Backstage Pass

Chapter 8

“Sweet!” Jake said. He climbed into the driver’s seat. “See you in Des Moines.” The door slammed. The tires squealed as the car shot backward.

“Great!” Myrna said. “A maniac is driving my car.”

“He won’t hurt it. If he does, I’ll buy you a brand new Porsche.”

“I don’t want a Porsche. I love that car! It belonged to my grandparents.”

“It will be fine. I promise.”

She watched the round taillights of the Thunderbird brighten at a stop sign. The tires squealed again as the car shot forward. It fishtailed before gripping the road and speeding into the night.

She stomped her foot in frustration. She grabbed the front of Brian’s T-shirt and pulled him toward the bus. “Let’s get moving. The faster we get to Des Moines, the faster I can kick that guy’s ass.”

“Ooooo. Can I watch?”

“Oh yes. You can definitely watch. You are going to hold him down for me.”

Myrna started up the bus stairs, but a body hurled from the bus’s interior halted her progress. She caught the young woman and if Brian hadn’t steadied her, she’d have toppled to the asphalt.

“What part of ‘get the f**k out of here’ don’t you understand?” Sed bellowed at the young woman from the top of the stairs.

Myrna recognized the girl as the one who Sed had lifted over the barrier about an hour before.

“Sed,” the young woman sobbed, clutching her hands together in front of her chest. “Please let me stay with you. Please!”

“I’m finished with you. Get lost.”

Sed, looking highly annoyed, turned and moved further into the bus. The young woman started up the steps, but Brian grabbed her arm. Enraged, she yanked on her arm and slapped at Brian’s chest repeatedly. Her eyes widened when she recognized who she was beating the hell out of.

“Oh God, I’m sorry, M-Master Sinclair.” She covered her mouth with a trembling hand. Tears poured from her eyes. “Talk to him for me. Please! T-tell him I love him.” Mascara ran down her face in black-tinged rivulets. “Tell him I’ll kill myself if he doesn’t love me back.”

Brian took her shoulders in his hands and shook her slightly. “Hey. Hey. What’s your name, sweetie?”

She looked up at Brian and Myrna was struck by how vulnerable she appeared. She couldn’t have been much over twenty.

“My name?”

“Yeah.”

“K-K-K-Karen.” She threw herself against Brian, clinging to him desperately.

He spread his arms wide and gave Myrna an “I’m not touching her” look over Karen’s shoulder.

Brian spoke in a soothing tone to the girl. “Karen, you have to understand something about Sed. He’s not looking for a relationship with anyone. He just wants to get laid. You know? There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re a beautiful girl. He wouldn’t have picked you if you weren’t.”

Myrna smiled. So sweet of him to try to console her.

“I just thought…” She took a deep, gasping breath. “I thought…” She rubbed her face against his shoulder, smearing tears and makeup over his shirt.

“What did you think?” He patted her shoulder lamely.

“I thought if I showed him how much I loved him, that he’d…” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “…love me back.”

Brian pulled her away and looked into her watery eyes. Myrna had never seen him look so serious. “Sed can’t love anyone, Karen. Not since Jessica.”

Jessica?

Karen’s eyes narrowed. “I’d kill that b***h if I could.”

“Not if I got to her first,” Brian murmured. He gave Karen a gentle hug and released her. “Now, walk away with your head high, sweetheart. You survived s*x with Sedric Lionheart. I’d wager you even enjoyed it.”

The girl grinned and kissed Brian on the cheek. “Thank you for making me feel better, Master Sinclair.” She glanced at Myrna as she passed, but quickly averted her gaze.

Myrna would love to talk to her to learn more about her psychology. Did she really think she was in love with Sed? The real Sed? Or the rock star version who paraded up on stage? And who was the real Sed? Myrna honestly couldn’t say she’d met him.

Brian ran up the stairs of the bus. There was a loud crack, followed by a thud. Myrna dashed after him. She paused in the stairwell, eyes wide. Sed lay sprawled across the bus’s floor with Brian standing over him, his fist balled. Sed rolled over to lean on his elbow and wiped at the blood at the corner of his mouth with his thumb.

“Can you be any more of an ass?” Brian yelled. “I’m so f*****g sick of being your damage control.”

“Why do you care so much about my whores, Brian?”

They’re just like you, darling, Jeremy’s voice intruded. Myrna’s eyes widened.

