SUDDENLY I LOVE YOU(On-going)

SILY 08: Suddenly, love him again

MATAPOS ang pag-uusap nila Rio at Rick napagdesisyunan nang bumalik ng dalaga sa private room ng kaniyang kaibigan. Bago pa niya mabuksan ang pinto ninakawan niya ng halik ang binatang doctor na nakipag deal sa kaniya.

"Oh. You're still awake. Don't tell me you are waiting for someone to visit you?" Pangaasar ni Rio sa dalagang masama ang tingin sa kaniya. "What's that look for? Are you mad or disappointed kasi hindi ako ang taong inaasahan mong magbubukas ng pinto?"

"Shut up, Rio. Ano ba ang sinasabi mo riyan? Ano naumpog ba iyang ulo mo sa ulo ni Rick kaya wala ng sense ang lumalabas sa bibig mo?"

"Shocks!" Napatakip ng bibig si Rio. "Parang ibang ulo ata iyang sinasabi mo. Are you pertaining to his balls or with his smart head?" Pagbibiro niya na kinatawa ni Kireigh.

"Whatever, Rio!" Umayos sa pagkakaupo ang dalaga. Umupo sa bed side si Rio at hinaplos ang kaniyang buhok. "What happened?"

"Nothings happened between us. Not yet. But I'll make sure na may mangyayaring hindi maganda kapag hindi ka umamin sa akin."

"Ha? Anong sinasabi mo?" Tumaas ang isang kilay ni Kireigh. "What? What are you talking about? Stop glaring at me, Rio!"

"Sino si Kriford sa buhay mo?"

"Bakit naman napasok ang taong iyon sa usapan natin?"

"Just answer it. I will not ask any follow up question about what happened between the two of you but whether you like it or not, you have no choice but to answer this question sincerely and honestly."

"Ang kulit mo rin, Rio, ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa'yo na wala ngang nangyari sa aming dalawa. Wala kaming koneksiyon sa isat-isa. Wala na." Napaisip si Kireigh sa kaniyang sinabi. Paniguradong hindi siya titigilan ni Rio.

"What do you mean sa wala na? Na wala na kayong koneksyon? Na tapos na? Na matagal ng tapos ang relasyon niyo? Tell me. Just tell me. I want to know."

Nanatiling seryoso ang mukha ni Rio. Kailangan niyang panindigan ang attitude niya towards her best friend para makapag move-forward na siya sa gagawing pang-aakit sa doctor.

"Kapag sinagot ko ba itong tanong mo titigilan mo na ako?"

"Yes. Promise!" Tinaas ni Rio ang kaniyang kamay. "Cross my heart hope to die."

"Ok. I'll tell you kung ano ba talaga ang koneksiyon naming dalawa pero sa isang kondisyon."

"Bakit may kondisyon pa?" Inis na sabi ni Rio sabay kamot sa ulo. "Best friend mo ako tapos gagawa kapa ng kondisyon. Anong klaseng kaibigan ka?"

"Ofcourse I have the right to make condition lalo na't nakipagsunduan ka kay Krick. Akala mo ba hindi ko malalaman iyang panglalandi mo sa kaniya? For your information, may asawa na iyon."

"I don't care. Who cares kung may asawa na siya? I don't even care." Sabay irap ni Rio kahit nagulat siya na may asawa na pala ang lalaking iyon.

"Talaga lang ha. Tingnan lang natin kapag nahuli kayo ng asawa niya. Ewan ko nalang talaga kung makauwi kapa ng buhay."

"Are you threatening me, Kireigh?"

"No. I'm just warning you. Hindi mo kilala ang taong iyon. Mas masahol pa iyon kay Kriford. Lolokohin ka lang ng lalaking iyon."

"Well, I don't care. I just want to play with him. Nothing serious. I want to have fun with someone who already tied with someone else." She smirked while thinking about her plans.

"Sa oras na masaktan ka huwag kang lalapit sa akin at iiyak."

"I won't. I won't cry to someone who doesn't even deserve my tears."

Maliban sa binabalak ni Rio para sa doctor pinaplano niya rin kung paano papaaminin ang kaibigan at magkukusang mag kwento sa totoong ugnayan nila ni Kriford.

"I wonder kung bakit kayo naghiwalay ng fiance mo." Dagdag pa ni Rio na kinagulat ni Kireigh. "Let me guess. Third party? Mother-in-law battle?" Dahan-dahang tumayo si Rio at nagpaikot-ikot sa loob ng silid.

"Kanino mo nalaman iyan?" Seryosong nakatingin sa kaniya ang dalaga. "Sinong nagsabi saiyo?"

"Who could it be? Try to guess. Maybe your ex-fiance or maybe my future husband."

Mariing pumikit si Kireigh. Huminga muna siya ng malalim bago bumuga ng hininga.

