The three basic rules of private investigation, imparted to me early and often by my mentor Ralph, are as follows: first, don’t work for free, no matter how good the cause. Even the most appreciative client will eventually succumb to human nature and think he’s getting exactly what he’s paid for. Second, don’t work for family or friends. That’s pretty self-explanatory, at least to anyone who has family or friends. Third, don’t work for anyone you really don’t like. Come to think of it, if you really don’t like someone, you probably know that person well enough that he or she should fall under rule number two.
Strictly speaking, all of Ralph’s rules can be reduced to one rule applicable to both investigation and life in general. I’ve taped it, typed in twenty-eight point font all-caps, to
