Thirty Nights Forgotten

Chapter 28: No Purpose

Nicholas’ POV

I am a complete failure.

Not only have I failed in my duty as a king, but I have also failed in my duty to my mate. My wife.

My kingdom is gone, and I am left without the two things it takes to survive in the Demon Realm: wealth and influence. Without either, I have no power here.

It would take years to raise the funds for a mercenary army. But even if I could fund an attack on the castle to rescue Addy, that doesn’t answer the biggest question of all:

Does Addy even want to be saved?

A part of me can’t help the doubt that’s been growing ever since our mate bond was severed. If she doesn’t even remember who I am, and our bond is severed, then what is even left to save?

Is she happy with Elijah now? If so, who am I to ruin that?

It’s not like we can bite over her new mark. I am a vampire, so I do not possess the ability to mark my beloved. And my Light One is a human now.

So, it would seem we are at an impasse. If I thought that all hope was lost before, I was a fool.

No, this is what it feels like to have lost all hope, wondering if your one true love is happy with another while she possesses no memory of you whatsoever. In her mind, our love never even existed.

Now, the world is devoid of light, of anything that remotely resembles joy. I don’t believe I’ll ever know the feeling ever again, to be perfectly honest.

What is the point of going on when you’ve lost the greatest love anyone could possibly know? Everything now feels empty and hollow without her by my side.

How could fate be so cruel as to give me a taste of heaven, only to rip it away? Do I truly deserve this for my past sins?

What I wouldn’t give to see her one last time.

The idea of death doesn’t frighten me. In fact, I welcome it. I need to confirm for myself that she’s happy, so that I can take my leave of this world knowing she’s safe.

My Light One and I are separated now, so sacrificing myself wouldn’t affect him in any way. He can find his way back to the human world with the help of the witch, Perla, and stay by his family. Perhaps even find a new lover and move on with his life.

It will not be the same as his love for Addy, but at the very least it will offer him companionship on a cold, lonely night. My Light One is annoying, but I do wish him that comfort.

My Light One will not rest until Tallulah is safe, and only then will he return to the human world. I can leave here knowing that at least she will be cared for.

Suddenly, I see things with a clarity that I had never seen before. Everything is set; there is no need for me to remain here any longer.

Without Addy, I have no purpose.

The only time I ever felt this way was when I flung myself into the portal after her, not knowing what would become of me. Because I did not care.

I am not a king anymore, nor am I a husband.

Without Addy, I have no purpose.

I keep her bloodstained bandage in my pocket at all times, and when I am alone, I take it out and hold it to my nose, inhaling her sweet scent. It’s the only piece of her I have left now.

Standing up slowly from my bed, I head downstairs toward the armory. My movements feel mechanical, like it isn’t truly me controlling my steps. My body just instinctively knows what to do and where to go while I am a passive bystander.

It is similar to how my consciousness felt when I shared a body with my Light One. Unable to control what I do or where I go, I’ve taken a backseat to what is happening around me with surprising passivity.

The armory looks picked clean with the exception of a couple of swords; no doubt my grandmother sold them off for money. Grabbing the two swords, I attach them to my waist with a belt and allow my feet to carry me outside, surrendering total control of my movements to my body.

As I enter the stables, I see the red eyes of the pegasuses piercing through the darkness. On the wall sit the saddles and other riding equipment, so my body moves toward the wall to begin preparing my steed.

“I figured you’d try to run.”

My head whips around at the sound of a familiar voice, and to my surprise, my Light One is sitting on a bench along the far wall of the barn. Rising to his feet, he steps out of the shadows, pinning me with a cold stare.

I had retreated inwardly so completely that I failed to sense his presence when I arrived. I cannot make that mistake again when I arrive at the castle.

“Let me guess,” he says, walking between the stable pens toward me, “you’re leaving to see Addy? And you weren’t planning on saying goodbye?”

“Do not get in my way.”