“Because they’re not whores,” Brian said. “Whores don’t cry when you tell them to get out of your bed.”

“They sure do act like whores.”

Sed climbed to his feet. He grabbed Brian by the back of the head and Myrna winced thinking her lover was about to get pounded. Brian was much smaller than Sed, who was several inches over six feet and could no doubt bench-press twice his own weight. Sed didn’t hit Brian though. He kissed him on the side of the head.

Sed’s gaze was on Myrna when he said, “I don’t think you realize how lucky you are, my friend.”

He turned, shuffled down the hallway and closed himself in the empty bedroom.

Eric leaned out of one of the curtained bunks along the side of the cabin. “You shouldn’t have hit him, Brian. You know why he’s like that.”

“Yeah, I know.” Brian slid into a leather-upholstered booth surrounding the dining table and rubbed his face with both hands.

“Who’s Jessica?” Myrna asked.

Brian glanced up at her. “The woman who ripped Sed’s heart out and fed it to sharks.”

Myrna lowered her eyes. She could identify. Her heart had been fed to sharks long ago and she’d never retrieve it.

Myrna rolled over in the narrow bunk and snuggled up against Brian’s warm body. He sighed in his sleep, his arm tightening around her before relaxing again.

The bus hummed loudly as it climbed a hill, temporarily drowning out Trey’s soft snores coming from the bunk beneath them. They hadn’t reached Des Moines, so what had awoken her?

She opened her eyes to darkness. The bed was comfortable enough, but was twin sized, so there wasn’t much room to move. Fine with her. It gave her a good excuse to press up against the wonderful man beside her. She burrowed her nose in his neck and inhaled deeply.

From the nearby dining area, a can clinked against the table. So that’s what had pulled her from sleep. Who’d be awake at this hour? She crawled over Brian’s body and peeked through the curtain. Sed sat at the dining table with his back to her. He took a sip of his beer, while he gazed down at something in the palm of his hand. She wondered if he’d mind some company. He seemed lonely.

Myrna climbed from the bunk, tugging Brian’s T-shirt down over her panties. Her luggage was still in her car, so she hadn’t had anything to wear to bed and Brian hadn’t wanted her to sleep nude this close to the guys.

When her feet hit the floor, Sed turned his head to look at her. He smiled slightly and slid whatever was in his hand into his pocket. She stood next to the bench across the table from him and waited for him to acknowledge her.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said.

“Can I join you?”

“Yeah, of course. Do you want a beer?”

She shook her head. “I don’t drink. My ex-husband was an alcoholic and I can’t stomach the taste of it.” Or the smell.

Sed pushed three empty beer cans aside. “I… didn’t realize you’d been married before.”

She shrugged. “It was a long time ago.” She brushed her hair behind her ears and changed the subject. “I think Brian’s really sorry he hit you.”

“Yeah, I know. But I deserved it. Sinclair doesn’t clobber someone unless he deserves it. Brian’s a good guy. Not like the rest of us.”

“I think you’re all good guys.”

He grinned at her, his blue eyes sparkling in the low luminosity cabin lamps. “Even Eric?”

She chuckled. “Yeah, even Eric.”

“You’re right. They are good guys. I’m the asshole of the bunch.”

She reached across the table and took his hand. “That’s not true, Sed. I know something’s bothering you. You can talk to me, you know.”

Sed lowered his gaze. “You shouldn’t touch me, Myrna. Brian wouldn’t take it well.”

She wanted to ask him something that she’d wondered since meeting them two nights before. “The last girl who dumped him. The one he got drunk over. Did you…?” She tilted her head to one side in question.

“Yeah, I banged her. And his previous girlfriend, too. I told you I was an asshole. He should hit me more often.”

Myrna squeezed his hand. “I won’t let you bang me. Okay?”

He glanced up at her and smiled. “You sure?”

Her heart thudded. She blew a breath through her lips. The man was mesmeric. Enigmatic. Virile. She’d never met anyone like him before. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“You had to think about it though.” He chuckled. “Women are all alike. Whores.”

She stiffened, even though she knew he was just trying to get a rise out of her. That word bothered her. It had been flung at her too many times in her past. “Yeah, we’re all wh-whores. Especially around the rock stars we admire. Why do you think that is?”

“Huh?”

“Why do you think women are so promiscuous when they’re near you? Or Brian? Or Trey? Any of you?”