"Kung hindi mo sasabihin sa akin ang totoo , sasabihin ko kay tito na tanggalin kana sa kompanya at ilayo ang mga kapatid mo sa iyo."

"Binabantaan mo ba ako?"

"Kung ganoon ang pagkakaintindi mo, well, yes, I'm blackmailing you, Kireigh."

"Wala kang karapatan na panghimasukan ang buhay ko, Rio."

"I'm your best friend. Legally not but in reality I'm your family. I'm part of your life. I want to know what happened at you seven years ago."

"There's nothing you should know. So, stop asking me."

"There are many things that I need to know especially about you. We grow up together but then may mga bagay pa akong hindi alam sa iyo especially about your situation."

"Rio, please, I'm not in a mood to discuss it with you. If you're pertaining about my past, I'm warning you, stop asking me about it. I don't want to remember anything about it. I just want to live a normal life."

"No. You can't have a normal life unless you tell me every single details about your past."

Nanatiling paikot-ikot sa loob ng silid si Rio. Pinipilit niyang pakalmahin ang sarili at panatalihin ang pagiging istrikta na kaibigan. Isang maling galaw lamang niya baka tuluyang magalit sa kaniya ito.

"Stop it, Rio! Hindi kaba nahihilo sa ginagawa mong pag-ikot?" Giit nito.

"Hindi naman. I can run as fast as I could sa whole hospital building sagutin mo lang ang tanong ko." Pagmamayabang ni Rio kahit nakakaramdam na siya ng pagkahilo.

Wala ng ibang maisip na paraan si Rio kung paano niya maayos na mapapaamin ang kaniyang kaibigan. Ngunit may isang tanging paraan para malaman niya ang totoo at iyon ang ibalik ang past niya.

Sana lang hindi umatake ang sakit niya. Sinabihan siya ni Krick na anything regarding sa past niya ay maaaring maka-trigger sa heart niya. Maybe, mahirapan siyang huminga, o mahimatay o mas mag-isip pa siya ng kung ano-ano na magpapahinto sa heartbeat niya.

She's not even sure if it's effective or not. But she would like to test her friend's senility. She's eager to help Kireigh, but she has no idea how. Kung paano niya pananatilihin na kalmado ito. Inaalala niya na baka kapag may itanong siya mawalan na naman ito ng malay.

"He was my fiance. He's basically my past right now... W-we broke up because her parents didn't like me, and I don't know why. Maayos naman kami. Maayos naman ang pakikitungo nila sa akin noon but then after the car incident nagbago ang lahat."

Tumigil sa paglalakad si Rio. Pinatili niyang gising ang magkabila niyang tainga at sinigurado na maririnig niya ang bawat detalye na sasabihin nito sa kaniya.

"Everything has become blurry. Our path is constantly changing. I kept asking myself kung saan ako nagkulang, kung ano ba ang totoong nangyari o kung ako ba talaga ang problema kaya nagbago nalang bigla ang lahat."

Nanatiling nakikinig si Rio. Iniintindi ang lahat ng naririnig niya. Sinisikap na maintindihan ang lahat kahit na naaawa siya para sa kaibigan habang pinapakinggan ito.

"I was scared. At the same time, I was mad at myself. I was blaming myself for something that I don't really understand. And I am still asking myself, "Bakit pa siya bumalik?" like "Anong pina-plano niya?"

Pekeng tumawa si Kireigh. Nanatili siyang nakayuko. Alam niyang sa oras na tingnan niya ang kaibigan mapapangunahan siya ng kaniyang emosiyon.

"I'm not forcing you to open up with me, Kireigh. If you don't want to, then let's end this conversation."

"No. I insist. It's okay. I'm fine. I can do it. If I let this emotion of mine eat myself , I could be haunted by my past forever."

"But it is not fine with me, Kiriegh, if it is hurting you," she said with a sad tone.

"I'm tired, Rio, and it's really hurting me a lot."

Tumingla ang dalaga upang pigilan ang tubig na nagbabadya ng umagos sa malungkot nitong mukha. Ramdam ni Rio ang bawat salita na binibitawan ng kaniyang kaibigan. Ramdam niya ang sakit na nararamdaman nito.

"I know. I know you are tired." Tumayo si Rio at nilapitan ang dalaga. Mahigpit niya itong niyakap. "If it's still hurting you, we can discuss it next time."

"No. There's no next time for this sh*t. I'm tired. I'm already tired. I'm tired of running from my shadow in the past. If I hold back, it will hunt me and for sure might kill me."

"Pero Kire-"

"I want a normal life." Humiwalay na sa pagkayakap si Kireigh at pinunasan ang mga mata. "I want to live normal na walang iniisip. Na hindi na dapat ako mag doubt sa mga taong gustong mahalin ako."

"What do you mean, Kireigh?"