My voice comes out in a flat, unfeeling tone as I continue to collect the saddle and bridle off the wall. My Light One watches me carefully as I enter one of the pens and begin to prepare the pegasus for my journey.

“Were you just going to leave Tallulah behind, even after you promised to get her out of this engagement and keep her safe?”

“I trust you will do the right thing by her,” I answer. “And when she’s safe, have Perla prepare a portal for you on the night of the full moon so you can return to Earth. Find a new woman and forget about Addy and me. Move on with your life.”

“Who the hell do you think you are to say that to me!? And after everything we’ve been through together for Addy!”

Without meeting his gaze, I continue to saddle the pegasus, focusing my energy on my task silently. But his rage continues to grow, and I can see him clenching his fists out of the corner of my eye.

“No, you don’t just get to ride off and act like the hero. Not without me!”

“Let me remind you that you are human, which leaves you vulnerable in this world. Not to mention useless in battle.”

“f**k you, Nicholas!”

Suddenly, I feel myself falling to the ground, and I realize quickly that my Light One just punched me across the jaw. He is strong, I’ll give him that, but normally my reflexes would have been quick enough to dodge that with ease.

I guess my vampiric abilities are useless if I’m too absorbed in my grief to pay attention.

Setting my jaw back into place, I glance up to find him breathing heavily, pinning me with a furious glare. After making my way to my feet, I dust off the hay from my pants and continue my task.

“And what are you going to do when you find her, huh? You think Elijah’s just gonna hand her over to you!?”

“No.”

“So, what, then? You’re just going to die trying to get to her?”

“Yes.”

A tense silence falls between us, the only sound being the leather strap fastening into place against the pegasus’ black hide.

“Don’t leave me behind, Nicholas.”

The pain in his voice startles me, forcing me to turn my attention onto him. His anger is melting away into sadness, his shoulders slumped as he begs me not to go.

“Can’t you just hold off for a few more days?”

“No,” I answer firmly. “We’ve already lost her because we were too slow to act. I won’t sit in hesitation any longer. I am going to see Addy one last time, just to ensure she is happy with her new mate.”

“What if I told you there was a safer way to see Addy?”

“What foolishness are you going on about?”

Pulling a card out of his pocket, he passes me what appears to be an invitation. I turn it over in my hand, but in my desolation, I barely register the words on the paper.

“What is this?” I ask impatiently.

“An invitation addressed to your grandma. It’s a masquerade ball.”

“We already sent my grandmother to a ball this week.”

“Urgh, you’re not listening! Don’t you see? Addy’s been taken from the castle once before, and it was during a masquerade ball. Maybe we don’t have to reinvent the wheel, you know?”

Realization dawns on me as his words start fitting together in my mind, like the pieces of a puzzle slowly falling into place.

“A tried-and-true method,” I begin slowly. “We sneak in right under Elijah’s nose wearing masks.”

“Yes, exactly!”

“But what if Addy doesn’t want to be saved?” I murmur, glancing toward the hay-strewn floor. “What if she’s happy with him?”

“But it’s all fake. We have to make her see that.”

“I don’t think that’s possible anymore. Her memories are gone, and our bond is erased. There’s no possible way to get it back.”

“Just…don’t leave right now. Give me just a few more days, and then let me go with you to the masquerade ball. We’ll check on her well-being, in disguise and undetectable, and if you still insist on ending it all after that, I won’t stand in your way. But I know you, Nicholas. Once you see her again, you won’t be able to give her up so easily.”

“I am not giving her up!”

“Oh, really? Because that’s what it looks like from where I’m standing. You’re a coward who’s giving up on his mate.”

I step toward him with my vampiric speed, closing the distance between us as I bare my elongating fangs at him. My eyes are glowing brightly, reflected in his dark irises back at me as a dangerous hiss escapes my throat.

“There you are,” he says smugly, a smirk playing on his lips. “There’s that fire I haven’t seen in days. Hold onto that anger, because we’re going to need it if we have any chance of rescuing Addy.”