“Hell if I know.”

“Yeah, me neither. It would be fascinating to study it though.” Maybe she could get a research grant funded on the topic. Were groupies always loose or did their behavior change when around the band? She knew Sinners’ fame affected her. The excitement of screwing a man whom thousands of women lusted after. A strange psychology. Not that she had time to research something fun like groupie promiscuity. Her current project wasn’t going well at all. She had to concentrate all her efforts on keeping her grant funding or she might as well kiss her academic career good-bye.

Sed squeezed her hand, drawing Myrna’s thoughts from her worries. Funny how none of the things that usually weighed her down had even crossed her mind since she’d met Brian.

“I don’t really think you’re a w***e, Myrna,” he said. “I don’t even want to bang you.”

She chuckled. “Wow, that hurt.”

“You misunderstand. I respect you. You’re the type of woman who I could… who maybe I could…” He shook his head.

“Tell me about Jessica.”

His eyes narrowed dangerously. “Don’t even say her name.”

Bodies shifted in the bunks.

“Weren’t you just staring at her picture?” She was guessing. Turned out she was right.

He took a deep breath and bit his lip. After a moment, he said, “I should have burned it with the others. I just can’t let her go. Not entirely. It’s like the pain keeps her close to me somehow.”

She squeezed his hand. “That’s pretty twisted, Sed.”

He pulled his hand out of hers and rubbed it over his buzzed, black hair. “Yeah, I know.” He slid out of the booth. “I’m going to bed. I think I can sleep now.”

She was sorry she’d chased him off with her prying. “Good night, Sed.”

“Good night, Professor.”

Myrna left the table and used the tiny bathroom before climbing back into bed with Brian.

“Did you have a nice talk with Sed?” he asked.

“Oh, you’re awake?”

“Did you have a nice talk with Sed?”

“Yeah. He’s feeling pretty low.”

Brian sighed. “I shouldn’t have hit him. I know why he is the way he is. That’s why I can’t hate him no matter how much heartache he causes. I know he’s hurting ten times more than those he hurts.”

She cupped his face between her hands, wishing she could see his expression in the darkness. “You’re wonderful. Do you know that?”

He kissed her gently. “I’m horny again. I do know that.”

“I’ll never walk properly again.” She laughed.

“I figure if you can’t walk, you can’t leave my bed.” He kissed her jaw. The side of her neck. “Not ever.”

The sun rose entirely too early. He’d touched her, kissed her, stroked and suckled her skin, tasted her lips, embraced her, for hours, and he’d yet to take possession of her body. At least not in the way she wanted him to. He did possess her though, in a way she’d never meant to happen.

Myrna stood next to her still-in-one-piece car, which had reached Des Moines a full hour before the buses. Brian stood before her, plucking absently at a button on her blouse. She stared over his shoulder, finding it difficult to look at him. Every time she did, her heart constricted with anguish.

She hated good-byes. Especially permanent ones.

She slid a hand into her suit pocket and fingered her business card in indecision. She knew continuing this was a mistake. It would just lead to heartache for both of them. They’d both suffered enough in the past, she decided. She pulled her empty hand from her pocket. No strings. For the best.

They started to speak at the same time. “I—”

“We—”

They laughed. Their eyes met. Brian drew her into his arms and kissed her deeply, his embrace tight. Her throat was also tight. Don’t cry, Myrna. Wait until…

She pulled away. “I had a great time with you.” She hoped she sounded impersonal, not emotional.

“This doesn’t have to be the end.”

She ducked her head and swallowed her tears. “Yeah. It does.”

“Myrna…”

She kissed his cheek and turned to open the car door. Locked. She struggled with the handle for a moment before realizing the keys were in her hand. Brian stepped closer and took her shoulders in his hands.

“Myrna…”

She unlocked the door with trembling fingers. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

She got the door open, but Brian didn’t step away. He hugged her from behind, his arms circling her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder. “Stay,” he whispered. “Please.”

“I can’t.”

“Then tell me when I can see you again.”

She shook her head vigorously. “Good-bye, Brian.”

She pulled away from him and climbed into the car. Its familiarity comforted her. She closed the door and started the engine, forcing herself not to look up at him outside her window. She drove off, making sure her face was out of sight before she let the tears fall in hot trails down her face. From her rearview mirror, she glimpsed Brian, hands crammed into the front pockets of his jeans as he stared down at his feet. He took a deep breath, glanced up at her retreating car, and then returned to the tour bus alone.

