Redeeming Heart

First game

I don’t remember the last time I felt this at home. There was no thinking of how to avoid seeing my father or starting awkward conversations with Meredith.

Aunt Maggie was already awake when I emerged from the guest room and already busy cooking up a storm. “Morning.” She greeted with an actual smile. “How did you sleep?”

“Like a baby,” I answered. Joining her behind the counter to see if I can help out.

A smile unravelled itself on my face when I caught what she was making mom’s special waffle recipe. “I haven’t had those since…” I couldn’t finish my sentence at the overwhelming feeling almost suffocating me.

“I don’t cook as well as her, but she shared her secrets with me.” Aunt Maggie replied without realizing that I was having a moment of despair.

I walked back over to the counter to fill two cups with the freshly brewed coffee she made to get my mind from jerking away from me but a tin of condensed milk captured my attention. I picked it up and chuckled when it was half empty. “You are literally making the unhealthiest waffles for breakfast,” I noted with a grin.

“Like this small amount of sugar and fat are going to do anything to you. By lunch, it would already be gone.” She reasoned. Dishing up our meals and pushing a plate over to me, followed by a side plate of bacon and scrambled eggs.

“For how long have you been up?” I questioned, thankful for everything she has done.

“I couldn’t sleep last night and decided to stand up early since I have a young adult living with me who needs her protein and energy for her first game.”

“Second game.” I corrected her.

She shook her head. “Your mom always said that the first game is a warm-up and the second you have no excuses.”

“You remember an awful lot for someone who barely knows anything about field hockey.”

“Did you forget that your mom was my sister and we were children at one stage as well?” She gave me a pointed stare.

“I wish I could have seen her when she was a kid,” I mumbled.

Aunt Maggie gave me an amused smile. “She was just like you in so many ways. Strong-willed. Stubborn and knew what she wanted. She also fought for everything and never gave up. On sick days she told me that she is only taking a break and she will be back to her old self the next day.”

“She was courageous,” I noted.

Aunt Maggie nodded. “So, are you. You’ve got her spirit and so much more. Don’t second guess yourself or compare yourself to who she used to be. You are your own person with your very own principles. Just be you.”

“Now eat your food so we can meet your team before the game.” Aunt Maggie was more like a big sister than an aunt. Somehow, she reminded me a lot of Jaylin with all that energy she has bottled up inside of her.

I wonder what Jaylin and Camille’s reaction will be when they find out about the things I have done since mom passed away.

Jaylin was once a lost soul drifting in the wind looking for her place in the world and she found it when she broke the stereotypes of her mother.

Camille just wanted to chase her dreams and become a female engineer. She found way more than she ever bargained for even when life treated her unfairly.

I was nowhere near to finding out what my destination will be like. I still had a heart that was still trying to pick up the pieces. A mind as stubborn as a mule. It was far from being clear what my path looked like or which one I should follow.

We finished breakfast, cleaned up before going to our rooms to get ready for the game. I had to borrow denim shorts and a top from Aunt Maggie since I didn’t go home last night. Hopefully, Clarissa will have our outfits ready for today as she promised.

Aunt Maggie drove me over to the sports arena where our match was being held. It’s been quite a while since I played on a synthetic field and it was definitely going to be a challenge for me today.

I grabbed my bag with my gear and walked beside Aunt Maggie making our way through while looking for any sign of the girls. She stayed behind to find a spot on the bleachers when I left to go over to the locker rooms.

My lips turned into a smile when I saw a rebel flag on the locker door, signalling that it was our dressing room. If that was Daphne’s doing, I am going to kiss her because it looked pretty awesome. The flag was black with the outlines of a hockey player in pink with the words New Orleans Rebels written in a fancy font.

I took a picture of it before entering and finding the girls waiting for me. I noticed Daphne standing among them wearing a proud smile and I only realized it is the first time in three years I get to see her.

She and Clarissa were twins but not identical. When Clarissa attended a private high school, Daphne attended the same high school as me. We weren’t friends back then but we had a few classes together. “Well, the captain is here. So, I think we can finally get to see our awesome outfits.” Megan was such a dramatic person.

Daphne pulled out a pocket knife and cut the box open. “I hope that no one here is a pink hater.” She mumbled—pulling out the first top.

I wasn’t very fond of pink but I had a feeling it would definitely place some significance on us as female rebels.

The outfits were made of hot pink with black running over the sides and Rebel was printed in black.

“I love it,” I assured with an exciting smile.

The girls all agreed and waited their turn for their outfits with their positions printed on the back.

I thanked Daphne when she handed me mine. “Thank you for doing this for us. I will find a way to pay you for everything.” She shook her head at me.

“You were the only one who was always nice to me back in high school. I did this for you because you didn’t treat me like the rest of the people.”

“Yet, I still messed it up.”

“Not with me.”

“I was just a bit surprised when my sister told me that you are on the same team and decided to put your differences aside.” I chuckled at her remark.

“Life is a challenge and it seems that your sister and I always wanted the same thing.”

Daphne nodded. “Yeah, winning meant everything to her.” She said with an eye roll before excusing herself and leaving us to get dressed.

My heart was beating quite wildly against my ribcage and it almost felt as if it wanted to rip through. I kept assuring myself that everything will be alright but knowing that everyone was relying on me made things a bit tricky.

I haven’t had a panic attack since my last match of three years ago. 

This was my chance to redeem myself and I had no other possibilities left. This was it and I had to grab with both hands.

My team was counting on me.

“Sash?” I glanced over my shoulder and noticed Clarissa joined me in the bathroom. “You doing okay in here?” She asked, taking in my face.

I nodded, splashing my face with cold water and inhaling a fresh breath of air. “This is the first time I am facing my first real match without my mom. It’s a bit overwhelming since all those people are out there and going to judge me for everything I have done.”

“Well, screw them.” She exclaimed.

I concealed a smile. “Your whole team knows what you’ve been through and we are here for you. Like you here for us.” Clarissa assured me.

It was the reassurance I needed but I wanted something I could never have. One last talk with my mother to tell her that I am sorry.

“Come on, let’s go kick some heinie.”