The Fortress Island Series 2: Romano, Can't We Try

THREE: MARRED

“Anak ng tinapa naman, Mirasol! Saan ka ba nagpunta? Malapit na akong mabaliw sa pag-alala sa’yo, babae ka!” Bungad sa akin ni Krizette pagkabukas niya sa pintuan.

Agad na pumikit ako at hinintay ang pagdapo ng kanyang palad sa aking balikat. She does that every time she’s mad at me. Pero hindi iyon ang kanyang ginawa. Sa gulat ko, hinila niya ako ng mlakas palapit sa kanya at pinaloob ako sa kanyang yakap. She cried on my shoulders. “Masama ba pakiramdam mo? Nilalagnat ka ba? Hinimatay ka ba kung saan? May kumidnap ba sa’yo? Okay ka lang ba?”

Napangiti ako. My heart swelled with love. Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, hindi ko mapigilang magalak dahil ramdam kong may nagmamahal pa rin talaga sa isang tulad ko. Minsan, nakakalimutan ko iyon. Lumaki akong hindi nakaramdam ng pagmamahal mula sa ibang tao, maliban kay Krizette at kay Tiya. Kahit ang sarili kong ina ay hindi pinaramdam sa akin ang kanyang pagmamahal, kahit konti.

Sunod-sunod akong umiling. “Okay lang ako. Mahabang kwento pero okay na okay ako, Kriz. I’m sorry kung pinag-alala kita. Lowbat na cellphone ko.”

Humihikbi pa rin ito sa aking balikat. Inangat ko ang aking brasong may hawak na plastic bag at tumango ng bahagya kay Rutchell. Nakakaunawang kinuha niya iyon sa aking kamay. Ngayon, malaya ko nang tinapik-tapik ang likod ng pinsan ko para kahit paano ay mahimas-masan ito.

Hindi ito ang unang beses. May mga pagkakataong natatagalan ako sa pag-uwi at siya naman ay namumutla na sa pag-alala sa akin. Isang beses kasi ay nilagnat ako at hindi ko pinaalam sa kanya. Hinatid ko ang mga panahi ko sa aking suki at habang pauwi ay basta na lang ako nawalan ng malay. Sa sunod na pagdilat ko ng aking mata, nasa ospital na ako at hawak-hawak nito ang aking palad. Kaya mula noon, lagi nitong tinatanong kung may nararamdaman ba ako o kung may masakit ba sa akin.

Pero ito ata ang unang beses na tila hinang-hina ito at hindi na napigilan ang sariling mapaiyak.

“Okay lang ako, Krizette. Tahan na.” Pag-aalo ko sa pa sa kanya. Bahagya kong hinimas ang likod ng kanyang ulo.

Lumayo ito sa akin at hinawakan ako sa magkabilang pisngi. Sinalat din nito ang aking noo. “Sigurado ka?”

I nodded and grinned at her. “Ikukwento ko sa’yo ang nangyari sa akin pagdating natin sa bahay. Anyway, may dala akong pagkain. Kumain muna kayo. Pasensiya na talaga ha. Grabe yung nangyari sa akin pero sa awa ng Diyos, I came back in one piece.” I laughed but Krizette rolled her eyes on me.

“Tawang-tawa ka pa diyan, ha. Samantalang kami ay halos mabaliw na sa pag-alala sa’yo. Mabuti na lang at hindi nila napansin na tensiyonado kaming apat.”

Pinasadahan ko sila ng tingin. Nakapagbihis na sila at nailigpit na rin ang mga gamit. Natapos na nila ang kanilang trabaho at laking pasalamat ko na walang nagtangka ng masama sa kanila. Binigay na rin ng organizer ang pera bilang bayad sa pagkuha niya sa serbisyo namin. Ay, nila pala dahil hindi ako nakatulong sa raket ngayong gabi.

“Twenty thousand lang pala binayad sa atin.” Ngumuso si Jona. Bumusangot din si Kaye at Rutchell. Nasa mesa silang apat at nilantakan agad ang uwi kong pagkain.

Umawang ang aking bibig. “Oh? Anyare?”

