His Broken Gem

HBG 11

Stella's POV

"Sure ka ba na magtatrabaho ka ngayon? You should rest more," Mika worriedly said. She's accompanying me to work and also persuading me to rest. Pumunta siya ng unit kagabi after I called her. it turns out that she was the one I called last night.

"I'm already fine Mika," I answered as we entered my office. I halted when I saw Mom behind my table, sitting on my chair.

She was scanning through some documents at my table. It was some reports, designs, papers that needed my sign, and contracts. It's a good thing that Sebastian's contract was at my unit, safe and sound.

"Mom?" I called her to grab her attention and she didn't disappoint me as she immediately look at me. "What brought you here?" I asked her as I went to the table putting my bag.

"Hi sweetie," she greeted me as she left my seat and kiss me on my cheeks. "I just wanted to visit you and got excited, which explains that I am here earlier than you."

She's smiling at me, making it looks suspicious. Every time we've met there's always be bad news or she'll just nag at me. What is her objective this time?

"Is that all?" I crossed my arms on my chest, furrowed brows and scrutinizing eyes. As soon as her smile disappear, she frowned and passed me the envelope she was holding.

"Kindly explain to me why are you missing your sessions?" she stated. I opened the envelope and took out the papers there. I pursed my lips, trying to hold back myself.

"Aren't you gonna explain? Stella Jones?" she said in an authoritative voice.

I put back the papers and turned my attention to her. I passed her the documents as I took my seat. "There's nothing that needed my explanation of," I simply said and started working. I can feel my mom's furious eyes, but I choose to ignore them. I'm not really into arguments right now, not now, please.

"Stella! You—It's for your sake, at least comply on it. All you're gonna do is sit and talk and listen—"

Hindi ko na siya hinayaang tapusin ang sasabihin niya. I was clenching my fist as she talks. I look at her with a blank expression but the truth is I'm boiling inside. My patience was already at its peak like a thermometer reaching its highest point.

"All that talks didn't work Mom. It doesn't even help a bit," I said coldly. "Did you even know what am I suffering this past few days?"

Natahimik naman si mommy dahil do'n. She might realize that I'm not in a good mood. Binigyan kong muli nang pansin ang mga documents sa harap ko. Diverting my attention and calming myself. I'm in a public place right now, it would be risky if I make a scene here.

"Stella—"

"Mom, no. I have enough of it! Those people were just pretending to understand but the truth is they only did it for money! They'll just tell you that it's fine, it's not your fault, you can do it, but in their eyes? You're just another pain-in-ass patient who can't move on and over-acting person!" I explode.

I was breathless after talking that much. My vision becomes blurry as I felt my tears forming in the corner of my eyes. Mom's expression changes, an expression that I don't like. That pitiful gaze they're giving me.

"Sweetie..." she started but she never continues her words. Look like she didn't know what to say and thought that what her going to say will just add some fuel of rage on me.

"I...I just wanted the best for you. Ayaw kong nakikitang kang nasasaktan sa nakaraan, ayaw kong nagkakagan'yan ka..." she said in the most calm and careful voice. "It's all in the past now, that won't happened again."

"But that past kept on hunting me! They keep on appearing right before my eyes! That past even left a scar and makes me crazy! You don't know how...how it confused me. I didn't even know myself anymore. I-I didn't feel like I'm alive..." I burst.

"Stella—"

"Enough!" Binagsak ko ang mga papel sa sa mesa at umalis. Hindi ko na inalintana ang bag ko at tanging wallet lang ang dala.

Mom tried to grab my hand but I immediately push her away with force that she almost fell. Mika was shocked by my action, even me. May kalakasan kasi ang pagtulak ko sa kaniya, sapat na para mapaatras siya. Mabuti na lang hindi siya natumba nang tuluyan.

"Don't touch me," I just firmly said. I makes my way outside of the company avoiding every person's stare. Their gazes makes me paranoid and I started heard some voices. A voice from the past...

"Ano problema sa kaniya?"

"Nag-iinarte."

"Baliw."

"Huwag daw kayong lumapit sa kaniya. Nakakahawa ang kabaliwan niyan."

I look around and saw them avoiding my gaze. My breathes becomes short and fast.

"Ma'am ayos lang po ba kayo?" rinig kong tanong ng guard.

"I'm fine," I said without looking at him and made my way out of the building, away from their stares. Agad kong pinara ang taxi na paparating and went inside it. I closed my eyes and calming my breath.

"Drive," I simply said not looking at the driver.

"Anong—"

"Just drive!" I shouted massaging my temple.

Hindi ko alam pero medyo kumalma ang paghinga ko dahil sa amoy ng taxi. It's weird but good at the same time. Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na kaming bumabiyahe dahil nakatulog ako.

"Where's kuya Jasper?" I asked them days after they took kuya Jasper away from me. The man on the table look at me in disgust and even mimicked my voice.

"Edi wala na," he mocked as I saw him peel the orange. I immediately become anxious because of his respond.

"What do you mean?" nagtatakang tanong ko rito.

"Bobo ka ba? Malay namin kung buhay o patay na 'yon. Wala na kaming paki dahil hindi naman siya ang target namin rito," one of them said.

"What did you do to him?" I shrieked at the thought of something bad happened to kuya. The man who's holding the bottle stand up, lumapit ito sa akin. She cup my face and tighten his hold on my jaw.

