Redeeming Heart

Mind game

“Who was that you were talking to?” Aunt Maggie asked coming up to me after noticing the exchange of words.

“He is a director of some kind of adult film and offered me a role,” I said with sarcasm catching the amused look of the bartender who was working the late shift with me.

“You have to be a non-virgin for those kinds of roles.” She hit back with sarcasm of her own.

I smiled at her. It felt fun to joke around with someone who is sarcastic as me and so many memories of us spending together crossed my mind. She didn’t feel like an aunt but more like a sister with a wild spirit like mine.

“So, are we going to talk about sugar-daddy?” She playfully teased, shooing the bartenders to do their work when she caught then eavesdropping.

I decided to show her the card coach Peterson handed me. “He is a hockey coach and is putting a team together.” I clarified.

I unravelled the expression on her face and realized she must be thinking about what my next move will be. “That’s great, Sasha! What did you say? Are you going to think about it?” She asked, sharing her enthusiasm.

“I rejected him.”

Her expression dulled. “Oh,”

She didn’t need to ask why I did because I think it was pretty obvious and she was aware of my situation. My mom was at my side every step of the way, teaching me, supporting me and learning me things that no coach could teach.

Going on that field without her in the crowd was something I couldn’t quite get over. I was barely making it through a day without her.

“She wouldn’t want you to give up. That I know for sure.” Aunt Maggie noted with a knowing smile.

“I don’t think I am quite ready to face that uphill, yet,” I admitted.

She nodded, understanding where I was coming from. “Time waits for no one. Once it passed, it’s gone and you don’t get a second chance. You are still extremely young and have a chance to catch up before it’s over.”

I stared at the business card coach Peterson left behind while a mountain full of scenarios crossed my mind.

My mother used to believe that a second chance was a sign from the universe to tell you that this is your path, but how can I trust something that took someone I loved away?

I slipped the card into my pants pocket even though I thought about ripping it to shreds and throwing away but I couldn’t convince my hands to obey.

Aunt Maggie dropped me off after my shift and I was grateful that she didn’t push me to rethink the coach’s offer. She at least understood that healing takes time.

Everyone was except for Meredith was asleep when I got home. For a second, I paused when our eyes met. I was aware of the struggles I’ve put her through since she arrived and she already had a tough past with her ex-husband and all.

Mom would have called her strong if she was still alive. We all had battles of our own and Meredith was still fighting hers every single day with the knowledge that Jonah’s father is a murderer and they survived his wrath.

My father could at least give her a better life where she can give Jonah something he never had.

I dropped my things at the door and kicked off my shoes before heading over to the kitchen where she was seated working on dad’s laptop.

“I don’t know if it is too late to eat but I made you dinner.” She said, avoiding me.

I made it pretty clear that I didn’t want her here. “Does Jonah tell you about what is going on at practice and school?” He is supposed to. I never hid a thing from my mother and we used to speak for hours. She always knew the right thing to say to make me feel better.

“No, why?” She asked, raising her head.

It was probably not my place but she had to know that her son has talent and he can’t waste it. “Jonah has serious talent and he is throwing it away because of bullies.” Her eyes widened.

“He told you?”

I shook my head. “I can see a bully from a mile away and spending time at the rink watching him practice, witnessing what his teammates are doing to him.”

She dragged her hand over her face. “That’s why he has all of those bruises.” She muttered. “I just thought it was part of falling down because he was still getting the hang of his skates.”

“He the other day.”

She nodded. “The coach called me but I thought Jonah decided that it wasn’t for him.”

My mother was the complete opposite of her. She never let anything slide and she believed to talk about everything, and trust meant everything to her.

“I don’t want to tell you how to raise your kid because I am not a mother, but Jonah needs you. More than you know.” He is supposed to go up to her and talk his heart out.

I grabbed my dinner and headed up to my room when I saw Jonah sitting on the top of the stairs. “Did I just break bro-code?” I asked, wondering if he was going to make a big fuss.

“I expected you to tell on me.” He admitted.

“The magazines.” He clarified when I didn’t understand.

“You didn’t break our deal- not yet, anyway.” He chuckled but it was half-hearted.

I gave a sigh and sat down next to him on the step. “You are not the only one who is struggling to form a bond with your father.” He confessed.

“My mom has never been the same since your father locked mine behind bars. Your father at least makes her smile and laughs, and I am happy for her.” He explained.

“What about you, though? Are you really happy? Not for your mom or my dad’s sake but for yours?” I asked.

“I know you hate the thought of your dad and my mom getting married, but I am happy because I got a sister out of this. Not the best kind but still someone who is pretty awesome.” I smiled at him and playfully bump his shoulder with mine.

“You are not bad yourself,” I said, standing up and ready to go to bed.

“Sasha,” I looked at him and caught him looking at me with eyes almost begging. “Do you think you can help me out become a better player?” I frowned.

“You want me to teach you how to play?” He nodded, standing up.

“I want to become as fearless as you out there. Work on my strikes and can teach those doorknobs not to mess with me.” I chuckled at his remark.

“I will see what I can do to help you out but I am not a big fan of ice hockey and I am not sure if the plays work the same.”

He smiled at me. “I will teach you.”

“While you help me out working on my skills, I can teach you plays and rules of ice hockey.” He offered and I can see that he really wants to improve his game.

“Deal, now go to bed.” He smiled and said goodnight before he headed to his room.

I took a moment to stare at his shut bedroom door, thinking about how I never expected to actually have a little brother who looks up to me.

All this time I was selfish for thinking it was only me suffering but he had to witness his mother being abused by his father.

Brave comes in different forms and he was definitely the bravest of us.