Krizette screwed up her face habang ngumunguya. “Nabudol tayo pero keri na. Malaki na rin ang 20k.”

I sighed. “Kaya nga nakakapagtaka na nag-offer sila ng one hundred thousand. Masyadong malaki yun para sa ilang oras na pagsasayaw lamang. Okay na yun. Hayaan n’yo na. Sa bahay na natin paghahati-hatian ito.” Nilagay ko ang sobreng may lamang pera sa aking bag. “Bilisan n’yo ang pagkain at baka masita tayo ng may-ari nitong condo.”

“Don’t worry. Sinabi naman niyang madaling-araw na daw siya makakabalik. Busy siya sa pag-eestima sa ikakasal.” Naghagikhikan silang apat na tila ba may sekreto ang mga ito at ako lang ang walang alam.

“Grabe noh? To think na kaibigan niya yung bride.” Pumalatak si Kaye.

“At pareho kamo silang lalake.” Namilog ang mga mat ani Jona.

“What happened?”

“Wag ka nang magtanong, Mira. You’re too pure for this topic. Hindi mo kakayanin ang nakakawindang na eksenang aming nasaksihan kanina.” Si Rutchell.

I gave them a deadpan expression. “Hindi naman ako nagtatanong.

Hindi naman ako tanga para hindi maintindihan kung ano ang kanilang ibig sabihin.

“Ikakasal na lang siya’t lahat, nagagawa pa ring magtaksil.” Umiiling silang apat.

I sighed and looked outside the window. Humalukipkip ako habang nakatanaw sa nagkikislapang mga ilaw ng siyudad. Matagal ko nang alam na walang pag-ibig na wagas. It does not exist.

Love is overrated. Love is toxic. Love is a killer.

I knew because I witnessed how love killed a certain person. My father worshipped the ground my mother walked on. She was his everything. He’d grovel on her feet, but my mother would just shove him to the side.

If there’s one thing that I knew, it was the fact that my mother was never the faithful one. She didn’t love him. Not even an ounce of respect did she’d shown to him.

She was one of the reasons why my father died. Dahil sa malamig na pakikitungo niya kay Papa, he was slowly dying inside. Until that accident happened that totally killed him. How I wish I died with him.

I hated my mother, but I had no means of showing it to her. Because aside from hating, I was also scared of her.

I used to hate my father too. I hated how he used to put up with my mother’s bullshits without complaining. I asked him once why he was like that. Bakit niya hinayaang saktan siya ng paulit-ulit ng kanyang kabiyak sa kabila ng ginagawa niyang kabutihan. He’d answer me it was because he wanted to prove his love and loyalty to her even though she couldn’t give them back to him.

At young age, I understood how pathetic and foolish he had become.

But you know what? I hated myself more because I knew, once my mother asked forgiveness for neglecting me, for treating me as if I wasn’t her own daughter, I would forgive her in a heartbeat.

Sa tingin ko’y namana ko ang kabutihan ng loob ng aking ama. How I wish I could be evil, too just like my mother. Pero bago ko pa siguro masaktan ang ibang tao, humihingi na ako ng paumanhin.

Kaya hindi na ako maghahangad pa ng pag-ibig na wagas o lalakeng magmamahal sa akin ng tunay dahil hindi iyan mangyayari. I refused to become a deluded fool like my father. Manahin ko na ang lahat sa kanya wag lang ang katangahan sa pag-ibig. Mabubuhay akong wala iyon. Sapat na sa akin na nasa aking tabi si Krizette. Sapat na sa akin na may isang Romano akong iniidolo. Masaya na akong pinapakinggan ang mga awitin niya.

For Romano, I could say today was one of the books. I got to meet him. I got to know the other side of him. Bihira lang ang mabigyan ng pagkakataong makadaupang palad ang iyong iniidolo, let alone he had you stayed in his house for hours.

I kept telling myself that I was in love with his voice, not to the man himself. I must bear that in mind.

A plain, ugly girl like me doesn’t deserve someone like him. I knew I wasn’t going to get what I wanted so I shouldn’t even get my hopes up.

I wasn’t a deluded fool. I shouldn’t become one.

