't give up. To be honest, I have no problem talking with him, but that's it. I don't want Chris to have high hopes for something that won't happen.

- I'm fine, thanks.

- Look, I'm sorry about bothering you two days ago.

- It's ok. You didn't do anything. The thing is that I don't have time.

- I understand. The invitation is still available. When you have time, you know where to find me. - he said and walked away

Now I feel horrible. Like it's not enough that I have to deal with everything at home. I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and walked to class. On the lunch break, I decided to stay inside. I know that starving myself won't resolve my problems, but right now, I am not in the mood for food. I sat in front of my locker and pulled out one of my textbooks. I can't focus at all. I have so many things on my head that I don't know why I am still fighting. It's not like I can change anything. I sighed and closed my eyes. When I opened my eyes, I flinched. Chris was standing in front of me with an apple in his hands.

- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

- It's ok. What are you doing here?

- I didn't see you in the cafeteria, so I came to give you this. It's not much, but I don't know what food you like. - Chris said and gave me the apple

- Thanks, but you didn't have to do it.

- Sometimes, I like to be nice.

- I have noticed that. You are one of the few boys who know how to treat people.

- Said from you means a lot.

- I mean it.

- Is there something that I can do to make you feel better?

- I'm fine. You don't have to do anything.

- Bella, it's visible that something or someone made you upset. You don't have to tell me. I just want to make you feel better.

- Thanks, but you can't do anything.

- In that case, would you mind if I spend the rest of the lunch break with you?

- No. You can stay as much as you want here.

- Don't worry, I won't ask you anything.

- If you say so.

The whole lunch break Chris and I were talking. He made me eat the apple which he gave me, so I had to do it. I like that he takes care of me, but I am fine. Well, not completely, but he doesn't need to know that. For the rest of the classes, we didn't talk. Mostly because he was busy. Chris was occupied by girls.

As always, when I finished school, I went to take Emily. She was talking with a girl. I like that she has friends. The moment she saw me, my sister ran up to me. That is something from which I will never get tired.

- Are you ready to go home?

- Can we wait until someone comes to take Jasmine?

- Who is Jasmine?

- My best friend.

Soon the little girl came to us. I won't lie that she looks familiar, but I don't know why. The three of us were talking when someone appeared in front of us.

- Chris?

- Bella? What are you doing here?

- I came to take my sister from school. Wait a second. Is Jasmine your sister?

- Yes, she is. - he said, chuckling

- Now it makes sense.

- What?

- She looked familiar, but I couldn't understand why.

- Now you know.

- Ok, can we go home? - I asked Emily

- Yes, we can.

- Wait. I have extra candy left. Here, take this one. It has caramel. - Jasmin said and gave my sister a candy

- But I have nothing to give you.

- Don't worry. Tomorrow, I'll ask for more candies from mom. Bye, Emily.

- Bye, Jasmin.

- Well, I'll see you in school. - Chris said, looking at me

- Yeah, sure.

- Bye, Bella.

- Bye, Chris.

- Is he your boyfriend?

- What? No, he is not.

- Oh, ok.

I don't know why, but Emily looked disappointed when I said no. Please don't tell me that she wants me to have a boyfriend. One day this might happen, but for now, I'm good. Moreover, as I always say, I don't have time for these things. Boys need attention, which I can't give them. Both with Emily walked home and started doing our homework. Dad came from who knows where and walked into his room. I walked after him and found him sitting on his bed.

- Dad, are you ok?

- Yes, I'm fine.

- Are you sure? If you need anything, tell me.

- I want you to leave me alone.

I didn't say anything and just hugged him. He smells like alcohol, but I don't care. Since he won't do it, I will. I thought that he might pull away, but luckily he didn't. Sometimes I wish that we could stay like that for hours. When I was little, we used to spend a lot of time together. Now, I feel like we are distant. It's not like this is something bad, but I miss my old dad, who cared about me. Maybe he does it now as well, but how am I supposed to know? He is not showing it. No wonder why Emily doesn't like him. She grew up with him being in this state.

- Don't you have homework to do?

- I do. I better go and finish it. - I said and left

- Are you ok? - Emily asked

- Yes, I'm fine.

- Can you help me? I can't solve problem three.

- Let me read it.

I wish that I had such easy homework. Well, back then, for me, that was hard as well. Now it looks so easy. I love to help Emily because, like that, I spend more time with her.

- Did you understand it?

- Yes, I did. Thank you.

- What do you want us to eat for dinner?

- Pasta. Do we have ketchup and mayonnaise?

- I think that we do.

- Awesome. Can I help you?

- Did you finish your homework?

- Yes, I did. You can check if you want.

- No need to. I trust you. Now, let's make our dinner.

- Will dad stay with us?

- I don't know. I hope that he does.

- He needs to start appreciating what you do. I have never heard him say thank you or you did great.

- He might not say it, but I know that he thinks it.

- You are defending him too much. Dad won't change.

- Give him some time. I know that he will do it.

- If you say so. Let's cook now.

It hurts me when Emily talks like that about dad, but she is not wrong. I am trying to make him a better person, but it's not that easy. Especially, when he is not helping me. I want to change my sister's opinion of him, but I don't know how to do it. Maybe I should accept Chris's invitation. Spending some time far away from everything will be good. I hope that he hasn't changed his mind. I won't tell him anything about myself, but I have a good feeling about this. I might have a friend. Who knows? I won't think about this right now. I will focus on the tasks which I have to do.