Never Descending

Chapter 6

Thanks

"Let's work on your back and shoulders today?" Rian brightly raised both her brows at me.

I nodded in agreement. "Sure, let's do that."

We both headed to our spot before she made me do 4 sets of 10 reps for standing barbell military press. We also had 3 sets of 15 reps for EZ bar upright rows.

"I don't see Caleb around." Rian commented in between the session. "May meeting ulit?" she inquired while probably remembering what I mentioned yesterday.

I finished another motion before turning to her. Ngumiti ako nang tipid.

"I'm not sure." I simply said. "Break na kami eh," 

Rian's eyes gradually widened. 

"No way..." she uttered.  "Seryoso ba?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya.

Gumuhit ang munting ngisi sa labi ko dahil sa reaksyon niya. Tumango lang ako bago ipinagpatuloy ang ginagawa.

"Man.." she slowly said. "He looks like a pretty good catch though,"

Nagkibit-balikat ako. 

"Well.. to be fair, I'd say he is." I stated while trying to rationally think about it. "But not for me,"

She sadly smiled in disappointment.

"It must have been hurtful for him," she said. "I can tell how much he fancies you... A lot."

I turned silent for a while. Hindi na ko nakasagot nang magpatuloy na kami sa pinagkakaabalahan habang bahagya ko pang naaalala ang nangyari kahapon.

Of course we talked properly. Like the two consenting adults that we are. Hindi lang iyon basta natapos sa pahayag na binitawan ko. As much as I want to keep things short and simple, he still deserves a closure at the very least.

Well, I won't say it went smoothly. Caleb was quite a... handful. I don't know if begging was the right term but it's nearly what he kept on doing yesterday. 

He didn't stop until I made myself clear. And he surely knows me well for him to shut up as soon as I said that I really want out. He peculiarly turned silent after that.

I don't think the relationship that we had gives both of us enough room to grow and flourish. Especially in his case. The love he had for me is getting noxious and septic. It was constrictive for me. 

Plus I don't see myself with him in a long run anymore too. So there's certainly no point in staying. And I don't want him to further waste his time on me either so that's just really the best choice.

I didn't really expect not to see him in the gym today though. Handa naman ako kung makikita ko siya. I might have told him not to try pursuing me again cause my decision is final but I know that crossing paths is inevitable so it's fine to see each other. 

But he might not be okay with the thought of seeing me yet considering that he didn't show up today. Well, I guess that's better. If avoiding me is his way to cope up with things then that's completely fine.

"Dumbbell lateral raises," Rian instructed next.

We did 4 sets of 15 reps for it. Ilang dumbbell routines pa ang ginawa namin bago kami nag-proceed sa close-grip lat pulldowns at T-Bar rows.

"10 minutes sa stationary bike, Iris, then we're done." Rian said with a smile.

I nodded in satisfaction. Ni hindi ko na namalayan ang oras. Habang patungo ako sa stationary bike ay nilibot ko ulit ang tingin sa lugar habang hinahanap ang isang pigura.

Wala pa rin. He's really not here. 

What a shame. I even told him I'll see him today yet he didn't go.

Natapos ang buong workout ko nang hindi ko nakikita si Ace. I can't hide my little disappointment but I chose not to bunk on it too much. I left the place while shrugging off the thought. I'm sure I'll see him one of these days anyway.

Or so I thought.

Cause I didn't.

The following days, I still didn't.

"Iris, you okay?" Rian checked on me.

Mula sa malikot na pag-gala ng tingin ko sa paligid ay binaling ko ang tingin sa kanya.

She chuckled a bit.

"Kanina ka pa nakasimangot," she commented.

Mas lalo lang umarko pababa ang bibig ko. Pangatlong araw ko nang hindi nasisilayan si Ace. I don't know why the mere thought is irking. I hate it. Ba't hindi nakikisama ang tadhana? I wanna see him. I want his presence.

I know I'm still fresh from a break-up but so what? What matters is that it's over. I'm legally single. And when you're single, then you can act like it. You have all the rights to act like it. Enact like you're single. Cause you are. You can do whatever the f**k you want as long as you're not stepping on any body. 

And that's exactly what I'll do.

Life is too short for us to be forced in conforming with the conventional 'moving on' culture. Don't get me wrong, I respect everyone's sentiments about it. We all have different views. If they think that waiting another three months before getting involved with another opposite s*x is the decent way to do it then so be it for them. But that's just not me. 

Why waste my time when I'm completely ready to mingle?