*********

“Okay ka lang?” Inakbayan ako ni Kriz pagpasok namin sa elevator.

Tumango ako. “Oo naman.”

“Kanina ka pa kasi tahimik.”

“Inaantok lang.” Lagpas ala una na kasi ng madaling-araw. Naisip kong may mga panahi pa pala ako at sa makalawa ko na iyon dapat maihatid.

May mangilan-ngilan pa ring mga tao sa lobby. Ang iba ay tamang tambay lang sa seating area at ang iba ay naman ay nagkukwentuhan sa mga gilid-gilid.

Nasagi sa isipan ko ang sinabi sa akin kanina ni Romano. He told me this place was filthy. It looked descent and expensive to me though. May mga security guard pa ngang nagpapatrolya.

We walked past the exit until our steps halted when a group of teenage boys block our way. Their eyes were red and bloodshot and two of them were puffing cigar. I glanced at the corner. There was a sign there that said this is a non-smoking area.

“Hi pretty ladies. Saan ang punta n’yo? Pwede namin kayong ihatid?” Salita ng lalakeng siyang pinakamatangkad sa lima. Maliwanag sa area na ito dahil sa mga light posts kaya kitang-kita namin ang pagmumukha ng mga ito.

“You want to have fun?” Another guy asked, a devilish grin on his lips.

I squinted my eyes as I looked at their faces one by one. Wala pa ata sa bente ang mga edad nila. Ang lalakeng naka-hoodie sa likod ang siyang pinakamilyar sa akin. Tiyak akong nakita ko na ito sa telebisyon. Nang tumama ang mata nito sa akin, yumuko ako at lumapit ng husto sa gilid ng aking pinsan.

“Aww, that’s sweet. Salamat sa invitation boys. We’re very flattered. Kaso may kalayuan ang lugar namin. Taga-Tondo nga pala kami.” Nakangising sagot ni Kriz.

“We lived in the slum area of Tondo. And the life there is very poor and very sad. I’ve always taught myself to look for the beauty in it, to look for the beauty in the faces of the children, and to be grateful.” Segunda ni Kaye.

“I would bring this aspect as a Miss Universe to see situations with a silver lining, and to assess where I could give something, where I could provide something as a spokesperson.” Si Jona na madamdamin ang pagkasambit ng mga salita.

“If I could also teach people to be grateful, we could have an amazing world where negativity could not grow and foster, and children would have a smile on their face. Thank you.” Si Rutchell, waving her hand like a queen.

I almost snorted. I bit my inside cheek so I couldn’t grin like silly idiot.

Nanlaki ang mga mata nilang lahat. “Are you f*****g us?!” The tallest boy made an attempt to step forward.

“Hardly.” Krizette sighed dramatically. “But no kidding boys, your faces look familiar. Ayaw n’yo naman sigurong maeskandalo mga pangalan n’yo. Kasi kaming taga-Tondo ay hindi umaatras sa labanan. We fight every day, physically, verbally. Kaya please, spare your lives. Mahalin n’yo mga pangalan at mukha n’yo. After all, yan ang bumubuhay sa inyo.”

Kita kong tila natigilan ang mga ito. One of them spat saliva on the cemented floor. “Mga mababang-uri.”

“True. Hanap nalang kayo ng ka-level ng uri n’yo. Hindi rin kami pumapatol sa mga balat-sibuyas at totoy na kagaya n’yo.” Krizette grabbed me on the arm. “Bye boys! Ipagdasal n’yong wala kaming makabangga na reporter or paparazzi but for the meantime, we will zip our mouth.”

“Hey! Wala naman kaming ginagawang masama sa inyo!” Ani nung isa.

“Kapag maibalita ito, ipapa-hunting namin kayo.” Banta nung isa.

Nambanta pa talaga? Mga bata talaga.  

“Talk is cheap.” Salita ko sa unang pagkakaon.

“Huh?” Sabay na tinignan ako ng aking pinsan at ng aking mga kabigan. Bakas ang pagkamangha sa kanilang mga mukha.

“May himala.” Si Kaye at tumingala sa madilim na langit.

