Redeeming Heart

Begging for a chance

“Aren’t you girls still a bit underage?” I noted when I found fifteen girls standing before me on the other side of the bar.

“Aren’t you underage to be running a bar?” Megan asked with a note of sarcasm.

“Touché and yeah I am, but that’s why I have a protégé.” I motioned with my shoulder to the head bartender who definitely got a few eyes twinkling with desire.

Hendricks was 21 years old and already was head bartender because of his commitment. He was the guy who was in charge of flirting with single ladies and making sure they are taken care of. Not that it was his real job. I just gave him the title because girls tripped over their own feet at the sight of him.

“So, what are you doing here? Except for ogling my boss?” I asked, snapping my fingers to get their attention.

“We are asking for you to give us a chance,” Nicole said coming forward.

She used to be the shy one of the teams I have faced but she spoke with her silence on the field and proven her skills.

“All of us know about why you’ve given up the first time.” Tammy acknowledged with a gentle and respectful voice.

“I would have reacted the same if it is was my mom.” Another said and I think her name was Iris.

“All of us would.” Megan clarified.

“You will risk your second chance by having someone on your team that can literally cause your destruction because her head is all f****d up?”

“We take risks because no one remembers someone who plays it safe.” I closed my eyes and gave a soft shake of my head before reopening my eyes.

Briana was using my own words against me. Words my mother taught me.

“Come on, Sash. I know how bad you want this but instead of thinking about yourself, you are worried about others.” Megan said.

“Like us, you have dreams that also matters,” Megan added.

“Sasha?” I glanced over my shoulder when I heard Aunt Maggie saying my name.

“What are these girls doing in my pub?” She asked with a questioning look.

“Having a soda.” I blurted out and pretended to place an order for fifteen sodas.

The knowing look in her eyes made me realize she knew I was lying. “Can I have a quick word with you?” She asked, gesturing towards the back room which is supposed to be her office but she is most of the time sitting in front, keeping an eye on everyone and playing bodyguard.

“I’ll sort out the sodas,” Hendricks assured me with a smile.

I shot him a grateful look before joining my aunt in her office. “Who are those girls really?” Aunt Maggie got straight to the point. “And don’t you dare lie to me, Sasha.” She warned.

“Do you remember when coach Peterson asked me to join his team that he was putting together?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Well, that’s the team he recruited and they had their first game this passing weekend which we lost.”

“We?”

I nodded my head. “Yeah, Dad and I had an exchange of impolite words, and as usual I walked away. My feet carried me all the way over to the field where they were having their first game and somewhere during their game, I asked the coach to put me on the team. “I understand now why my mother always had such a hard time at keeping quiet at my games.

“You played?” She asked with surprise.

“Yeah,” I drawled. “It was the biggest mistake I could make because it is all I am thinking about since the weekend,” I admitted.

“They are here to ask me to join their team permanently.” I finished.

“If the game is all you have been thinking about, why are you turning them down?”

“Because of mom.”

She gave me a look filled with understanding and empathy. “I know it’s tough to go out there again without her, cheering you on and teaching you things but she wouldn’t have wanted you to give up because of her.”

“It will only destroy her,”

“I am not as strong as her, Aunt Maggie,” I confessed.

“You don’t have to be as strong as her to take your first step towards something you want and it won’t make you selfish. You’ve got to stop blaming yourself for her death and illness.”

“My sister has been ill her whole life and she knew exactly what life held in for her. She always told me that she can never have a normal life like the rest of us but she got more than she ever bargained for because she never let it consume her. She met the love of her life. Got married. Had a daughter when everyone was against it or warned her that she would die but she didn’t. She got to spend a few years with you and that’s all she could ever ask for.” Aunt Maggie explained.

 “If she could risk it all, what is keeping you from having it all?”

By now tears were slowly escaping from my eyes and trickling down my cheeks at the thought of how selfish I was for giving up when my own mother suffered from cancer her whole life. She didn’t complain about it or let it bother her. She went out there and lived her life to the fullest, and she died with a happy conscience even though she wanted more of life.

“It wasn’t my intention to make you sad, Sasha.” Aunt Maggie noted, coming over to embrace me with a hug. “You just needed a reminder that she never wanted you to see you give up.”

I pulled away from her and wiped off my tears. “How do I even go out there and act all tough when I am all gloomy from the inside?”

“Only you possess the willpower and knowledge. The question you should ask yourself is how bad do you want this?”

I’ve wanted this since I was just a kid, mumbling words and chasing butterflies. Hockey is a big part of me and a piece of my mother will forever be with me—no matter what.

“I always hated it when I disappointed mom,” I admitted.

Aunt Maggie gave me a sincere smile. “There wasn’t a single day she was disappointed. Maybe a bit worried that you almost never showed any interest in boys but besides that, she was proud.”

“You have so much of her in you. Her strong spirit and stubbornness. She always called your talent and skills magical, because you did everything effortlessly and at one time, she was worried that she was forcing you to become what she never did.”

I shook my head and gave her a reassuring smile. “I truly loved being part of something that she was passionate about. Somehow it motivated me to chase my dream but with her gone,”

“You can still chase your dream. She is right there watching you excel in life. Supporting you and looking out for you. We might not see her but her spirit will forever be with us.” Aunt Maggie emphasized with us by resting her hand over her chest where her heart was.

She lives inside of me and Aunt Maggie.

“I will do it,” I spoke the words with courage. “I will make her proud of me again.”

Aunt Maggie cupped my cheek. “You would make her proud by following what you love and doing it for yourself. This is your life and it matters.”

“Where were you when I started drowning in my own sorrows?”

“Right there, drowning with you.”