"Malayo ang loob sa akin ng aking mga kapatid not because I can't fulfill my promise to them but because they're afraid that staying with them might trigger my broken heart syndrome. Its not yet healed so they're making their way to prevent hurting me."

"Wait. Hold on. So, you're saying that the only way to not to hurt you is to avoid you? It doesn't make sense."

"Loving me is hurting me. If you love me it will hurt me more. If you keep loving me, I might die."

Rio suddenly felt the shakeness in her hands and feet. Her eyes turn big. She stood up when she realized the drop of water came out onto her eyes.

"Are you pitying me now, Rio?" She sounded sad, but Kireigh kept her strong tone with a fake laugh. "Don't be pitying me. I can do it. I can overcome this syndrome. I will be okay soon."

"H-ow can I not do that? I feel a knife dragging at my heart. It makes me sad after hearing the facts. Should I continue listening to you, like, should I really need to know what happened in your past?"

Hindi na mapigilan ni Rio ang kaniyang emosiyon at nanatiling umiiyak habang nilalabas ang tunay niyang nararamdaman para sa kaibigan. Totoong naaawa siya rito. Totoong nasasaktan siya pero hindi niya alam kung tama ba na maramdaman niya ito.

Alam niyang hindi maganda para umiyak sa harapan ng kaibigan niya lalo na kung tungkol sa nakaraan nito ang rason ng pag-iyak. Maaaring triple ang maramdamang sakit ni Kireigh.

"Do you know the other reason why I'm running away?" She smiled bitterly. "I don't want to hurt those people around me. If they knew my past, they would feel sad; they would give me a pitying look. and I don't like that. It makes me more weak."

"N-o. I'm so-sorry. I didn't mean to." Muling lumapit si Rio sa kaniyang kaibigan. Sinigurado niyang wala ng tumutulong luha sa mukha niya. Hinawakan niya ang kamay nito at marangyang pinisil-pisil. "If it sounded like that, then I'm really sorry. I don't want you to feel that way."

"I know. I know, Rio, you don't need to explain." Ipinatong niya ang kaniyang kamay sa kamay ng Rio. "But I really can't stop my mind... There's something in my mind that is killing me and hurting my heart."

"How about we stay together at your family's house with your siblings?" Rio suggested it. Hindi siya makapag-isip ng maayos dahil mas lalo lang siyang naguguluhan. But she need to fix herself, to stop her emotion.

"I'm not yet ready to live with them at our home, especially since they may remember our parents. I don't want to hurt them more. It's too much for me to suffer from this syndrome and loneliness, so I will not allow them to feel that way."

"How about we visit phychologist?" Ilang segundong natahimik si Kireigh. "Don't get me wrong. I'm just saying..." she paused for a while, "That...there's another way to overcome that syndrome: your fear of loving those who want to love you."

"I did. I already did that. It's effective. I know it's better to consult a psychologist that could help me with my mental health, specifically my emotional state."

Nag-alinlangan si Rio kung itatanong niya ba ang pag-consult sa professional na makakatulong para sa kalagayan ng kaibigan. Kung tama ba na sa kaniya mismo na manggaling ang tungkol doon. Na baka ma-misinterpret niya ang pagiging concern nito.

Dalawang minuto na ang lumipas nang mapansin ni Rio na tahimik pa rin ang kaibigan. "Are you okay, Kireigh? May masakit ba sa'yo?" Natataranta siya nang makitang nakahawak ito sa lugar kung saan nakalagay ang kaniyang puso. "Kireigh, are you still with me? Are you okay?" Still, there's no response from her best friend. "No, this could not be of help." She has realized that asking her and wait for her to response will not be useful."I'll better call a doctor; wait for me here."

Nakakailang hakbang palang siya nang marinig niyang humagulgol ang kaibigan. Natataranta siyang bumalik dito. Muli niya itong niyakap, this time nakikisabay na rin siya sa pag-iyak.

"It's hurting me, Rio. It's hurting me again." she cried out loud.

"I know. I know you're still suffering from it. I might not be able to help you for now, but I'll find a way for you to overcome this." She wiped her tears. She remain calm. Kung dalawa silang iiyak walang mangyayari. "You know I'm still shocked." Peke itong tumawa.

"I need him, Rio. I want to see him."

Napailing ang dalaga sa narinig niya.

"What is it again?" Pagtatanong ni Rio. "As you can see, I have a hearing issue." She lied.

"When I saw him again at the restaurant, I felt joy in my heart. I started to smile again after a long time." She laughed. "I pretended not to know him, and I think he did the same way. It might be awkward for us, especially for the both of you kung aamin kaming dalawa."

Kung kanina naguguluhan siya sa lahat nang sinabi ng kaniyang kaibigan ngayon gulong-gulo na ang isip ni Rio kung paano niya ipapasok ang lahat ng naririnig niya sa kaniyang isip.

"I suddenly love him again."