“Akalain mo yun, nagiging palaban na ang kaibigan natin.” Rutchell hooked her arms on mine.

Napakamot ako sa batok. Unang beses ko atang sumagot. Madalas kasi kapag binu-bully ako ay tahimik lang ako at umaalis para wala nang gulo. That’s how I managed to spare my life from danger. I always choose peace. Total naman, ang mga salita nila laban sa akin, masasakit man o hindi, mababaw man o malalim, ay walang halaga.

Malayo na kami ay nagsalita ang isa sa kanila. “May kasama pa kayong mangkukulam. Hindi namin kayo type, oy!”

They all laughed.

I sighed and pressed Krizette’s hand. “Wag mo nang patulan. Mga bata lang iyan.” I said to her. She grinned at me, but I knew her too well. Sa loob niya, tiyak akong kumukulo na ang dugo nito.

May kalayuan na kami nang tumigil sa paglalakad ang pinsan ko. Nilingon nito ang mga lalakeng nagkukumpulan pa rin sa gilid ng kalsada.

She took a deep breath. “Mga supot!” She screamed too loud na ang mga taong naglalakad sa pavement ay napalingon sa amin.

“Mga supot!” She yelled again while giving them a dirty finger. Nilingon ng mga tao kung sino ang tinatanaw ni Krizette.

Nagtutulakan ang mga ito at nagmmadaling pumasok sa building. Humagikhik kami sa kakatawa. Sira-ulo talaga ang pinsan kong ‘to. Kung gaano ako ka-introvert, siya namang kabaligtaran ko. Kung gaano ako kaduwag, siya namang katapang. Hindi iilang beses na nalagay sa panganib ang buhay namin pero kayang-kaya niyang i-handle ang sitwasyon. Malaki ang bilib ko sa kanya.

Honestly speaking, I could not imagine life without her. When my father died and years later, Tiya followed her brother to the heavens, tanging si Krizette na lamang ang naiwan sa akin. Ipinangako ko sa sarili na kung dumating man ang panahon na may hihingin itong pabor sa akin, kahit pa nakasalalay doon ang buhay ko, hinding-hindi ako magdadalawang-isip na ipagkaloob iyon.

Nagtatawanan pa rin kami habang magkaakbay na naglalakad patungo sa paradahan ng jeep. Then suddenly, a car moving slowly beside the street blew its horn that startled among us.

Halos sabay naming nilingon ang kotseng iyon. I gasped. The car looked familiar! At kahit madilim sa loob ng kotse, alam ko kung sino ang may-ari niyon.

Romano?

The driver honked his car horn once again before he drove fast away from us.

“Anong trip nung driver?” Tanong ni Rutchell.

Nagkibit-balikat si Kaye. “Baka bet ka, Rutch.” She lightly nudged her by the elbow.

“Wala lang talaga sigurong magawa ang driver na yun o baka napagkamalan tayong kakilala niya.” Si Jona.

“Nakahimpil lang yun sa tapat ng building kanina. Saka lang pinaandar nang makalayo na tayo. Akala ko nangkataon lang. Parang kilala siguro ng isa sa atin ang driver ng sasakyan na yun.”

Umawang ang labi ko sa sinabi ni Krizette. Mula pa ba kaninang pagpasok ko ay hindi pa umaalis si Romano? Hinintay niya kaya ang pag-labas ko?

Nag-init ang aking pisngi. Imposible. Hindi siguro si Romano yun. Maraming magkakamukhang sasakyan. Imposible talaga. Imposibleng hintayin ng isang Romano ang isang tulad ko.

Tumingala ako sa madilim na langit. Kung nasaan ka man, kung tulog o gising ka pa ba, may kasama ka mang babae o wala, kahit may nakakainis kang ugali, sana’y patnubayan ka ng Maykapal.

I prayed for you Romano. Because despite the boyish grin you’ve sporting, the bright smile and laughs I’ve seen and heard from you, I saw sadness and pain.

It made me wonder what battles had you fought? Did you win so far? Were you battling alone? What were those battles for?