"Tigilan mo ko sa kakaenglish mo ah! 'Wag mo 'kong artehan," sabi niya sa akin at binalibag ang pagbitaw sa panga ko.

"Why? Is it because you can't understand me and afraid that I might be cursing you?" I tried to be cocky para inisin siya, but it's a wrong move.

Lumapit ito sa akin at itinapat ang mukha niya sa mukha ko. He smirk. Without a prior warning, he suddenly smash the bottle in to my head. It makes me dizzy in an instant.

"Ngayon nagkakaintindihan na ba tayo?" he asked. I just nodded my head and endure the pain. I felt the blood flowing in my left cheek.

"Huwag na huwag kang magkakamaling inisin ako, hindi lang 'yan ang aabutin mo," he said and makes his way back to his seat. "At kung ano man ang mangyari sa mga tao sa paligid mo. Kasalanan mo lahat ng 'yon, naiintindihan mo?" I nodded my head as the tears flows in my face.

I opened my eye and saw myself inside the car, outside the building. I immediately opened the door and gave the driver all of my cash in my wallet.

"You can have it," I said.

Hindi ko na siya nilingon pa at agad na bumaba ng kotse. Nilakad takbo ang kinaroroonan ng elevator but when I saw that there's so many people inside, I chooses to use the stairs. Not minding the distance of my unit. Nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko nang marating ko ang ika-8 palapag. I entered the code of my unit and walk inside.

"Ate Stella," Shy happily said but I just ignored her and made my way to my room.

I was about to enter my room when someone grab my hand and made me face him. "Saan ka ba galing? Anong nangyari?" he asked.

I just look at him before trying on removing his grip. Mas hinigpitan niya naman 'yon dahilan para mahirapan akong tanggalin 'yon. "Let go," I said as I tried to pull my hands. Hindi siya gano'n kasikip to the point na masakit.

"Tumawag ang mommy mo, tinatanong kung nasaan ka," he said as he stares at me. Hindi ko siya matingnan sa mata, I don't want him to see that I cried earlier. I can still feel the stickiness of my tears that starting dry up.

"Tell her I'm dead," I answered still trying to remove his grip. Bakit ba ang hindi ko matanggal ang hawak niya. Ang hina ko!

"Alam mo, sumusubra ka na. Nanay mo 'yon, nag-aalala ang tao kakahanap sa iyo tapos ganiyan lang sasabihin mo? 'Wag ka ngang maging immature. You should be thankful na buhay pa magulang mo at may nag-aalala sa'yo."

I stop and gives him a sharp look. Ang kapal ng mukha niya pra pagsabihan ako. "Who the hell are you para pangaralan ako? Baka nakakalimutan mong nakikitira ka lang rito!" Napahinto naman siya dahil roon at naramdaman ko rin ang pagluwag ng pagkakahawak niya sa akin.

"Don't act like you know me or you're the in charge here," I stated before entering my room. I immediately locked it and made my way to my bed. I didn't even bother on changing as I hug my pillows and cried.

"It's all your fault!"

"He died because of you."

I cried as I heard those voices. I remember what that man said, what they did and how they make me believe that it's all my fault. It's true. Hindi naman kasi dapat kasali si kuya ro'n. Pero nadamay siya dahil sa akin. His life exchange for my freedom. I sob as I remember what happened that day.

'It's all really my fault,' I mumbled to myself. I kept on saying those words.

'Stella!' I heard Megan but I'm too pre-occupied by the voice in my head and didn't listen to her.

"It's all my fault," I whispered as I was looking at the reflection of myself in the mirror. "He died because of me."

Hindi ko namalayan na nasa loob na pala ako ng banyo. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako napunta rito, hindi ko maramdaman ang sarili ko.

'Stella! Damnit! Stacy!'

"He died... because of me," I cried.

Kill yourself. That was the voice that keeps on hunting me. I want it to stop, I can't any more pains because of this.

'No! Stacy, don't listen to it.'

It's all my fault.

'Stacy!' Megan shouted.

Agad akong napahawak ako sa ulo ko dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman pero nagulat ako ng madama ko ang malapot na bagay sa kaliwang bahagi ng ulo ko. Nanginginig ang kamay ko habang unti-unti itong tiningnan. I look at it and saw a blood in my hands. Napasigaw ako habang nakatingin sa dugong nasa kamay ko.

"Kasalanan mo lahat ng 'yon," I heard the mans voice. I shrieked and backs away. Naramdaman ko ang malamig na pader sa likod ko kaya wala akong nagawa at napaupo habang umiiling-iling.

"No, stop!" I shouted and started to cover my ears. They're not real.

'They're here.'

"No!"

'They're going to hurt us.'

Napasabunot ako sa sariling buhok, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.

"Kasalanan mo!"

"Stop! Please, stop!" I cried.

Umiiyak lang ako sa sulok ng banyo habang nakayuko at yakap ang sariling tuhod. Nanginginig sa takot. Napasigaw ako ng biglang nawala ang ilaw sa paligid. No, turn it on. I hate it, I want to get away from this place.

"Mom..." I muttered while hugging myself.

I hate darkness. It makes me remind of that day, on that place.

"Turn it on please," I whispered as my vision started to blur. Nakarinig pa ako ng ingay sa paligid bago ako nawalaran ng malay.