Trey pounded Brian on the back. “You f*****g loser, get off the bus. You aren’t doing anyone any good sitting here drinking by yourself again.”

Brian tossed back the rest of his beer. “Shut up.”

“You know what you need? You need to get laid.”

Trey was probably right. It had been two weeks since his weekend of bliss. It was time to forget about the amazing s*x professor and move on.

“Yeah,” Brian said. “I guess so.”

“Sed’s getting a circle suck together. Maybe you should join us.”

Brian rolled his eyes at Trey. “Is that why you came over here?”

“Well, you always beat him. And he bet Eric that if he didn’t win, he’d give up s*x for a month.”

Brian laughed. Sed didn’t even bother denying his s*x addiction. A month? The man would spontaneously combust. “Yeah, I’d like to see that.”

“We’d all like to see that. He figured since you weren’t participating, he’d win for sure.”

“I’m in.” Brian climbed to his feet, staggering slightly.

Trey wrapped Brian’s arm around his shoulders to help him walk. “You’ve got to quit drinking so much.”

“I know.” But it dulled the pain so nicely.

His alcohol-induced buzz had started to dissipate by the time they entered the other bus.

“Brian’s in,” Trey announced.

Eric leapt from his chair and hugged both guitarists. “Yes!” He glanced over his shoulder at their vocalist. “You’re going down, Sed.”

“I thought we were going down,” one of six women murmured, looking confused.

“No one invited Brian,” Sed protested.

A bombshell blonde in red lipstick shot her hand into the air. “I call Master Sinclair.”

“Are you chicken, Sed?” Brian asked. “Afraid you’ll lose?”

Sed grabbed the nearest girl and urged her to her knees in front of his chair. She reached for his belt buckle. “I’m ready. Are you?”

Brian sat in the captain’s chair next to Sed. The eager blonde knelt before him. She reached for his fly, but he caught her hand.

“Who else is in?” Brian asked.

Eric, Trey and Jace sat next to each other on the leather sofa across from the two captain’s chairs. Two girls got in a scuffle over the privilege to suck off Trey. He put his hand on top of the winner’s head and gave the loser his sucker. She went to sulk in the corner, licking her consolation prize.

“I’ll f**k you later, babe. Okay?” Trey called to her.

Beaming, she nodded.

“The first girl to make her guy come gets a backstage pass,” Sed said. “And the last guy to spend his load gets bragging rights.”

“And you can’t have s*x for a month,” Eric reminded him.

“That’s only if I lose.”

Zippers released, hard c***s revealed, flavored condoms rolled in place.

The blonde kneeling before Brian pulled her hand free of his and opened his pants. She soon discovered that he wasn’t hard at all. His band mates were waiting for him so they could get started. Just the idea of a suck circle usually had him busting the zipper out of his pants, but the thought of this blonde chick with her candy-red lips around his d**k held no appeal. Maybe a different girl? He glanced around the interior of the bus, but none of the congregated women was Myrna. His heart constricted.

“I guess I’m too drunk,” he said. He zipped his pants and shoved the stunned blonde out his way before leaving the bus.

“Brian?” Trey called after him.

“Brian’s out,” Sed said as Brian stepped off the bottom step. “Start.”

Brian walked between the buses and leaned against the back bumper. He didn’t know how long he stood there just breathing. Ten minutes, maybe. He knew the guys would rib him for not being able to get it up, but that wasn’t what was really bothering him. That woman. Myrna. He couldn’t get her out of his head.

Trey wandered out of the bus a few minutes later. He walked past where Brian was standing, turned around and came to lean against the bus bumper beside him.

“I guess you lost,” Brian said.

“I don’t even try to win. The real prize is having a girl working her damnedest to make you come. Who am I to deny her a backstage pass?”

Brian grinned. “My poor girl didn’t even get the chance to try.”

“You’ve got to call her,” Trey said.

“Huh?”

Trey punched him in the arm. “Myrna, you retard. Call her.”

“I don’t have her number. Besides, she doesn’t want to see me.” He ducked his head to stare at his boots.

“I don’t believe that for a second,” Trey said. “And you could get her number if you really wanted to.”

He laughed. “I don’t even know her last name.”