I won't torment myself by worrying over things that I don't have any control on. Caleb's feelings and reception on my forthcoming affairs are not my problem anymore. It's for him to take care of.

My sanctity is precious. I value myself and my happiness more than other people's opinion of me.

But meanwhile, my current source of joy is just nowhere to be found. Ugh. He's always missing in action. Come on, Ace. Where are you?

"Rian," I mumbled.

"Yes?" she said.

I continued doing my calf raises.

"You know that guy I'm with in the cable row last time?" I asked.

Ilang sandali siyang nag-isip.

"Mr. Tizon?" she eventually asked.

Saglit pa 'kong natigilan sa pormalidad niya.

"I'm.. not sure. I only know him as Ace," I said.

She nodded. "Siya nga,"

Umangat ang parehong kilay ko sa pag-unawa bago dahan-dahang tumango.

"Hindi ba siya madalas dito?" pasimpleng tanong ko.

She subtly shrugged.

"Minsan... oo. Ang alam ko kasi'y sadyang abalang tao iyon. Trainer niya before yung kaibigan ko. I heard he has his own workout place at home so it's not really a big deal if he misses going to the gym," wika niya.

Sa natuklasan ay mas lalo lang akong nalungkot. Does that mean I'll have way lower chance of seeing him again? No way. I'm losing my mood just by thinking about it.

Another dreary day passed by with no traces of Ace. Each day is getting more and more unexciting without him. Kahit sa sumunod na araw ay wala pa rin ni anino niya. It's another uneventful day and I'm really starting to get sick of it.

Sinubukan ko siyang hanapin sa social media ngunit halos mabigo ako. He's not on f*******:. At hindi na ko umasa pang makikita ko siya sa twitter. I tried on i********: and I fortunately found a potential account but for f**k's sake it was private!

I also searched for him on google and found few articles about him being a young business man. Which isn't really surprising for me anymore. He seems like a really big shot since the first day I saw him. I just knew it from then.

I slept late that night which caused me to oversleep the next morning. Halos wala rin akong ganang bumangon at magmaneho patungo sa gym. The thought of not seeing him again is making me lose my will power. 

I nearly hesitated of going but I know I have to. My routine will be messed up if I miss a huddle. So I ended up still going although it was quite pass my usual schedule already.

Lagpas alas-nwebe na ata ng umaga nang makarating ako sa gym. I was in the middle of walking lifelessly in the entrance of the hall when my eyes involuntarily bounded on someone. My steps gradually slowed down.

I blinked repeatedly to confirm what I'm seeing.

Wearing a black pace breaker short that thoroughly fits his groin, a gray muscle tee that utterly reveals his manly arms, and his slightly sleeker silhouette kicks.

Shit. 

It's him. It's really him.

He looks so dashing in his outfit while he's on the elliptical machine. I feel like he even looks way hotter this time than the last time I saw him. This is illegal. How can he appear more sustained and toned when he missed the gym for days?

I bit my lip as it unconsciously curved into an excited smile. I can't believe myself. Parang gaga.

I walked towards him without further ado. My stride was filled with an uncontrollable buzz and elation.

Habang papalapit ako sa kanya ay natapos na ang paggamit niya sa makina. While he was getting off of it, our gazes met. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of his eyes.

He was staring at me with indifference. I tried to find a hint of apprehension from his face but there was none. His lips were just slightly parted as he catches his breathe from that thorough drill. 

The nonchalance in his eyes didn't hinder my glee. Nang makarating ako sa tapat niya ay nginitian ko siya nang malawak.

Then I played a disgruntled expression.

"You didn't show up for days!" simangot ko.

Nanatili siyang nakatingin lang sakin. His eyes were unreadable. I noticed drips of sweat from the tips of his hair and the side of his face. He must have been conditioning himself for hours now. I arrived later than usual so there's no doubt about it. The drizzles strikingly streamed down his skin.

"You're sweating!" I exclaimed.

Bumaling ako sa sukbit kong duffel bag. I swiftly took the clean spare towel from its pocket. Nang makuha ay humarap ako sa kanya at inangat ang kamay na may hawak na tuwalya para punasan ang pawis niya.

The fabric was just about to land on the side of his face when he promptly tilted his face. He turned away from my touch.

Nabitin sa ere ang kamay ko, kasabay ng pag-awang ng mga labi ko dahil sa dagliang paggalaw na pinakita niya.

His eyes then went back to me. Still remaining stoic and emotionless.

"I can wipe my own sweat. Thanks," he said in a monotone.

Without saying anything else, he eventually grabbed his jug and towel beside the equipment before turning his back on me.