I heaved a sigh as I clutched my sling bag tightly. I couldn’t wait to come home. I couldn’t wait to listen to his voice.

Romano’s POV

I stood in front of my life-size mirror. I was shirtless, my sagging pants revealing the waistband of my Calvin Klein briefs. Small towel draping around my shoulder. My hair was still wet from the shower.

I barely slept last night. After I took grandma to that place, I drove around the vicinity and ended up parking across the filthy building. I was worried about her, which was a surprise because I did not usually give a flying f**k about others, especially women. I mean I barely knew her, and she didn’t mean anything to me at all.

I was probably guilty. She was my fan. She’s a poor human being who chose to detach herself from the world because it’s too cruel for her. We just spent hours of bickering, but the girl managed to get under my skin.

I expelled a sigh of relief when I saw her emerging from the exit doors. She was with her friends and the woman whose arm draped on her shoulders was probably her cousin.

My knuckles turned white as I gripped the steering wheel of my car when a group of boys tried to harass them. I was seconds away to get out of my car and punch the hell out of them. Mabuti na lang at matatapang ang mga kasama niya. Although I’d like to think that those group of boys were harmless but who would know if one of them had a knife of gun, right?

Nang makalayo na sila at nagsialisan na rin ang mga kabataan nay un, I turned on the engine of my car at umikot ako para tumabi sa pavement na dinadaanan nila. I drove slowly so I could keep up with them.

I blew my horn and I chuckled when I saw their reactions. Tinted ang salamin ng aking kotse kaya tiyak akong hindi ako makikita sa loob. But the surprise look on her face was what made me grin from ear to ear. Grandma’s mouth formed into O and I suddenly wanted to fold her and hide in my pocket. She’s too cute.

I couldn’t wrap my head around why she’d consider herself ugly? When she lost consciousness, I removed her gigantic spectacles and was able to look at her face closely. Okay, maybe she wasn’t as pretty as the other girls I got accustomed to but she’s definitely not ugly. Although, her thick eyebrows and hair were horrendous. And God help me, her clothes must be burn to the pits of hell! That woman had no sense of fashion at all!

“Sorry to disrupt your moment of narcissism, pretty boy, but we need to leave now.”

Matteo Kenzo Ruiz appeared behind me. He calmly leaned against the wall. His deadpan expression was his way of telling me that he’s pissed as hell. Dad probably gave him an earful.

We were supposed to be at Dad’s office by this time, but I woke up late. Not my problem. He didn’t wake me up. Oh, I changed the door code last night, that’s why. My motive was to piss him off and I succeeded. He lived at the next floor below me. I opposed to the idea of him or anyone for that matter to live with me. When I said I needed privacy, I meant to be alone. I f*****g don’t need a babysitter or nanny, or a housekeeper. They knew me better than that.

I grinned at him. “Galit ba si Papa dahil late tayo?”

He didn’t answer, instead he chose to ask the question I hated to hear from anyone of them. “When will you change your mind, Romano? It can easily be removed by plastic surgery. All you have to do is to say yes.” His eyes lingered at my back.

“Ask me that question again and I’ll have your ass thrown outside the window.” My voice turned darker.

Matt just shook his head. “You’re torturing yourself. It happened a long time ago. You need to move on.”

Nagtagis ang bagang kong lumapit sa kanya. I was getting angry. I grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him up close. He’s older than me but I was taller than him by few inches. “I have moved on, but this will remain on my body for as long as I live, Matt. Nobody and I mean nobody can tell me otherwise.” Bahagya ko itong tinulak. “I will be ready in a minute. Hintayin mo na lang ako sa sasakyan.”

“Sorry, dude.” Tipid na sambit nito at saka tuluyang lumabas ng aking silid. He knew he crossed the damn line.

Lumapit ako sa malawak na salamin at bahagyang tumalikod para makita ko ang repliksiyon ng aking likurang bahagi.

My back was marred from the fire. Uneven stains of red and purple wove across my skin as if they were painted on me.

I slammed my fist against the wall as tears started to fall. My heart felt like someone was drilling a hole into it.

“Maya, I wish you were here…. I wish you were here with me, babe.”