“Where is she from?”

“Kansas City,” he said automatically, but Trey already knew that. Brian couldn’t stop talking about her, so Trey knew more about Myrna than he could possibly want to know.

“And she’s a professor, so she has to work at a college around there.”

“So?”

“And there are only so many human sexuality professors at those colleges. Maybe one or two at each, right?”

He shrugged. “I guess.”

“Myrna isn’t a very common name. And even if every human sexuality professor in the Kansas City area were named Myrna, you could still call them all until you found her.”

“She’ll be majorly pissed if I call her,” Brian said, though hope fluttered through his aching heart.

“So what? If she tells you off, then maybe you’ll get her out of your system, and if she doesn’t, then we’ll get to see you happy again. s**t, the whole band is suffering because of this funk you’re in. We need you, you know. You’re our glue.”

Brian sighed loudly. “All right, I get it. I’ll try to find her.”

Trey rubbed his hand vigorously over Brian’s hair until Brian leaned away, his scalp tingling.

“No need. I already have.” Trey handed Brian a piece of paper with a phone number scrawled on it. Lefties and their scarcely legible handwriting. “Here’s her work number. Her home phone is apparently unlisted.”

“How’d you get this?”

“Internet. Her last name is Evans, by the way. Her picture was in the faculty directory.”

Picture? He’d have to check it out later. See if she was as beautiful as he remembered. “When did you do this?”

“About a week ago.”

Brian scowled. “And you wait until now?”

“I thought maybe you’d get over her.”

Brian stared down at the slip of paper. “Now I just have to get up the nerve to have my heart shredded again.”

“Don’t take too long,” Trey said. “I mean seriously. I’ve never seen you like this. Not for this long.”

“Myrna’s different.”

Trey snorted and laughed as if they were back in the fifth grade. “You’ve got it bad, Sinclair.”

Myrna answered her office phone on its second ring. “Doctor Myrna Evans, Psychology Department.”

“Myrna. Ah. It’s really you.”

All the blood drained from her face. “Brian?”

“It’s so good to hear your voice.”

“How did you find me?”

“Trey looked you up on the Internet by checking the faculty lists of the universities around Kansas City. You aren’t hard to find.” He fell silent for a moment. “Are you mad that I called?”

She couldn’t lie and pretend she was anything but delighted to hear from him. She was disturbed that she was so easy to find. She wasn’t hiding from Brian, but there was another man she didn’t want to find her. Ever.

“No,” she said. “I’m not mad.”

“Will you meet me somewhere?”

“What? Now? Are you in Kansas City?”

He chuckled. Her breath caught and her n*****s tightened. How could the simple sound of his laugh turn her on?

“No, I’m in Oregon for the entire weekend. More tour dates. I’ll send you a plane ticket.”

“I can’t just drop everything and get on a plane to Oregon.”

“Why not?”

“I’m busy. I have this job, you see.” This job that was quickly going down the tubes. She reached for the letter from the National Science Foundation and slid it into her top desk drawer. She didn’t want to be bothered with thoughts of losing her grant funding. Not when she had Brian Sinclair’s deep voice in her ear.

“You don’t get weekends off?”

“Most of the time.”

“Are you working this weekend?”

“Not necessarily.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

She hesitated. Eh, why not? She could really use a short break from this place. Maybe a couple of days away would clear her head and she could figure out what to do about her current predicament. “You haven’t sent me a ticket yet.”

“f**k,” he murmured.

Disappointment made her heart drop to her toes. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m just standing outside the stadium to get better phone reception and have been recognized by a group of fans. Bad timing. I have a raging hard-on, thanks to you, and can’t run very fast.”

“As long as it’s thanks to me,” she said, laughing.

Some chick squealed in the background, “Oh my God! Oh my God! It’s Master Sinclair!”

Myrna laughed.

“Could you hold on just a minute? I’m on the phone,” he said to someone.

“Oh my God! Will you sign my t**s? Please. Please. You’re soooo hot! Where’s Sed?”

“They always want Sed,” Brian said to Myrna. “Let me get away from these girls and I’ll call you back with your flight information.”

“Okay.”

“Great.”

“And Brian?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Hey,” a whiny girl said in the background. “Who are you calling baby? Do you have a girlfriend?”

Myrna shook her head. She didn’t know how he put up with it. “It’s great to hear your voice, too.”