Soccer Camp

Overtime

I laid my head against his chest, eyes closed, listening to his breathing and his beating heart. His fingers ran through my hair as we laid in silence, our unclothed bodies radiating heat from one another.

We spent the entire morning with his father on the golf course. I would follow them around awkwardly as they played. I didn't want to embarrass myself by accepting their invitation to join the game.

His father talked about how he decided to start a soccer camp and how it helped Jesse become the play he was today.

He talked about Jesse and how hard it was not being able to watch him grow up due to the divorce.

Then after the game, we all sat down for brunch to talk some more. Then the questions turned to me and my family life. It felt awkward talking about myself but I got through it.

Then his dad began to talk about Jesse and I and how our relationship was progressing. Jesse would clear his throat, laugh, and then change the subject.

During it all my mind was going wild as of what to do. I was confused with all of this. Never have I been expected to end a relationship with anyone, nor did I think I ever would.

"What are you thinking?" Jesse murmured as he lifted up my chin to look at my expression.

"The truth?" I asked

"That would be preferred, yes." he smiled down at me. I inched slower to him, flinching slightly from my sore core.

"I'm thinking about us" I sighed, staring up at him.

"Oh really, what about?" he questioned, his hand rubbing my naked behind.

"When the summer ends."

"That's a few more days away." He firmly secured one of my ass cheeks in his palm, and squeezed. "Why don't we enjoy our time together now and worry about that later?"

It seemed to be a rhetorical question because his lips were on mine within seconds. I sighed and pulled away from him, sitting up and leaning against the headboard.

"You might be use to these kind of things but I'm not"

"What?" He asked, coming up from under the sheets.

It seemed like he didn't want to talk about this or even address the inevitable. Do I just play along too until he finally decide he had enough? Or should I just rip off the Band-Aid now and soothe the bruise later?

He took his phone from the bedside table, becoming occupied. Something on the wide screen occupied his attention, his smile a clear illustration of that.

"Don't you think we should talk about all of this before it's too late?" I tired once again, hinting at my desire to have him for as long as he allowed.

"There's not much to talk about." he responded softly, not taking his eyes from the screen, but now tapping vigorously as he fabricated a reply.

I sighed and waited, staring at him as he fixated on his phone. I didn't realize that I was memorizing his face, committing it to memory. A burning tension in my stomach answered my every question, my mind no longer in charge. This was the last time I was going to be with him.

As he replied to his messages I realized how abnormal I was. I didn't have the type of friends he did that messaged just to say 'hi'. In fact, I didn't have any. The only people who had my phone number was my family, and I occasionally texted my mom. Forget that I could never fit into his world, I didn't fit into any world, not even the standard Earth.

I was far beyond Pluto, some where off to the side in the galaxy. Maybe I was even swallowed by a Black hole, currently non-existent.

I slowly slid off the bed and dressed myself, my heart racing a thousand miles an hour. I glanced back over at him again, and then at the door. This wouldn't be much of a struggle. He knew this was coming, apparently everyone knew.

I took a deep breath and then opened my eyes, inching to the door. "I'll see you around" I breathed in whisper. I all but ran to the door, my movement a little too eager.

"What are you talking about?" Jesse glanced up from his phone as my hands touched the knob. He placed his phone back on the table, scooting off the bed. "Where are you going?"

"Does it matter?" I asked

"Of course it does" he pouted slightly as he glanced down at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm going home." I said to the floor. I couldn't look up. I couldn't make eye contact.

"Okay, I'll walk you back." he kissed my cheek, sending sharps jabs down my spine.

"It's over, Okay?" I blurted as he slipped on his sweatpants. It was like he couldn't get the message without me saying it right out. It was growing too painful; I wanted to just rip it off.

There was silence between us briefly before he spoke.

"Wh-how? Why?" his face was a million and one emotions, but then it settled on confusion. "I thought we were happy" he muttered to himself.

My heart was ripping itself through my chest as I stood there watching his reaction. It wasn't what I was expecting. Do I take it back and wait until he ended it?

"I-" I stammered, the words unable to leave my mouth.

"Did I do something wrong?" he questioned, his muttered more to himself than to me.

"No it's not you, its-" I began before he interrupted. I wanted to tell him the truth, how we just weren't a perfect match.

"If you say 'it's not you, it's me'" he shook his head as he pulled on his shirt. His face seemed stuck in one expression, but his lips were pursed together. "I'll walk you back before it get's late." he muttered, opening the door.

He was still willing to walk me back?

I stared up into his face, but there was nothing there. All the emotions were tucked away, out of plain view. I followed him out of the building without another word. As we walked back to my cabin, he kept his head down, his hands in his pocket. I kept mine down as well, thinking of ways to take it back.

When we reached my cabin, he took me by surprise. He held the back of my head and I closed my eyes instinctively. I pursed my lips, hoping he was willing to give me one last kiss. His cool lips pressed against my forehead as he lingered beyond required.

"I love you, Amber" he rasped, his hands falling. I opened my mouth to speak, but I knew it was too late. The damage was already done; it was irreversible.

He pulled way from me and headed back down the path, his fingers sweeping through his hair, gripping slightly. Tears flooded my eyes as I watched him walk away, never looking back.

I hurried to my cabin and buried myself under the sheets when I got in. I had no idea how I was going to survive after this.

---

I felt hands taking the sheets from my strong hold, the bright morning sun shinning through the closed windows.

"Bam-" Matt began.

"I don't want to talk about it." I sighed, my chest still heaving from my sobs last night.

"So I guess you don't want to hear that he's gone?" Matt mumbled, sliding in the bit of information.

"What do you mean?" I threw, my chest going up and down.

"He left the camp early this morning to fly back home" Matt soothed, his fingers running down my hair.

"He's gone?" I wept, my horrific sobs returning.

Matt nodded sympathetically, rubbing my back as I cried. I had convinced myself that I could get through this but knowing now that he was no longer at this camp with me ripped a hole in my already torn chest.

I stayed in bed for the rest of the day, and the days that followed. When it was time to pack up, I gathered my things from the room as instructed.

I felt like I had cried so much it drained all the other emotions from my body. There was no more tears left to be shed.

More people than I thought possible asked me for my number, and my social contact. I thought having more friends would make me happy but it didn't change my state, I just went with it.

I waited for my mom in the parking lot with Matt. He insisted on meeting her before he left with David to head back home. I couldn't believe the summer was over and how much I went through in such short weeks.

My mom's head pushed out of the window as she gazed at me, her hand waving vigorously out the window. She pulled up beside me, jumping out of the car.

"You look so different!" she compliment, pulling me into a tight hug. "Is this your friend?" she asked in astonishment, hugging Matt before I could nod. I have never felt or understood the embarrassment of a parent that everyone always talked about; until right now. Matt didn't seem to mind, rather he embraced her as if they've met multiple times.

They chatted a bit about the summer and how it turned out, then she helped me with my things inside the car. Knowing that I was leaving Matt brought up the first real set of emotions I've had in the past few days. I pouted as he embraced me, then kissing my lightly on the lips.

"Be good, okay?" he smiled, his hand on my cheek.

"Don't leave me" I cried, pulling him in again. He was my best friend.

"I'll come visit you, Bambi. I promise" he muttered into my ear.

I sighed and pulled away one last time, deciding to rip off the Band-Aid once more. Second times the charm.

As we pulled away from the camp grounds, I found myself wishing to rewind back to the beginning. Wishing I wasn't kicking and screaming when my mom decided my attendance was non-negotiable. I wish it wasn't over and now a distant memory of the best summer of my life. I wish... I wish I could take it all back.