The Painful Obsession

Chapter 3

Just like what he said. I am now here in this red dark room. Both of my hands were chained at both edges of the bed.

Wala akong magawa kung hindi ang mag isip ng paraan para makaalis rito. He's right, 'cause I am now starting to regret stepping a foot in his territory. But I accepted this mission for a reason, this is my only chance. And now that he seems to know me, I am sure as hell na wala na akong ibang magagawa para magbago ang isip ng ama ko.

Tuso ang ama ko at gagawin niya ang lahat upang hindi mawala ang marumi niyang negosyo at walang mang lamang sakanya, kahit pa buhay ko ang kapalit.

I got alerted when I heard the door open, kahit nangangalay ang mga braso ko ay pinilit ko pa rin na ayusin ang sarili ko.

"Now tell me, Xandra, what is your plan?" I know whose voice is that. It's Adraile's voice.

Dahil madilim at wala akong makita ay ngumisi ako. I've been staying here for I think three days and he's been asking the same question for many times already.

Tatlong araw ang hinala ko dahil sa tatlong beses akong pinapakain ni Adraile sa isang araw... However, kahit nakaposas at nakakulong dito ay inaalagaan naman ako nitong mabuti. But I haven't take a shower ever since.

"Let me take a bath, at least. I stink and I can feel my skin getting dry." I demand. Dapat lang naman talaga.

"Tell me your plan?" He said as if he didn't hear me demanding.

"We're enemies. Why would I tell you my plan?" Sarkasmo kong tanong.

Ughh! I want to see his face... And I want to taste his lips, again.

After he mention my real-f*****g name, he kissed me. Hindi ko na rin nakontrol ang sarili ko at natagpuan na lamang na nakikisabayan na ako sakanya sa pag halik. That kissed lasted for minutes, walang humihinga. I admit, I like the way he kissed me. Para kaming mga uhaw na isa't isa at ayaw ng tapusin ang pangyayareng iyon.

Kung hindi lang pumasok si Xouan ay wala rin kaming balak tumigil. Kamuntik na nga sanang mauwi sa mas higit pa sa halikan dahil nasa ibabaw na ako ng study table at nasa loob na rin ng damit ko ang kamay niya. But sadly, Xouan came in and interrupted us.

"Tell me your plan or I'll f**k you and I won't stop unless your bedridden." f**k! Is that even possible?

Wait. He wants to f**k me? But why? He knows me. Tsk. It's just a plain s*x.

But I laughed, maging ako ay nabigla lang rin. He's threatening me. What a pathetically boss he is.

"Oh, f**k me, Adraile. f**k me all you want, 'cause I won't say anything. Even a very single detail about my father." Tumatawa kong sambit.

Yeah, f**k me. I don't care. I have nothing to lose, as I have already lose everything in me. Even my own soul.

Kita ko ang pigura nitong naglakad palapit sa kamay kong naka posas sa gilid ng kama. He insert the key and release my hand, he did the same thing on my other hand.

Minasahe ko ang magkabila kong pulso bago muling tumingin sa pigura nito, alam kong nakatingin ito saakin.

"Wash yourself." Utos nito na agad ko namang sinunod.

I really need to wash, I felt sticky. Hindi ko alam ang daan papuntang banyo kaya naman kapa-kapa lang ako hanggang sa maabot ko ang banyo. Ang laking mansyon pero walang ilaw, red room nga pero madilim naman. Edi sana nag black room nalang.

Nang makapasok sa banyo ay hinanap ko agad ang switch ng ilaw sa pader, nang bumukas ang ilaw ay bumungad saakin ang napaka gandang banyo. Kulay burgundy ito maliban na lang sa sink at toilet.

Isa-isa kong hinubad ang damit ko hanggang sa wala ng natira, humarap ako sa salamin at pinakatitigan ang sarili ko.

I have a long and black hair, thick eyebrows, heart shape lips, maganda ang katawan. But weak. I couldn't even say something to defend myself to everyone, especially my father. I couldn't even protect myself, kahit pa ang mga natutuhan ko sa training ay hindi ko man lang magamit upang maipag tanggol ang sarili ko.

But even though I am weak, I won't let anyone look down in me. Just my father. He's the only one who look down on me, as I am his slave.

But if I win this and execute my plan as what I exactly planned, my life could change. And this is the first time I have hope. Again.

When I was young I always hope that father will treat me as his daughter, I did everything but in exchange. He played my body. He used my body for his personal pleasure, and soon after, he started inviting male to watch me or pleasure them.

I lose hope. Hopes only hurts, hopes will just wreck a person. So I just forget it, I forget to hope that everything will be fine.

And being normal isn't my destiny. I am destined to be like this, to experience all of this, and to suffer every f*****g day.

At sa bawat araw na nagdaan ay wala akong magawa para sa sarili ko. I don't want anyone to pity me—but I pity myself.

Living with those memories and experiences changed me a lot, it feels like I am now no human. Namanhid na ako sa lahat na maging ang mga ala-alang iyon ay hindi ko na maramdaman ang sakit na dinulot saakin.

Piniling ko ang ulo ko at nag tungo na sa shower. Nagbabad pa ako sa ilalim ng malamig na rumaragasang tubig galing sa shower, hindi ako umalis doon hanggang sa naiayos ko na ulit ang sarili.

I have to look fearless, fierce, and strong woman. 'Cause that's what I am.

Pull yourself together, Xandra. You have to be ruthless so no one would look down on you.

Before I went out the bathroom, I reminded myself multiple times so I wouldn't get distract with anything.

I walk out the room. Naked.